Sorry, but I havn't been able to come up with a title for my novel yet.1
The story begins with the prologue, detailing the actions of a dark lord who is not named until later in the story. After intimidating an emmasary who ultimately loses his life, the dark lord sets his sights on Salador.2
Anyway, the basic plotline is the story of Aiden, a young farmer who wishes to join the Knights of the White Bear, which is a group of knights in the white city of Salador. Aiden's friends, Victor and Kelindril, are also dreaming of joining the fabled knights.3
When Victor and Kelindril arrive at Aiden's farmhouse one morning, saying that they are leaving the small town of Norman's Hollow to join the knights. Aiden, whose father is getting old in age, feels that he cannot leave his father and must remain on the farm. Aiden's father, Gram, though, hears the whole conversation and tells him to fulfill his dreams. Before leaving though, Gram gives Aiden a sword and a dagger, which become a huge part in the development of the story. That night, Aiden has a dream about a man in black armor and a three headed dog that has set its sights on conquering Salador. Thinking it just a dream however, Aiden dismisses it, but still cannot shake a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.4
Aiden, Victor, and Kelindril leave Norman's Hollow together and after falling asleep by a river, journey through the dark night and are attacked by a clan of goblins. It is there that they meet three mercenaries: Jamsig, Tolgion, and Dodmic. The mercenaries and the three friends decided to travel together to Salador.5
After a very gruesome encounter with a group of bandits, Tolgion, Jamsig, and Dodmic begin to suspect something is wrong with Aiden, and finally, Jamsig challenges Aiden to a duel for Aiden's dagger. After Jamsig defeats him, he takes the dagger and Tolgion tells Aiden, Victor, and Kelindril that the soul of the demon, U'groth Jon Balog, Lord of the Abyss, is imbued in the dagger, while the soul of the Moon Goddess Anaiya is imbued in Aiden's claymore. Deciding it is for the best, they decide they need to destroy the dagger.6
The six have to travel over a mysterious mountain, Silver Peak, where they come into contact with Ivel, a mysterious being, and Darnin, an old dwarf who knows the mercenaries.7
Upon leaving Silver Peak, they finally arrive to the majestice city of Salador. The three from Norman's Hollow meet King Brutus, the Lord of Salador. It is here where Aiden reveals the dream of the man in dark armor to conquer Salador and the mercenaries, King Brutus and his closest advisors begin to make plans to combat the incoming army.8
After a life altering event, Victor is sent out of Salador where he meets the dark lord, and is given his own magical dagger, one that causes any it touches to turn into "Darklings."9
This is as far as I have gotten so far. Enjoy.
A contest entry
- Novels and Chaptered Works by tallblondie.
1050 points, ended September 19, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions?
Comments
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Thank you for your entry in the contest 'Novels and Chaptered Works'. The following is the review for your novel 'Working Title':
[1] Grammar, spelling and punctuation:
I saw no glaring errors in the chapter submitted - quite possibly because I was too engrossed in the story itself to notice any small mistakes.
[2] Word usage:
I enjoyed that you used not only language specific to the fanatsy genre, but you also created your own words and phrases - something which made this story quite distinctive. Excellent descriptive language used to evoke both rich scenery and creating good mood and atmosphere.
[3] Style and continuity:
Though your writing style is somewhat passive, I found that you did use active writing and altered your sentence structure when writing the action in this chapter - which intensified the effectiveness of these scenes.
[4] Story components:
The characters are both well-rounded and dynamic - two essential qualities for main characters in novel-length stories. The nine characters in this chapter all had traits that set them apart as individuals - even down to inflections in the dialogue. I applaud any writer that can successfully write realistic dialogue - and you did so with this chapter. The scenes were well written - the sequencing for the action appeared to have had some thought put into it.
[5] Literary value:
The chapter submitted grabbed my attention at the start and held it throughout the entire chapter. It started with good pacing and ended with a good cliffhanger. I would love to read more of this story - I found that not only did it read well, but I related to the characters and want to learn more. The fantasy premise of a quest if often used, but I feel your characterizations really carry this story.
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This seems so involved and complex. Why don't you begin with a short piece...perhaps a short story...You can use the same characters...say what you want or have to say...see where it leads. THAT...should be difficult enough...! Why climb a mountain without first attempting to negotiate even a modest hill?
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