Tuesday nights at 8pm. If you did not have a television, one of those blurry, sometimes blue-screened, magnified jobs with the rabbit ears, whose picture was forever lapsing into vertical rolls and horizontal misalignment, you were generally invited next door, upstairs or downstairs to view the Texaco Star Theater starring Milton Berle, Uncle Miltie. My hero, however, was not Berle. It was the Texaco pitchman who appeared sometime around mid-show for the commercial break. A guy named Sid Stone.1
He stood alone on the stage behind his box of wares, mostly Texaco products, which was perched on a folding stand, and he wore a checked sport jacket and bowler hat. He pulled his shirt sleeves up and over his jacket sleeves and energetically launched into his carnie-like spiel, selling Texaco Havoline Motor Oil, Super Chief, Fire Chief and related products, invariably leading to his signature phrase: “You say you’re not sat-is-fi-yed…you say you want more for your money? Step right up here…I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do.” The bit usually ended with a whistle being blown off stage, signaling the arrival of the police. Stone would yell “cops!” fold up his stand, and take off in a run.2
Sid Stone, the tall, dark and good looking pitchman was always an amusing favorite but he became a super star to me when I learned he resided on Pinehurst Avenue in Washington Heights, only one short block from Cabrini Boulevard, where I lived. I had only seen him in the neighborhood once, without the checked jacket and bowler hat and was surprised at his striking appearance and how tall he was, well over six feet. I would have guessed six four!3
Someone in our building had a connection to Texaco, NBC, Stone himself, or his wife Celia, and I wound up with a genuine, Sid Stone, Junior Pitchman Kit. It was complete with wooden stand, cardboard box of stuff, and paper bowler hat. In short order, I mastered the barker’s inflection and nasal twang, and, in fact, I actually sounded like him. Soon I had the nerve to perform Sid Stone impressions at Miss Duffy’s class parties during the entertainment segment and although I had only seen him once or twice in our neighborhood, I told people I knew him.4
As the Texaco Star Theater gained in popularity so did Sid Stone. He became a favorite on the show to such an extent that, from what we neighbors understood from his wife and one of his daughters, he rivaled Milton Berle. Word was, contrary to what fans would surmise from the two comics’ public personas, they did not get along and production meetings were heated. Stone’s wife said Berle was jealous of Sid, things were getting worse, and, despite his popularity and apparent success, Stone was not happy. The two men irreparably disliked one another. 5
The pitchman continued on the show for awhile, but his segments, it seemed, grew shorter and more infrequent. I remember seeing more of the four singing Texaco gas jockeys: “Oh we’re the men of Texaco…We work from Maine to Mexico…There’s nothing like this Texaco of ours….” There was less of Sid Stone.6
Sometime in the early fifties we learned a tragic automobile accident took the life of one of Stone’s two daughters. By then the Berle show had diminished in popularity and little was heard of Sid Stone.7
I was a junior in high school a couple of years later and one of my classmates got the bright idea of playing hooky so we could take the Union City, New Jersey Bus, across the GW Bridge to the Hudson Burlesque House…for the matinee. I remember him saying it was the jokes…the comedians. “Wait ‘til you hear the jokes.” We did stay out of school that day and headed for Union City, one of the areas' last burlesque holdouts. The bus ride, carrying twenty to thirty middle aged men, was not especially long, but no one got off at any of the stops. When finally the bus reached the Hudson Theater, the driver announced: “Last stop, Metropolitan Opera.” Everyone chuckled. Everyone got off.8
The show wasn’t bad. The comedians weren’t that funny, and when the girls stripped, the drummer, one of a trio of musicians, played the same beat. It was embarrassing. As my friend and I were about to leave, a pitchman appeared in one of the aisles and began shouting over the din, selling some kind of confection in a red and white box. He held up the cardboard container and said, if the crunchy-munchy candy wasn’t delicious enough, you could hold the box up to the light and see the hidden dancing girl do all kinds of shimmying tricks. For only fifty cents. Four bits. Two thin quarters! It was Sid Stone, wearing a white smock and white ducks…like the ice-cream man. No bowler. No checked jacket. He didn’t look too tired and somehow was able to muster the incredible energy and vocal force that was his trade mark…that was necessary for the afternoon. But few seemed to notice. The show was over. “You say you’re not satis-fi-yed, you say you want more for your money? Step right up here…I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do!”9
Author notes
"Rosemary" kindly informs me that Sid Stone can be found in all his early glory days on YOU TUBE after Teresa Brewer sings and George Jessel introduces him. Interesting bit of Stone slapstick for anyone interested in him...and those primitive, early, silly days of TV!
Thanks, Rosemary! (and for Aria..."Goin' Out Swingin'")
For Elfsong:
I don't really think I have to "explain" the philosophical theme behind this story, but...! Although some readers have considered Stone an indomitable fighter and "survivor"...although he WAS a survivor, my intentions in writing this carry a different message. Stone, the master pitchman who "offered" "more for your money" was caught in the maelstrom of life's tragedies. He could not transcend its effects and despair, and so, although he "survives" himself, the pitchman loses his balance and tenuous position at the lofty heights which he had achieved early on, but sinks to the depths of a Union City, N.J. burly-house dive...to sell confection in an aisle...after...AFTER...the show. So: Even though one might NOT be "satis-fied" and one might want "more for the money"...for Stone, certainly, for the pitchman professing to sell this...it is TOO LATE! The Show...is OVER! And NO ONE IS LISTENING! Indeed, in life, sadly, ill-fated turns may be taken...and there is little we can do, if we run into a pitchman...or if we ARE the pitchman! "I'll tell you what I'm gonna do?" It's rather ironic. Because...there is NOTHING one can do!NOT...anyway, when the "SHOW" is over! (Green)
GA
A contest entry
- Song Inspiration: SAINTS OF LOS ANGELES by Why So Serious.
100 points, ended August 12, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Think by ElfSong.
700 points, ended September 10, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing left to lose by damnxrightxitsxanna.
425 points, ended November 4, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
You say you're not satisfied? You say you want more for your money?
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Touching. Not much else to say other than that. Well written and all that fun stuff.
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I never heard of this guy, probably too young to know of him too, but I'm a bit interested now. You made a good description of everything going on and made me curious about the topic from this story.
Vivid and luscious. I was a little weirded out with the strippers but... oh well. It just didn't fit with it. Good writing otherwise.
. Rewarded 6
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I've never really heard of Sid, I'm probably too young, but it was a pretty good story. It seemed kind of short, but that's ok. I like the theme, even though it might be kind of depressing, those are the themes I like the most. I loved the irony in the end, when the only thing he can do is stick to his job and sell candy... But then maybe you could interpret it in a different way, where he really is going to do something, like get his own show. Too bad the reality for him was different, as I assume from reading your author's notes. So now all that's left is irony good job.
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I must be too old.
Some say they are too young to have known him. I must be too old to do so. I remember when television was rich in commercials. I liked the cigarette commercials. I like the opening of it was a Tuesday night at eight. Draws ya right in.
. Rewarded 4
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hey
thanks for this
i really mean that
this was awesome
it was livid
i love the detail
and the imagery
great job
. Rewarded 4
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I didn't know who Sid Stone was. I guess I'm too young. Oh well, it's never too late to learn about people who have touched other people's lives. I felt for Sid during the story. You did a good job of explaining who he was, even behind the facade fame launched him into.
Write On!
. Rewarded 6
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I found this piece to be very interesting. I am not too sure about the philosophical content, but I'll let it go. Your grammar and punctuation were all perfect, and it was quite readable.
This story was very detailed, which did a great deal more to engage me. Well done.
On another note, although minor, I found some of your sentences to be too long, and compromised the readability. By breaking some of them up, you can make it easier for the reader to keep up.
Overall, I enjoyed the way you wrote this, and the message portrayed in this detailed piece.
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A well composed story.
You write so the reader is engaged from the first sentence and carrying him or her along until the last word. That is class.
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Thanks for entering my contest. From the first paragraph of this, you had me hooked and reading it all the way until the end. I like the way that stories like this hook me and keep me reading more. Your descriptions were great, especially the descriptions of the TV. It flowed well and it was excellent. I enjoyed reading this even if I don't know who Sid Stone is. I'm not familiar things and stars from then. I know some from up to the 80's up to the present.
Great job.
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I liked the end of this story the best. I enjoyed how Sid Stone didn't appear to be unhappy or worn down even though he was way past his glory days; it's encouraging to think that so many of the 'five minute' stars of the mid-twentieth century didn't all meet tragic or depressing ends. I can't say I remember Sid Stone, but I do remember Milton Berle! The length of this story was perfect, and it was approachable. A very fine piece! I say that I want no more for my money(after all, reading is free) and that I am very satisfied. When I think hard, I can kind of hear that twang- "sat-is-fi-yed yet?"
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I always pay the most attention to the beginnings; After all, they are the hook and reel of the story. And this one made me bite and read. The fragment was startling, the image of the television was clear.
It was also the focus on the specific details that really made this piece resonate for me; the clarity, the drive - it truly seemed as if each word was there deliberately and with a purpose of moving the story along.
The shift from paragraph 7 and paragraph 8 was well done; it didn't startle me at all, as those shifts tend to do.
Good story.
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it was a great story, very well written, but i dont know who sid stone is
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Hello again! Well, this read like most of your stories. Every time I read your work I enjoy it, but I feel like I'm reading the same thing. Ya know? Like, there's a same feeling to every one of your stories. It might be interesting if you mixed it up a bit. Take that talent and expand on it! : )
Liked this, good job.. needs some spice though. lol.
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Great job!!!
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From fame to shadow, a thing that nowadays would be seen on a E:Entertainment segment... But that would have no where near the emotion or experiences that you've incorporated in this story, Gary.
The description was great, the characterizations were fantastic, and the memory made me see those times again.
I love the ending. Even when Mr. Stone has been reduced to the aisle, he still retains his self.
I've seen Milton Bearle, Mr. Television before. He was in a Muppets sketch with the two hagglers in the balcony and was nearly booed off stage. I'll have to look up Sid Stone. lol
Great job again, Gary!
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Too bad I don't know who Sid Stone is. He seems like a famous guy who overtakes the theater show. It takes me awhile to understand the story even though it is short. The story seems to be enjoyable to read. I remember those day too, silly days of TV. It was funny and enjoyable to watch even though there weren't much channels to watch like now. I just clicking on the channels and there are nothing interesting to watch.
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I love the way you've crafted this - the glory days and the decline of the infamous Sid Stone paralleling your own growing up. The ending was great - very appropriate and a bit sad in the expected ways. The only editorial comment I have is that, in the last paragraph, "that was necessary for the afternoon" seems a bit like an awkward fragment of a sentence. Otherwise, and enjoyable read, as always. I wonder, do you plan on trying to put together a collection of you memoir pieces at some point? They're all so darn enjoyable!
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Once again, your talent blows me away. I felt like I was right there, watching things happen. Your imagery is astounding.
"Crunchy-munchy" candy. Hahaha. Cute!!
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It didn't matter to me that I had not seen the shows you were writing about. Your insightful and meaningful descriptions allowed me to see Sid Stone, the Texaco man. I didn't feel sad at the end, because Sid seemed to be one of the rare ones - he took life as it came and never let it beat him down. What a wonderful person he must have been to have set himself so indelibly in your mind that you still feel quite nostalgic about those days long past. A beautiful piece, and a gentle one. Thanks GA.
Lis.
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THANK YOU ONE AND ALL. STONE THANKS YOU AS WELL!
And wherever Sid is today,I'm sure he appreciates this pitch and its reception by all you readers. It sure beats that whistle from the cops.
GA
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Another great little story of 50's /60's Americana, told with a great deal of heart.
I love reading your stories - they take me to another world that I only know through TV, but you make it feel real.
Many thanks for sharing.
GoNE
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Very nice, not to large of a tale, but not to small that there would be no noticing the age of your story, I liked it. good write.
Freedom. -
I appreciated this from many points of view - but somewhat strangely (to others) I related this to what I am studying. I am currently studying Marketing - especially the history and evolution of the field. Sid Stone fit in perfectly with what is now, due to multimedia and the internet, a lost 'art'.
However, like most of your stories, there is something deeper than meets the eye. The lesson learned here could be that no matter how transient life is (and fame), one can persist of their own accord. Regardless of what Sid Stone lost, he still had his 'art' and his pitch to carry him through.
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I'm well satisfied. Another one of those nice, engaging stories that draw me along and then leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, rather like mold, in a way. (Or you could forget the fuzzy feeling; I just felt like saying that.) The end was somewhat relaxing, but didn't have a feeling of finality. I mean that in a good way. It ended, but the story wasn't quite ended; you just don't feel like you need the rest of it. It will go on without you. Do you understand what I
mean?
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I was born in 1953, and I had never heard of Sid Stone, and only vaguely remember Milton Berle's show. This story interested me and I am just now downloading the (slow download) Sid Stone video on youtube. The ending of this story did not make me feel sad at all. He seems like he might have been the kind of person who made his own decisions and lived life. I would like to believe that he got "more for his money" from life, and would always find a job doing something in his chosen field, working his trade. This piece is a very good character portrait, well written and enjoyable to read.
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Hm...I suppose knowing who Sid Stone was would help me with following this story. I suppose this whole "famous pitchman" concept is alien to me. Nonetheless, it was great, as always. Not my favourite, personally, but still great. One itsy-bitsy thing: I realize that you changed the height measurements already from 6 feet 4 inches to 6ft.4in., but there's an easier way that doesn't look like it's breaking grammar rules: 6'4" (that way you can add a period at the end of the sentence). Great job, GA!
--Vi -
this was really good. in paragrapg one. i think you need a comma between Milton Berle and Uncle Miltie. also if you are going to spell out numbers such as six foot, you need to spell them out for the entire story. But this was realy excellent. one of your better stories i think.
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Simply great! I take it Sod was a real person. You have a way of making your charactes come to life for your readers that's outstanding but a little more color or details on his person would have helped a lot.
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Oh, I liked this. It resonates mixed emotions, sadness is definitely one of them. I adore the characterization of Sid, it was so well-formulated exposing his earthy and humble chracteristis, and in the end you really feel for him. I think that alone makes this fantastic.
I found the language a little drawn, a bit wordy at parts, but overall this is a nice little story. You've got a very unique and light note to your writing Gary, and it just makes everything - well, you.
Excellent!
PS. I was having Intermediates so couldn't come online for quite a while!
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I have to admit living in Germany and never having seen the show... you know?
But you pictured it so real that it scrolled down like a film scene before my inner eye. I relatively fast had the feeling that Sid was the actual star of the show and not Berle and that because of his charisma. The guy definitely had something unique when it's even recognizable for someone who only learned twenty minutes before that Sid actually existed. It's sad that producers and co-stars paid him back by slowly forcing him out on the show. I mean it wasn't his fault that the fans loved him more than Berle, was it?
The ending of the story however's sad. It shows how fragile and transient fame is and how fast people just forget and move on.
It must have been like winning the lottery to get his fan-package and see him in person. I still dream of that myself: with Mariska Hargitay from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit cast. So you're not alone.
Thank you for sharing.
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I like this. Once again you articulate your past in a manner that does not leave us dis-satis-fi-yed. Of course, the crux and importance of the story only becomes fully apparent in the last paragraph which leaves the reader satisfied with the ending, however it does require us to endure the preceeding parts of the story where your direction is not clear. I don't find this a problem though, as I am so wrapped up by your interesting past that I forget that I am reading a story with a beginning, middle and an end. I suppose it may have something to do with being of another generation and another side of the world.
I can't help but feel sad for Sid Stone, even though your language in the end doesn't clarify how YOU felt about seeing him there - although you perhaps left it for us to guess. I enjoyed tracking the life of this man, I felt I got to know him well as a character and watch him struggle through life. It's a shame he ended up working in a place like that, but perhaps it illustrates that sometimes, no matter how talented and ambitious we are, we can still be dragged down by conflict and troubles. On the flip side, perhaps it shows the strength of human spirit - this man was outshone by his rival and lost his daughter in a terrible accident, yet here he is, still as loud and confident as ever.
I am not sure it is intentional or not, but I'm also happy that you protrayed your hero as an unconventional one. While most would idiolise Berle, you saw qualities in this man that inspired you, and isn't that what is important?
I've rambled on a bit, but I find it interesting. I don't think I see anything that sticks out language-wise - although the first paragraph seems slightly too disjointed for my liking. It makes grammatical sense, but the long sentence may not be ideal for drawing someone into a story. I'm not sure, you're more knowledgeable about these things than me!
Anyway, good write!
- CC
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I remember TVs being a blurry mess, my grandmother had a really old set. But by my time they had pretty much cleaneed up. My kids still think I am lieing when I tell them I only had 13 channels.
Great story. Thanks for letting me in on it.
Brooke
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Whoa ... this was indeed sad ... but I think - just my humblest opinion here - that you kind of rushed this story? I read it twice and appreciate the plot - but maybe a little tidying up...?
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Poor Sid
I wonder if Milton Berle destroyed his career? It sounds like Sid was your first inspiration for your future career endeavors. I liked the picture of the of the George Washington Bridge,its hard to believe that the scenery surrounding the bridge was that beautiful at one time. Nice story.
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