Don't Forget Me

The images flicked through my mind as though they were being looked at by family or friends, I felt so violated. My privacy had been ripped away from me and held out as meat, trying to tempt me to chase what I could never have back. Two bodies entwined changing shape, fluid movements, quick and in succession. Arching back and bending forward heaving and sweating. The heat unbearable.1

Replaying the noises, the sights, the smell. Rancid smell of dried sweat mixed with heavy clotted blood.2

A chill ran down my spine and I pushed the images away from me. I didn’t want to think about them, I refused to. I am tired of hurting, I am tired of the constant bad memories suffocating the good ones, I am tired of thinking, thinking of you and her. I carried you through everything held your hand and caught your tears. I expected nothing of you  in return, I just wanted to see you happy. We both helped but I wanted you to run to me not her.3

I am thinking again, I didn’t want to do that. My past is my past but I keep bringing it into my present every time I see you, hear you, touch you. The noises were horrific. My boots caked in foreign dirt, my face drenched with sweat, blood and tears. I had you under the armpits, my weapons slung over my back, yours clipped onto my waist. She had your feet, clinging onto your boots she slipped and she fell, under the pressure, taking you with her. I clung on desperate to save you from her, them.4

She regained posture and we carried on, grasping you harder then ever between the gun fire and the bodies. Bodies, So many of them scattered lifeless across the barren land. The ones with minutes of life left were screaming in agony, clutching their bodies begging for help. I shut my eyes n tried to block the sounds from my ears. So many voices all of them raised, shouting screaming, crying for families they would never see again. Stepping backwards I slide carefully into the ditch and lower you down. She stumbles in after, dropping you harshly then  turns round n wipes her hands on the trousers she wears so perfectly. 5

Here you are now, laid next to me. Sleeping, unaware of my presence. Probably the better way. You wouldn’t want me here now you only have eyes for her. But that’s ok, just remember who has pulled you through, helped you in every way and given you everything. Don’t forget anymore then you  already have. I hear a door slam and slink into the shadows. There she appears and you wake, smile creeps across your face as you embrace. I used to get that look but now… now…. Please just don’t  forget me.6