A magnificent tale of love between prey and predator, to lovers never meant to be. With his keen predatory instincts he fears bringing any kind of harm to her and so out tale begins with a regular high school, in the slums of England. Here there's quite a bit of crime, but that can't be all bad for a vampire to hide his kills right? That's Kael's purpose for living there, but for Heilia it's a whole other story. She accidentally killed her cousin, with unknown powers she was gifted with, and her parents sent her away to live with her abusive uncle. Her sister, Lilith, came along with her. Now on the very first day, Kael, given the gift of reading minds, finds himself interested in her thoughts, and she too seems to find interest in him. He warns her several times to keep away, and tries his hardest to ward her off, but in the end the two become close friends, which quickly turns into something much more.1
We soon learn more about Kael’s sad past and his inability to physically get close to others, which is a major down set when he learns he is to play as Romeo in their English class’ production of Romeo and Juliet. And who is Juliet? Why, Heilia of course! Kael makes a promise to leave Heilia and not interfere with her life the day they perform the production, but Heilia is deeply affected by this decision. 2
Kael suffers mentally as he tries to distance himself from Heilia, to make it so that when he finally is gone for good it won’t be as painful to her, but he finally gives in when he decides it would be best if they spent their last remaining bit of time together the best they could. The production date comes and the performance is wonderful, but as Kael promised, he disappears into the night. Depression is immediately knocking at Heilia’s door as she struggles to live without him, for her uncle has become even more abusive. A wonderful turn isn’t far off as an old Italian full of wisdom, who was an old family friend of Heilia, Lilith, and their uncle, adopts the girls he had always thought of as daughters and helps aid Heilia to recovery.3
His attempts to bring Heilia out of depression don’t work however, and she returns to the spot where she and Kael had first kissed; a beautiful cliff over looking the ocean that included quite a hike to reach. The struggle through the forest leaves her bloodied and a mess and she finally concludes that she would welcome death sooner than live without Kael. Of course, Kael finds a way to save her and as they find their way home, they figure out that their destinies were always meant to cross paths.
Author notes
This was summarized for the contest and I think it sort of makes the novel seem worse than it really is, because it is so little words for such a big tale between lovers!
In a list
A contest entry
- Novels and Chaptered Works by tallblondie.
1050 points, ended September 19, 41 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Thank you for your entry in the contest 'Novels and Chaptered Works'. Following is the review for your novel 'Protected by Watchful Eyes':
[1] Grammar, spelling and punctuation:
There are some issues with grammar/punctuation in the chapter submitted. You seem to consistently make a ssme error when leading into, or leading out of dialogue. Sometimes the correct dialogue tagging is used, but on the majority of occasions the dialogue is incorrectly tagged. Also, I noticed some spelling errors that could easily be identified through using a spell chack program.
[2] Word usage:
The language used appeared to fit the characters - and I found that the word selection in the dialogue was realistic. A couple of cases where the verb chosen didn't quite fit the context, but it didn't detract from the overall flow of the piece.
[3] Style and continuity:
I found that your tended to use a similar length sentence irrespective of whether describing action of slower narrative. Though it moves your plot along, I did see some potential to improve the piece through varying your sentences. The character development in the chapter present was good - especially the main character's interaction with the co-protagonist.
[4] Story components: Good character conflict as well a interesting scenes. I found the main character somewhat shallow and two-dimensional - I found her hard to relate to - that is, until her interaction after her ordeal.
[5] Literary value:
Though there were errors in the construction of the piece, I found that I was able to read to chapter and 'see' what was going on. The premise is overused at the moment - especially with the popularity of books such as the Twilight series. You should strive to set your work out as different - perhaps with adding more facets to your main character or introducing a non-cliched conflict in this genre.
-
The summary seems very complete. If you are trying to attract readers, you spin a wonderful tale, but I personally don't feel I need to read the story to find out what happens. (I'm going to read it anyway...
) Also, the plot is VERY reminiscent of the Twilight series. It seems that there are other twists, but the basis is very similar. I can't wait to read the development between your characters.
-
Sounds like an interesting story, will have to check it out when I have more time.
-
i like te way you summerized it!
-
-
^^
thanks a lot, i didn't actually think i did too good, but.. who knows?
-
-
You know, I really like the way you made this entire thing summarized. The first few paragraphs were great, but the final one really drove the nail home. I love the way you described Kael's and Heilia's first kiss and struggle. Wow.
Keep it up.
-Keasbey -
-
Thanks A Lot
It would be really cool if you read the whole novel for me.. I posted it... ^^ But that isn't necessary I just really love comments!!! Thanks for this one, it's plenty! -
-
I must have missed that. I'll get on it, although no guarantees on a comment.
-
-
Lol
thats alright thanks a lot!
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
