Welcome, to the story of Hell. My name is Snow, and I died from my mother strangulating me. My father was a race car driver, and she did it, just to spite him! She thought I loved him more than her; and I guess it was kind of true. Now...I have this gold crucifix necklace that she, my mother, gave me before it happened. And it just so happens that gold protects people in the underworld. When I first got to this horrible place, and met my first demon, I learned that I wasn't meant to be down here. I had a mission.1
My father's soul was being held by the Devil. I had to find this soul, and throw it in a bonfire! Then, I would be let into Heaven. So I set out on my own, not really knowing the dangers. I had the necklace in my pocket. As soon as I sat down to rest, I was attacked, and my ear burned off before I could get the gold out in time. From that point on, I kept it around my neck.2
It took me around a week Earth's time to get to where the Devil lives. By then, I knew that he knew I was coming. Right when I stepped onto his property, he attacked, but I was ready. I held out the gold crucifix necklace, and before my eyes he turned into my fathers soul. I grabbed him by the neck and went to find a bonfire. I threw the soul on there, almost heartlessly, and he cried out. Made me think of my father...dying. That couldn't happen though, could it? I was not going to hurt him, only help him. 3
I look to the right by accident, and there he was. In his full, body form. Before I could transpose my surprise, I was transported into Heaven, and made to live Happily Ever After.
A contest entry
- Evil Options by SignifyingNothing.
1200 points, ended June 28, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? I used ALL six!
Comments
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Well thanks for working in all six. :-)
I would have to say though, to give some constructive feedback, I think this needs a little more description. Slow down a bit, and let her tell the story with a little more detail. Let us learn a little more about Snow, about her father, why her mother killed her, etc. One saying sometimes applied to writing stories is to "show" not "tell." This is harder to do in a first person story, but I still think it could work better with a little more editing.
Thanks for entering though, keep writing! -
huh????
very confusing and too short for what actually happens... keep working on it maybe it will get better


