Irish Idiots Ch. 5

1

Back home in Ireland Jack was standing outside the house his best friends lived at before they were murdered. His face was pale and unshaven, and his hair was in desperate need of a cut.  He sighed and entered the house. The police had cleaned up the blood and put the house on the market to be bought. Jack walked upstairs to Courtney’s room. He opened the door and took in the all too familiar scent of lavender. Her room was painted to make you feel like you were in a forest, surrounded by fairies and a unicorn. It had once been magical, but now it was a place of death.2

“Why did you leave me?” Jack said to the air. He half expected her to come out of the closet and say it was prank but in his heart he knew she was gone. He thought back to those times in junior high, the laughs they shared and the memories they made. Then the memory he hated most of all; the memory of when he stole her innocence. He quickly pushed the thought out of his mind and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.3

He knew his parents would fork out the money for the house if he asked them to. He didn’t want anyone else to buy it and change everything that had once belonged to their unique personalities. 4

He walked out the house and ran into Devin.5

“Hey man, how’re you holding up?” Devin asked his distraught friend.6

“About as well anyone who found out that his best friend was murdered.” He replied solemnly.7

Across the street Harrison and Taylor walked out of their house and started walking towards Devin and Jack.8

“Hey guys,” Taylor said.9

“Hey” Jack replied, feeling tears forming behind his eyes once again.10

“Are you okay, Jack?” Harrison said as he slid an arm around his wife’s waist, pulling her closer to him.11

“Yeah, I’m okay I guess.”12

“How do you think Andrew is? I mean he’s been infatuated with Kay since the 6th grade…and now she’s—“ Devin couldn’t bring himself to say the word. 13

“Come on, let’s go see him.”14

Everyone piled into Harrison’s car and drove for about 20 minutes until they reached Andrew’s ranch style house. They walked to the door as a group and knocked on the door. They heard Andrew’s barely audible yell of “I’m coming”15

He opened the door and the sight before them was startling. Andrew had bags under his eyes, an unshaven face, and he reeked of beer.16

“Man, you know Kay wouldn’t want you like this” Jack said17

“She wouldn’t want me in any way,” Andrew replied harshly. “She wanted that creep. It serves her right that she’s dead because--“ Andrew never finished his sentence as Devin’s hit him.18

“No one deserves death! Especially not the brutal way Courtney and Kay died!” Devin yelled.19

“Courtney didn’t want you either, Devin! Aren’t you happy she got what she deserved? She denied you like Kay denied me and now they’re both dead. Coincidence, don’t ya think?” Andrew said.20

“You don’t really want them dead, do you?” Taylor asked, tears threatening to break free from being held back so long.21

“They deserve it.” He said, “I might’ve killed them myself if Ethan and Matt hadn’t done it.”22

Then he blacked out as Jack’s fist connected with his face.23

Courtney woke up the next morning with a killer headache, just as Galadriel had promised.  Courtney stumbled out of her bed and managed to make it out of the door. She ran right into Kayley. 24

"Oww… No more pain, make it go away" moaned Kay.25

"Healers…yes, healers will know what to do…" said Courtney.26

"Ohmigawd! Courtney, your hair!"27

"What?!"28

"It's like gold and you have really shiny gold streak…dude, it's so pretty!"29

Courtney ran into the bathroom to see for herself and her hair wasn't exactly gold. It was amber brown which is pretty close to gold and she had a gold streak through her hair, her eyes hadn’t really changed. They were still brown but had gold around the iris and she thought she was actually, well, pretty. 30

"Holy Windex, I’m actually pretty!" she yelled and started singing “I feel pretty”31

Kay walked into the bathroom and went ghostly pale. She walked up to the mirror and touched her reflection. Her hair had changed completely. It was black with a silver streak and a blue streak through it and her eyes were an intense blue with silver specs throughout. "Dude…that’s not right…”32

"We're completely different…" Kay said, stupefied.33

"I don't even look like the same person…my hair, my eyes…" Courtney frowned at herself in the mirror.34

"But we're better…"35

"I guess. I’m going for a walk after I take a bath."36

"Okay."37

Courtney started walking towards her room and thought… ‘Wait, Kay came in last night when the sun was coming up…What in the heck was she doing?’38

Kay came out of the bathroom a few minutes later in a black silk dress that matched perfectly with her new hair. 39

"Hey, where were you last night?" Courtney asked curiously.40

"I was talking to Rumil…" she started, but Courtney cut her off. 41

"Ooooh…did he kiss you??" she asked excitedly.42

"No," she laughed at the disappointed look on Courtney's face. They were both very hopelessly romantic. “But I kissed him."43

"You what?!?!" Courtney was shocked. "But you're NEVER supposed to kiss a man first! N. E. V. E. R! Never!" 44

"Well, we're both mature adults!" Kay said, a bit embarrassed that she had forgotten the rule, and aggravated that Courtney had brought it up. "We thought we had something, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't lust…"45

"Was it??" 46

Kay sighed "Yes. It appears that that's all men ever feel for me…"47

"At least they feel something!" Courtney pointed out sadly. "With me, they never feel anything…" 48

"That is NOT true!" Kay exclaimed. She hated when Courtney put herself down like this, but it happened all the time. Even if Courtney refrained from saying it, Kay knew she thought it every time she looked in the mirror or thought about her personality. "What about Jack?" 49

Courtney had a strained, distant look on her face before remembering to hide it. She often got that look when they spoke of Jack's obsession with Courtney, and it scared Kay. She always wondered if there was something she didn't know about.50

"I didn't mean anything to him, and I love him only as a sibling!" she said forcefully.51

"I think that he really cares for you! Why do you think he always came over?"52

"To see you. Duh."53

"No, to see you. Almost all we ever talked about anyway was you. He'd ask me something, I'd answer, and if the question was too personal I told him to ask you later…" 54

"Ok, fine. Maybe one person likes me, but guess what? I don't like him! No guy I've ever really felt something for has ever responded with anything other than ‘Ew! Don't touch me, you stupid, abused hippie!'"55

"That was one person!"56

"Look, let’s just drop it…you don’t understand anyway."57

“And what don’t I understand?!?!”58

“Just never mind!”59

Just then, Rumil, Orophin and Haldir entered their talon to see Kayley and Courtney glaring at each other.60

"Um…ladies? Are you alright?" Orophin asked the first one to recover from shock.61

At hearing his voice, they smiled, looked around and started laughing.62

After a few minutes, they calmed down enough to realize that Courtney was still in her nightclothes in front of the brothers! She screamed and ran into the changing room to put on something that was a bit more covering.63

She chose out of about 2 dozen dresses that had been placed into her wardrobe.64

When she finally emerged, Rumil and Haldir were eating from a tray placed on the small table by the couches and Orophin was nowhere to be seen.65

"Did I take so long that you walked all the way to the palace to get some food?" Courtney asked, startled and embarrassed. 66

"No," Orophin said, emerging from outside. "It was delivered. See…" 67

"I'll tell the ladies, Ok, Orophin?" Rumil stated, rather rudely. Kay thought it was immature that he couldn’t even get along with his own brother!68

"If you don't mind," she said so fiercely sweet that it seemed as if someone had laced a honey pot with poison. "I'd like to hear Orophin tell us." Rumil looked startled and she gave him the glare. Courtney was the only other one aware of what had happened last night. She burst into laughter, but it was cut short when Kay gave her the death glare. 69

"As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he nodded courteously at Rumil, who was now pouting. He was used to getting what he wanted, and he adored it when women fawned over him. "Galadriel has asked if we would like to aid you in the next few months to come or until you give us leave of our services." 70

"Um…what happens in the next few months to come?" Courtney asked.71

"Nothing really!" Haldir said brightly, “But you are new at being elves, and you'll need to learn archery…"72

"We learned that in Ireland!" Kay said, "Well, I learned it, so we won't need lessons, but Courtney might!" she added, looking meaningfully between her and Haldir. Courtney saw her look and knew what she must be thinking and blushed. 73

‘I wonder if there’s anyone who could teach us how to be goddesses?’ Kay wondered.74

They didn't notice that Haldir had also blushed until he spoke and they looked at him.75

"I'm the best archer of us three, and I have the highest position, so I have more free time…" He started, blushing with embarrassment. "If you need lessons and Kayley doesn't, there's no point in having more than one Elf teach you…"76

"Yeah…?" Courtney said, totally clueless about Haldir's intentions, which were obvious to Kayley.77

"He wants to give you private lessons, you idiot!" Kay said loudly, realizing too late that she had taken away Haldir's chance to possibly make a move and be flirtatious. ‘Oops…’ she thought, ‘I’m such an idiot sometimes… oh well, too late.’78

"Ok, sure." Courtney said, still blissfully oblivious to Haldir’s possible emotions…and the fact that he blushed again.79

"Alright milady, we will need to practice a lot. Elves have to shoot arrows no matter what; whether it's raining, snowing, or the middle of the night." Haldir said, regaining some of his confidence and ignoring his brothers snickering.80

Courtney, however, still didn't catch on. 81

"Ooooh! We’ll be like postal workers! And I love the rain! This'll be so much fun!" she said. 82

’O. m. g. how stupid is she???’ Kayley wondered. ‘If it was me, I'd have snogged him to within an inch of his life by now! No wonder he's put off! She doesn't have any experience with guys liking her! I swear, Damn Jonathan!’83

"Okay, would you like to start practice today?" Haldir asked. 84

"Sure! Let me change, though… um, what should I wear?" 85

"Here, I'll help you pick something out." Haldir offered. Kay would have laughed, thinking that he'd try something if she hadn't known that he was probably only worried about how long it would take her to pick something out.86

After they’d entered Courtney's room, Kay was left alone with Rumil and Orophin. Rumil was watching her, and she had a suspicion that his eyes had been wandering again.87

"Rumil?" she asked sharply, causing his eyes to jerk up to meet hers, instead of staring at her neck. 88

"Yes milady?" Rumil asked, moving closer to her, but not making it obvious because Orophin was still in the room. 89

"I just realized that I haven't ever shot an arrow at night, or in the rain or snow, or when it was very windy out. Would you mind helping me with that?" 90

"Yes, of course! If you want we can start tonight…" He started to say enthusiastically. 91

"Oh, come on, Rumil! You're the worst of us all at arrows!" Orophin cut in. Then he addressed Kayley. "I am almost as good as Haldir, and if it would please you to be almost as good as the best guard here, which is Haldir, I would gladly teach you." 92

"Thank you! When shall we start practice?" she asked, dismissing Rumil so fast that he didn't even notice.93

"Whenever you're ready, Milady." He said, calmly. "I believe Haldir and the lady Courtney took the scenic route, so I believe that they are already gone." 94

"What's the scenic route?" Kay asked, having heard nothing about that from reading Tolkien's books or seeing the movie.95

"The art of shooting trees with arrows that have ropes attached to them, and then swinging down from them. It's not often used in battle, but it woos the ladies, so we still practice it." He laughed.96

"If you'd like," Rumil cut in, flirtatiously "I could take you on the scenic tour?" 97

"No, don't waste your time!" Kayley said, knowing that she was insulting him, but it was fun, so she didn't really care. Plus, Rumil did seem like the type of elf who was full of himself and got any woman he wanted... I mean, he is attractive enough! Kayley thought. "You aren't the one who's going to teach me, remember?" 98

That caught Rumil by surprise. He'd been so wrapped up in Kay that he hadn't realized that his brother (who was gay, no less!) had taken her time away from him. When Kay wasn't looking Orophin smiled wickedly at Rumil.99

After Kayley had changed into her casual riding leathers (Galadriel had had each of the sisters measured while they were sleeping and had filled their wardrobes with clothing for every occasion. Most of the clothes, however, were beautiful dresses, and for each girl they had picked out fabrics to compliment the girls skin, meaning that they couldn't wear each others dresses, which, they couldn't have done anyway. Courtney had broader shoulders, Kay had a tiny frame, Courtney had a larger chest (which had gotten her into trouble a few times in the past), Kay's neck was more fragile, Courtney had larger hips, as well, and Kayley was a little shorter, which Courtney envied. Courtney had always been tall and she hated it, but now it didn't matter b/c she was an elf and every man was tall. Hehehe.) Orophin shot a tree about 20 yards away from the window that had a rope tied at the end of it. He picked her up around the waist and they swung together through the trees, he stopped them from crashing into the tree that the rope was connected to by kicking it, turning so his back was to the tree, and dropping swiftly to the ground. It all happened in about 17 seconds and Kayley's adrenaline was high. It had been so much fun, not to mention romantic! 100

"Did you enjoy it, Milady?" Orophin asked, carelessly throwing a dagger at the rope so that no one could climb the tree and use it as a way to break into the ladies' bedroom, then, just as carelessly, catching it in its scabbard.101

"Yes! I did, and I also enjoy your company!" she complimented him, and he blushed. 102

"Thank you, Milady. Now, most people don't think of this, but have you ever shot in the middle of a forest?"103

"I don't think so… nope." 104

"Then you'll have to practice. Do you see that Cross over there?" he asked, pointing at a cross-shaped tree about 60 yards away.105

After a moment of squinting, she saw it. "Yes, I found it." 106

"Ok, now shoot it." 107

"What?!? The farthest I've ever shot it 52 1/2 yards!" she was shocked that so much was being asked of her so quickly.108

"I asked if you would shoot it, and now that you are an elf, you probably have developed an even better skill than you had before and not even noticed it!" Orophin assured her109

"But…" Kay started to say 110

"No. Please, just try to. You'll probably be amazed at how far you can shoot." 111

"Ok, I'll do it. Just don't laugh, ok?" she asked, shyly.112

"I promise." 113

Kay took her stance, lined up the arrow with the bow (she was determined with the Taurus stubbornness that she would impress Orophin and prove that she could shoot), took her aim, fired and-- 114

Missed. But she was still shocked, for the arrow had gone past the cross and was now nowhere in sight! It had probably gone over 100 yards!115

"See?!" Orophin asked excitedly, for even he hadn't known that a lady elf could shoot that far. "Oh, dear God! I can't believe it! I think you just beat my record!"116

"Ohmigawd! Me neither!" she exclaimed, and hugged him. They were jumping up and down in childish excitement when Kayley suddenly remembered something. "Oh, crap! she thought. The only reason I beat him was because I'm a goddess! And the goddess of war, for God's sake! That makes me feel like I'm cheating! Aahhhh!"117

She immediately sobered up and pulled away from the hug, walking to a tree and staring into the forest thinking.118

Orophin walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She looked up at him as a tear rolled down her cheek and she leaned into his embrace.119

"What is wrong?" asked Orophin.120

"Everything…Whenever a guy or elf starts to like me it's never for me, always my damned looks…"121

"It will get better, one day you will fall in love, and one day you will be happy."122

"No I won't, especially since because of what I am…"123

"And what exactly are you? I believe you said you were an elf?"124

"No… A Goddess… I’m the Goddess of War."125

"You…that's why your hair…and the target…"126

"Yes, it is. And I don’t even know if I believe in goddesses! I’ve always considered myself a Christian and I’m not supposed to believe in this!"127

"Well, that’s a spiritual journey you’ll have to take. I haven’t taken mine, so if you need to talk, I’ll listen. And why on earth do you think you'll never fall in love or be happy?"128

"Because I don't know how this goddess thing is going to affect my life. I don't know if I’m going to be there for Courtney, my friends, my kids or my husband…"129

"You don’t have to worry about that right now, Kayley! You don’t have kids or a husband; you don’t even have a boyfriend! Talk to Galadriel… She would have good advice and a few answers."130

"I feel uncomfortable around her, I don't know why."131

"Well I’m always here… I don't know anything about the goddess thing but for everything else I’m available. And what about Courtney?"132

“She’s a goddess, too.”133

“Then talk to her!”134

“Okay. You smell good."135

Orophin chuckled in response, "Well thank you milady"136

Kay pulled away smiling, "No need to be formal, Orophin"137

"So, do you like Rumil?" he silently cursed himself. He hadn't meant to be so blunt.138

Kay laughed, "That is none of your business!”139

“Okay!” he said, waving his hands, “Excuse me for being curious!”140

Well, you should mind your own business!” she smiled.141

“Alright, fine.” He grinned. It was silent for a few seconds before Kay started singing.142

"Oooh…Weee ohh ah wee wah bum ba wayyyyy"143

"Huh?"144

"I’m singing the Lion King Song!"145

"Okay…no comment."146

"Spoil sport!"147

"I am not!"148

"Are too!"149

"Ok fine"150

Orophin picked Kay up and started running towards the river in the city.151

"What do you think you're doing?" 152

"You'll see"153

Orophin reached the river and grinned wickedly at Kayley and dropped her in. Kay screamed as her body hit the water.154

"Oh my word…you are SO going to die!" Kay lunged at Orophin and pulled him into the water with her.155

"No! My hair!" cried Orophin156

"Haha! That’s what you get!"157

Just then Courtney and Haldir came running to the river to see what all the yelling was about. The sight that greeted them was rather interesting. Kay was on Orophin's back trying to get him under the water again he ended up dunking her under. Haldir and Courtney started cracking up, they were so busy laughing they didn't notice Kay and Orophin get out of the river and push them in.158

"Ha! That's for laughing at me!" Kay said after she pushed Courtney in. Orophin jumped back into the river making quite a large splash. Kay stood on the river bank smiling at her sister and two new friends having a water fight. She sighed and walked away from the river. The others didn’t notice. 159

"Why am I so depressed all of a sudden? I mean I was just having fun with some friends… then I guess reality sunk in for the first time. I’m a goddess… The Goddess of War, which might not even be right! This is going to change my life a lot. I may not start a family because 'duty calls'.”160

She started walked towards her talon when a call of her name stopped her. "Kay, wait up for a minute" 161

She turned around and found Rumil running toward her. He beckoned her to follow him and she did, they ran to the stables. "Would you like to horse riding for a while?"162

"Sure, I guess."163

Rumil led her to a black horse and motioned for her to get on. She swung her leg over the saddle and waited for Rumil to get on top of his horse before setting off.164

"Where are we riding to?" Kay asked.165

"Any where"166

"Sure."167

"Follow me; we’ll go to the river."168

“Great. I was just there,” Kay thought.169

Rumil took the lead and Kay followed him. They rode around the city and along the river to witness the water fight between Orophin, Haldir and Courtney.170

Courtney splashed the horses and the reared. Kay fell off into the river and Rumil fell onto the ground. As soon as Rumil was on the ground his brothers started splashing him. 171

Five minutes later the water fight was over and they were all desperately trying to dry themselves.172

"How would you girls like to come to our talon for a nice, quiet dinner?" Haldir asked.173

"Sure" Courtney and Kay said in unison.174

"Great, I will get Orophin to come pick you up when it is ready."175

"Sounds good," Courtney said.176

They all said their good byes and went their separate ways. Later that evening, Haldir was cooking (yes a man cooking, don't be so surprised) venison, potatoes, and preparing a luscious green salad. Yummy.177

"Orophin will you go get Courtney and Kay now?" Haldir asked.178

"Sure" Orophin walked out the door and went to get the two beautiful sisters.179

Haldir placed the plates and utensils on the table and set the food in the center. Rumil was sitting on the couch sulking like a child, not crying but not happy.180

"What troubles you brother?" Haldir asked.181

"Nothing of importance,"182

"If it is not important why are you so sad?"183

"I have never been denied anything or anyone I wanted! And then that human denies me, plenty of she-elves would be lucky to have me!"184

"Maybe it is that attitude that turned her away?"185

"No…she said it was only lust I felt for her."186

"How would she know?" Haldir asked, very curious about what exchanges went on between Kay and his brother.187

"She kissed me, but we didn't feel anything. I mean, what’s her problem!? There doesn't have to be a connection to have sex!"188

"You're practically a male whore, Rumil! Not every girl you try to woo will fall for your cheesy pick up lines…She is obviously above you. You do not deserve someone like her, I mean for Valar's sake you don't even know what she wants out of life because your too busy being a pervert to care! Orophin cares, Orophin knows what's been going on and how she feels and do you know why? Because he talks to her!"189

"When did you become such an expert on this?"190

"It is common sense."191

"Drop it Haldir! I’m not talking about this anymore."192

And he couldn't have picked a better time to drop the subject, because not even a minute later Orophin returned with Kay and Courtney.193

"Ah, ladies, how wonderful it is to see you again" said Haldir, earning blushes from the girls. Once everyone was seated he dished out their food and ate in silence for quite some time until Courtney decided to speak up.194

"So what do Elves use for tampons here?"195

Kayley and Orophin were drinking their wine at that moment but it didn't stay in their mouth. Kay spit hers out at Rumil and Orophin spit his at Haldir.196

"Courtney! People are eating!" Kay whispered, her face turning a deep red.197

"Would they use a twig covered in leaves, or would they get splinters?" she asked.   198

“Courtney!” Kay said, wincing at the thought.199

"Oh my Gawd…" the men thought.200

"Kayley, I need your help! Meet me at your talon" Galadriel said, popping into Kay's thoughts.201

"Ok well I have to go because… Well I can't tell you why, bye now" Kay said before she exited Haldir's talon.202

"She is so weird…” Courtney said out loud.203

"She is weird? You're the one asking about tampons!" Haldir said playfully.204

"Hey,  I’m a curious person! I’m gonna go follow her" she stood and didn’t notice that she was levitating a few inches off the ground. The others noticed.205

"Courtney, wait!" Haldir said, looking at her floating form.206

"What?"207

"What happened to you two?"208

"Huh?” she looked at the ground, “Oh, um, we became goddesses, I’m the Goddess of Beauty and Kay is the Goddess of War, so don't make her mad…Bye now!" She said, running from Haldir's talon to see what was up with Kay. 209

She ran until she got to their talon. She saw two figures through the window of the living area. She raced up the stairs to their talon and opened to door to see a girl with shoulder length black hair and dark skin on their couch.210

“Courtney… It’s Misty” Kay said.211