Best Friends Forever - Chapter Four

Choices. They determine our life. Dictate, rather. Make a wrong choice and life takes a wrong turn down a one-way street. Make a right choice and life turns in your favour – all roses and cream and whatever.1

But the worst thing, in my opinion, is not making a choice at all. That’s when life starts to suck. Badly.2

A friend once said that life was an empty blank page. It was up to you what you chose to write on it. Or scribble, whatever’s your style. You write good things, bad things … all better than not writing anything and leaving an empty spot.3

The result? You end up looking back at your life, at that empty spot, and muse … what if?4

******5

The water hisses out of the showerhead. 6

The steady stream of water hits me in the chest and slowly soaks me. It’s cold. Goosebumps rise along my skin. Water droplets litter on me, making my skin look bumpy and mottled. They slide along, replaced by fresh ones. The cold soothes me.7

I think of the irony. 8

Twenty four hours ago, I was having a hot bath. Now I drown myself in a cold shower of my own frustration. 9

The cold water washes over me and I stand there, motionless, feeling the water pound against me, musing, about many things, of which the last was how much water I was wasting being all depressed. I smile a little in spite of myself.10

After sufficiently numbing myself, I step out, and regard my dripping naked self in the reflection briefly and towel off. My longish black hair needs a trim. My stubble’s back. There’s a pimple on my left jaw. 11

I look into my mirror-self’s eyes. 12

They stare back, once merry and full of optimism, now filled with pain, sadness and regret.13

******14

The coffee feels good after that cold shower. I sit by the window and look out over the waking city, watching the golden sun’s orb rise above the pretentious skyline.15

The coffee clears my mind a little, and gives me time to think.16

So I had had feelings for Sera. Point one.17

I hadn’t known about these feelings until yesterday. Point Two.18

I don’t know what to do. Point Three.19

How’s that for concise?20

I shake my head at myself and sip. 21

I hardly feel like showing up to work, but that’s what they pay me for, and I can’t afford to take a day off if I want that raise. Dressing automatically, I pick up my bag and ten minutes later I’m on the freeway, heading for the inner city.22

******23

Mark looks at me with a worried face. “You sure you okay? You don’t look very well.”24

I shake my head glumly and stare at my suddenly unappetising donut. I used to love the iced one with the jellybeans on top. Now I just grimace at how much sugar that thing contains and whether I want to turn a diabetic or not.25

“RJ. RJ.” Mark shakes my shoulder. “Snap out of it! What’s wrong, bro?”26

I look at him. He looks genuinely concerned. Well, why shouldn’t he? He’s my good mate at work and a nice guy too. I shouldn’t shut my friends out. 27

Mark seems to read this on my face. “Look,” he says gently. “Talking helps.”28

I sigh and drop the donut, lean back and close my eyes. I’m suddenly aware of how tired I am. Weird. I’m sure I got at least three hours of sleep last night.29

“See …” I begin. “It’s just, that … my best friend, Sera, y’know? She’s getting married.”30

Mark nods. “I presume you don’t like the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with.”31

“Almost there, Mark. I want to be the guy she spends the rest of her life with.”32

He says nothing, but understanding floods his face. 33

“It’s just, that … I never knew that until yesterday. I never realised what I felt for her. I thought it was just platonic. Goes to show, innit?”34

“I’m … geez, what can I say? I’m sorry, RJ.”35

“Don’t be. My fault if anybody’s. I’ve been a blind rat. I should have known …”36

“Are you going to tell her?” Mark interrupts quietly. 37

“I dunno. I want to … but what good will that accomplish?” I shrug and rub my forehead with my fingers. 38

“It’ll get things out in the open … you never know. Maybe she has similar feelings for you?”39

I laugh. “Sure. And you’ll be President tomorrow.” He grins a little. “Nah, Mark. She loves Paul, I can tell.”40

He stands and squeezes me shoulder as I get up, too. 41

“If this is left unsaid, it will eat at you, you know that, right?” he asks.42

I nod slowly, clasp his hand and head off to my office, where I attempt to drown my personal worries in a stack of paperwork.43

******44

The phone rings.45

I scoot over on the couch, muting the TV, and grab it. “Yeah?”46

Sera. Her voice is as soft and merry as ever – the upcoming nuptials may have added an extra bounce I her voice. “Hi, RJ!”47

“Hi, Ser. What’s up?”48

“Worried about you, RJ. Where’ve you been? You just left the day before and didn’t call back …”49

I remember that. Damn it. Kicking myself in the pants mentally, I make up something on the spot. “Er – I had an urgent phone call, the bossman, you know? Erm, he, uh, said that he needed some work done for a client ASAP – and well, I was just so tired and …”50

“I’m sorry … you rested?” The genuine concern in her voice made me squirm in shame at telling her such a bold-faced lie. I had never had any secrets from her … until it now, it seemed. 51

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said, staring at the TV, a meaningless jumble of pictures and colour.52

“Okay, so listen, the wedding’s in two months, and the wedding co-ordinator’s meeting with us at five , so you want to tag along?”53

Why should I go? Put myself in more misery watching them plan out their life together? 54

Idiot. You are her friend. You screwed up your chance a long time ago. Now be Mr. Platonic. About all you can do.55

The words running through my mind hurt, but they are the truth.56

“Sure,” I say. “When and where?”57

******58

The wedding co-ordinator has a huge office. HUGE. I mean, the windows could easily fit in my office. And I thought my office was huge. 59

It’s not surprising though – upper-girl will have an upper-class stylish extravagant style marriage. She’s not like that, but I’m sure Mr. Paul Rich Guy Fordelyn will have a say in that too.60

I smooth my pants over my knees – I should have worn a friggin suit. Every guy in here is wearing a suit or a semblance of one – and I’m wearing slacks and a long-sleeved tee with a red jumper. Talk about class differences. 61

The wedding co-ordinator’s a little guy, sassy, around maybe thirty-ish, a thin wisp of a beard he keeps stroking, self-effacing and arrogantly humble.62

He’s probably also gay. He’s just that sort of fellow.63

My mind occupies itself with these aimless, petty thoughts as Sera and Fordelyn glance over a think portfolio of wedding card designs. I move over to a corner and pretend to compare flower arrangements.64

Roses or lilies? Obvious choice there … who would have lilies at their wedding? Maybe a couple of white roses, I muse, scribbling absentmindedly on a pad.65

I finger a rose, and then look down at the pad, meaning to crumple it up and throw it away. Guess what I’ve doodled fifty times on that innocuous sheet of paper?66

Sera, Sera, Sera, and ending with a little heart.67

I didn’t even know guys did those sorts of stuff. Am I going wussy in love? I think of Fordelyn, his tall, strong frame, and turn around and see him holding Sera with a hand around her waist, and I flush, crumple the paper up hurriedly and thrust it deep into my pocket.68

I need to get out of here. Out of the country, more like.69

“RJ!” Sera calls, and I quickly compose my face into a pleasant smiling expression and walk over.70

Fordelyn smiles politely at me. Sera grins like a kid – I fleetly remember those afternoons on campus, when we would sit and chat on the grass. I think of how many guys thought we were dating, only to be told we were best friends. 71

“Randy, we’ve decided.”72

I snap out of my daydream and look at her. God forbid I look at Fordelyn. I might punch something – if not him.73

“Yeah?” I ask, smiling.74

“We would like you to be the best man.” Sera looks up at Fordelyn and smiles, and my stomach drops down to somewhere roughly near my knees.75

“Uhm,” I mutter, struggling to comprehend this. “Isn’t the groom supposed to choose the best man? You hardly know me, Paul.”76

He smiled broadly. “Sera wants you to be the best man, and I see how good friends you two are, and so, I really don’t mind. Besides, we can get to know each other better soon enough, now that Sera and I are getting married.”77

Long speech. Good friends? I want to be more than just good friends. 78

“So, RJ? Will you be the best man?”79

I put on a fake smile for Fordelyn, and a real grin for Sera and clasp her hands, and I hear myself say, “Yes.”