Turds FLoat

"I stand on the end of the bridge and cast my grey eyes down to the plummeting drop beneath me. At the bottom, there was water, thrashing against the side of the cliff. Each time the waves touch the cliff, I get much more frightened, and I begin to question myself. 1

Should I jump? Fall, by accident? Should I let the murky water fill my lungs, and suffocate my body? Is it worth my pointless life to feel the wonderful sensation of dropping - being free?" 2

Hell yeah! Isn't that why I came? To end the futility of it all? To wash my sins in the blood of muddy water, to lie at the bottom and ferment into fish food . 3

Screw it!! I thought as I took that step towards a heightened reality, a soul popping plummet into the netherworld: The final frontier where this girl has never gone before: The cosmic crapper where all the good turds float to heaven and all the bad turds flush to hell. Am I a good turd or a bad turd? I wasn't to know until I reached the end of that long sewer tunnel to the other side. So here goes nothing… then my foot stopped in mid air. 4

So what stopped me you ask? It could have been my watery reflection below shaking its 'no-no' finger at me, giving me a silent message to think this through a bit more. But it wasn't, the water was much too brown to reflect anything but mud, and I was much to nearsighted to see that far. But if I had I would have complimented myself on a killer outfit, damn I look good in leather. 5

It could have been the interception of an Angel flapping up behind me and flinging me back towards safety, but no such wings reached out and touched me, my guess is that they were all at an Angels convention in Vegas or something? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, it's the one place they can let their wings down and have a helluva time. So if you're in a jam and need a miracle you better pray your way into the Celine Dion show cause that's where they congregate, for some reason they just love that woman. There they all sit in their white robes and coiffed feathers drinking Virgin Marys and boo-hooing along to her weeping ballads. Its enough to make you toss your communion wafers. So miracles were out. 6

But what was in was a timely placed call on my cell phone, and no I don't know why I have service all the way out here in the boondocks when I can't dial out from my own home unless I climb a backyard tree, but that's something for another day. 7

It was my friend Angel ( I know the irony of the name escapes no one) who at this conjunction in time was blotto in a bar and was needing a ride home and would I pick him up? Of course I would, what are friends for. "Where are you, you dumb son of a … ok. I'll be there in ten?" I hung up and thought-- its good to be needed. 8

And as if affirming my right choice a sunny beam peaked through pewter skies and blinded me so harshly that I took a miss-step forward into the karmic water , fate's a bitch you can't outwit and when its your time to go its your time to go. 9

As I lay on the bottom sucking water into my bursting lungs I heard the clear sound of a toilet flushing my life down the crapper, as I said earlier I don't know where I'll end up, I just hope I’m a turd that floats. 10