Old Betty Henderson: Time For A Nap

Old Betty Henderson was paranoid. She checked her house constantly to see if anyone was watching her. She was frightened. With recently destroying a computer and burning down a house, she was deeply in debt. She knew people were mad at her. Perhaps there were people that wanted her dead. She figured that with all the angry people out there, it was best for her to remain cautious.1

She looked at the mirror in front of her and started to smile. Her duplicate smiled back. After grabbing the container of toothpaste, Mrs. Henderson squirted some on to her finger. "In my day, good toothpaste cost a nickel!" she exclaimed. "This stuff tastes like crap... I can't tell if its the taste of the paste or if it's my finger. God alone knows where either of them have been... And that's the other thing that sucks. Why the hell must people use their fingers to clean their mouths... There should be an invention to help people brush their damn teeth."2

Betty spit out the reminants of the toothpaste and washed off her finger. She looked back into the mirror and let out another smile to check her teeth. She then grabbed her toothbrush and began to comb her hair. "This is the fricken worst brush I've ever used," she began. "Hair brushes back then cost LESS than a nickel... and they were big enough to actually make a difference!"3

As she combed her hair with the tiny brush, she became pissed and threw it at the wall. It bounced off and flew towards the white, tiled floor. As it landed on the ground, it slid right next to Betty's foot.4

Betty looked from the ground to where the mirror was. She had quickly glanced at the mirror three whole times now. She was truly paranoid. 5

All week, Mrs. Henderson had been doing things to make herself less worried. She even bought herself a pet. She thought that if she bought a cat, she wouldn't be so worried and lonely. Well, she had purchased the kitten a few days ago and it clearly wasn't helping. All that Felix did was eat and poop. "Damn cat doesn't help at all," she said to her reflection. "Don't know why I still have him."6

As Betty finished up, she heard Felix meowing. She turned to walk out of the bathroom. As her right foot went forward, it landed directly on the toothbrush. Betty knew what was coming and painful thoughts rushed through her mind. Her leg slowly flew forward and her body quickly sank backwards. 7

Her head briskly slammed into the toilet bowl as she screamed the word "Fuck!" Her head bounced off like a pinball that clearly deserved the jackpot. Her feeble chest flopped onto the ground and a loud smack was heard. She tried to push herself up, but her fat, wobbly body flew into a wall. Her hand reached into the air for help, but her fingers only plopped themselves on to the flusher. As she pushed up, the water came down all over her face. She continued to yell profanity but all that could be heard were rising bubbles. "Blrrrr Brr Buuub Brrlee Brrrritch!"8

She kicked her foot off of a wall and her head flew out of the toilet. She swung away from the wall on a pipe... like a monkey at the circus. "Weeeeeeee!" she yelled. As her quick ride ended, her body collapsed into more tile and she did a tumble into the bathtub. Her leg kicked again and her foot hit the cold-water faucet. The water rushed out and flew all over her beautiful, red skirt. She screamed and shivered, but she could not turn the water off. Her hands were stuck around a pipe. "Crap shit apple sauce yogurt butt poop ass sock timmy!" she screamed. The pain and the cold water were forcing strange words out of her mouth.9

When she finally got her hands undone and turned off the water, she looked around the room. It was a pathetic sight. On the left side, water was spread all over the floor and wall. On the right side, there wasn't even a wall anymore. And in the middle, Felix was staring at her with a smile on his face. He soon lost interest, and started licking the toothbrush which was drenched in toilet water. "You're going first thing tomorrow," Betty murmurred.10

After an hour of clean up, Mrs. Henderson became tired. She had changed out of her wet clothes and was now in her comfortable pajamas. She was ready to sleep and after the incredible bathroom epic, she really needed it.11

She wrapped herself in blankets and she instantly fell asleep. As she slept on her bed, Felix pranced his way into the room. He looked up at his master. She was sound asleep on her bed. He was feeling very tired too, so he crawled on up. He fashioned himself right next to Betty and licked her arm. The cute kitty then fell asleep.12

As Mrs. Henderson got deeper into her sleeping trance, the snoring began. It started off very calmly. "Krrrrr Knoobb."13

Felix opened his left eye to show that he wasn't enjoying the sounds. After a short moment, the sounds finally stopped and the lovable cat went back to sleep.14

"Krrrrrrr KNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOBBBB KRRRR KRING DING DING DING!" she continued. The sounds of the snores were incredibly loud. Felix jumped and took his distance. After settling a little farther away from Betty, the cat went back to snoozing.15

The snores occurred once again with a weird, chunky sound. "Kr rrr rrrrrr Knn Knn!" 16

Experts could have probably listened to the sounds and classified them as sounds of an animal being run over by a lawnmower. Naturally, Felix was frightened. He took a few more steps away from Old Henderson.17

Betty was clearly in discomfort. As more loud roars came out of her nose, she began to rock back and forth in her bed. She was having a nightmare. Her arms and legs rolled about in a quick manner. She was literally doing a bed version of the macarena. As her arms flew into the air, the rest of her body came up with them. She was now sitting up on the bed. Another loud, demonic roar came out of her nose and the sleep talking began.18

"Keep your shit on the damn star!" she yelled. She took a moment to stop for another snore to come out. "Krrr Knnnnnnnn Kno!" ... Then she began to yell again. "Stay on your star! Don't blame me for sending the monsters to Earth! They were on the star! They were on the star!"19

Old Henderson began crying and then she started to scream. Unleasing the monster had apparently unleashed the monster within Betty. As some more loud moans shot out of her nose, she grabbed Felix. The poor cat howled as she flung him through the air. As he shifted from side to side, sounds came out of his mouth. As he flew to a side, the sounds seemed loud. As he jolted to the other, the moans sounded more faint. The baby feline was flying through the air at an unbelieveable pace.20

As Betty pulled the cat towards her body, her elbow flew into a nearby lamp. The lamp dove out of it's socket and soared into the wall. The sound frightened Betty and she tossed the cat into the air. "Ahwahhwahhwahwahh!" it screamed as it flew like a bird.21

Once the cat had hit the ground (fan, bedpost, and wall), the room became full of complete silence. Betty was too asleep to continue moving and the cat was too injured to continue aswell. Mrs. Henderson's head plopped back down onto a pillow and she instantly went back to sleep.22

Mrs. Henderson woke up a few hours later and found her room in complete disarray. All of her blankets were on the ground, and there were more holes in the walls. Also, for some strange reason she was covered in cheese. She threw the cheddar packets off of her body and used her arms to lift herself up. She had no clue as to why her home was so trashed. All she knew was that she had an aching body.23

When she got up from the bed, she felt some of her bones pop back into place. She walked out to the living room of her appartment and turned on the television. As she flipped through the channels, a commercial came on for cat food. "Damn cats... I hate them." She mocked the stupid commercial and made a face at the television screen.24

She flipped the channel again and found her eyes watching a home-remodeling show. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," she whispered. She remembered the holes in her wall and quickly pressed the button on her remote again.25

As the channel surfing continued, an astronomy program popped up. As it started pointing out the different constellations, Betty opened her mouth and let her jaw completely drop. She threw her remote at the TV set and screamed. Quickly standing up, she wobbled towards her bed in horror. She covered herself in blankets and began yelling like a maniac. 26

"You'll never get me, you stupid monsters!" she yelled. "They were on the star! They were on the bloody star!"