Life goes on,
After it comes to an end.
She is gone,
And you cant face,
The people you thought were once friends.
They all took sides,
But not with you.
They all empathized,
But not with you.1
Sitting in the darkness,
Playing with the ring she gave back.
Musing,
How did this happen?
Why did this happen?
The answers are not forthcoming,
And so
2
We go on,
On to a place,
Where only you or I know of
We carry on,
As before,
Wandering the pathways of our love
Wondering,
Have we been here before?
Cause this feeling is something I know.3
She looks at me,
I look at her,
We think, Oh whatever happened
Carry on,
As before,
Wandering the pathways of our love
Wondering,
Have we done this before?
Cause this feeling is something I know.4
Feeling is in my soul,
In a secret place,
Wondering,
Where to,
Go
Somewhere alone,
Only I can know
Author notes
Just listenin to Keane, and this popped out.
What you think?
Oh yeah - I LOVE TIGERS!
In a list
- Fantasy Writers or Readers Anon group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Love Poems by Crying Angel Eyes.
140 points, ended July 13, 2008, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love Sucks by trackrunnengirl24.
175 points, ended May 23, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short But Very, Very Sweet by sugarrrainbow.
175 points, ended July 8, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - An poetry contest for all the poets out there by xoxKokaygirlxox.
190 points, ended July 13, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Give me feedback!! I might not kill you. :]
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Not sure I can say much that hasn't already been said. However, I can say that I enjoyed reading this.
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This is a beautiful poem. Full of emotion and pain. I love the way you describe the breakup and the way friends choose sides because unfortunately it is very true. The repetition of certain lines definately pounds home the sentiment. Great use of words.
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Does sound like Keane
I can't say that i relate to the sentiment expressed, but from what i hear in stories the emotion is possible in human beings.
I'm also not sure about Keane the band. The singer looks like a public schoolboy with an addiction problem to me.
On a positive, the structure is solid and it does flow very well -
This could be a really great song!
The only thing, it was a little cryptic, I don't really know what you're talking about here. Is it just love in general? Marriage? (I assume because of the line about the ring).
It was really good!
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Both.
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I love this song!
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well i enjoyed reading this very much. good luck and thanks for entering!
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LOVED IT <3
people of all walks would connect
with different aspect of the poem
well done
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This is really good! i like it
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wow i liked your poem it was really good i really onlyy read this cuz my sister did but now i'm glad i read this
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Wow, Randy...I loved this!
Great job! I don't think I've read much of your work...
I AM A FAILURE AS A MOTHER!!!
But still...great job! -
Great poem! I'm not really poetry person but that sounded good. Read my short story it's the only one I wrote so you will find it.
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this is good i really like it... ha ha ha
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cool
This was a very easy piece to read for its length it seemed over very quick. It has an almost ethereal quality, that give it an illusiveness you sort of know but then you don't that made the poem interesting...
cyberartist
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Keane just puts you in that place, don't they? I agree, the strongest lines for me were "They all took sides, but not with you, they all empathized, but not with you" That repetition just drives the tone so well. Really emotive and beautiful what you've written here. Well done.
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It was great! I think the disorientation you purposely used goes well with the subject you keep hinting at. It was a good poem, and I usually don't like the ones that don't rhyme. The first paragraph is my favorite, especially at the end. "They all took sides, but not with you. They all empathized, but not with you."
Great poem.
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I like this part most:
Sitting in the darkness,
Playing with the ring she gave back.
Musing,
How did this happen?
Why did this happen?
The answers are not forthcoming, -
This is great Randy!!!!!!!!!
I ♥ it tons!!! I love it!
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Cheers, Nat. *huggles*
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What do I think? I think that it's fucking great!
But really. I don't like free verse, as you know, but this is really good. You put your feelings on paper extremely well. There's not too much to say since it's short, but I like your use of ellipses.
My favorite line is definitely, "Sitting in the darkness, / Playing with the ring she gave back."
Great job, of course. Keep it up.
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Thanks a bunch for the comments and appauluse, mate.
RJ
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Well I'm not a great judge of poetry, but in my humble opinion this was really good. A few lines stuck in my mind...
'They all took sides,
But not with you.
They all empathized,
But not with you.'
These are really, really awesome lines...not sure why, but they are really...emotional or something.
Anyway, only a couple of things irked me: in the last stanza, you separated 'Where to,' and 'Go...'. Unless that is some poetry thing I don't know about, it might be better if you put them together and if you then need to make up that line think of something else.
Other than that, a very good write. Believable, well phrased and good flow made it a really great poem. So...I gave you feedback and risked my life, according to your AN, am I going to be found dead tomorrow because of it?
Jac
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Nah, I won't kill you - I liked the feedback!!
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*wipes brow* phew
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Oh I like this one! The words and the way you have written it are just incredible and the vibe it gives off is so forlorn yet the writing is beautiful. Great job with it
~Joann
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Thanks for reading, Joann. Appreciate it.
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This is beautiful! I love it!
seems to be the only thing I can come up with when I comment but at least it is the truth.. even if it isn't very helpful.
It's at least a comment that will amke u happy.. I hope.
Thank you for writing this piece. It is marvelous.
/S
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Oh, it has made me happy, Sara. Thanks a bunch.
RJ -
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np ^^
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