Fear the Reaper (Chapter 13)

CHAPTER 131

Revenge is a dish best served cold2

(Kahn: Botany Bay)3

I went back to the van and mixed up some flour and water in a bowl, to begin touching up the Reaper mask. Bits of dry flour was flaking from it from my last escapade out as the Reaper.4

I must consider my mask of pain that shall lie beneath this Reaper face. Now all good things considered, if this is truly to be a mask of pain, then it should cause me pain to wear it. I find it ironic, that the very mask I seek is the same mask that I would enshroud about my victims faces.5

So having finished the skull face, I took off my jacket and tee-shirt. My nipples went hard as the cold breeze on the night air brushed past me. I then began to use the remaining flour and water in the bowl to mask my face in pain. It felt cold and clammy against my skin. I shuddered as another chill breeze brushed past me, and I felt some of the thinner layers of flour and water, drying, cracking and tightening about my face. It felt like thousands of tiny little mouths biting into my flesh. I inhaled sharply and ground my teeth.6

Oh, the exquisite pain.7

I then made up a second bowl of flour and water, that my captives may share my pain, and know my suffering. 8

Now let me see, it’s been half and hour so they should have ingested all the goodness from the tabs by now.9

I walked to the first of them (the lookout) and removed the strip of tape from his mouth. I then began to make his face up with the flour and water. ‘Fear the Reaper, for tonight you will know judgement’ I said, half under my breath. It didn’t take me long to do his face and neck. I then moved on and did the other two.10

I’ve got to admit, it does feel better since I’ve covered up their faces. Because now they are about as recognisable as any one of my last thirty victims.11

I then went around with the red food colouring to go on top of the flour and water. A couple of splashes here, a patch there, a couple of drops here and a couple of drops there...12

I then did the same for myself. We looked great; in fact, I don’t think we would have looked out of place in a Romero Zombie flick. Yes, this is good.13

With a groan here and there, they were starting to stir. So I quickly whipped around and put cushion covers over each of their heads. I thought ‘Fuck the earplugs’ I want them to hear each other suffer. It will heighten their fear.14

I then went back to the van, took off my trousers and my underpants. I decided to keep my shoes on, as it would be easier moving from victim to victim. I mean, I’d look silly if I stood on or tripped or stubbed my toe on a stone or log wouldn’t I?15

Oh no, that would never do.16

I then pulled the Reaper shroud over my naked body and the Reaper face over my mask of pain.17

No, no, no. I’m being too eager. I’ve got to let them take in their surrounding a bit first, haven’t I? I’ve got to build up that fear. That fear of the unknown.18

So I lifted up the Reaper mask, wearing the skull face as a hat, while I had a fag for ten minutes.19

Now let me see, it’s been about an hour since I gave them the tabs.20

Isn’t it amazing how time flies when you’re having fun?21

With a final puff of my cigarette, I threw it to the ground and stepped on it.22

And so, the stage is set, and the final act must begin.23

I stepped onto this stage for the final time, for the Reapers final curtain.24

I stepped into the semi circle of trees and walked up to the first of the three.25

‘What the fuck is going on?’26

‘Where am I?’ they cried, as their brains raced in acid packed rushes.27

I pulled the hood from his head and he squinted, his eyes adjusting to the light. Panic began to set into his features, as he took in my personification of death. But strangely, the only words that seemed to come to him in his hour of judgement were a very defeated ‘Oh Fuck.’28

Could it be that he suspects I am not the Reaper? Could it be that judgement will fail him?29

Come on now Richie; let’s not jump to any conclusions yet.30

‘Who’s that?’ called the one who’d held her down, amidst his head fuck murmuring. The lookout began trembling, as his lips started wobbling and a tear ran down his cheek.31

At this point, the rapist/killer found voice ‘Come on, joke over. Either get me down or I’ll fuck you up.’32

Dear, dear me. I don’t think any of them yet really realise the gravity of their situation, do they? They can hear what’s going on, so maybe it’s only fair that they should see what is going on. See the pain of their friends as it were. After all, I had no choice but to helplessly watch Sam’s pain. 33

Yes, I should remove the hoods.34

I then walked around the semi circle and removed all the hoods. 35

Good, good, good, now we can all get acquainted, can’t we?36

And after a lot of eye squinting and adjustment to the light, we all did.37

‘Fuck, it’s the Reaper’ said the rapist/killer, pointlessly stating the obvious. I then silently walked back to the lookout.38

‘You have been taken from your place in the living world. That you may stand on trial to justify yourself in judgement.’39

Shit, was that a tremble in my voice. 40

Got to be strong... 41

‘You must justify your life in the face of your crimes against humanity.’42

‘Bollocks’ the rapist/killer called. I paused.43

Don’t show any weakness. Ignore him.44

‘How much evil have these hands done.’ I cut off the rubber hands and ran red food colouring down the length of his arms. Even when the hands hit the floor it didn’t give me the satisfaction that it usually does.45

‘You’re not real. You’re just a loon in a cloak and a mask’ called the rapist killer.46

‘Yeah, we’ve read about you, you’re just going to try and give us a bad trip’ added the one who had held her down. The lookout seemed to momentarily find strength in their words. The fear seemed to drain from his face, to be replaced by smug arrogance.47

I hate smug arrogance. As the Reaper, I think I’m losing control of the situation. 48

Maybe it’s because they weren’t chloroformed. I mean, at least with chloroform, they awaken drowsy with pounding heads. So any small rebellion is soon squashed.49

This rebellion seems to niggle me. Maybe I should judge them as myself.50

No Richie, don’t give up so easily.51

I then walked up to the rapist/killer and slapped him hard across the face. ‘Silence fool.’ It momentarily shocked him. But he soon regained his composure.52

‘You’re pathetic. You’re not even believable.’ He continued.53

Why is he still chopsing? He’s got three tabs in him. His pupils are huge. He should be peaking on psychedelic nightmare.54

‘By morning you will regret the actions of your sins’ I tried. Then the cheeky fucker spat at me.55

Why is he resisting me?56

‘I won’t regret fuck all. Fuck you.’57

‘Yeah fuck you’ the other two started to jeer.58

They are determined to fight me aren’t they?59

In fact, by this time, I wasn’t only losing control of the situation, but also losing control of my patience, my self control and very loosely, the edge of my sanity. All my tolerances were being stretched to the limit, my pent up anger, my long held bitterness. 60

Must the Reaper suffer the slings and arrows of verbal abuse and self doubt, as flung by these mortal fools of debauchery and senseless violence?61

I think not. Now is not the time for words, it is a time for action.62

The time for talking is past, so now, as the Reaper’s once mighty flame, flickers and dwindles on the candle of life, so the cold breeze of revenge blows it away into an empty wind.63

Then as if to burn me with one final humiliation. ‘You’re not the Reaper, you’re a fake’ jeered the rapist/killer. And my head went... the straw that broke the camels back, as it were.64

I smiled maniacally, despite the pain that it caused me with the flour and water beneath the skull mask. My eyes widened almost sparkling with all the predatory anger and suppressed bitter pain that even now, was dominating my persona. ‘You are of course right.’ I said with calmness, almost too calm to be sane. I removed my skull mask, revealing my mask of pain. ‘I am something much worse.’ The three of them fell silent, looking a little more than unnerved. I threw the mask into the fire. It began to burn, flames licking the eye holes. The plastic of the mask melted and the flour and water covering caved in and blackened into a charred lump.65

I then took off the robe and stood before them naked. ‘I am a victim of yours.’ I threw the robe into the fire.66

It burned, and I saw that it was good.67

The three of them stared at me agasp, their huge tripping pupils telling many tales. I looked around to the rapist/killer. He seemed unnerved to the point of excrement. Panic built up in his voice as he began to stutter.68

‘Hey. I…, I …, I don’t know you man.’69

‘Then allow me to remind you’ I spat at him poisonously. ‘Excuse me mate, have you got the time please?’ I nutted the cunt, square on the nose. The effect was disappointing, really. I was expecting an explosive mass of liquid red. All we got was a slight swell and a trickle of blood. His eyes filled with tears, so I guess, it must have hurt. But not tears of regret though, sadly. ‘Do you remember me now?’ he groaned and sniffed, not fully able to breathe through his nose. ‘No?’ I queried in almost genuine puzzlement. ‘Then allow me to remind you again.’ I stepped forward. ‘Excuse me mate, have you got the time?’ I launched my head at his again. This time, he half expected it and turned. I caught him right on the cheekbone below his eye. The effect was interesting. His cheekbone seemed to cave in momentarily. Blood poured from the nostril from the side it had hit, and also his eye on the same side. Then within a minute, the whole side of his face seemed to puff out and swell to such an extent that he couldn’t even open his eye anymore, despite the blood that escaped through the tiny slit of his eyelid.70

Yep that’s gonna hurt.71

The effect was much more interesting. He then started snorting like the pig that he is as he tried to get his breath. Which was difficult for him, because every time he opened his mouth, it filled with the blood that ran down his face. 72

‘Squeal, little piggy, squeal’ I laughed, piss takingly at him.73

I then walked into the centre of the semi circle and addressed the three of them. 74

‘Right gentlemen, glad you could make it. We’re going to play a little game now’ I said waving my arms about in the air like a game show host. I held my Stanley blade firmly in my right hand. ‘And the rules kind of go like this.’ I paused for effect. ‘Now when I find you guilty of a crime, you will be punished in such a way as to match that crime.’ 75

‘You’re fucking crazy, man’ said the one who held her down. So I promptly walked up to him and punched him in the mouth.76

‘You will speak when you are spoken too. Now let me see. Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? Ah yes, you will be judged as to what crime you have committed and your punishment shall match that crime, for example.’ I walked up to the lookout. 77

‘Your job was to incapacitate me and to keep look out.’ I checked my surgical gloves to make sure there were no rips or tears. After all, I don’t want to leave any traces of DNA on them, that could be traceable to me, do I? ‘So for incapacitation and unnecessarily kicking me as I lay helpless on the floor, you become human punch bag.’ I then began to savagely beat him about the stomach and chest, as he hung there helplessly.78

After three short minutes, I stood back to look him in the face. ‘Right. Now that takes care of the incapacity and the beating’ I said between breaths. ‘Now for the crime of look out. In essence, aiding and abetting rape and murder.’ At this, I grabbed his hair in my left hand and pulled his head back. Then, with the Stanley blade in my right hand, I cut out the half moons of his lower eyelids. (The bags under his eyes). Blood seemed to come from nowhere and began gushing in great quantity down his face and body, until it settled into growing pools at his feet. By this time, he was screaming the place down in helpless frustration as he watched so much of his blood ooze down his body. ‘There we go. As a lookout, you now have all seeing eyes. You’ll see everything always.’ I then laughed in his face, just to mock him.79

Richie, stop this. This is insane.80

No, no, no. The Reaper is dead and I must punish them for their crimes.81

I looked around at the shocked faces of his two friends and walked up to the one who held her down. ‘You’re next. But I must leave you for a short time to consider your punishment, as you look upon your fallen friend.’ He began screaming and crying hysterically. So I walked off and ignored his pleas for mercy and forgiveness.82

I then went back to the van, opened it up and started rooting through the tool kit to see if any forms of punishment spring to mind. In my browsing, I happened upon a pair of long nose pliers. Yes, they’ll come in handy, won’t they? In those hard to reach places. And then an idea hit me.83

So I took three six inch nails, a hammer, and a small wedge of wood. The wedge was about half an inch thick, five inches long, and four inches wide. I then flicked through the first aid kit and found a small pair of scissors for cutting bandages.84

Ah yes, everything I need at my fingertips.85

I then hammered one of the six inch nails through the middle of the wedge of wood, until just the point was peering through as the other side.86

I walked back into the semi circle, tools and wedge in hand, I stood in front of the one who had held her down. ‘Hi, I’m back. Did you miss me?’ I asked politely with a smile. He shook his head in fear, tears rolling down his face. ‘No, don’t hurt me. Please, don’t hurt me.’ he sniveled.87

‘Now, now, don’t go all girly on me. It’s degrading for the both of us.’ I wagged my finger at him. ‘You’ve committed the crime; now accept your punishment like a man, with dignity.’ His eyes widened as he surveyed the tools in my hand. ‘Now you were the one who held her down, while he raped her’ I nodded to the rapist/killer. I then put all the tools down on the ground beside me, except for the Stanley blade which I used to cut the masking tape that bound his fists into balls. ‘No, no, no please don’t do this’ he pleaded. I shushed him. I unknotted the rope that held his left arm and brought it down to rest palm flat against the tree beside him. He began to scream, so I punched him in the mouth for the second time tonight. It seemed to calm him momentarily. 88

I put down the blade and picked up the hammer and wedge, as he struggled to move his arm away.89

I grabbed his arm with my left hand and used my body weight to hold it to the tree. He was too weak to fight me. The irony of this amused me greatly. He quickly came to realise that resistance is futile in his hallucinogenic state.90

I again laid his hand palm down against the tree and put the wedge of wood on top of it, to hold it in place. I then brought the hammer down on the nail at its centre. It pierced the back of his hand, out through his palm and impaled him to the tree. He screamed. Three more blows and he was stuck there. I then took the other two nails and hammered them in to hold him steady. One went through the wedge and into fleshy part between forefinger and thumb and the other through the wedge into the fleshy part beneath his little finger.91

By this time he had finished screaming, and was drawing many deep sobs in his pain, as blood ran along his arm and down the tree (lots of it, too).92

I then put down the hammer and picked up the small scissors from the first aid kit. I stepped forward to his unmoving hand, chose his middle finger at random and put the point of the scissors beneath the top of his finger nail then with a couple of small blows to the finger loops of the scissors, I sank the point beneath the full length of the nail. By now he was gibbering and shaking, as he futilely tried to rip his hand away.93

The fool, he’s not going anywhere.94

I then put my two forefingers, one in each loop of the scissors and began to pull the blades apart, separating the finger nail from its fleshy bed. He started howling in his anguish.95

Oh the exquisite pain. He shall know judgement.96

I reached down to the ground and picked up the long nose pliers. Then using the said pliers I gripped the loose nail, and began curling it back like the lid of a sardine can. And with one sharp pull, it was out. The blood pissed out everywhere. I then did the same to his forefinger, in case he missed the point the first time. Scissors down the length of the nail, widen the blades, grip nail with pliers, bend back and pull. He screamed some more, crying for mercy. So I beat him about the chest and stomach, as I had the lookout.97

Can’t play favorites now, can we? 98

Richie, you’ve gone too far. 99

No, no, no, no, they must know judgement or they will have learned nothing. You heard what the rapist/killer said. ‘He will regret fuck all.’ I want to change that. Boy, do I want to change that.100

Yes, but he was talking to the Reaper, then. 101

Yes, but the Reaper is dead now, let us not dwell upon it. We shall mourn his passing later. Richie, these men are bleeding seriously.102

Then they shall suffer in their repentance. 103

I looked at the tree beside the one who held her down; it was covered in blood as it continued to pump from his nail less fingers. It was congealing like the jelly in a strawberry trifle. 104

Yes, trifle. That’s what this is. Yes, trifle like revenge, is sweet and is also a dish best served cold.105

On glancing at the lookout, I saw he was having trouble breathing, due to the blood that poured from his lidless eyes, and into his mouth and nostrils. It thickened slowly as it ran the full length of his body and pooled at his feet.106

Yes, this is what I call swift decisive action.107

And so on to the rapist/killer. 108

I should kill him, but then his suffering would be short lived and his soul would learn nothing. When his soul finds its place in hell, I want his eternal torments to be a blessed release from the pain I will bestow upon him in his mortal shell.109

He continued to snort for breath, like the pig that he is. ‘And so not to play favorites amongst you, I feel you are owed a well deserved beating’ I said to him manically, with malicious intent. I thought I’d leave his face alone, as I think I’ve done enough damage to it, when I butted him. His one good eye widened in fear and he grunted and groaned in pain and breath catching as I savagely delivered blow after blow about his chest and stomach. He began puffing, wheezing and snorting, so I stopped.110

I don’t want him to lose consciousness now, do I? He’s got to feel every exquisite pain I can deliver upon him.111

‘Now what was your crime? The crime was rape, wasn’t it? Rape and murder? Then we must deliver the pain of the rapist. Now in order to do this, we must define rape. And rape to my mind …, is an unwanted physical violation of the body.’ He sobbed between snorts, shaking his head. A tear ran down the good side of his face.112

‘Don’t you agree? Oh well, never mind. I’m not really interested in your opinion anyway.’ He looked at me as if I was mad… The cheeky twat.113

I looked into my hands to survey the tools at my disposal. A hammer, the scissors, a pair of pliers and a Stanley blade. It was then, that the handle of the hammer caught my eye. With its’ smooth varnish finish and the thickness of an erect penis. ‘Well, well, well, I think we can cover the violation, you know?’ I put down the rest of the tools, and gripped the hammers metal head in my right hand.114

I then began to rub the shaft of the hammer in to the blood that was congealing on his chest from his face. I grinned broadly from ear to ear, a sparkle of madness dancing in my eyes. The flour and water is really starting to hurt around my face. But a mask of pain must be endured.115

I walked behind him, the wooden shaft of the hammer, lubricated with congealing blood. And finding the ring of his arse, I twisted it between his helpless, naked buttocks, and rammed the hammer sharply upwards. His whole body tensed and he gasped to take a sharp intake of breath. ‘Aarrghh’ he screamed and shuddered at his obscene impaling. The shaft was in him about six inches deep. Leaving me, a good eight inch hand grip. I then brought it down four inches, before ramming it back up with as much force as I could muster. I continued to do this, faster and faster. He began to scream and howl and cry, desperately trying to bite back his humiliation, his pain and his pride. He humbled in the presence of his on looking friends.116

Blood began pouring from his arse, down his legs and from his feet. It was only comparable by a woman in labour.117

Finally, he succumbed defeatedly to his torment. 118

This isn’t right. It shouldn’t be over this quickly.119

I removed the hammer and dropped it to the floor. 120

Shit, I’ve got blood all over my gloves. I think maybe I should wash my hands while I consider how to finalise his punishment.121

So I went back to the van, opened up the eight gallon drum of water and poured it over my gloved hands. ‘Now let me see. When considering punishment, I should use the same tools that served me for the first two. I should also consider that he is capable of rape again, physically speaking. So his next pain and suffering should revolve around his genitals, logically speaking.’ Then it hit me. The idea for an unbearable pain, involving the long nose pliers, the Stanley blade and his genitals. I dried the gloves on an oil rag in the van. And with a new found spring in my step, I made my way back into the semi circle.122

I walked back up to the rapist/killer, who in many ways was very much worse for wear in his sorry state. I beamed him my best smile.123

‘Alright, are you all settled, then?’ He let out a few sobs between snorts. ‘Oh no, don’t cry’ I said mockingly, like I was talking to a young child. ‘It’s now time for the grand finale.’ I glared at him with the best penetrating stare I could manage.124

‘Right, now I’ve been thinking it over and although to my mind, we are now square for the way you smashed up my face and put me in hospital. And we’re partially square for your violation of rape against the only woman I have ever truly loved. But there’s still the little matter of her merciless slaying. Now please, don’t take me wrong, I’m not going to kill you’ I laughed at his discomfort. ‘After all, then you would learn nothing. But as I said ‘I thought it over and I’ve decided that due to the capacity of brutality and smug arrogant twated-ness of your crime, I feel it only fair to incapacitate any urges of rape or murder you may feel compelled to act upon. So please prepare yourself because it will hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me.’ He continued to sob.125

At this point, I reached forward and gripped his bollocks. I then pulled his scrotum to its full stretched capacity and gripped it with the pliers in my left hand. He arched his back and all his limbs went tense. He gasped and inhaled sharply. Then with Stanley blade in my right hand, I began to cut along the two inch jaw line of the pliers (bollock side in). There seemed to be a lot of blood monetarily, but then it seemed to stop.126

I pulled the pliers away, having cut the two inch jaw line. ‘Urgh’ I looked at the squidgee, hairy, rubber flap of skin between the pliers jaws. I threw it into the fire in my disgust. Again, it was all over too fast. 127

How disappointing.128

I dropped the pliers and blade to the ground beside me.129

I then got down on my hands and knees in front of him, and inserted my gloved forefinger and thumb into the hole in his scrotum. Then finding a grip on a testicle, I pulled it through the hole and rested it on his thigh. It looked different to what I expected it to, the colour, the texture, everything.130

Morbid curiosity gave way to concern, suddenly.131

Richie, what’s wrong with this picture. 132

Leave me alone. 133

He was still panting heavily, five minutes later, as shock seemed to set in, big time. Richie, this is wrong.134

‘How dare you judge my vengeance.’ 135

This isn’t vengeance, this isn’t even sane, it’s a paramedic’s nightmare. Look at them.136

‘I have looked at them, and it gives me great satisfaction.’ 137

Look at them again, Rich. Look at what you’ve done to these men. This isn’t what the quest was all about. 138

‘Must you always spoil the moment; I finally have my bitter sweet revenge.’139

Tune into sanity FM. Rich, look at what you’ve done. This is real. It’s not going to go away when your head hits the pillow in the morning. You’ve crossed that bridge from mental fantasy to physical reality. These are the actions of those to whom we wish to bring judgement. You have perverted the quest.140

‘I have sought my revenge’141

You have made your bed, so now you must lie in it. 142

‘Aw fuck off’143

Come on now Rich, don’t be stubborn. You know damn well you will regret your actions of this night. 144

‘Better to regret what you have done than what you haven’t.’145

You dare to console yourself with the same smug arrogance that lies so blatantly unbridled in the mind of our prey. 146

‘Fuck you, I don’t have to justify myself to you.’147

Oh Richie, don’t play the wounded scumbag for me, you don’t do it very well. You are so wrong, you will have to justify yourself to me. For I am you, and so I won’t go away. So come on then dickhead, how are you going to get out of this one? 148

‘I will find a way’149

Look upon your victims Richie. Repent your sins of this night. 150

‘Okay, I’ll look.’151

I then walked around the semi circle and surveyed the aftermath of my brutal vengeance.152

I came first to the lookout, his top eyelids continually fluttering, trying desperately to make contact with the missing bottom lids, and below his eyeballs an angry, fleshy half moons. They’d stopped bleeding; the blood had run the full length of his body. I realised he must have lost a hell of a lot of blood as I looked at the pools that had congealed at his feet. Did he truly deserve this Richie?153

‘Well, yeah. How can you question it? I grant you, he’s in a lot of pain, but I do feel that it is well deserved pain. He was a lookout, there for aiding and abetting rape and murder’154

Is there no mercy in your soul?155

I then moved onto the one who held her down. His fingers were poking out of the end of the wedge of wood; they were no longer recognisable as fingers. They had swollen, totally covered in blood and the way the blood had congealed and jellified between the fingers, they were very reminiscent of Bar B Q pork ribs. 156

Hmmm, pork ribs.157

My belly grumbled.158

How can you feel hungry at a time like this? Look at him, did he deserve this fate? He may never be able to use that hand again.159

‘Well I hope it’s his wanking hand. He’ll think twice about holding down a woman for someone to rape and kill in future, won’t he?’160

Could you truly be beyond redemption? I thought better of you than this Richie. We trusted you, and you have failed us.161

I then walked onto the rapist/killer. His face was all smashed up and swollen down the one side. His one good eye still stared out in fear, as he cast his huge tripping pupil at me (although it might not have been at me, as I think shock had set in). Blood was congealing to jelly on his face and chest, around his arse and down the back and front of his legs.162

His scrotum now hung like a lifeless, hairy flap of latex skin. And as I stood looking at him his second testicle dropped out along side the first.163

And this, the most brutal of your vengeance. Did he truly deserve this fate?164

‘He raped and killed Sam. You can’t question it. He put me in hospital for quite a time, I had to learn to walk again, I had to remember the pain of that night... Oh yes, I think he deserved it.’165

Sam would not have approved of this.166

‘No, you’re right. But that isn’t the issue here.’167

‘Well I think it’s very much an issue here.’ said Sam, suddenly beside me.168

‘Oh no, Sam. Not now.’169

‘Not now? Richie, I told you I’d always be with you. I can’t believe you’ve done what you’ve done’ she was bordering on tears. I swallowed hard.170

‘What the hell have I done?’ I said as realisation began to dawn over me. ‘Sam I am so sorry’ my voice was beginning to quake.171

‘Why did you do it? Richie.’ She was crying.172

‘Look at you, you’ve become worse than them’ she gestured to my three brutalised victims in the semi circle.173

‘No Sam, please, I can explain’ I held my arms out longingly. She was angry.174

‘You can’t explain this’ she shouted.175

‘I did it for us, Sam. I still love you so much.’176

‘I will have no part of this. I can’t love someone like you. I’m sorry Rich, but I thought you were someone different. I can’t believe you were capable of doing something like this.’ She turned her back on me.177

‘Good bye, Richie’ she said with finality and began walking away.178

‘Sam, wait. Please don’t go.’ I began to walk after her. ‘Why didn’t you stop me?’ She began to fade. ‘If you’re always with me, why didn’t you stop me?’ She was gone.179

I sank to my knees and began to cry out loud. Very loud. ‘Why?’ I called between roars.180

About ten minutes passed, before I managed to get a grip of myself.181

Come on Rich, pull yourself together. This is not a time for tears. You’ve got to figure out what the hell we are going to do. How the fuck are you going to get out of this one? Right, think. I’m running out of options.182

‘As far as I can see, I’ve only got two realistic alternatives. No. 1. Clear away everything I’ve brought with me, and get the hell out of here. Maybe ring for an ambulance when I get back to town. Or No. 2, call for an ambulance down the road in a call box and wait there till it gets here. Of course, this will raise a lot of awkward questions. Then again, if I leave them to it, they might die before the ambulance gets here. Think man, think… Right, well first things first. Put the hoods back on their heads. They’re making me feel uncomfortable, because they keep watching me as I mumble away to myself.’183

I walked around the semi circle and put all their hoods back on, pulling them down over their faces.184

Right, now clear the scene of my presence.185

I loaded up the van with everything but the clothes they had worn, ropes they hung from, the blade and spare rope.186

I then made up a bowl of flour and water, scooped out the contents onto a large flat stone, behind the van amidst the trees. 187

I threw the bowl into the back of the van. 188

Right now let me see. Have I got everything? Mirrors - check, Mini Reaper figures - check, Stakes - check. Bag of Reaper goodies (chloroform, food colouring, etc.). Right, I think everything is there. Oh yes, the toolbox - check. 189

I then took off my trainers and washed down my naked body, to rid me of any blood stains that had found their way onto me.190

Having then dried myself down, I began to pick off large amounts of the dried flour from my face over a bag, in the wing mirror of the van. Happy I’d picked off the majority, I began to splash water from the drum onto my face to remove the remainder until I was squeaky clean.191

So I got quickly dressed, shut up the van, jumped in and started her up for my journey to the call box.192

What am I going to do? Am I going to stay or am I gonna go. Right, I’ve got to think fast. Right now let me see. 193

‘Chris!’ I exclaimed aloud in sudden thought. ‘Yes, Chris said he’d help me if I ever caught them. Yes, I’ll ring Chris.’194

I pulled up outside the call box, parking the van on a wayside, on this lonely stretch of road.195

I stopped to have a fag before I rang anybody; my nerves were shot to shit.196

I’ve got to get this right. I think he’s still got his moped. Okay granted, it’s only a little eighty cc but it has the top speed of about sixty mph which means he could probably get here within the hour. Right, so I’ll ring Chris first, make sure he’s on his way and then I’ll ring the ambulance half an hour after that. Because it’s likely to take them about an hour to find the place. Yes, I want Chris long gone before they get here.197

I opened the van door and chucked my fag into the gutter.198

Right, let’s rock.199

I picked up the receiver, put ten pence into the slot and rang Chris’ number. I looked at my watch.200

It’s two o’clock now, so I suppose it’s pretty late. But under the circumstances, I think he’ll understand.201

It rang for five rings, six rings.202

Come on Chris.203

Seven rings.204

Come on …, pick up the phone.205

Eight rings.206

Come on …,207

He finally answered on nine.208

‘Hello’ he croaked.209

‘Hiya Chris, its Richie.’210

‘Aw Richie. It’s two in the morning.’211

‘Chris, this is an emergency’ I said desperately. He seemed to suddenly snap awake.212

‘What’s the matter, man?’213

‘Have you still got your moped?’214

‘Yeah? Why what’s the problem?’215

‘Well you know you said you’d help me if I ever found the three pricks who did what they did to me and Sam.’216

‘Yeah Rich, yeah. So what’s happening? Have you found them?’217

‘Yes. I’ve found them.’218

‘So what? Do you want me to come out and help you fuck them up or something?’219

‘No, I’ve already fucked them up.’220

‘Yeah, so what do you need me for?’221

‘Well the thing is …, I fucked them up worse than I meant to. So I want you to come and get the van.’222

‘What? Now?’223

‘Yeah, 'cause I’m gonna have to call an ambulance. They’re in a really bad way. I don’t even know if they’ll make it through the night.’224

‘Aw, fucking hell. Where are you?’225

‘I’m up by Brecon. Do you know that long stretch of Southerndown Road?’226

‘Yeah.’227

‘I’m in a call box, you know where that is, don’t you?’228

‘Yeah …’ he paused. ‘Yeah, I got you.’229

‘Good, well what I suggest is .., if you ride the moped up, chuck it in the back of the van and drive the van back. I might be able to salvage the situation.’230

‘Okay, so where do you want me to meet you?’231

‘That’s the only snag, Chris; I won’t be able to meet you. I’ll have to leave the van somewhere and you’ll have to come and pick it up 'cause I’ve got to get back to them.’232

‘Okay, well I know where you’re calling from. I know the call box. So take the van off the road.’ He paused in thought for a moment. ‘Tell you what. Are you looking directly at the phone at the moment?’233

‘Yeah.’234

‘Well, to your right, about half a mile down the road. There’s a cattle grid that turns left off the road.’235

‘Yeah, I think I saw it on the way here.’236

‘Good, well drive the van over the cattle grid and park it behind the trees somewhere there. Lock it up and put the keys under the front wheel.’237

‘Okay, cheers Chris.’238

‘Hey man, what are friends for?’239

‘No, Chris, I mean it. Thanks a lot. You’re really putting yourself on the line for me here.’ 240

‘Hey Rich man, I know this is a really big moment for you. Just wish I could have been there with you. You could have cut their bollocks off for all I care, God only knows, they deserve it.’241

‘Thanks a lot Chris. It means a lot to me.’242

‘Right, well I’m on my way. So you get your arse back there and do what you’ve got to do to salvage the situation. I’ll speak to you later.’243

‘Yeah, cheers man’ I replied and put down the receiver.244

I quickly got into the van and drove down the road to find this cattle grid that Chris had spoken of.245

I found it, turned left over it, drove on and turned left again, to find myself in a wooded area of trees. I drove about twenty yards up and followed the rest of Chris’ instructions to the letter. Lock up the van, leave key under the front tyre (I assume he meant the driver’s side). Before I left I dug into a bag of Reaper goodies and found the acid tabs. I ripped off three of them and put them in my pocket. I chucked the rest back into the bag and locked them in the van.246

I then took a twenty minute walk back to the phone box. I was grinding my teeth, so I took a chewing gum from my pocket and popped it into my mouth.247

By the time I’d reached the call box and made the call it was 2.40 a.m., possibly 2.50 a.m.248

I ordered the ambulance and gave a fake name, all the time talking hysterically, like I’d witnessed the scene as an onlooker. When they asked to do so, I gave them the number of the phone box. They confirmed it and informed me an ambulance would be on the way within the hour, due to the distance.249

I took the three acid tabs from my pocket and chewed till I swallowed.250

I then ran as fast as I could back to my victims. Adrenaline pumped through every muscle in my body, due to the speed and the situation. I felt like a leopard on steroids, it only took me about twenty minutes to get back to them.251

So now, fully clothed and devoid of flour and water, I decided to act like I’d just found them. ‘Fucking hell, what’s happened here?’ I said loudly in startlement.252

I walked over to the lookout, and lifted his hood slightly so he could see me.253

‘Don’t worry mate, I’ve called an ambulance.’ I think that guy’s gone now. I’d better leave the hood down as your eyes maybe a bit sensitive.254

I then moved over to the one who held her down. ‘Are you alright mate?’ I said lifting his hood slightly. He stared out eyes wide, his mouth open. 255

Fuck!256

I felt his wrist for a pulse and was much relived to find one. 257

Cool, he’s just in shock he’ll be fine.258

I pulled the hood back down over his face.259

Sam’s killer snorted and groaned, and although I do feel he deserved what was coming to him, I can’t help but feel an element of pity for him at this moment and maybe partial guilt on my part.260

‘Don’t worry mate, there’s an ambulance on the way. I think that guy is gone now, in fact, you’re lucky I found you.’ I didn’t even bother lifting up his hood.261

I turned my back to him and walked to the centre of the semi circle. I made a hollow with my hands and called beyond in the woods manically. ‘So you thought I’d gone away did you?’ I then put my hands down and looked back to them. They began to sob.262

‘Who the hell are you?’ I queried in mock fear.263

‘You’re fucking nuts’ panic in my voice. I looked away and again called into the hollow of my hands.264

‘No, you won’t get away, my pretties. There must be punishment for the peeping tom’ manic voice.265

‘No, leave me alone’ fear voice. I began scuffing the ground with my feet, and to punch my chest to give the audio illusion of a conflict being fought.266

A couple of ‘oofs’ and ‘ouch’ and accusations and retaliations until it sounded like I’d been overpowered.267

I took a clean pair of surgical gloves from my pocket and put them on.268

‘Yes, you should suffer the pain of the watcher’ I said maniacally loud for all to hear. I then undressed myself, and put my clothes with their clothes, just outside the semi circle. I quickly foraged through the jacket pocket to find my Stanley blade, which I wiped over with my tee-shirt to remove any fingerprints.269

Once I was fully naked, I tied some ropes to the trees.270

I feel it only fair that I find my place among the dead. Logically speaking, if I am a victim, then I can’t possibly be the guilty party, can I?271

I then made my face up with flour and water I’d slopped on the stone earlier. It had started to harden on the outside, but remained cold, wet and clammy beneath.272

Cool, job done.273

I then tied a fist sized log to the right hand loop of the rope that was to bind me. I’d looped the rope into a bowman’s knot.274

I scanned round the area for any signs of my guilty presence, brushed over the tyre tracks left by the van and also odd footprints left by my trainers. I put the hood on my head, lifting the front of it like the brim of a hat.275

When I was happy that all traces of me had been erased, I stood naked but for the gloves, my mask of pain, my blade and hood.276

I stood in my allotted place, fourth in line, left of the rapist/killer, and tied my feet to the trees. I then looped the rope above my left hand into a bowman’s knot and slipped my hand in.277

Then with Stanley blade in my right hand, I felt I should cut out the physical remnants of my emotional pain.278

I lifted my elbow to make it look like the point of entry had been done by someone else. I began to cut around the scabbing of the cut on my chest. 'You will know pain, watcher’ I said in a manic, shaking voice.279

I gritted my teeth and curled my toes as the pain seared into my chest. I let out a regurgitating roar as I completed a cut circle around the old wound. The warm blood ran down my cold torso, causing me to shiver. I took a deep breath, and again gritted my teeth together, as I then moved the blade to my shoulder cut. My body tensed and I screamed, at the hot, stinging pain that burned into the even deeper cut in my shoulder. Once I had completed the full circle around it, the old cut seemed to slip out of the fresher, bigger cut and drop to the ground. The pain was unfucking believable. 280

I took sharp breaths, as my warm life blood pumped down my chest and legs.281

While still recovering from the shock, I decided to add the finishing touch and slit my left wrist as I had twice before. The warm blood oozed and pumped from my wrist, down my arm and coagulated with the blood pumping from my shoulder and chest.282

My teeth began to chatter and I felt my field of vision shifting as the first signs of the trip was starting to kick in.283

Shit, I’ve got to be quick. I’m coming through.284

I threw the knife into the over growth of greenery that spouted from all directions. Even if they find it, they can’t use it to incriminate me. No prints, no blame.285

I then took off the gloves, one handedly and threw them into the fire with my one free hand.286

Blood was oozing out of me and I was starting to feel decidedly cold.287

I looked up to reach the fist size log in the right hand loop of rope. My hand looked like it was right in front of my face, yet it was a million miles away at the same time, due to the strong influence of the hallucinogen that was know kicking in big time.288

Then using my right hand, I passed the excess rope from the log’s hand loop to my left hand. I wriggled my right hand into the loop, forcing out the log. Thus, successfully tying both my hands. The log hit the floor with a dull thud, that seemed to echo momentarily.289

I let go of the excess rope in my hand and hung.290

The whole forest seemed to be breathing, like the trees had stomach’s that rose and fell with each breath. Then the rippling started, the whole forest before me, shimmering like the reflection in a lake, that someone had thrown a stone into.291

I shook my head from side to side and the brim of the hood dropped down over my face.292

The darkness of the hood gave way to distorted altered images in my visual perception. 293

The flour and water started to dry, I could visualise the maggots eating into my face. My face is being ravaged and gorged in my self induced claustrophobic confinement.294

I felt the warm life blood throb and pulse as it drained from its various forced exits and enshroud my torso and legs in a liquid blanket. Warming my cold flesh, as it were.295

Will I live through this night? Will they live through the night?296

I’ve got a lot of speed in my system. I’ve got three acid tabs in my system. Panic. Counting over the days and weeks ..., I’ve got a lot of sleeping tabs in my system. I have a lot of ganja in my system. Painkillers. 297

Will I live to see another dawn?298

Thump, thump, thump, thump. 299

The heart beat of a madman. 300

Thump, thump, thump, thump.301

I feel it beating in my temples.302

I find I can no longer talk. I just stare into the darkness of the hood, seeing many dark visions of my darkest past.303

I am eight years old ..; I am in the back garden at my Mother’s house. I am playing with my brother. 304

He annoys me, he irritates me.305

He is the family favourite. Mum and Dad spend much more time with him that they do with me.306

I hate him.307

I hit him across the head with a piece of wood. He starts to cry, and initially I am pleased, I want him to cry. Then I realise that if he cries, it will alert Mum and Dad. They will punish me.308

So now I’ve got to make him laugh.309

I pick him up in a fireman’s lift and dance around like a fool, maybe it will work. 310

It works.311

But then he begins to scream again. I wonder what’s wrong with him, now. He should be laughing. Panic sets into me as I see we’ve left a trail of blood up the path. The stick I had hit him with, had a broken nail in the end. 312

I’ve really hurt him. I’ve hurt my little brother. Why did I do it? I love him, but I hate him. For this I must be punished.313

I am eleven, my little sister is three.314

She pisses me off, she is such a brat. 315

I tease her and torment her. 316

I am cruel and cold.317

She screams and cries for me to leave her alone, but I just retaliate with a brutal verbal onslaught, strategically set to hit all the right nerves. 318

It works319

She explodes like a geyser. I realise I am in the wrong and it’s too late to apologise.320

I love her, why do I do it? For this I must be punished.321

I am ten; I have an uncontrollable urge to bite the dog’s ears. She yelps in pain, and growls in retaliation.322

Why couldn’t I control these urges? Why couldn’t I love her with kindness, like the rest of the family? For this I must be punished.323

I am fifteen, I am arrogant and moody. My parents have grounded me in punishment for my wrong doings. I pit many insults and accusations at them, bringing my Mother to tears. I storm out of the house, leaving my Dad to cope with the situation.324

Why do I hurt the ones I love? For this I must be punished.325

I am sixteen, and after many painful arguments, tearful scenes, bitter frustration and pain that I have caused. I find it is time to take my leave of them.326

I don’t want them to know where I am going. 327

I want to leave more pain behind me.328

Why do I hurt them so much? For this I must be punished.329

I am twenty three; my grandfather lies in hospital dying. My father tries to reason with me, over sleeping arrangements at their house so we can visit my gramps. I bitterly tell him ‘Gramps was a better father than you ever were’ purely to hurt him.330

What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I say it? It was such a horrible thing for a son to say to his father. For this I must be punished.331

I am twenty four; I walk into my flat after a hard days work. Life has been shitty, and I’m feeling shitty. I find my girlfriend in bed with someone else. Things heat up. He leaves, unknowing of the circumstances.332

I hate her. I trusted her and she betrayed me. I hit her once in my anger, but no more, ‘cause that is not who I am. I must have deserved it. For this I must be punished.333

I am twenty seven. I am paranoid at the hospital. I attack a couple of orderlies and a doctor.334

I am twenty nine; I am too weak to help Sam when she needs me. She is raped and killed as a result of my weakness. For this I must be punished.335

I am thirty, I have traumatised thirty men, and brutalised a further three in the guise of the Reaper.336

Such a hollow pursuit of an empty quest. For this I must be punished.337

I scream out loud and feel a tear run down my cheek.338

I am seven .., I am nine .., I am eight …, I am fourteen, I am twenty two …, I am nineteen …, ‘Nooo, I’m sorry’ 339

That doesn’t cut it with me.’340

I am twenty three …, I am twenty seven …, ‘I don’t deserve to live.’ 341

Don’t break so soon Richie, we’ve only just begun. 342

‘I’m so sorry’343

You must know judgement Richie. 344

I was crying uncontrollably. ‘I am a failure. Please leave me alone.’345

Your crimes are without number. I would not have you escape punishment so easily. 346

You must know your sins; you must see your sins. You must feel your sins and relive them as an onlooker. 347

You must judge each action and see if your existence on the planet is justified and worthwhile.348

‘The Reaper was worthwhile.’349

But you fucked that up, didn’t you? 350

‘But the quest was worthwhile’ 351

…and it has ended in blood shed. 352

‘Surely some justification should be found in their sins against me.’353

Not good enough.354

I am thirty; I slit the half-moons of his lower eyelids.355

I am thirty; I hammer the nail through the wedge of wood, through the back of his hand, through his palm and impaled him to the trees.356

I am thirty, I nutted the cunt …, 357

How do you propose to find justification to such brutal actions as these?358

There can be naught, your guilt is incontrovertible.359

‘I brought judgement to them. That should be justification in its self.’ 360

But surely no judgement should be so cruel as to treat a man so brutally.361

‘Know yea this of me. As the Reaper I found solace in my pain. But to be faced by the cause of this pain. To have it physically manifest itself before you. A pain that wrenches at you from the very core of your soul and blinds you to reason. You must physically manifest yourself into that pain and fight pain with pain. You seek an end to this pain, an event that may reshape the future of your whole existence. That may change who you are forever. But instead of the fulfillment you seek, you feel empty. You feel a neutral numbness that spreads a new pain which begins in the pit of your stomach and enshrouds your whole being in its cold, dark embrace. There must be justification in my pain.’362

You must recall the events that led to this pain.363

The sweet bitter irony of fate, that I now stand as a victim of my own undoing. 364

I bleed with my enemies; I hang with my prey, a victim of my victims.365

Can I truly justify my actions of this night? Has my soul become so bitterly poisoned that I can’t even draw satisfaction or regret from my brutal vengeance?366

How long must I endure this numbness of being? I couldn’t begin to relate the point at which my mind snapped and corrupted my soul.367

I must think back, fore there must have been a time when I was happy.368

There must have been a time when I made a decision, a time that led events hurtling to this grim conclusion.369

I must think, fore there must have been a point when it all began.370

It is with resentment and regret that I now recall the cruel passage of time that with it brought the solemn retribution to my tortured soul. That I may judge myself with the same divine justification as I have those who in their ignorance or righteousness have mercilessly destroyed the lives and dreams of innocent lambs.371

I felt the time for tribulation had come, so in my arrogance, I became a nemesis of fear to execute my judgement on their naked minds, in the vain hope that they may see wisdom in their fear.372

What have I done? …, Oh God help me, what have I done?373

I am no God, I am just a man. I carry the burden of guilt by which my actions shall find their own punishment. And by my own admission, make me no better than those to whom I have brought judgement.374

I have neither the right nor the stability of mind to justify the actions of the wraith I have become. This nemesis, so dark in posture that it engulfs my every thought and knows my every weakness.375

Oh God help me, what have I become?376

THE END377