Nevermore (The Story)

Life1

A Neverending cycle2

Repeat Repeat3

Nevermore4

I walked through a tranquil green paradise that stood dieing. The trees shifted lightly in the wind, their leaves singing out in a perfectly timed harmony. However, it seemed that the trees were the only things alive, for all of nature seemed dead in its silence. I had never heard something so calm and eerie at the same time. Nothing appeared alive, even though there were no signs of death. Even the trees stopped moving, leaving only my breathing and footsteps as the only sounds within the forest. Not a single animal or living thing could be heard. Only me. 5

I continued to walk along the only sign of death, hoping to find him. I hoped to set things right between us and the world. He had to know there was more to life than he thought. After awhile, the path leads me to a circular clearing, the trees and grass and ashen shade of death. I saw him sitting upon a tree stump, deep in meditative thought, just like when he was a child. The thoughts, I hoped, were of a positive mindset, but from the stern look on his face, I knew that wasn’t possible. I had stopped to observe him, but now continued forward.6

“Don’t come any closer.” I stopped, not wanting to anger him.7

“I had a feeling you would be here. You always loved nature, especially the forests.”8

“I hate nature, and yet I can’t help but admire it. The animals accept their fate, but you mortals, you don’t.”9

“You’re lying. Rather than tell me how you feel, you cover it up with some philosophical phrase. Besides, your nature is unlike nature. It’s like-”10

“Don’t say it.”11

“But it’s who you are.”12

“I’m nothing like you. I’m nothing like the mortals. I’m nothing like nature. I’m nothing like the beings of the afterlife.”13

“Why do you think that?”14

“Because I’m outside of the mechanical drolling known as life. I see through the truth of life.”15

“And what truth is that?”16

“That there is none. Life is nothing more than a machine filled with chemicals and sensations that you hope will give you that fleeting moment of happiness for your flesh. When you lose that happiness, you become addicted, and can’t help but crave a larger dosage. And through this life’s true meaning is revealed. Repetition. And you mortals are too primordial and mystified to realize and accept it. You come up with terms like love and happiness and sadness. Instead of seizing control of these chemicals, these so-called emotions, you surrender to them. You isolate yourselves on an island of emotions and paranoia and hope for the best. You will never learn, and that is the sad untruth of life.”17

“You’re too far gone. You’re not my son.”18

“I was never your son. I was never the son of man or the gods. I am no one’s son. You would have realized this if you hadn’t let your emotions get in the way. Once again, you surrender to your emotions. Your following me only proves that further.”19

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”20

“But it is, and rather than accept it you become emotional. I can feel the chemicals surging within your body. Forgive me, I meant I can feel your soul surging. That’s what you mortals call it, right? Ha! It sickens me! You’re pathetic!”21

“You’re wrong about one thing.”22

“And what’s that?”23

“I accept the fact that you are no longer my son and I plan to do something about it.” It was then that I removed the sword hilt from my side. Shadowy mist energy shot forth from it. I turned into a dark mist and sprang forth upon my son. By now, he was too strong, and I should have known. I materialized and struck him with the blade. It shattered on impact along with the hilt. My son grabbed me and threw me to the ground as he began to hover in the air. 24

“So you turned to them for help? You really are pathetic! Not only do you surrender to your mortal tendencies, but you’re a puppet to them as well. Anyways, it doesn’t matter what you do anymore.” It was then that the entire forest began to rumble. Suddenly, the forest came alive as the trees rattled and the animals cried out as they began to flee. 25

“Soon it will all be over. Everyone will be freed. Soon the neverending will be nevermore.” I sat paralyzed as the trees and animals began to wither away, their very life essence being drained away. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel the energy flowing into my son. He continued to do this until the forest was nothing more than a desert, then he flew away. I was left alone, stranded and defeated.26

“Hey come and eat!” I yelled out. No answer. 27

“Let’s go, time for dinner!” Again, no response. Like usual, I went out to find him. I walked out of the cabin and started down the path into the forest. I called out his name multiple times, but got no answer. I checked the clearing with the tree stump that he liked to sit in, but he wasn’t there. Other than the forest, there was no other place he liked to visit. Unless…28

I followed the path back past the cabin and down to the Oceanside. There he was, sitting down, arms crossed around his knees. He was staring out at the ocean, following the rhythmic pattern of the waves coming in and out. The sun was already setting, casting a dark orange glow upon the ocean surface. The waves rippled, distorting the sun’s setting shape.29

“I used to believe it,” said my son, still looking out.30

“Believe what?”31

“What you told me about my mother. How her soul had joined with the ocean. How she lived on through the waves. The ocean is eternal and so is her soul.”32

“Why don’t you believe it now?”33

“I thought about it. I always have. When you brought me down here for the first time, and I thought I felt something. But even then I had my doubts. So I never came down here again, until now. I figured if I wait long enough the feeling would build up and I would surely feel something when I came here.”34

“What made you decide to come down here today?”35

“Whenever I’ve seen an animal die, it just dies. No soul drifts away. I watched a deer rot away and not once did I see its soul.”36

“Well son, the soul can’t be seen. It can only be felt.”37

“How do you feel a soul?”38

“You usually have to have a strong connection with a living thing; an emotional connection. When that living thing is ill, you feel it. If they are happy, you feel it. If they are angry, you feel it. If they are worried, you feel it. If they are sad, you feel it. If something terrible happens, you feel it.”39

“Like death?”40

“Yeah.”41

“Did you feel mom’s soul when she died?” I paused, remembering how I had lost her soul to shades, and then saved her only to lose her again. I began to feel the empty void in my own soul that I had always been trying to fill.42

“I did.”43

“Did it hurt?”44

“Yeah, it did.”45

“Does it still hurt?”46

“At times, it doesn’t even cross my mind. At others, I notice that some part of me is missing. And then at other times…”47

“It hurts so much that you don’t think you can go on living? I nodded, hot tears of past memories forming in my eyes.48

“I used to think I felt her soul, here on the Oceanside. But I realize now that I never did. I used to think I could feel her soul and love by being here. It felt liker she was so close, like she was right here next to me, holding me. Every time I heard the wave’s crash against the beach, I could hear her whispering to me how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. But now I know that it was a false love. I wanted to make a connection with the mother I knew so badly, that I let you convince me that she was with me through the ocean. It was just like when the animal died. I felt no soul; nothing.”49

“But she loved you son, with all of her heart. She loved you so much that she sacrificed her life so that you could go on living.”50

“Then why don’t I feel it?”51

“Because you’re trying too hard to feel something. Just because she isn’t here with you now doesn’t make her love for you false. You just need to have faith in her love for you, whether or not you feel it. Just release all of your doubt and trust me on this.” He continued to watch the ocean, never once looking back at me. We remained silent, watching the rest of the sun set, and the full moon coming into clear view.52

I awoke under a sky of devastation; a dead moon rising. Stars were missing and dimmed, while the blood red moon loomed close to the Earth. I knew then what had started. My son decided nevermore with the Earth. And I knew which place he would start with. I didn’t know why I thought what I did, but I knew he would attack the city where this all started. I could feel his pain and anger. The outlook that he formed about the world frightened me. Not just because he was going to destroy the world because of it, but due to the fact that I believed in it as well. How was I to convince him that what he was thinking and doing was wrong, when I myself believed in what he did? 53

I couldn’t hunt him down yet, not while I was this hurt and low. There would be no way of me stopping him. So I decided to lie where I was, hurt and defeated. Maybe it would be better off if the whole world were destroyed and all the souls were freed from their flesh prisons of confusion and disillusionment. Maybe then I would be freed, just like my son. Freed from the monotonous emptiness of life. From the daily struggle with the pains of the past, present, and future. Freed from it all so that our family could finally be reunited, and be happy for once. So I had made up my mind. I was going to lie where I was until my son had destroyed the world. 54

“Quinn, my love, you know what you are doing is wrong.”55

“I know, but it’s so easy this way.”56

“But you know you don’t want this. To let our son kill everyone. To end lives that doesn’t want to be ended.”57

“They all want to be ended. Some accept it and some don’t. Deep down, it’s what they all want.” 58

“But who are you to decide that? Who is our son to decide?”59

“I’m no one. Our son is the ‘messiah,’ the person promised to us to bring peace to the world. I guess in order to do that, the world has to be destroyed.”60

“You’re wrong. You don’t realize it now, but you are wrong. You’re not the man I fell in love with. Quinn would never give up this easily. He didn’t give up on me when the Shades had me under their control. He didn’t give up when the world was on the verge of death. He saved the world once before. Why not now?”61

“Because I don’t care anymore. The one thing that gave me any kind of happiness in this life has decided to destroy it. The culmination of my of my happiness will be at the instant when this world is no more.”62

“But I do care. I do care that our son, who was supposed to be the one good thing for the world, has decided to end all life. And even though you say you don’t care anymore, I don’t believe you. I know that you still love me.”63

“I do still love you.”64

“Then don’t let our son do this. Don’t let the culmination of our love be perverted like this. If not for yourself, then do it for us.” I still lay on the ground, unmoving. Tears came to my eyes; the combined raising of so many emotions. All of my guilt, pressure, lies, lost love, and pain of the past years were being pulled up from the deepest part of my soul. How I let all of these factors control me in this manner thus far I didn’t know. 65

But hearing her talk to me made it all go away. I was only left with the two emotions that I felt before. I said to her, “I will truly always love you, and I will do what I must to raise our son the right way.” A gentle breeze blew across my face, drying away the tears of from my uncontrollable emotions. I stood up and headed for the city, the moon looming ever closer. 66

“Time for dinner!” I yelled out, knowing that my son would just ignore me like always. I began to wonder why I even bothered yelling it out. Force of habit I guess. Knowing he wouldn’t return to the Oceanside after our talk, I took the path down to the forest. I went to the favorite tree stump in the clearing. There he was, back turned to me as he sat hunched over something he held.67

“Son, didn’t you hear me?”68

“N-No.”69

“Why are you trembling? Son, what’s wrong?”70

“N-N-Nothing! It’s all fine.”71

“Does this have to do with the bird you’ve been playing with?”72

“How do y-you know about that?”73

“I heard you calling out to it every now and then.”74

“Well it doesn’t, so leave me alone!”75

“Is it hurt? Maybe I can help it. The wing might just be-”76

“It’s not the wing! It’s not!”77

“Then what is it?”78

“The soul.”79

“The soul?” It was then that I realized what had happened. I walked around my son and beheld what was in his hands. He held the bird in his hands; motionless. The bird lay motionless too; dead.80

“What happened to the bird?”81

“He was my best friend. I needed to know if I had connected to the soul. So I killed it, and I felt nothing. I didn’t feel its soul.”82

“Son…”83

“I just don’t know dad. What am I if I can’t connect to a soul?”84

“Son, you have me.”85

“I know I do, but it’s just…I don’t fee anything when I’m with you and I just don’t know why.” I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. I wanted to say that he was my son and that I loved him. He was my last thing that connected me to this world. But if I did say all this, it would be lies.86

“Why do you think that?”87

“Because of mom. You hate me for what happened to her. I am the last thing you have on this planet that’s holding you back from her. If I were dead, you would be free to die as well and to rejoin her.”88

“Son, how could you-”89

“Don’t try to tell me otherwise. Just leave me alone!”90

“But I can’t! Not after what was just said.”91

“You can and you will.”92

“What, because you feel it?”93

“No, just because I know.” So I left him there on the stump, alone. As I walked back into my cabin, I went to bed and lay awake all night, confused and in a panic. I knew that I would have to talk with him that following morning, and convince him that what he had done was wrong and how he had gone about it was wrong.94

My son was gone. 95

I wandered alone for so many years; alone in the wilderness. When I first left, I considered returning home and reuniting with father. But it was too late for that. Maybe I could have connected with his soul if I had tried to, but it was too late to discover the true answer to that. Now I will never know. If he had wanted to reconcile, he would have followed me, but he didn’t. 96

So I remain in the wilderness, trying to find my way out and into the city. Father hardly ever told me about the city, but he did tell me a little about them. He said a great number of people lived there, and came in a multitude of different forms. Maybe I could find someone there to connect with. So I traveled for years, until at last the trees cleared away and in their place soared majestic stone towers. At first I was scared, hesitant to approach any closer. But then I realized that the city was a lot like the bee hives in the wilderness. There were so many nooks and niches that I could hide myself away from everyone with little difficulty. 97

With caution, I snuck into the city and found a nook that lay in-between the stone towers, and observed this new place. Everything was so loud; louder than the crashing waves of the Oceanside, though nowhere near as soothing. And the people; there were so many of them. Even though father told me about this, it was just so much more amazing when seen in person. There were various machines as well. All over lights flashed and blinked on and off. Others groaned and whirred. I remained watching these unbelievable sights unfold before my eyes for hours on end. 98

After awhile though, it became boring. It turned monotonous. Nothing changed. This world seemed set to some sort of mechanical pattern. The same thing hour in and hour out, all set to some sort of hidden drummer that maintained the beat. People walked together all bunched up, machines with people in them rolled along in an orderly fashion, sometimes letting out noises as people yelled at one another. The lights blinked and flashed in a patterned form. It was all so orderly and uninteresting. 99

I realized then that it was time to meet a person. The people in the open areas seemed cold and to themselves, hardly speaking to one another unless it was to yell. I decided to find someone in one of the secluded niches, since they wouldn’t be under the mechanical pattern’s control. So I weaved in and out of these areas, until I found someone. It was a woman. The instant I saw her, I felt something so strong and powerful overtake my senses. Her hair was long and dark, her skin smooth and tanned, her face, though obscured by the darkness, was so beautiful. And the way she smelled, oh so pleasant, reminded me of the fragrant flowers that grew in the wilderness. Becoming aware of my presence, she looked up and dropped something shiny and sharp to the ground. It shattered on impact.100

“Shit! I used the last of my money to buy that.” After yelling this, she looked at me. “What the hell is your problem? You don’t just sneak up on someone like that.”101

“Why is that?”102

“Because you never know what kind of person they are and they don’t know what kind of person you are. They could shoot or jump you.”103

“Why would they do that?”104

“Cause they just do! That’s how life is! You have to always look out for the other guy.”105

“Then I will.”106

“Good.”107

“So what exactly are you doing in this alley?”108

“Looking for someone to talk with.”109

“Well you chose the best place to look. But anyways, why are you looking for someone to talk with? What about friends and family? It would be safer to just talk with them instead of with some stranger.”110

“I don’t have any friends or family.”111

“Oh, so you’re one of them, huh? Well, join the club. I’ve got nobody either. Some friends, if you can call them that, but that’s it. I don’t let it get me down and from how you’re acting neither do you. That’s the best thing to do in life. To just keep moving forward.”112

“That’s what I’ve been doing for a few years now. I’ve been wandering in the wilderness. I just came into the city today.”113

“Wow. Not only do you move, but you move fast. Come on then.”114

“Where are we going?”115

“It’s late. We need a place where we can sleep. Oh! Before I forget, my name is Megan. You can just call me Meg. What’s your name?” I looked up into the night sky, feeling my old name no longer applied to me in the city.116

“Cloud.”117

“Cloud. That’s a sweet name. Fake, but sweet. Though I understand. I would have chosen Cloud over my past any day.”118

I followed the wide path of destruction. Nature and towns fell before the might of my son. The night seemed to grow darker except for the glowing red moon that loomed ever closer. While I followed this path, I began to wonder what exactly I would tell my son. How could I get him to stop this destruction? How would I be able to convince him from destroying the world when I myself had just barely been convinced to not let it happen? It was then that I ran across a town, truly decimated into nothingness. The buildings were flattened, debris cluttered the streets, and the corpses of innocents strewn the area. It was here that I found the first survivor of my son’s carnage; a woman. She cried out upon seeing me. 119

“Help me! I’m trapped.” I ran over and removed some boards and bricks off of her. I helped her up and she thanked me.120

“What happened here?” I asked.121

“I don’t know. Some guy came here and just started attacking everyone. But he didn’t seem human. He did things…”122

“What kinds of things?”123

“Inhuman things. Energy seemed to flow from him, and he flew. His strength too. It was all so unreal. And he didn’t show any kind of mercy. I just wish he had killed me too. There’s nothing left in my life.”124

“Don’t say that. You were left alive for a reason. Now I know what he is capable of. I thank you for that. Now you have to go on living life and start over. You accomplish what you can with the time you have left.”125

“But why? That isn’t what you feel.”126

“What?”127

“You gave up. In fact, you don’t even know if what you are trying to do is really what you want. You want to let him destroy the world.”128

“Who the hell are you?”129

“You know who I am. You have been keeping me alive with all the doubt and fear you have felt ever since her death.” I didn’t want to believe it, but then I saw them rising up out of the debris. Their shadowy forms rose up and encircled me and her, who had reverted to her true form. 130

“What the hell do you want? You have no part in what’s playing out here!”131

“Oh, but we do. We all do. Already the other side has intervened. Now it’s our turn.”132

“Through her…I should have known.”133

“We want what you want.”134

“And what’s that?”135

“To save the world and everyone in it.”136

“That’s what you think. But to be honest, I don’t know what I want. However, I do know what you want.”137

“What do we want?”138

“To keep the war going on forever. To make sure that the humans are always fighting over who to choose. Because if I let my son destroy the world, the war will be in a deadlock once more. Everyone will be freed then, just like my son wants. That’s why both sides are so scared.”139

“So you’re going to let him go through with this? Let your son kill everyone, innocent and not. To let all your past struggles be in vain.”140

“That’s the thing. Everything I’ve done has been in vain. Letting my son destroy the world won’t change that. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try and stop him.”141

“What?”142

“I will stop him, but it won’t be for you or the other side or humanity overall. It’s for my family.” The shades seemed surprised by this response, as well as her.143

“Very well then. I guess that leads us to our last order of business. Even though you have chosen to help us without wanting to, we give you this.” A blade materialized. It was mist like, like it couldn’t be held. But when she handed it to me, I was able to grip it. I could feel its power. 144

“Use that to gain what upper hand you can.”145

“I will, but no matter what, I won’t kill him.”146

“Whatever you wish.” The shades went up in a cloud of black mist, as did she. The cloud of mist drifted upwards, briefly blocking out the view of the moon, which was ever looming closer.147

“So where are we going?” I asked Meg, noticing we were in a more rundown part of town. 148

“Well, I have to get something before we head off to my place. I dropped my needle when you scared me, so I have to go score another one. Lucky for me that the guy I’m seeing takes special favors over cash any day.”149

“Special favors?”150

“Eh, it’s too soon to fill you in on that one. The important thing is that you stay quiet and cool, no matter what you see. Once I’m done, we’ll move right out, ok?”151

“Sure.” So we continued to walk through the alleys until we came upon a rather defunct building. We entered. Smoke hanged thick in the air, burning my eyes. The place reeked of so many indescribable odors. There were couches though they were dirty and worn out with age and other factors, such as unknown stains. A man and woman sat on one couch, partially naked and feeling each other as they kissed. One man lay on the ground, passed out, in a pool of his own puke. Meg directed me to an open couch.152

“Sit here while I get what I need. I’ll be right back.” She went up to a door and knocked. A man answered. I couldn’t here them, but the guy looked over in my direction with a look of disfavor. Meg must have said something to put him at ease since he let her in and closed the door. 153

And so I sat there, trying my best to adjust to the smoky air and trying my hardest to ignore the couple that was messing around. It seemed like an eternity sitting there. Every now and then, I heard a scream or a yell, but not knowing where it came from, I ignored it. Finally, the door opened and Meg walked out, her hair all frizzy and messed up. Her clothes were all disheveled. Scratches could be seen on her arm, her face all red. Handprints could be seen branded on her face. Tears were in her eyes.154

“Don’t worry about it,” she started, “I got what I wanted.” The shiny needle sat in her hand, filled with a substance. Even after hearing this, I couldn’t control it. A strong anger arose in me. I knew that some injustice had been committed. I ran past Meg, ignoring her please, as I barged into the room. I saw the guy from earlier, zipping his pants up. 155

“What the fuck is this?” he exclaimed.156

“What did you do to her?” I demanded.157

“Nothing she didn’t want down to her.”158

“What did you do to her?”159

“Shit, you her boyfriend or something? Have to be a dumbass already for dating her.”160

“What did you do to her?”161

“You should worry less about her and worry more about what I’m going to do to you.” As he said this, he pulled out a bulking shiny object from behind the couch.162

“Get outta the way!” screamed Meg. Not knowing what the object was but trusting Meg, I jumped out of the way. A bang rang out from it, leaving a hole in the wall. Wanting to prevent another attack, I leaped forward and punched the man in the chest. He went flying into a cabinet. Shiny objects and plants and powders spilling forth. Meg and I stared in disbelief as the guy struggled for air, his ribs protruding through his flesh. 163

“What the hell are you?” said the guy, gagging on the blood that had begun to fill his lungs. 164

“Come on; let’s get the hell outta here! Cloud, come on!” She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of that dingy hell hole. We began to run.165

“How the hell did you do that?” She asked.166

“I don’t know. I just did.”167

“Well I’ve got one word for you: Nice! Now let’s move before someone steals our sleeping place.”168

“Our?”169

I stared upon the city where it had all began. And like before, it stood cold and dormant, regardless of the vain activity that buzzed within. So many mundane lives working in the name of progress. But there was no destruction or chaos, even though the blood red moon loomed close. I still knew my son lay within the labyrinthine city. I could feel it. I could feel the hatred that lay seething in his soul. As I made my way closer, I wondered what could have driven my son to this. What had pushed him over the edge? He must have come to the city before. That explains why he returned home for a brief time. Thoughts needed to be sorted out. The forest clearing was his thinking place. The fact that he destroyed it could only mean he had nothing left to think about. 170

His mind was set to apocalypse.171

The neverending will be nevermore.172

It was when I thought back to what had happened to Aeris and I that I realized what had triggered off my son: love. Love had initiated the last series of events, so why not this time? It had to be love. A feeling that strong surrounded by so many emotions. Something that chaotic can only breed more chaos. He must have fallen in love with a woman in the city. And then something happened. She either left him or was killed. From the way it seems to have impacted my son, I think something bad must have happened to her. Most likely death. But I had to wonder whether what happened to her was natural or supernatural. Did the Shades kill her or did she bring about her own downfall? 173

Only my son knew the answer to that question.174

So I entered the city and walked down the main street. Seeing the soaring towers again brought back so much. I could see the nightmare world that I had traversed to save Aeris. The image flashed in my mind, and yet it remained. The majestic towers became empty shells; rusted, crumbling, discolored, bloodied. The sky was black, but it was so much emptier than that. It was darkness; a blank void with no end. The same could be said about what lay beneath my feet. Through the metal grating I could see the same emptiness. To think of all the souls that were lost to that nothing. 175

But the crowds that I had seen walking were in my vision as well. They continued walking along, but they seemed different. Their very bodies seemed to be decaying, almost zombie-like. Their eyes were blank white, their view forward and never breaking. They reminded me of the dead bodies that I had seen floating at the bottom of the lake the first time I had been in this nightmare. The cars still moved their original forms changed into flesh monstrosities that held people. The headlights were bulging bloodshot yellow eyes, the grills razor sharp teeth, the wheels bloody pulsating organs. I was surrounded by this mass, unmoving in the fear that I may draw their attention. But I had already disturbed their routine with my presence. 176

Everything stopped. It all turned towards me. There I stood in the middle of the intersection, surrounded by society, with no escape. The masses moved in and enclosed around me. They stared at me, unspeaking. But the silence soon failed. 177

“You are not one of us.”178

“You go against what is.”179

“What has always been.”180

“What can never be destroyed.”181

“Even in death.”182

“It will always exist.”183

“Nothing will destroy it.”184

“Not you.”185

“Not your son.”186

“Nothing.”187

“It will always go on.”188

“Neverending.” 189

They closed in even more, my space growing narrower by the moment. I could feel them coming down on me, their presence alone weighing me down with a burden of truth so heavy.190

“You were part of it.”191

“But not anymore.”192

“Soon, you will be again.”193

“All is part of it.”194

“No matter what kind of victory is made.”195

“There is never an escape.”196

“There is no avoiding it.”197

“Son will be part of it again.”198

“He was always part of it.”199

“Everyone is part of it.”200

“Always have.”201

“Always will be.”202

“Nevermore?”203

“Even in the end it is neverending.”204

They closed in even more, until there was little space left. I fell to the ground, hands over my head. 205

“Get away from me. I’m not part of it. I’ll never be a part of it. And neither will my son! And Aeris too! We are all free, do you hear me? We are all free!”206

“Ouch!” cried out someone as I heard a thump. 207

“What the hell? If you want to curl up in a ball go do it somewhere else, not in the middle of the sidewalk.” I looked up, seeing a frustrated man.208

“Whatever,” he started, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 209

“Home sweet home. Well, as sweet as this kind of home can be,” said Meg as she guided me in through the hole on the side. 210

“Where are we?”211

“Oh sorry. Let me find the light.” I saw her form run over to grab something. A match sparked and a lantern was lit. 212

“It’s not much, but I like to think of it in a romantic way. Being able to tell people I do everything by candlelight is kind of cool. I clean by candlelight, I write by candlelight, I eat by candlelight, I shoot…um, I shoot the breeze by candlelight. Yeah, that’s what I do.” We both began to laugh.213

“You’re really funny.”214

“Yeah well, I try. You have to stay humorous when things aren’t exactly at their best. Because if you let things get to you, they can take over your life. You just have to be happy with what you got and laugh at the rest.”215

“Yeah. I was never really into humor. I’ve heard about it from father, and sometimes we would crack a joke. But he was never that way around me. He would always stress about life and what it’s all about.”216

“What happened to your father?” 217

“He died.”218

“Oh, I’m sorry.”219

“Thanks, but it’s ok.”220

“How did he die?”221

“I don’t know. At least, I don’t know the physical cause. But I think it had to do with my mother. Once she died, he was never the same. He would always tell me that it was ok, that he still had me. But I could tell he missed her so much, even to the point where his own son couldn’t help him. In the end, his heart and soul just gave out. He couldn’t go on living.”222

“Cloud…”223

“At first I blamed myself, but I realized there was nothing I could do. All I could do was be his son, and I did the as best I could. And he did the best he could to be my father.”224

“Cloud, I’m so sorry. But I want you to know that I’ve been there before. My parents weren’t the greatest either. Actually, they were really bad. At least yours loved each other, even after death. Mine could barely stand each other in this life. It got to the point where my father would beat my mother for any little thing, even me at times. My mom was sick and tired of it all and decided to end it. So she shot him. Again and again and again. Then she reloaded the gun, shot him again and again. It was on her fourth clip that the cops showed up. She grabbed me and ran me upstairs. I was crying, because I just didn’t know what was going on. I knew I just couldn’t understand it all. She looked me in the eyes, and she told me something.”225

“What did she tell you?”226

“I don’t know,” said Meg as she sniffled, “All I remember is me crying and the cops telling her to drop the gun. She wouldn’t do it, so they shot her. After that, they sent me to an orphanage, but I just ran away. I didn’t feel like being cooped up in that building the rest of my life.” She began to cry, trying her hardest to suppress the sound. I went over and put my hand on her shoulder. She stood up and ran over to the corner of the room. 227

“Sorry. I just thought you could use some consoling is all.” But she didn’t respond. All I could hear was a feverish scratching. When I walked over to see what she was doing, I saw that she was writing in a small notebook.228

“What are you writing?”229

“A poem.”230

“What’s it about?”231

“I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I’m done writing it.”232

“That’s fine.” As I waited, I looked around the small dwelling that we had taken shelter in. It was dark and dank, with an unknown smell in the air. However, the smell didn’t compete with the one from the other place we had been at. The lamp’s flame flickered about, causing the shadows on the wall to dance about. The only other light was from Meg’s flashlight, which moved about with her frantic handwriting. In a corner sat an assortment of blankets and rags, probably her sleeping space. There was also a backpack overflowing with balled up clothes. 233

“Ok! I’m all done!”234

“Can I read it?”235

“Yeah, I guess. But don’t laugh.”236

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” I sat down beside her and took the small notebook. I began to read:237

Every waking moment you are with me238

Every sleeping moment you are with me239

You absorb everything that I do240

When I laugh you remember241

When I cry you remember242

When I am angered you remember243

When I am bored you remember244

You absorb everything that I see245

All the death246

All the life247

All the peace248

All the chaos249

Everything in life I experience you absorb250

You are my most faithful friend251

The one that is always there to motivate me252

For that, I thank you253

And one day, I will pass you on to another254

That’s when I will cry, “Farewell, dear soul!”255

“It’s beautiful. What’s the title?” Megan sat thinking for a moment, wondering what she could call it, which words would best befit it.256

“Always there.”257

“It’s perfect. I couldn’t think of a better title.”258

“You probably could, you’re just not trying hard enough.”259

“What made you write it?”260

“I don’t know. I just felt like writing it. That’s how it is with all of my poetry. I just write down what’s flashing through my mind at the moment. But it has to be strong, or else I don’t feel the words flow out of me naturally. If it isn’t natural, then it’s not true.”261

“Do you believe in the soul?”262

“I believe that there’s something inside all of us. It can be dark like that idiot I saw earlier today, or it can be good, like you.”263

“Have you ever connected to a soul before?”264

“I don’t know. I want to say my mom because she was the only one to ever care for me, but that was so long ago. It’s hard to remember it.”265

“But you can still feel her? Almost as if she is watching over you?”266

“Yeah, I guess you can say that. Is that how you feel about your parents?”267

“Yeah. And at times, no. I thought I could feel my mother and father watching over me, but I have the same problem as you. It was so long ago.”268

“But you still feel that soft warmth, even though it is weak?”269

“I do. I feel something.” 270

There was a moment of silence as the both of us tried to remember the feelings of our parents. I felt nothing, but as I looked upon Meg’s face, I could see a moment of peace come over her. I handed the notebook of poems back to her. As I did, our hands brushed together. For a moment, we sat there, hands touching. For a moment, I felt something. Could this be what my father had tried to explain to me? That connection to another soul? For a brief moment, I felt what she felt, and I could tell she felt it too. We had peered into one another’s souls. But the moment was brief, and Meg took the notebook from my hand, ending the connection. 271

“Well, we should probably hit the sack,” started Meg, “I have some blankets and cloths over there in the corner. It’s not much, but it should keep us warm. You go ahead and fix it up for me while I go do something real quick.” She handed me the lantern then took the flashlight and walked over to the other side of the room. I began to lay out the blankets, trying to make the area as comfortable as one can in such conditions. I heard a whimper then a soft cry come from Meg. I looked and saw her sticking something into her arm. The object shined as the flashlight’s light hit upon it. Not wanting to scare her, I didn’t say anything and continued to set up the sleeping area. She walked over, wiping tears from her face. 272

“Well, I must say you’ve done a nice job. This will probably be the most comfortable sleeping place I’ve been in.”273

“I’ve had a lot of practice with taking the worse environment and making it the most comfortable I can.”274

“It shows.” She took the lantern and set it next to the blankets. She turned it down low, casting a soft orange glow upon our faces. We climbed into the nest of blankets and relaxed, both of us tried from our own journeys. I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about the connection that I made with Meg. At least, I think it was a connection. So I used the ceiling as my thinking space, reenacting the scene upon it again and again. Our hands touching, the warm feeling I felt, her reaction. 275

“Did you feel anything unusual tonight?” asked Meg.276

“Like what?”277

“Like a warm sensation.”278

“I don’t know. When did you feel it?”279

“When you were giving me back my book of poems. We brushed hands and I think I felt something.”280

“I did too.”281

“What do you think it could mean?”282

“It has to be something good.”283

“Oh, for sure.”284

“Maybe our souls connected.”285

“Maybe…” started Meg as she turned to look to me. Our eyes met. The soft orange glow that the lamp caste danced about our faces. We brought our hands up, brushing them gently across one another’s cheek. I could feel the warmth growing, the connection strengthening. It was when we kissed that I felt it achieve its peek. This was what my father had tried to explain to me. This connection between two souls. He must have felt it with my mother as well. Now I understood why he felt the way he did. To lose something so great and to be left nothing. I could understand why he had such a hard time trying to love his only son, his future, while he was still in love with my mother and the past. We continued to kiss, until both of us fell asleep, arms wrapped around one another.286

When I awoke in the morning, she was dead.287

A murder flew over my head. 288

I knew that’s what would lead me to my son. I continued to follow the murder outside of the city and into the countryside. I wasn’t surprised when I realized where the murder had leaded me. I was at the hill, the same hill where I had professed my love to Aeris. The same hill where I had freed her from the Shades. And now, this is where I would have to save my son from himself. 289

The murder landed upon an abandoned church that had been built atop the hill. There squawks sounded like jeers. I could hear them so clear.290

“SQUAWK! YOU WILL FAIL!”291

“WE MAY HAVE FAILED ONCE, SQUAWK, BUT WE SHALL PREVAIL THIS TIME!”292

“THE WAR MAY BE DISRUPTED; SQUAWK, BUT WE WILL TAKE THE RISK!”293

“SHE KNOWS YOU WILL FAIL, SQUAWK!”294

“HE WILL NEVER, SQUAWK, LOVE YOU!”295

I knew who they were. They had little influence over me before, and this time would be no different. Neither they nor the other side had any part in this event. This was between me, my son, and Aeris. This was between family. I opened the church doors, the loud creak scaring off the crows. Inside, I saw my son sitting upon the altar, his head in his hands. The church was more run down than I had thought. The pews were thrown about and splintered into pieces. The stained glass windows were broken in various spots, one completely broken, allowing a view of the city in the background. The candles around the altar were lit, casting an eerie glow upon my son, almost as if they were trying to illuminate and lift his lowered soul. 296

“Son.”297

“Father.” Silence. I stood staring at him, his head never lifting from his hands. I tried to sense what emotion he was feeling. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t pick anything up. He was empty. He was numb. A feeling of dread came over me. If he was numb, he had no connections to this world. He wouldn’t hesitate to destroy everything. 298

“Don’t you think it’s funny that people would build these temples, these churches, to pay homage to higher beings who don’t give a damn about this world’s welfare?” asked my son.299

“Yeah, it is.”300

“Did you ever worship one of these high beings father?”301

“I did, for a time.”302

“But you stopped? Why?”303

“I don’t know. I guess I just grew out of attending a single building to pay honor to a higher being, when I could just do it wherever I was at. It seemed obvious, what with the higher beings’ ability to be all seeing and knowing.”304

“True, and yet, not. They see what happens here, on this Earth. But they do nothing to alleviate your troubles. And yet, humanity is supposed to pay their respects to this all seeing watcher, even though it does nothing. It’s ridiculous. And then people go through life hoping for the best and, never finding what they want, die in regret. This place, this Earth, this is Hell! This place that promises so much and fills people full of hope. A neverending loop of false hope and nothingness. But not anymore father. Tonight, the neverending will become the nevermore!”305

Angelic wings sprouted from his back, blowing away the walls of the church. I looked to see that we were atop the tallest tower in the city, just miles beneath the looming blood red moon. 306

Murder was in the air.307

Ravens circled above, squawking their hideous cries, mocking what was taking place. The sky was darkened, illuminated only by the red glow of the moon. Not a single star lit the sky. There were no clouds either. Just a blank emptiness that stared back at the planet. Now the people far below us were taking notice of what was taking place around them. Like most people, they began to panic and riot. 308

“Like usual, it takes the apocalyptic ending of their sad pathetic lives to grab their attention,” said my son. I turned to face him, surprised to see that he had changed. He was a culmination of all that was Hellish and Heavenly. His skin was milky white, lined with black pulsating veins. His hair had turned stark white. Dark claws protruded from his fingertips. One eye was blank white, while the other was a void black. One wing was black, the other white. He was what Heaven and Hell were before order. He was chaos. The combination of two forces that were never meant to be mixed. Now it all came together. My son wasn’t the holy savior of Heaven, or the sacrilegious spawn of Hell. He was the savior of the all cleansing Chaos. This struggle had erupted from chaos, and now it would be cast back down into chaos by my son’s hand. 309

“Son, you don’t know what you are doing. You are only helping the chaos. It is nothing more than another power like Heaven or Hell. You are being used.” Energy began to build up in my son’s hands.310

“Nothing you can say will stop me! This must be done. It is the only way for the human race to be freed.” Lifting both of his hands high to the air, he unleashed a great beam of energy that clashed with the red moon. It drilled deep into the center, and then exploded. The moon obliterated, it released millions of moon fragments that came crashing down upon the city. The people screamed and yelled as they were struck down. Buildings and other structures were torn apart by the rocketing moon meteors. The ravens swooped down and fell upon the people below. They began to peck out the eyes and tongues, leaving people blind and mute as they clambered for any kind of safety. 311

I stood mute myself, not knowing what to say to my son. He had already made up his mind about the world. What in this world could keep him from going through with total annihilation? It was then that I remembered what she had kept stressing.312

Love. Our love. 313

Now I had finally figured it out. What she meant by this love. My son had fallen in love. What I had thought was true. Love was always the meaning of chaos, and if the past had taught me anything, it was that love could also stop chaos. 314

“What do you think she would say?”315

“Who? The mother that I had never met? What does it matter?”316

“Not her, but her. The one you loved. The one that you lost.”317

“What?” He hesitated, in a state of disbelief. “No! It doesn’t matter!” Hundreds of orbs sprang forth from his hands, raining down upon the people. I leaped towards him, even though I knew it would do no good. I tried to punch him, but missed. He grabbed me and shot an orb into my chest. I fell back; my chest burning and I winded. I struggled to stand again.318

“This isn’t what she would want. You know this. She would never want you to destroy the world. She would never want you to kill everyone for her. What happened to her happened. There’s nothing that could have been done. It’s fate.”319

“Fuck fate! Fuck destiny! Fuck Heaven! Fuck Hell! FUCK YOU!” A bolt of energy sprang forth from his hands, knocking me back to the ground.320

“Say what you will. But deep down inside, you know this isn’t you. You were never meant for this. I know it, your mother knows it, and she knows it.”321

“No. NO!” My son lifted his hands to his head, energy swarming around him as an internal battle of wills took place. 322

“S-Son,” I stammered for a moment, overwhelmed by the pain and confusion my son was experiencing, “Just think what she would want. I wanted to let you destroy the world, to let you end it all, so that we could reunite in the afterlife. But she, your mother, Aeris, told me to stop you. Not because you are evil or corrupt, but because she loves you. Because I love you. Because she, the one you lost, loved you.” My son screamed out in pain as colossal energies shot forth from his body. Everything that had been building up inside, all the hatred, all the confusion, all the sadness, all the grief, came pouring out of his body. It rained down upon the city. But rather than destroy more, it began to wash away all the evil and destruction that had taken place. All the debris and corpses were washed clean. The city was washed clean, as well as my son, of all its past transgressions.323

My soul awoke under a sky of rebirth.324

It was all gone. All the power that had been building up within was gone. I fell back, exhausted. I watched as the stars began to emerge one by one, the bright sparkles warming me awake. I watched the fragments of the moon float back into space and reform the moon, its eerie red glow replaced with a pure white glow. I could hear the city below, returning to its normal self, but with a new feeling within it. A new heart was in place, and I could feel a renewed sense of hope within each and every person down below. 325

And then I felt him.326

I could feel its concern and fear for me. I could feel its thoughts. I could feel its fear for me. I could feel my father’s soul. I could feel the love and compassion he felt for me. I could feel the love and compassion he felt for my mother. And I could feel them as well. I looked deep into the sky and saw them. I saw my mother smiling, the same smile that she had when I first came into this world. And I saw Megan. She too was smiling, though tears were forming in her eyes. I could feel her soul tell me that she loved me, and mine told her that I loved her back. They both raised their sights. I sat up to see that they were looking at my father. He stood motionless, overcome with feelings and emotions that kept him from moving.327

“Father,” I said my voice soft and wavering. Tears began to stream down my father’s face.328

“Son.” He ran over to me and fell to his knees. We embraced. He and I began to cry, as the features of my past self began to ash away. The wings’ feathers blew away into the gentle breeze of the morning dawn as the sun began to rise up, illuminating our forgiveness. We lay there, arm in arm, crying away everything.329

We blessed ourselves in holy water.330

I sat alongside my father as we watched the ocean waves wash up against the beach below us. The sun was lowering, casting a warm orange glow upon the ocean surface. We sat in silence, both of us thinking and wondering. 331

“Where is mommy?” Another silence as we continued to watch the ocean and lowering sun.332

“Mommy is in a better place.”333

“Where is that daddy?”334

“Far from here. And yet, so close.”335

“How can that be?”336

“Where your mother is, there is perfect bliss. Perfect happiness. And here on earth, there are also places of purity and warmth.”337

“Like the Oceanside?”338

“Yeah son. Just like the Oceanside.”339

“Is mommy in the ocean?”340

“She’s everywhere. She’s in the sky, the earth, the ocean, and our hearts.”341

“Is that what I feel? The warm feeling inside?” 342

“That’s her love for you. The love she gave you before she left us. The love she still feels for you and me.”343

“I wish mommy were here, so I could tell her how much I love her.”344

“She knows son. She knows.”345

The sun was almost set, nothing but a small sliver of orange still above the ocean’s horizon. 346

“Will we ever see mommy again?”347

“We will. It may be a long time from now, but it will come fast.”348

“When will that be?”349

“When our souls are finally fulfilled. When this Earth will no longer need our souls and our souls the same to the earth. When we will be allowed to drift away to the other place, where your mother waits for us. That’s when we will see her son.”350

“I can’t wait. I don’t want to make mommy wait any longer.”351

“Me too son. Me too.”352

We sat silent and hopeful as we watched the sun vanish over the horizon. 353