Reverie

The grain of the picnic table felt smooth under my coarse fingers that ran back and forth, back and forth. I glanced up at him, and then turned back away quickly when he turned towards me. Rap. Rap. My fingers on the wood. How long must this torment of being near him go on? 1

I looked up again, and he was seated across from me. I smiled. So did he. He passed me a piece of paper, covered with written lines, and my eyes flew over the words, settling on the last lines. 2

~We both know we aren’t over it. I still love you, and I know you love me too. I am ready to believe no amount of time will change us. I think I am ready to give this a chance. Please say we can be together. Please.~3

Sharper breathing. Shaking hands. I prayed silently in my head. 4

God, is this what you want? Is he the friend you promised me? Is this right?5

I doubted myself, and him, and if after everything and everyone, we could truly just be ourselves. I confused my thoughts. But there was warmth, starting in my toes, and spreading up to my hands, and heart, and I smiled at the ground, then at him. I wrote on the paper and turned it back to him.6

~Yes.~7

He smiled. I smiled. He leaned over the splintered boards and whispered,8

"Follow me."9

He stood, and walked past the multitude of conversations, around the tables and into a hall. I followed. We walked through the building together. It took him several seconds to reach for my hand. He seemed nervous, and that was ok. He didn’t try to kiss me, and that was even better. We both knew we surpassed that means of ensuring affection. 10

We just walked in silence, but the silence spoke the words we had both withheld for years. The I miss you’s, the I’m sorry’s, the why did you choose them over me. The guilt. We both felt it, and we just walked. 11

We came to a room and walked inside. The silence had spoken the words, but I felt I should too.12

"I never meant to leave. I still loved you; I just believed I could stop. I don’t deserve you…."13

He stopped and turned me to towards him, our faces inches apart.14

"Don’t do that. Don’t you ever tell me what you don’t deserve, because there is no such thing. We needed to grow first, and now I really understand how to love you. God has given us this second chance, and we are going to take…."15

His words faded in my head. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I looked at him, his lips moving with conviction, but not making a sound. I cried, because I knew. He would never forgive me, and we would never have a second chance. I could feel my body stirring, and I gave one last look at him before it all faded. A lasting memory. 16

But it was no real memory. I woke from my dream, and felt my face. It was wet with tears because I still knew. What I saw was a fabrication of life, and illusion of hope, my reverie. But it was never more than a dream.17

I saw him that day at school. We sat next to each other, and I couldn’t bear to speak to him as I normally did. I pulled my hood over my face, and stared at his hands, then at mine. They felt empty, like they were meant to be filled with another’s. How long must this torment of being near him go on? 18

Author notes

Good Day from Lady-Jane
Option 3, shoe size 10.5! I know, large feet

For Sky Prince, i am a female, and this goes sorta along w/ romance with a twist. I seems to have a twist, no?

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Simply Beautiful
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, the emotions and their past seemed to draw me right into the story! A well written story! Your main character seems so real, like how a normaly girl would act! :

    Some itches I had were:

    Para. 11: Around the 'I miss you's' should have quotation marks or something. Without them, it sort of confuses me.

    I really really want to hear more about what he looks like, their relationship before hand, and what happened to them. Maybe you could hint on more.

    Other than that, this is a really good story! It's well written with a solid plot. I didn't find any grammar issues. Kudos for you!

    Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!

    Cheers,

    Sky


  • Radiance
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, so sad! "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can't have them..." Depressing.

    It was quite well-written, though. I found myself eagerly reading more, wanting to know if they would be together and have a happy ending. They should have.

    Then it turned out to just be a dream.

    I hate that. It's happened to me so many times, and it usually makes me really unhappy. When his words started fading, I was a little confused--but as I read on, I understood that it wasn't real. I guess it just took me a little longer because when I have dreams like this, usually I wake up abruptly and don't realize it until a few moments later.

    Thank you for sharing this, and good luck in that contest!


    • Lady-Jane
      August 25
      Edit | Reply
      when i am having bad dreams or adventury type ones i tend to wake up ubruptly. But when i am having good dreams, the kind i don't want to leave, i tend to figure out it is a dream before it is over.. it sucks cause i just want to stay there! uhg.. lol thanks!


  • Melli
    August 25

    Edit | Reply

    =] sad.

    Ohhh, this was good. Sad, yet sort of mysterious at the same time. It was well written and very realistic, but i am not in love with it. Good job though. Thank you and good luck.

    KEEPWRITING!!!

    -Melli<33


  • ILoveyouualot- Bree
    July 5

    Edit | Reply

    hmm

    it wasnt exactly the tear wrentching thing im looking for although its a wonderful story, typically sad and very well written...i wish you good luck in teh contest!


  • Melancholic Smile
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    This was a nice story but it didn't really have a great twist in it sorry. However it was very well written and also very realistic. I wish you luck with his piece.


  • Serier Amanlabin
    June 10
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    This was good but sadly I can only pick three finalists, so sorry.


  • Lawliet
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    aww. This was kind of cute in a sad way. I hate those dreams, don't you? Especially when they feel so real, so you actually have to go through your day in your head to make sure they didn't actually happen. >.< So sad.
    Well, good job ^-^ I don't think I saw any grammar mistakes or nothin', so I don't have anything to bother you about
    ♥ Lawliet ♥

  • toolenduso
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I've seen so many people use that overdone dream-to-reality sequence, but this was presented in a way better than any I've ever seen. This one actually described well and accurately what waking up from a dream like that is like. Bonus points right there. You did a great job at making it full--a satisfying beginning, middle and ending.

    There isn't too much bad to say about this. The dialogue got a little corny, and I freakin' hate tildas, but both of those are excusable.

    Awesome job.

    Style: 10/10
    Flow: 10/10
    Uniqueness: 4/5
    Readability: 6/7
    Effect: 9/10
    Lack of Errors: 3/3
    Personal Score: 5/5
    Total: 47/50


  • GrimDeath
    May 19

    Edit | Reply
    Well done, its written well and the flow of emotions is wonderful. Thank you for entering and good luck

  • trackrunnengirl24
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    wow. i really enjoyed this a lot! i liked how the ending came out, totally different form the beginning started out. good luck and thanks for entering!


  • Amb0r
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    We both knew we surpassed that means of ensuring affection.
    I think I know what you were getting at with that, but I don't think it's worded the way you really want it to be. it's just a word choice problem
    that aside--for what it is, it is a great story. I'm beyond the over emotional phenomena of teen love, but it reminds me of something I would've written about in high school. not bad at all. I can tell the story means something to you.


  • Vampiric souls
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is a real inspirational story in a way, I really enjoyed it and think that this is a really good way to write. This is a true credit to your talent..


  • Quixotic Greeters member
    May 13
    Edit | Reply

    Well done:)

    This was very well written and heart felt. I enjoyed it a lot! Was the conversation purposefully without quotation? It sort of confused me at times because I didn't really know if it was 'dialogue'.

    Entertained by it immensely. Keep writing ~D


  • Miss Belligerence
    May 4
    Edit | Reply
    I really loved the emotion of this piece. It's very bittersweet and sad. The situation is very vague but I like that, it lets the reader fill in the blanks. It is kind of a typical teen story but the way it's told makes it seem more fresh.
    great write
    thanks for entering
    -gibson


  • secretladyspider
    May 2
    Edit | Reply

    I kind of couldn't understand when they were speaking or not speaking.

    You said he said something, and no quotation marks, so I was very confused.


    • Lady-Jane
      May 2
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry about that. When I posted it the spoken lines were bold and italicized, but then they weren't... i just went with it. sorry you didn't like it.


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is amazing. Beautfilly written. Love how subtle setting details enhance her reveries.

    HT


  • Memoirs of a Girl
    May 2

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmm

    Very much a twist ending. It's not something that I would have not thought of as an ending, but still not something I was expecting, if that makes sense.
    Although it doesn't fit the word count requirement, I think I'll make an exception. This story was so sad and melancholy, and it left me wishing that those two will get together sometime in the future. It engaged me, which is exactly what a story is supposed to do.
    Thank you for entering.
    ~Memoirs


  • happy go lucky13
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    exquisit my dear


  • Crazy-Love
    May 1
    Edit | Reply
    After careful examination of this story, I would have to say that I Love it even more than the first time I read it.


  • emperess27
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    OH wow. Jeez, I had a dream almost exactly like that!!!!!!!! And I cried when I woke up to cos I had a dream about an ex. Well Done! I think this is fab!!!!!
    Kais =) x x


  • StoneColdAssassin
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    ^0^ I love it! This is the best thing I have read in a LONG time. I did not expect it to be just a dream and I felt like I was in this story even for how short it was. Amazing. If I had my way, I would continue this into a full on short story! (haha, I know ironic much?) Very good concept. I think your first line is what REALLy hooked me. Keep up the great writes.

    Lenora! ^_^


    • Lady-Jane
      April 30
      Edit | Reply
      Danke! Du sollt... change your name to lenora! lol thanks girl..
      -bri


  • Crazy-Love
    April 30

    Edit | Reply

    AH-MAZING

    I really have a soft spot for anything with some type of Romance, and the beginning of this really just made me excited!! I love romance. The turn of it being a dream really shocked me, but in a good WOW kinda way!! Excellent. Theres not much I would Change, I don't exactly have the perfect amount of time to really look it over thoroughly, but i'm pretty sure that if i did there wouldn't be much!!!
    Very Great!! You have a lot of talent.

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