Sanity Calms, But Madness Is More Interesting.

I must have counted the stained polystyrene ceiling tiles a hundred times now. Horizontally, vertically, the entire surface of the ceiling. It was the only thing to do to pass the time. I am confined to my bed in River View Hospital. A hospital with a name a million times nicer on the outside than in. This wasn't a celeb rehab type of hospital, nor was it even private health-care. This was a crumbling 200 year old building, state run mental health hospital.1

I was brought here nine weeks ago after they thought I tried to commit suicide. I actually didn't, but they don't know that. I was sick and tired of living in my run-down one bedroom flat in the middle of a junkie's paradise, my neighbours thought nothing of banging down my door at any time of the day or night to take whatever one of my few possession's they wanted. No one on the estate could understand that I had changed now. I was no longer like any of them but with the history I have it was impossible to break away from that life. 2

I was once a drug addict just like them. I would take everything and anything that was available. Pills, liquids, powders, I didn't care. Anything that could be crushed and snorted, swallowed or smoked I would try. It became the norm to go home to my parent's house completely wasted and one day they just had enough of me. I couldn't blame them really. So they told me enough was enough, change my ways or leave. I chose to leave.3

I was put into my horrid little flat by the state and whilst I was spending each and every day getting high I really couldn't have cared where I was. But then, my closest friend, younger than me took an overdose and died. She was only 19. Something changed in me that day and after two years of abusing my body with anything I could get hold of, I put myself through cold turkey. I locked myself inside my little flat with food supplies and sick buckets and didn't leave for the next month. It was complete and utter hell the constant shaking and sweats; the agitation that had me rolling all over the bed; pacing around the room desperate to get a hit again; but somehow with sheer willpower I made it through. Eventually I was clean again.4

Being clean brought it's own problems. It was impossible to find a decent job, one which would make it worthwhile to stop claiming state benefits. I had never been a liar, not even when I was heavily influenced by drugs. So whenever I got a job interview and was asked what I had done with my life for the past few years I thought honesty was the best policy. I never got offered any of the jobs. Suddenly I was home all day and my head was clear and alert to all going on around me. I had to distance myself from everyone I had thought of as friends so that I wouldn't be tempted to start using again. But people who are junkies don't just accept that you are clean now, no they will do anything to try and tempt you back into your old ways. And that is how I found myself here at River View. Desperately lonely and scared where I was, I phoned an ambulance and said I had taken an overdose. When a psychiatrist had assessed me at the hospital I said if they sent me back home I would keep taking them until I was dead. They put me under a section for 72 days for a complete assessment. 5

So here I was in this whole new environment where new people joined every week and regular's came back as often. For some people it was such a place of safety that they just couldn't cope in the real world and kept being brought back here time and time again. Others made a cry for help and were in and out within a week once they realised what a hell hole it was here. 6

I had been in the smoke room last night and this guy was driving me crazy. I mean I had been here almost nine weeks and kept my lips sealed but his pacing up and down, his hiding under those stupid sunglasses just made me erupt. I stood up and started screaming at him, right in his face, telling him that everyone could still see him even though he thought these stupid glasses were hiding him from the world. All my anger from the past few years came pouring out and it was this poor guy who bore the brunt of it all. I completely lost it and pushed him up against the wall saying all those demons in his head would get him that night as he lay in bed, he broke down hysterical, and a nurse carted me back to my room. Straps over my arms I was told I could stay there until I had calmed down. I thought she meant a couple of hours. I had been here 19 hours and counting now, not even allowed up to use the toilet. 7

Life here was definitely different from back home. Those who were sane enough to have a conversation spent the whole time talking about the best ways to get disability benefits when you were back home or the best medications for each condition. This place is full of schizophrenics, manic depressives and multiple personalities inside the one body. I wonder how many of them are here just to have a break from the norm? Whatever their norm may be. The highlight of the day in here was hearing the nurses call out at exactly 8am, 4pm and 10pm "Medication Time". They flocked from everywhere, the patients that is, and all stood against the wall in an orderly queue as though they were at school again. They patiently waited one by one to go in the depressing little room with the paint chipping off the walls and give their name and get their medicine. One nurse would dish out the pills, the other would give you water and make sure you swallowed them down. Then the regular patients would all head back to the smoke room and take the tablets from under their tongue, either to save them up or to swap for something better. 8

I'm not exactly sure what label they had me down as. I didn't act like I was crazy anymore but there were no signs of me leaving. I spoke to the doctors very matter of factly now. At first I just cried and cried and said I hated my life. Now that I'd settled in here I looked forward to my assessments twice a week. I had them and group therapy each morning and we all got taken out once a week in the mini bus to the local village to buy essentials like toiletries or cigarettes. Alcohol was strictly forbidden. It was only a small town the hospital was in and all the local people would look on as the mini bus approached the shops, probably thinking "here comes the nutters". I found it all quite amusing, It was nice to be part of the nutters. The 'normal' people's eyes would follow us around the shops as though we were alien species, watching what we bought in-case it was something completely different from the normal items you would find in anyone else's shopping baskets. They would give you a look of fear and then avoid eye contact, or a sympathetic smile as if to say, "poor you, imagine being crazy".9

Life was full of activity here and the first time I had been truly bored was now, strapped into my bed, staring at the ceiling. Every time a nurse walked past I would shout that I needed to use the toilet. Everytime they said they would be back in five minutes but those five minutes never came. But somehow I never got that feeling of abandonment or that real lonely feeling I would get back at home. It intigued me to watch all the characters inside this place. 10

There was schizo John who thought everyone was spies watching him, he would duck inside doorways and hold his breath in silence until whichever intruder it was was out of his sight.11

There was anorexic Polly who, despite being so skinny she disappeared at a side-on view, still insisted on walking up and down the corridors everyday to burn off those damn calories that the doctors pumped into her through her nasal tube. 12

There was hilarious Helen who had Bipolar disorder, you just didn't know what to say to her. At breakfast time she would be dancing round the room in a state of mania, completely hyper singing and happy. By lunch time she would be on suicide watch.13

There was multiple-personality Janet. Or Lucinda. Or Debra. She would be the nicest person in the world to you, but everyday was like a completely new person. She would introduce herself in such a convincing manner you believed it was you going mad when you thought 'I met her yesterday'... Because today, she was someone completely different.14

And then there was sunglasses man. I don't know what his name is but he is most interesting of them all to watch. Every minute of every day he paces up and down the corridors, doing laps at triple the speed of anorexic Polly. Hidden behind his sunglasses he thinks the world cannot see in to him. He speaks to himself all day long in some kind of secret code that only he can understand. Eventually even the nurses get sick of him and gently tempt him back to his room for a big fat injection of Valium to knock him out for a while.15

Here you get attention and can be as crazy as you want. Yeah, sometimes you see things that are a bit disturbing but you learn just to turn a blind eye to it. Nothing you say is ever laughed at or frowned upon because everyone just accepts it as part of your illness. If you freak out you get injected and put to sleep til you are calm again. If you are too happy you get injected until you are calm again. They have a magic pill for everything here.16

Finally, after a day of waiting, the nurse comes and asks me if I'd like to use the toilet and come and get some dinner. A huge smile crosses my face as the straps are loosened from my wrists. I jump out of bed and run to the dining room to join all my crazy nutter lunatic friends for meal. I find a place next to another new face and wait to find out which character they will be. We all eat off out our red plastic plates with blue plastic cutlery, absorbed in our own little worlds. I shouldn't be here, I'm not actually mad. I just like it here.17

Yes, sanity calms. But madness is more interesting.

Author notes

“Everything's fine today, that is our illusion.” - Voltaire

I want your gold!

I know it's 100 words over, feel free to remove it from your contest if it's too long. My fave song is Bulletproof by La Roux and fave waffle topping is whipped cream and choc sauce. Yum!

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    September 16
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    This was really interesting. I enjoyed this.Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!!~


  • lesbian-in-love
    August 23
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    Wow that was very interesting. I liked it. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • slyly annonymous
    August 16

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    This is amazing. I just read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest so I'm really starting to get into the whole mental state of things and this was exactly what I'm looking for. I really like the main charecter and the way he thinks, and all the realisticness that was put into this.
    Great job =]


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    October 4, 2008

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    I would actually love to read a part two of this! The characters are rather three-dimensional, and I wonder if they will find out that the MC isn't really insane. Of course, after staying in bed for nineteen hours due to hitting somebody, I guess they're convinced that he's insane.

    Again, I love this. It was really remarkable because, though there wasn't any dialogue involved, I felt as if I knew these characters. Gosh.

    Crit:
    In paragraph 9, I spotted that you have "mini bus" and then "minibus." I think you should choose one or the other.

    In paragraph 17, I spotted "the nurse comes and asks me if i'd like to." Just make sure to capitalize the I in I'd.

    I wish you luck in your future writerly endeavors,
    Lady Editor


  • Kevan gold member
    September 27, 2008

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    Excellent job. This was well-written, and the imagery involved was magnificent.
    Keep up the great work, and best of luck in my contset, and the others you are involved in.

    xoxox
    Kevan.


  • cole3313
    September 20, 2008

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    Wow this was really interesting. I liked it alot. Madness is deffinetly more interesting. I loved how they described each of his friends that was cool. Good job!


  • Luckyk
    September 20, 2008

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    Good description of the characters and their environment. Was an excellent read...Really well written. Keep writing and Good Luck


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 15, 2008

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    Heh, that was pretty good. I like the light-hearted take on the mental hospital. (Comparatively speaking...) Well done, and thank you for entering this in my contest; good luck.


  • quicksilver moon
    August 31, 2008

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    I liked the insight into the goings on in a mental hospital. I especially enjoyed reading about the characters in the story. You have written the story in a very interesting way. Thanks for entering this story into the contest


  • The Wall
    August 26, 2008
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    I really liked thisa story. Seemed reminicient of One flew over the Coocoo's nest. A very engaging write and I am very glad you entered it into my contest!


  • Kai Kudou
    June 10, 2008
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    ..........................................................................

    This was an exceedingly good story.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lady-Jane
    June 8, 2008

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    Fantastic! This was brilliant. Engaging. You told the story so well and it was interesting, even a bit funny. Good luck!
    -bri


  • Ninja Bubble
    June 2, 2008

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    High-larious!

    You did a great job of informing me of the crazy lifestyle. Sunglasses man seems cool. HA! He thinks he's invisible. Funny funny.


  • tallblondie gold member
    May 23, 2008

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    Interesting story, with quite unique characters. Good description of the character's environment.

    Thank you for your entry.


  • Amb0r
    May 17, 2008
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    whoops, I meant to give you some of these

  • Amb0r
    May 17, 2008

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    I really like this as what it looks like to me. It is a wonderful character and setting description. I think it is very well done, but it doesn't feel done to me, it feels like a summary of something bigger. I guess it could be because there isn't actual (I want to say real-time but that doesn't really make sense) dialog and I have always felt that's what makes a character real. When you don't know me, you can glean a lot from watching me, but not as much as you can glean from talking to me...if that makes sense.
    all in all, enjoyable- the characters intrigue, make me wonder (and maybe it was just me) but they didn't engage me. I don't know them as well as I'd like to, and in the case of the narrator, I feel like I know more than I should, he (he, right?) just laid it all out there for me, didn't even make me try.
    I think I might be being too picky. You're a great writer, keep up the good work, maybe just play with the things I've said.


  • Lover of Stories
    May 9, 2008

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    This was a great story. ^^ I thought it worked very well with the prompt... You are a great writer. =) Good luck in the contest! ^.~


  • Vampiric souls
    May 7, 2008
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    This is a great story! keep up the great job!!


  • DuchessAura of Brie silver member
    May 4, 2008
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    This is a really interesting story. It has a good point, how sometimes insanity is more secure for some people. Pretty much how there, people expect you to be crazy, so you can be. I think that the story does seem to fit the lines quite well =) Thanks for the entry =)


  • ForestFaery
    May 3, 2008

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    great story

    the ending is funny... lol i like the character itself... interesting idea by the way thanks for entering!


  • jane-doe
    May 2, 2008
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    loved this story!!! did a great description job!!!


  • Melancholic Smile
    April 30, 2008
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    Thanks so much for your feedback it means a lot to me. I have only recently started writing here at SW and still trying to 'find my feet' so comments like you have left are really encouraging to me. I'm glad I managed to write a good story from the prompt. Thank you!!


  • Siby Anan
    April 29, 2008

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    My opinion is...

    that I want you to be a definite finalist.

    If perfection existed, I'd say you PERFECTLY applied the quote to the story. You've shown us this person's world within the white walls of this place. You've shown us that this person is not mad. He truly isn't, and yet he finds this place a better place. Because, yes, sanity does calm, but madness is more interesting. And faking madness is even better


    So in one word to sum it all up, this story was:

    Perfection.


  • grey2dragon
    April 29, 2008

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    This was fun- in a dark way- and descriptive. Great character voice and an exceptional piece. There were tiny grammatical mistakes, but the story is so good I had to go back to be sure I saw them. great job and good luck in the contest!

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