Dream

I have always had this dream. I never actually thought that I would succeed in this dream until now. I actually succeeded at something that has always meant so much to me. This is a dream that I began to dream up at the age of 14. My goal was to complete this dream before i died. And I have! I am so proud of myself. By now you are probably wondering, "What is this dream, what means so much to this person?" I'll tell you.1

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When I was 14, I bagan to become a darker person. I was always thinking about killing people. Teachers would even find hit lists in my locker... and they were on it. So I had an idea of who I wanted to kill. Then the question was "How?" How would I torture these evil cold-hearted nothings? Then the idea hit me. I would hang them! But I would do more than hang them; i would torture them in the process. I've always had a good idea of how I would torture them, but I knew more ideas would come to me throughout the years, and they did. And I knew that I only wanted to kill one person, so I spent some time finding the perfect death. Through the years I came up with many people; teachers, ex-boyfriends, old friends that had become enemies, and people that just pissed me off. But what one person would I choose? Which one person would make me so happy just because they made me so unhappy?3

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It took me over 20 years to determine the right person. When I turned 39 my boyfriend and kids held a surprise birthday party for me. I came home from work to a really loud "Surprise!" About 50 people had showed up. I couldn't believe it. There were so many people. I looked around to see who all showed up. There were people I hadn't seen since college, most of my family, and just about all of my friends. My eyes scanned the room about three times before they were forced to stop upon one person. My mother. So many thoughts were running through my mind. Where has she been all these years? Why is she here? Why hasn't she called? And again, WHY IS SHE HERE??? I quickly grabbed my boyfriend and pulled him into the kitchen. He noticed how upset I was and explained that she just showed up and that he didn't want to cause drama, so he told her that she could stay for the party. I figured that it would be okay, I would just avoid her. WRONG. As soon as I came out of the kitchen, she made eye contact and began to move towards me. I could feel the anger building up inside me. I would have to hold myself back from beating the life out of her. She came over just as fake as ever and quickly explained that she needed a place to stay and some money, and she emphasized that she would only need a place to stay for a few weeks. I told her that I would have to talk it over with my boyfriend and children. My boyfriend had never met my mother before and neither had my kids, they were all up for it. I told them that I would need to bealone to think about it for a while. What a a birthday! I went to my bedroom and thought for over an hour about how much pain she had caused me as an adolescent. "What do I do," I thought over and over. The idea finally hit me; she could be my perfect death. YES!!! I was so happy to finally come up with the one. I returned back to the party where everyone was having a great time... including my mother She had already found my whiskey. I walked over to her and told her that I decided to let her stay, but only for two weeks. She said, "Okay," and took another shot of whiskey. The next two weeks were hell. There were so many times that I just wanted to shoot her in the head right then and there. But I controlled myself. After about a week I began to move in on my prey. I began being friendly, drinking with her, trying to seem happy to see her. After about two days I told her that for the rest of the time she had to stay with me, i wanted to go on a little vacation with her. She loved the idea; because I told her that I would pay for everything. And it was true, I would except for one thing. My childhood. She was going to pay for that. I told my boyfriend that my mother and I were going to go to Vegas to gamble and party for a few days. He thought the idea of me and my mother spending some time together would be good, so we packed up and hit the road. And we really did go to Las Vegas for a night. We partied it up and when I got her good and drunk we went back to the motel we were staying at, and I waited for her to pass out. When she finally did, I woke her up, and she had no idea what was going on. I told her that I needed to run to the store for a pack of cigarettes, and that I wanted her to go with me. She came with me but I had to hold her up. I stopped at the corner store, got a pack of Marlboros, and continued on my journey. I drove all the way to a little town about three hours away. On the way I had stopped and tied her hands and feet together. I had already picked out the cemetary where I would make my life complete at. As I pulled in she began to wake up. "Perfect timing" I thought.5

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"What are we doing here?"7

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"Mom," I explained, "I am going to kill you." While she struggled to get untied I got out and hung the rope around a good sized tree branch. I then went over to the car and drug her out by her hair. I put her head in the noose and kicked the bucket out from under her. She was in pain, but I had tied the rope so that it wouldn't kill her. She would just be in a lot of pain. She was whimpering a lot and that sound made me smile. The first thing I did was take the safety pin out of my pants and use it to poke some holes through each of her eyelids. I then began to scratch her eyeballs with the safety pin and poke it through each eyeball a few times nice and slow. Boy did she start to whine. What a baby. Next I used the safety pin to shove up her nose; in and out each nostril a few times, and then to the ears. Then I went to her gums. I shoved the pin through each space above each tooth. Even the spaces that had no teeth left from the extensive drug use in her time. After that I stopped and took a nap in my car.9

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When I woke, she too was sleeping. I walked over and punched her square in her ugly, leathery face. That was caused from passing out in the sun time after time while I was left to take care of my baby sister. The blow to the head woke her up. I retrieved the safety pin from my pants once again. This time I went for the nails. Fingers and toes. By the time I was finished with the last pinky toe, I had grown bored with the safety pin. "Time to move on to bigger and better things," I thought. I strolled back over to the car and popped the trunk. I grabbed the chainsaw and slammed the trunk. I looked over at my poor mother. Oh, how she was sobbing. I almost felt bad for a second. But then all the memories of my childhood came back into play. All the birthdays, Christmases, Easters, and school plays in which she was not present. All those Fridays I sat at that window, and watched and waited for her to pick me up. And the most vivid of all memories was the one Friday that she never showed up and turned into an 8 year seperation between us. No phone calls, no cards, no nothing. Now I was madder than hell. She made me cry then as a poor helpless child, I would certainly make her bawl like a baby now.11

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Now was the time to kill. I pulled the string on my chainsaw and it started right up. I then cut off both of her feet; there was blood going everywhere. The feet actually look pretty cool not attached to the body. Next I pulled on the rope and she started gasping for air, saying, "Please don't, Roxxanne." "I'm sorry I wasn't a good mother." "I'll make it up to you, I promise."13

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"Mom, I'm not a foolish gullable child anymore. I know that you don't know what a promise means. Goodbye, Mother!"15

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When I got home and my boyfriend asked where my mother was, I told him that she never showed back up at the motel room. That she left the casino with some odd-looking guy. And with that, the perfect death was complete. My life was complete.17