Choices

I never actually realised how precious life is. But then again, you never really do until something happens, do you? I mean, I was simply walking down a lane and then BOOF! I’m knocked down. I don’t know anything more than that, I can’t remember anything more. All I know is that I’m in some dark place. And when I say dark, I mean dark. I put my hands right up to my face and I still can’t see a thing. There is no light whatsoever. I turn myself right round, outstretching my arms as far as I can. 1

Nothing. 2

Gingerly I step forward, tiny baby steps at a time, arms held out in front of me. 3

Where am I? I though, what kind of a place is this?4

I opened my mouth to whisper; 5

“Where am I? Is there anyone there?”6

Nothing. 7

“Hello!”8

“Help me!”9

“Anyone there?!”10

I was starting to get really, really worried. Blindly I stumbled in the dark, then started to run, my arms still in front of me. 11

I tripped. 12

“Ouch!” I wheezed, landing hard on my tummy. “That hurt.”13

I sat up and bought my knees to my chest. Putting my arms around my legs I hugged them tight, and the tears started to fall. 14

Had I been kidnapped?15

What for?16

What if I am here forever?17

Who? Why? When?18

All the questions were screaming in my head. It was painful to hear them. Looking up I immediately saw a small light flickering in the distance. 19

I picked myself up, almost tripping over my feet in the eagerness to get to it. But no matter how fast I seemed to run, I didn’t move. 20

The strange thing was, was that the light was coming closer and closer towards me. I pretended to run as fast as I could and the light shot over. 21

It stopped about a metre away from me, hovering in the air. I tried to reach out, but neither of us moved. 22

I looked as close to the light as I could, and could see a peculiar mist seeping from underneath it. I didn’t know whether this was a poison gas, or a sleeping gas or whatever, so I trued to run away again. 23

But it was to no avail. I screamed as the gas started to form thickly around me. Now I could see only thick clouds surrounding everything. I closed me eyes, my arms flailing wildly, and shouted in terror. 24

I keeled backwards as something pushed into my knees and I fell into what seemed a comfy chair. 25

I opened an eye. I was. Both eyes were now open. It was a small armchair, nothing special. It had cushioned arm rests and a blue and white floral pattern. 26

“Lean back.”27

I sat up and looked around. 28

“Who are you? What am I doing here?!”29

“Lean back.” The voice simply replied. 30

“Not until you tell me who you are.”31

I felt my body slam backwards as some invisible source grabbed my shoulders and yanked me back. 32

Terrified I lay there. My breathing sounded extraordinarily loud in the silent darkness. 33

I looked around once more. All I could see was the edges of the chair. It seemed like it was floating in darkness. It was a very peculiar feeling. I tried to push myself up from the chair but my hands were snatched away and pinned to the sides. I yelled louder and the tears started pouring down my face in rivulets. 34

“Help me!” I screeched, “Where am I?!”35

“Calm down.”36

“Please, please let me go! I have done nothing wrong!”37

“That is to be decided.”38

A flash of blinding light suddenly appeared in front of me. It slowly dimmed until I could look at it comfortably. It seemed to be a big screen. I mean, it had no edges, just sort of blurred into the darkness. 39

A voice murmured into my ear; 40

“Do not be afraid when you see me.”41

A huge wave of anxiety flooded me. Oh no! What was this ‘thing’ I was about to see?42

Another shimmering cloud appeared in front of me. 43

Does nothing appear normally? I thought. 44

The ‘figure’ became clear the instant I thought that. He wore a long, black cloak which reached all the way to the floor. It dragged along the ground when ‘he’ walked, making a funny shuffling noise. Its head was covered up, a black hole where his face was supposed to be. He wore very, very long sleeves. 45

That’s not scary! I talked in my mind. 46

A small noise erupted from inside the cloak, meant to be a chuckle. It lifted its hood up and I immediately wished I hadn’t thought of anything. 47

I tried to avert my eyes but I couldn’t drag them away. This…this….things head was a rotting skeleton. But not only that, attached to the decomposing flesh was a mass of tiny, tiny heads. Each one writhed about on their tiny necks, making baby wailing sounds. All of them moving made it look like its head was covered in maggots. 48

This time I couldn’t make a noise. I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head wildly. The thing ‘chuckled.’49

“Think, before you think.” It boomed. 50

I nodded, trying to clear my head of thoughts. 51

“Why…wh…why am I here?” I squeaked. 52

“You had an accident.”53

“Then why am I not in hospital?!”54

“Are you hurt in here?” It queried. 55

I sat completely still for a second. I couldn’t feel pain anywhere on my body. 56

“Where am I?”57

“You are nowhere.”58

I had had enough. “Quit it! Stop simply telling me things! Tell me why I’m here! WHY? WHY? WHY?!”59

“If you ask me a question, I will answer. When you have finished I will proceed with what I have to do.”60

“WHY. AM. I. HERE?!”61

“You had an accident.”62

I breathed out. “Why am I here instead of a hospital? Have I been kidnapped? Who are you? What are you going to do to me?!”63

“You are here instead of a hospital because you are no longer properly living. You have not been kidnapped. I am Consequence and Choice. I will show you how to make up your mind.”64

“What do you mean, not properly living?!” I gasped. 65

“You are not dead, yet you are not alive.” 66

“How?”67

“How are you what?” It asked, “Please ask full questions.”68

“How am I dead, yet not alive?!”69

“You are in what your race call a coma.”70

“Why am I in a coma?” 71

“You had an accident.”72

“Jeez, help me! What kind of an accident did I have?! How bad is it? What is wrong with me? And, most importantly, what am I doing here?!”73

“You had an automobile accident. The automobile accident was very bad. In your own body you have six broken ribs, a fractured hip, a fractured vertebra, a broken leg and a broken wrist. You may, if you choose, to lose the sight in one eye for a little while. You are here to make a choice.”74

I shut my eyes. I remember now. I had been walking home from my best friend’s house and decided to take the short cut. A car had zoomed up behind me, knocking me full across the road. I had remained conscious for about a minute afterwards. I recall hearing the car drive away, leaving not a thought for my poor, crumpled body. I had no more energy to keep awake and fainted. 75

“What do I make a choice of?” I asked, “What are my choices?”76

“To live…to die…To die…heaven….hell.”77

“Well, I obviously want to live.” I answered, puzzled. 78

“There is nothing obvious.”79

“Ok.” I swivelled my head round as far as it could go to look behind me. I thought there may have been some way out of this crazy place. I felt suffocated. 80

“There is no way out of here until you make a choice.” The grim voice penetrated my thoughts, “May I proceed with what I must do?” He turned to look at me. 81

“What do you mean choose? How do I choose? What if I don’t want to choose? How can there be a choice between life and death?!” I yelled hysterically. 82

“All will be answered. May I proceed with what I must do?”83

“Will it hurt me? Will I be killed? Just, please, please don’t hurt me.” I begged. 84

“You will not be harmed. May I proceed with what I must do?” 85

“Yes, proceed.” I spat, wishing I could just be dead to get it over with. 86

“You wish to die?” It asked. 87

“What?! No1 No, please don’t hurt me!” I cried, trying to keep my busy mind clear of thoughts. 88

“Very well. I will proceed. You are in a place called Nowhere. This is the place where you go when you are in the very thin gap between life and death. It is here that you choose whether to live or die. You are not the first person to come here, and you will not be the last.”89

I listened hard, straining to hear every syllable. My hands gripped the arms of the chair, turning my knuckles white. 90

“I will give you a set of choices. For each choice, I will tell you whether or not you would want to go there. Upon this viewer,” He indicated with his sleeve towards the light with no edges, “You will view scenes. These scenes may persuade or dissuade you.” But one thing is clear. It is only your choice. No-one else will help you.” 91

I nodded, “I understand, I think. Yes, I do.”92

“Your first choice is LIFE.”93

I stared at the viewer. Images started to appear until the screen was split up into eight sections. Looking at the first one I could see my baby brother Bobby’s first birthday. Such a beautiful baby I smiled. He will be a fine kid. I looked into the second. It was my best mate Clarissa and I, madly singing along into a CD we had bought that day, jumping around like lunatics. I know I can’t sing, I grinned, but she sure as heck has a powerful voice. The bottom right hand picture showed a picture of my family and me at a beach in Yorkshire. We had visited there for a week. In this scene we were all in out bathing clothes, drenched after a dip in the sea. Dad lost his towel that day, I giggled, completely forgetting where I was for a moment. The next picture was of my dog, Snowy, a little white terrier. He was begging for scraps. I quickly took some from my plate so he could get some titbits. My mum saw, but to my surprise, winked. She had been doing the same too. All of the rest were friends and family, outings and good times. 94

I felt tears pricking my eyes once more. 95

“Mommy.” I whispered, seeing her smiling face look at me from the screen. 96

The screen cleared into one giant picture. Of me. Just me. Where I had been left to die at the side of the road like some poor animal. I was in a right state. Arms and legs at wrong angles, horrific cuts across my face. I was only wearing one shoe; the other must have come off in the crash. I felt sick and had to turn away. 97

“If you live,” its voice boomed, “Your family will think it is a miracle when you are found alive. Your baby brother will grow up with a loving role model and sister. Your best friend will find the courage to be a singer. But, if you do, your brother is found to have developed leukaemia. Your best friend tries drugs and ends up here. You will suffer migraines for years; your sight will temporarily be lost in your right eye. You will not be able to walk without a stick until after intensive therapy. Only you can choose this choice.”98

“My baby brother,” I croaked, “No, no, please don’t! And Clarissa, no, she wouldn’t do that!”99

“It is your choice.” 100

I sat there stunned. My life could kill my little brother. 101

“You are wrong.” 102

“What do you mean? If I live, my brother dies of Leukaemia!”103

“You are wrong. DEATH.”104

I made to talk, but he silenced me with one arm held up.105

The screens pictures began to change. 106

It was a beautiful summers day, very sunny and pretty, but no-one was happy. Everyone wore black and my mother was clutching my fathers hand and sobbing into her handkerchief. My father face was horrific to see; so pale and drawn, he looked like he had aged ten years. A coffin was slowly being lowered into the ground, on top of another one. 107

“Hang on!” I cried, “That coffin is too small for me!”108

“That is not your coffin.”109

“B…B…Bobby?” I stammered, “But I thought he died if I lived?!”110

“You were wrong.”111

The next picture saw my mate Clarissa with a small crowd of boys, swigging a shared bottle of Vodka. 112

“She would find it very difficult.” It uttered. 113

Clarissa was being held round the waist by some spotty teenage youth trying to give her a hickey on her neck. Her weak, drunken protests were ignored. 114

“Stop it! No more!” I shouted. 115

The next picture appeared. This one showed my mother crying once more, looking sweaty and tired once more. Someone came up and placed a small bundle into her arms. It was a new baby. I saw my mother silently mouth ‘Megan,’ my name, to the baby. She was a beautiful girl and my heart ached to see her. 116

“Please, no more!” I screamed, feeling my heart being ripped slowly apart by everything that could happen. 117

The screen flickered and then went white. 118

“HELL.” It uttered. 119

I saw my house go up in flames, my family trapped inside, with no way of escape. I saw my beloved pet get run over again and again. I saw myself getting burnt by pokers straight from an iron smelting plant, all white hot and glowing. Hell to me was seeing all those I loved being hurt. 120

“What would I go to hell for?” I asked, shocked and scared, trying to look away. 121

“Many reasons. You cheated in an important exam and went unpunished for it was unseen. You lied to your mother about taking money from her purse to buy new clothes. She cried because she thought she couldn’t trust you.”122

“And that is enough to put me in hell?!”123

“It depends on whether it outweighs your good deeds. HEAVEN.”124

“Oh, Marcus.” I breathed/ 125

On the screen my brother was running around with three other boys kicking a football. My beautiful twin brother whom I loved with all my heart. My brother who had died aged fourteen of an asthma attack. A stupid, petty asthma attack. I wanted to die the minute I found out he was gone. I screamed and cried for weeks on end, making my self ill. But here he was, large as life, running about in the long grass on a beautiful summers day. Nearby my old Nanny sat on a bench, watching him play. Nanny, I smiled. She had died when we were only five, but I remembered her. She smelt of peppermints and her favourite perfume. On Nanny’s lap was a small cat. 126

“Tinker!” I grinned, watching him stretch contentedly. He looked younger, but still so beautiful. Before I had the chance to see anyone else, the screen ‘switched off.’127

“Hey!” I moaned, wanting to see Marcus again. 128

“It is time to choose.”129

I knew what I wanted, but what I wanted was impossible. 130

“I want Marcus!” I yelled. 131

“Then you wish to die?” 132

“No! I want to live, but….”133

“But?” 134

“But my brother.”135

“Your brother is happy. He watches over you.”136

“I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die. I can help prevent things.”137

“You will have a long painful healing process.” 138

I sat and thought for a moment. I will go to Heaven when I die. I will lead a good life, anything to see Marcus again. If I get to live my family will be amazed and think it is a miracle. But, but what about baby Megan?”139

“She will never exist.” 140

I pondered some more. “If I die then it is all easy for me, isn’t it. I get to do what the heck I want. If I live then people are happy and I can prevent things happening.”141

“This is all true. What is your choice?”142

“I have one last question. Why have I come here, when so many have not?” 143

“It is not your time to die. There were other plans ready for your demise. This way, you can either die this way, or wait until your time. It is your choice.”144

I nodded. 145

“What is your choice?”146

“LIVE.”147

I felt something grab hold of my throat and I blacked out, finding it so difficult to draw breath. 148

*****149

“Megan, Megan!” I heard as I lay on the mucky ground. I could not open my eyes, nor could I move. I could hear her frantic voice through the thick fuzziness of my aching head. 150

I think I must have been paralysed. I couldn’t move a thing. I was terrified, hoping she could see my hand sticking out. She did. 151

“Megan? Oh Megan, is that you! NO!!!!!!”152

I heard a scrambling noise on my right, and someone clutch my hand. This made me moan in pain. 153

“Oh, thank goodness you’re alive!” She shouted, sounding as if she was finding it hard to breathe too. 154

I heard some little beeps, indicating that she was calling an ambulance; I think I must have fainted again for the next thing I heard was a babble of blurry voices. 155

“She’s coming round! Someone fetch a Doctor!” A familiar voice yelled. 156

I tried to open my eyes and this time I succeeded. I could see nothing in my right eye. Groggily I peered through my left, seeing my dad at the side of the bed. He looked pale and a lot older. 157

“Hey sweetie, how you feeling now?” He asked tenderly. 158

“Umm, how long….been here?” I groaned. 159

“Six weeks. Don’t talk if it hurts you, ok babes.” He answered, putting his cool hand on my forehead. 160

I croaked, “B...B…Bobby?”161

My dads face went grave. 162

“When we came here as fast as we could the night of your accident, Bobby wouldn’t stop crying. We assumed it was that he could sense how worried we were and that scared him. The Doctor offered to take a look at him. He was rushed off to another ward, immediately diagnosed with leukaemia. Thankfully it was caught in time. If you had not come in, then we would not have known.”163

“It was all true.” I whispered, falling back into a deep sleep, “It actually happened164