She dragged along her broom 1
A blank expression on her pale face 2
A face almost as white as the moon 3
She stode in graceful strides 4
her posture most erect 5
A long,black,cloak was losely on her 6
Underneath, a back, long, web-like dress 7
Her eyes flared a emerald green 8
Sliky, pointed hat tipping of her small head 9
Rich,thick,black hair rested on her shoulders in curls 10
Pale-pink,heart-shaped lips graced her face 11
The broom in her hand was dark,blood-stained 12
The silent night didn't affect her 13
She strolled on 14
Dragging her blood-stained broom silently 15
Her body erect 16
and blank eyes 17
Into the mist 18
Leaving no tracks 19
Undetected,unknown 20
Into the silent night
Author notes
I hope it was OK.....
A contest entry
- Magickal Realm... Everyone Wins by Midnightmare.
650 points, ended June 4, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is the story OK, and/or original?
Comments
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Cool
I like it, but there are a few mistakes that could be fixed.
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aw.....
thank you!
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I would say you need to edit this and fix up the spelling and punctuation and grammar.
I got a bit lost with what you were trying to say in this... I got all the descriptions and so forth but halfway through just lost what you were on about and got a little distracted.
Also, I'm not sure what you mean when you say "her body erect"... is there another word that means something similar to erect that would fit better?
Besides that, I think the descriptions and imagery were great.
Good job, thanks for entering!
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