The Dark Side

We saw the dust cloud of their landing. We watch them ceremoniously place their flag, weigh it with rocks and prepare to return home.1

Of course, we can never return. Not now. It hurts; a gnawing grief that’s deeper than space itself. Time the healer! Time means nothing here. Day never dawns; night never falls. Here was black and white, colourless, until we discovered grey. Grey has its own hues. 2

I suppose the ache would ease. - That cherished dream would tuck itself into a restless corner of our mind, if we couldn’t see that vivid blue. Here, the muted grey, but up there, so close up there, that shining orb we once called home.3

We were the first female cosmonauts! You won’t remember us leaving Earth and they’ve probably destroyed all records by now; just inevitable statistics in a secret space project. We were not the first casualties in the race.4

We blasted off in 1959, not for the moon, but to orbit the earth for several months and then return. On the second day, something went wrong and we veered off course. The space module was the biggest they’d ever constructed, and that probably saved our lives. 5

There are three of us. Katrina is our leader. I often wondered what it was she’d done to get herself into this. She hadn’t told us. 6

Anya had been caught distributing leaflets and then they’d found several copies of the book in her living quarters. Me? It’s a long story, but to be brief. I had evidence of incompetence, and those responsible had friends in high places. My reports were confiscated; I was collected, and transferred. 7

Anya and I shared a freezing cold hut with twenty others. Katrina was not among them. We were eventually moved to the warmer main building. The food was better there and surprisingly, we were well treated. That’s when they told us we had been chosen to take part in the space project. 8

We undertook many tests in the next few months. Gradually the numbers dwindled down to Anya and myself. We wondered what it was we were going to do. The appearance of Katrina, and tests in a gravity chamber soon gave us a good idea.9

We were trained in maintenance and space flight. Our briefing had been short. Katrina was the Science Officer and would be recording details of the flight and our ability to cope.10

There were other tests, injections, a short period of unconsciousness, and then blast off. We were too excited to be afraid. It was quite roomy inside the module, despite our three cots and the long workbench, with scientific tools fastened to it.11

When things went wrong, Katrina remained calm. She was convinced they would manage to get us back. To be fair, they really tried hard. We followed all their instructions, but nothing stopped us hurtling away from Earth. After the first feeling of panic, we were left with a numbing, shocked silence. The sort of silence that’s so loud it almost bursts your eardrums.12

We couldn’t make radio contact anymore. All we got was static. Anya said that they’d scrambled our frequency and were jamming it. I don’t know about that, but she may have been right. She’d been an engineering student.13

Somehow we landed on the moon’s surface. The retro rockets had slowed our descent, but we still landed with quite a bump. When the dust cleared, we could see a small area through the observation window. We were in a shallow crater. It was quite dark outside. There was a brief pause and we started to move again, sideways and downwards. Down into pitch-blackness.14

I don’t know what happened then, we seemed to have slipped into unconsciousness. When we awoke, we could view the moon’s surface, although we were below it, and could see the Earth above us.15

We had descended into a huge cavern. I say cavern, because I can’t think of any other way to describe it. The rock is crystallised and gives a dull diffused light. The first thing I remember is the headache. Not a real headache, but spasms of excruciating pain. I’d held my hands to my head and screamed. The pain stopped. We remained inside our module, but the door had been opened. I wondered why we were still alive. Why we hadn’t shrivelled into moon dust. ‘They’ were the reason. 16

We’d suddenly realised that we were not alone in the cavern. ‘They’ appeared. Shadows that flitted in and out of dull light. They’re not like anything I could compare from earth, but not unfamiliar either. It wasn’t long before we discovered that they had rescued us.17

I haven’t time to describe how we breathe or what we eat. ‘They’ see to all that. We only talk in whispers, and they don’t talk at all. Yet these ‘Shades’ communicated with each other. 18

I mentioned that time didn’t mean anything here. It’s nothing like time on Earth. It’s longer. A hundred times longer. That’s why it took a while to realise what was really happening to Anya and me. I thought at first it was the food. Soft marshmallow type substance, but it didn’t seem to affect Katrina.19

Then there were the recurring headaches. Anya had started muttering to herself and I thought she was going insane. That’s when I started to hear vague voices. Not from outside, but inside my head. It was a long time before I realised that the Shades were trying to communicate with us, telepathically. Strangely we accepted it. They’re an alien intelligence, but from what planet? I don’t know. I suppose it seems far-fetched to you, but to us it all appears quite normal now. We’ve been here a lifetime.20

These silent Strangers are benign creatures, with a strong aura of compassion. They never seem to get irritated with our human instability. Their apparent understanding is strangely soothing.21

Tonight I’m tired. I must finish this. I know now that my time has come. Katrina is sitting opposite. She is writing in her journal and hasn’t said anything about the stolen paper. I don’t try and hide it any more. She didn’t deny my accusations. How could they have done this to us? 22

Katrina’s a genetic scientist. Her observations were not of the first two female cosmonauts, but the effect of space on human pregnancy. Anya and I are pregnant. Katrina doesn’t seem interested in my anger. She is startled by something the Strangers have given to her. She has stopped writing and is gazing into her microscope. Anyway, I am too tired to argue with her anymore.23

She’s come over and is sitting on the side of my cot. Her face is very white and she is explaining about the material she’s been examining. She tells me that all life on earth has the same blue print. No matter what the final evolution, animal or plant, it’s all derived from a basic DNA.24

The sliver of tissue was from one of the Strangers. The Shades weren’t from some far off corner of the solar system. They had evolved on earth. Not only that, they had information that suggested the beginning of the end. 25

Anya’s time has come and they are taking her away. She is muttering and laughing to herself. I will soon follow her. I stumble alongside her, listening as she quotes from her precious book.26

“_ and the meek shall inherit the Earth.”27

Outside the astronauts are leaving. Perhaps we should have warned them, but then, how could we, we no longer exist. We’ve become like our hosts - shadows. 28