I pushed open the door to my house cautiously. I got the overwhelming senses of dread and, inside my head an alarm was going off. Ignoring it I walked inside my house. It was unusually quiet for my house. There was always something blaring. Now there was nothing. I walked into the living room the most likely place my family would be. Slowly my eyes scanned the room. Then they centered on two dead bodies. My mom and dad were dead. I looked around for my sister, but she wasn’t there. I started to back out; I felt my heart jump to my throat. There were three sets of footprints and they looked fresh. I turned and ran, whipping out my cell phone, dialing 911. I was crying into the phone when I felt my knee bone come lose and dislocated. Crying out in pain I hit the ground with a thud. Turing around so I could see my attacker I screamed I my knee moved. I looked up to see the eyes that were looking at me, as though I was a meal. My eyes started to sting and I thought. DEAR GOD I DON”T WANT TO DIE!!!! 1
“HELP! HELP!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!” I screamed. The woman stalking towards me was laughing harshly. Finally the lady was standing over me laughing. Then off in the distance I heard a growl, then my world faded to blackness. 2
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Good start...just...
Okay, so like, I do think you could make this longer...it seems so short and so much could be added to it. Also who is the main character? Bella? I'm not sure. If so, I would assume Edward is the growling voice? Great start though, really.
Great job, keep writing,
Summerbeginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Good start...just...
Okay, so like, I do think you could make this longer...it seems so short and so much could be added to it. Also who is the main character? Bella? I'm not sure. If so, I would assume Edward is the growling voice? Great start though, really.
Great job, keep writing,
Summer
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Yayy Leigh!! quite excellent, I must say!!
I have a couple suggestions... first of all, it seems a little crowded. you might want to split up the paragraphs to increase the drama, if u no what i mean??
also, you might want to be a little more descriptive. I know it's a prologue and that it's supposed to be short, but you might want to describe the home? or the woman?
just a few suggestions, and i think you did an AWESOOME job -- i especially like the last paragraph.
huggles!!
tsarina ♥
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Hm...a bit lost amidst all the action. Might I add, the capital letters do not help. Also, splittingit into paras would have helped a lot.
HT -
excellente leigh!! *squee* great job, i need to post mine
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very cliche, but overall a good start......
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cool
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL -
Wow you actually posted it, not going to lie didn't think you would.
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WHEN WILL YOU FINISH THIS!? *demands more* that's my input
*KT*
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