I was dream-walking in a field of fragrant roses when I sensed their presence. They yanked me out of my dream and pinned me to my bed, my body still deep in slumber, but my soul wide awake. There were several of them - invisible hands held me down on the bed; they were deathly cold and had the texture of rubber, and two of them were fastened around my throat, strangling me.1
I knew that these beings were not human. Humans have a certain aura to them, which these creatures lacked. They were utterly alien. I struggled with all of my might to break free from their clutches, but their grips were like ice-cold vices. Eventually, through my drive to break free, I managed to astral-project to the door, where I viewed my body deep in slumber on the bed.2
This is when I sensed another presence. It grabbed me from behind with long, slender fingers and whispered in my ear, ‘What can you do? Show us what you can do. You can’t do anything.’ Its voice was eerie, like it was made of air. It had a gasping, lunatic quality to it, and the words were uttered in-between mad chortles of laughter. The words sounded sibilant.3
It began to drag me backwards out of the door, but a burst of passion erupted from my solar-plexus, and I thrust my head forwards and laughed desperately, savagely into their faces, and screamed ‘No! You will never have me!’ I became radiant white light, and the creature’s hands on my arms dissolved, and their presences dissipated. I awoke within my body.4
Author notes
2007.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow.
I have to admit, this story confused me to no end. I understand the plot, and what was initially going on but...it was still confusing...in a good way.
The word choices that you used were marvelous as well, I loved how you allowed everything to flow together naturally and whatnot. I did notice a few spots in which the grammatical stuff could have been more clearly accented but, it was still very good. -
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Thanks for the comment. Would you mind telling me how it confused you, and where the grammar is off? Thanks
Sam -
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Heh...
Well, the confusion was only at first. For a few moments I thought that the protagonist was human and so, that was a little...weird. Considering how she/he/it astral projected and soforth. However, the confusion was the kind in which you know what you’re thinking isn’t right, but at the time you don’t know otherwise. That’s all..
Okay, grammatical stuff; In this line, “I managed to astral-project to the door, where I viewed my body deep in slumber on the bed” the comma between door and where seems to be nothing more than a comma splice. Though in most cases you could get away with it, it just didn’t seem right to me.
Erm, some of the other sentences seemed to be slightly comma spliced as well but, as before, there’re not completely noticeable; I’m just a grammar addict.
And then, did you mean to use single quotations for statements? That just slightly confused me, counting on how most of the time it’s a double quotation thing.
That’s all I noticed and such, sorry if I confused you. ^^
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Human beings can astral project, you know. As for the grammar, I think you have a point, and I will get round to changing it soon. Thanks for clearing that up. It is much appreciated.
Sam -
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Neh...
Oh! I guess that makes sense…and on some level I suppose I knew that they could.
Er, I’m sorry if I seemed like a know it all or anything, but you’re welcome and again, I really did like it!
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