A Change for Love

From His Perspective
I am what I am, as much as I hate being it. She thinks I'm perfect--- flawless--- but can she not see the many flaws to me? I'm far from perfect, far from flawless, far from... I'm not worthy of her tears and her love, but she doesn't see that. I wanted to claim her life the moment we met, but my heart wanted to claim her heart and that won over instinct. Now I couldn't imagine bringing pain to her, I couldn't... That is of course, if I were sane, but of course when the desire for blood is more than tolerable, my sanity is lost, and what it remains is a soulless puppet mastered by impulse.... But... How could I ever let myself lose control around her? I wouldn't think it possible. Here, walking down the streets of our small town in the evening of a mid-summer day, her warm hands wrapped around my cold ones... I'm in control of myself tonight and not allowing impulse to take over. She doesn't like that; doesn't like how I'm always on guard and always as frigid and aware of the situation. She doesn't like how I take every little thing to mind and analyze, evaluate, and conclude each move either of us make. She won't say it, but with access to her thoughts, I am as aware of it as she is. There's a curved outline of a crescent moon in the sky of vivid colors that dances over the horizon and she walks closer still.
"Kael?" she asked me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Hmm?" was my murmur of a response.
"Why won't you... change me too?"
I sighed, her beautiful blue eyes meeting mine once more, "I've explained this to you already, Heilia. You don't need me to repeat myself once more."1

She buried her face against my chest, wrapping her arms around my body, even evaluating this, I returned the embrace, then pressed my lips to the top of her head, affectionately running my fingers through her hair, "You know I only have your best interest in mind,"
Still with her head buried against my chest she shook it with disagreement, but said nothing. I knew what she wanted to say, her thoughts said enough. She wanted to push me away and glare at me in unimaginable anger, then begin yelling about how I don't know what is in her best interest and what wasn't. She wanted to scream and yell and have it her way; she always wanted things her way, but I never allowed it when it infringed on her safety and well being. I knew she wouldn't, for one her strength alone wouldn't be enough to push me away and for another, she loved me too much to yell and understood where I was coming from and why I was so against turning her into a monster, like me.
My head shook disapprovingly, "Why do you want this so bad Heilia... Why won't you just let things remain as they are?"
"I don't want to lose you; I never want to lose you..."
"But I'm not going anywhere,"
"You can say that, and maybe you'll hold true to it, but even if you don't ever leave, you don't age... I do... You will still look 21 in another 50 years, and how old will I look? 68.... I just want to be with you,"
I held her closer, "I don't care how old you are; I'm will always be older."2

"But you won't ever look it; both mentally and physically you will be 21, until the end of time... I will keep aging and eventually die," I stiffened at that, and she realized that, "Even you are afraid of that..."
I couldn't deny it, I loved her and did fear the end of her life, I did fear her being killed or growing ill: I feared her death, but I also feared death of her humanity. Resting my forehead against hers, our eyes met again in an intense gaze, "Please Heilia, I don't want to discuss this any longer; we both know each other's standings in this situation."
She finally would do what she had wanted, pulling away slightly with angered eyes falling over my face, and her voice had risen to more of a yell, "But what's the use in knowing where both of us stand, but never coming to a proper conclusion!?! Why just avoid the unavoidable for as long as we can?! Then when I'm 80 and laying on my deathbed we can discuss it some more, huh?!" I could see her eye glisten as she was on the verge of tear shed.
"Heilia, please calm down..."
The fight she was in, attempting to hold back her tears, was a loss on her part, as the spilled over her cheeks and fell to the ground, "Please, Kael..." she was begging now.
I hated seeing her in tears, and hated even more knowing I was the reason she was crying. "Heilia..." I took a step closer, taking her into my arms to console her, her tears soaking into my shirt. I slid my finger gently beneath her chin and lifted it so that she was looking into my eyes, and me into hers. "I will think about it tonight, and we will come to a conclusion to this if that is what you want; but if I get it my way, I don't want you bringing this up anymore, alright?"3

She nodded and held on tighter still as I lifted her off the ground and laid another kiss upon her hairline, then carried her to her home. I rested her upon the bed and sat in the chair within the room, overlooking her as she fell into unconsciousness, and then losing myself to my thoughts.
This was what she wanted most, to lose her humanity, but would she be able to deal with the consequences? Would she be able to kill in order to live, and control the fight against the impulse to kill? What would she do in regards to her younger sister, Lilith? I ran from my own sister to prevent harming her when I was first changed, would she do the same? Would she be able to take never seeing her beloved sister again? But, on a more selfish thought process, she would be mine forever. She would always belong to me and I wouldn't have to be so careful around her. I wouldn't have to always be aware of my hunger around her and I wouldn't always have to be as careful with her as I was. I wouldn't always be on guard, and I could allow other impulses, besides the ones to hurt her, to occur.
I was brought out of my state of deep thinking when I heard her shriek, and in a panic looked quickly back at her, immediately relieved when I noticed she was safe, but just awakened by another nightmare; the same one she always had that brought her to tears and caused her to awaken screaming. I stood and walked over to her, setting down beside her and pulling her onto my lap to comfort her. My arms wrapped around her and she laid her head against my chest once more and sobbed quietly. She looked up at me, and thanked me for being there for her, and tolerating this same event's daily occurrence without grievance. I didn't mind it one bit, I would never mind her needing me as a comfort from her own night terrors. Our lips met and we engaged in a passionate kiss that didn't end until I carried out the kisses, trailing them down her neck and then set a final kiss as the base of her neck, on the same vulnerable spot I had known so well, before allowing my teeth to break the soft flesh. She clung to me more, holding closely and I imagined her facial expression stricken with fear and confusion, but she didn't push away her fight. I had almost lost my own sanity before I forced myself to push away from her.
Small crimson tears trickled from the wound, and it wasn't until this exact moment I had been regretful. What had I done?! I took her humanity from her.... I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself, but I could hear her voice, a mere whisper now as her figure clung to me for dear life, thank me once more. I held her close and protectively, as tears surfaced and rolled down my own cheeks and fell onto her. I hated myself for doing this to her and her being thankful for it only made me despise myself further. I wanted her to be mad at me, and even in her weak state, get up and scream and yell. I wouldn't have even minded if she slapped me and ran, so I never saw her again, but instead she laid in my arms perfectly content and satisfied with her own victory. I sighed and fell back onto the bed, bringing her with. I held onto her still, and she curled up beside me falling once more into unconsciousness.
She had won, and I... I had failed... I had taken her humanity from her and she would never be able to get that back... I feared what her reaction would be when she finally came to her senses, even though I doubted that would happen. She didn't seem to have sense, not in this situation... She wouldn't be mad at me, she wouldn't hate me, and she wouldn't want back her humanity... But somewhere deep inside, for some reason beyond my own understanding, I had a selfish satisfaction with that...4

From Her Perspective 5

I love him more than anything else. He is everything I could ask for and so much more, but he is always so careful... Always afraid to get too close or do something that would cause me pain or anguish... He couldn't do that to me though; I knew he couldn't. How could this amazing being who holds my hand so affectionately now ever hurt me? Like the vivid colors painted in the evening sky as the sun sets over the horizon, he is simple beautiful... He is incredible, and gentle, affectionate, and romantic. He was all I wanted, and I would give anything to be with him. If only he would relax and stop being as cautious, we could be happy together.
"Kael?" I finally asked resting my head upon his shoulder as we walked.
"Hmm?" he wondered in response.
"Why won't you... change me too?" This was what I wanted most of him... This was the one thing that brought us apart the most.
He sighed and went on to say, "I've explained this to you already, Heilia. You don't need me to repeat myself once more."
I hated this reply, but he had explained it to me numerous times, though I refused to accept it. Burying my face against his chest, I wrapped my arms around him and felt my heart skip a beat as his arms moved to hold me too. The feel of his lips against my head and the soothing motion of his fingers combing through my hair fastened my heart beat, but I still hated the words that he said to me: "You know I only have your best interest in mind," My head shook in disagreement, how did he know what was in MY best interest?! How did he know what was and wasn't good for me and what I wanted and didn't want?! If I wasn't t totally content in our current position he'd probably be getting quite and earful of angry remarks.
"Why do you want this so bad Heilia... Why won't you just let things remain as they are?" he asked seeming curious, but saddened.
My response was to be expected but complete honesty, "I don't want to lose you; I never want to lose you..."
"But I'm not going anywhere,"
That scared me, because they were just words and I feared something would separate us... I feared growing old and I feared losing him, "You can say that, and maybe you'll hold true to it, but even if you don't ever leave, you don't age... I do... You will still look 21 in another 50 years, and how old will I look? 68.... I just want to be with you,"
His embrace tightened, "I don't care how old you are; I'm will always be older."
He was right, he was about 600 year in age, but he still appeared to be 21, "But you won't ever look it; both mentally and physically you will be 21, until the end of time... I will keep aging and eventually die," When I said that I felt his hold grow tighter still with a certain fear, "Even you are afraid of that..."
Instead of denying it he moved so that his forehead was resting upon my own and his beautiful amethyst eyes met mine in an intense gaze, "Please Heilia, I don't want to discuss this any longer; we both know each other's standings in this situation."
I yanked as much as a could away from him now glaring at him, my voice raising with a hint of venom, "But what's the use in knowing where both of us stand, but never coming to a proper conclusion!?! Why just avoid the unavoidable for as long as we can?! Then when I'm 80 and laying on my deathbed we can discuss it some more, huh?!" I could feel tears attempting to spill from my eyes.
"Heilia, please calm down..."
I could no longer fight back the tears and so I simply allowed myself to cry, "Please, Kael..." I begged...
He took a step nearer to him, his arms pulling me against him as I sobbed against his chest, "Heilia..." He lifted my head, his finger gentle under my chin, and once more our eyes met, "I will think about it tonight, and we will come to a conclusion to this if that is what you want; but if I get it my way, I don't want you bringing this up anymore, alright?"
This was the most I'd get from him tonight, and I knew he wouldn't go back on his word; he honestly would think more about it and consider both sides of the argument before concluding it... He laid another kiss upon my hairline and carried me back home in his arms, as he did often. Growing weary, I fell asleep quickly after arrival, as he remained resting in the chair in my room, watching over me protectively.
I found myself once more in the same familiar setting of the pasture me and my cousin played in often as children, the dark clouds hovering above us and rain falling heavily. A clash of thunder sounded, and we both sat immobile with fear, in an open fear. Suddenly she was struck with a bolt of lightning, which brought her life to an end, and at this time I awoke screaming as I did almost every night after having this nightmare. The haunting memory of my past, the sorrow it brought me, and the linger pain I was left with, even after awakening. Of course he was right at my side, as always. He always comforted me in my distress, and never tired of it. He pulled me onto his lap and held me as I cried against his chest, in my own comforting haven. Here, in his arms, I knew I was untouchable to any bit of hurt and I thanked him, though he told me it was nothing, to me it was so much more than nothing. As I turned to face him I was immediately captured in another passionate kiss that lasted a long while until his kisses trailed down my neck and stopped to set a tender kiss upon a soft weak part of my neck, near a tendon at the exact part used to check for a pulse. My eyes widened as I felt the flesh break and his teeth slip under it and I held onto him tightly. I knew I was safe, because I was still in his embrace, but still I was startled and confused and maybe even the slightest but scared. When he finally pushed away, a sudden overwhelming exhaustion overcame me and I felt the warm blood trace the creases down my neck and past my collar bone.
I was startled when I felt his tears fall onto me and I laid against him, thanking him once more. I wanted to be his comfort now, because I knew he was angry with himself. The exhaustion was hard to fight back, I had never known this feeling before, but it was pushing me out of the conscious world. I didn't want to give in and though I fought it, he pulled me back against the bed, and without speaking passed the message along that I needed to rest. I gave my battle up and curled up beside him, his arm wrapping around me and pulling me closer as I slept.
I had no nightmare, no terrors of the night, I hadn't awaken in fear or screaming. I didn't need him to once again comfort me, though even in my sleep I could sense his presence. He had granted me the change from human into the same creature he was, and now there wasn't anything separating either of us. There was nothing between us that would make him feel like he had to be careful and always on his guard. There was nothing hindering the love we both had for one another and so we could be together.