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Marble moon cast little light in the growing night. Emerging from the darkness, he came, a shadow, footsteps silent upon the cold ground, cloak swishing behind him in the steady breeze. Sable eyes fixed in a determined glare, he sped up. Hunger pumped through his veins, heartbeat resounding like thunder in his mind.2
In front of him a blaze of fire flashed as the young girl passed under a rare street light. Her arms huddled round her as she walked. She was completely unaware of the dominating presence closing in behind her, or the new destiny he held in his hands.3
She turned left into a back ally, there were no street lights here at all, making it one of the darkest parts of the city. She took this route home every night, he knew, he had been watching her for weeks now. Her pace quickened here, as it did every night, but tonight she wasn't fast enough. Suddenly pouncing he spun her round, pinning her to the wall with one arm and using the other hand to clamp over her mouth; she didn't get the chance to utter a sound. Horror bristled up her spine and fear trembled in her eyes as she tried to struggle, but it was no good, he possessed more strength and power than any could dream of.4
'shhh' he said, drinking in her beauty, her eyes shone like emeralds against her pale skin, vibrant red hair hung in long curls, framing a heart shaped face. He could smell her fear, like a strong perfume, intoxicating, a moment he would never forget.5
'You are so beautiful' he said, his voice husky and deep.
Looking up at him she stopped struggling, her eyes locked with his; enthralled her body began to relax. Smiling he removed his hand, knowing that now she would not scream. Slowly he moved closer, grazing her cheek with his lips, teasingly he glided over her mouth, inhaling her scent deeply as he did so. She let out an involuntary groan as he nuzzled his way down her neck, warm breath caressing her throat. His tongue began to dance lightly on the surface, tickling as he pinpointed the vein.6
Suddenly every muscle in her body tensed, his teeth punctured the fragile flesh so easily. As the first rush of blood covered his tongue he closed his eyes and softly moaned, pleasure coursed through him, the ripples growing more intense as he drank. He heard her heart speed up momentarily before it began to slow, fading quickly towards death. He continued till the right moment, stopping only when the heart was barely audible.7
Taking her in his arms he quickly lowered her to the ground, gently placing her head in his lap. Then pulling up his sleeve he used his teeth to puncture the skin on his forearm, droplets of blood began to flow freely, dripping into her parted lips. Slowly and steadily the blood trickled down her throat, but nothing happened. Had he left it to late, again? Not one to give up he increased the flow to a small stream, suddenly she grabbed his arm and began to feed hungrily. 8
He sighed and smiled, running his hand over her hair gently. After a few moments he pulled his arm away, she looked at him, disappointed. 'Easy my love' he smiled ' we have a whole city full of fear and blood to feed upon.' Her soulless eyes glinted, as she smiled her newly formed fangs made their very first appearance.9
Author notes
This is my first ever story and yes I'm aware it needs some work but wanted to see what people thought of it.
A contest entry
- Contest Of Magic by Shadows Falling.
100 points, ended September 27, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires XD by DeathNoteYaoi.
240 points, ended October 13, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Bloody Ecstasy: Vampires and Prompts by Friesian.
175 points, ended November 11, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
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wow!
Beautiful! Simply gorgeous!!!


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WOW... Geat descriptive really i felt like i was watching the secne love it XD it maches the background XD Welldone
DNY--

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good job, it caught my eye and glued it to the screen!! Keep it up!!

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Wow!! Deep & dark...
Great descriptive narrative...
Great rhythm, flow & suspense...
Great depth of characterisation in the vampyre, but I think the girl may need fleshing out a bit (not a criticism, just an opinion). Mainly to greater feel her plight & then this rebirth into a new world. Trancending into darkness, always fun to read & write about...
Overall I really enjoyed this write & look forward to reading more...
(Hoping this one becomes longer & this becomes the opening scene/passage)
Well done!!!
Keep up the good work...

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Yeah I was thinking of adding to this, doing it from different POV's, one from her, as a new vamp and one from him...his search for a mate and how he found one. Need my muse to co-operate first
Thanks for reading much appreciated
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Holy Cow!!!! I wasn't sure where the story was going at times so it keep me absolutely fixated on it!!! I love your descriptiveness in this.. really adds richness to the story...
A beautifully woven vampire tale that I did not want to end!! You MUST keep writing stories.. this was captivating hunny!
Seriously... I have to rate all those things below 5/5!!
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