Fear the Reaper (Chapter 9)

CHAPTER 91

When a man has been angry for a long time it becomes comfortable like old leather.2

(Capt. Jean-Luc Picard: Star Trek TNG.)3

I woke up at about 4 o’clock the next afternoon. I was still tucked up into the ball I had curled myself into last night.4

I felt totally brain dead and my body felt wasted. I felt really cold, particularly my hands and feet. As I went to stretch my legs and arms, intense pain shreiked through my stomach. I instinctively curled back into a ball5

Shit…, cramp. I haven’t eaten for two or three days, have I?6

As the pain subsided, I began to become aware of the dull aching pain surging through my arms, legs, chest and shoulders where I had stretched.7

Sweat had broken out all over me, leaving me feeling clammy and cold.8

Shit, I haven’t quite slept off the come down of the whiz have I? But I don’t suppose I can complain, I mean Farah did warn me it was strong.9

I’m starving but I feel sick. All my muscles are aching like fuck, like I’ve been weight lifting or running or something last night.10

I began to rub my stomach and took a few deep breaths, as I slowly tried to stretch my legs again. I could feel little cramps breaking into my arms and legs and pins and needles in my feet as I finally managed to stretch out fully. A tear rolled down my cheek and I became aware of how parched my throat is.11

Boy, I could murder a coffee, now. 12

I began to struggle into a sitting position, which was by no means an easy feat with the mental numbness I was experiencing. As I raised my head off the pillow, I had a sharp pain streak through my head. And then it began thumping and I felt the pressure physically build up in and around my eye sockets. 13

Fuck, migraine. It’s not my day today is it?14

It was an effort using my aching arms to lift my cold hands to my eyes. I used my icy fingers to put pressure on my eyelids; it seemed to momentarily ease the pain in my head. As I looked at the table beside me, I felt a slight spark of excitement and joy as I spotted a glass of squash I’d made the night before, seconded by a strip of tylex beside them on my cluttered beside table. I automatically ran my tongue over my lips and realised how dry and chapped they were.15

So with great effort, I reached out and grabbed the glass and the strip of pain killers. I then broke out 2 tylex from the strip, popped them in my mouth and washed them down with some squash. I then laid back down for half an hour to wait for the effects of the tylex to kick in, feeling very sorry for myself.16

Finally about 4:40 p.m., I managed to ease myself up out of bed. As I put my feet on the floor and attempted to stand, I realised that my legs and feet in particular were like blocks of lead (very heavy and not much feeling). I took my first couple of steps to the door, and discovered the discomfort of my feet protesting the weight of my body. It was at this point, that the cuts on my chest and shoulders decided to make me aware of their sensitivity. I slumped against the wall and held onto the area of cuts in my hands. I laid a small pressure upon them with my fingertips and they became very itchy. I tried to scratch them through the bandages to no avail, if anything it made them worse.17

Fuck, this is irritating.18

I then got back to my feet, and made an arduous journey down stairs to the kitchen.19

I put the kettle on, it was as much as I could do to remember why I had come down.20

After much mental strain, I began to recall the events of last night. For a brief time it brought a smile to my face. A glow of pride and satisfaction at a job well done.21

I know I feel like shit now, but it’ll pass. As I said to Debbie ‘my feelings are irrelevant and my emotions are not an issue’ and that also includes my pain and suffering. As much of a discomfort as they are to me, they are part of me and a small price to pay for the good that I am doing. I am but a small part of a bigger picture. Things will change, and people will change as a result of this. It’s almost like reviving a race memory, I will reinstall into society a belief and fear of an old myth and legend. I will teach the sinners to ‘Fear the Reaper’ as they did hundreds of years ago.22

I suddenly looked up, my train of thought broken and noticed the kettle had boiled.23

So my brain is working, it just takes a vast amount of concentration to keep it working.24

So I got up and slowly made myself a cup of coffee and some toast. Once I'd had them, I began to feel a lot better. I still had achy limbs, itchy cuts and serious lapses of concentration, but I still feel better than I did half an hour ago.25

I went back upstairs and ran myself a bath. As the water flowed into the bath, I stood before the mirror and began to unwrap the bandages I’d bestowed upon myself.26

When I’d come to the end of the bandages, I began to remove my makeshift dressings that were over the cuts and the burn on my hand. As it happens, the cuts looked a lot worse than they felt. They had obviously stopped bleeding and were still weeping slightly but it had scabbed over.27

Cool, that means they’re on the mend then.28

When my bath had finished running, I stepped in. Feeling the warmth of the water surge against the cold of my feet. I then began to slowly lower myself down into the water.29

Oh yes, this feels good.30

And everything was great until the lower of the cuts about my torso came into contact with the water. I nearly jumped through the fucking ceiling as the intense pain of the hot water burned into it.31

Shit, that hurt.32

Mind you, what a fool I was not to expect it, aye? Hot water, cuts and pain go hand in hand, don’t they?33

Fuck, how could I have been so stupid?34

I leaned back into the water, this time prepared for the pain I would experience.35

I clenched my teeth tightly together, as my body submerged into the water to my shoulders. A few sharp breaths through clenched teeth and my tolerance levels stepped up to accommodate the pain. I continued the rest of my bath in peace.36

By the time I’d finished bathing the water was decidedly cold and an hour had passed. It was 6.30 p.m. so I got out of the bath, got dried and dressed. I left the bandages off, I think it may do the cuts good to feel the open air (even if it is beneath my tee-shirt). I feel much better than I did about an hour or so ago.37

I made my way up to the town, specifically the newsagents. I need to get some fags and milk and to see if I’ve made the papers.38

I hope the old guy is there. I guess in a way it was handy speaking to him last time. As chatty as he is, he gives me a good idea of public opinion. I checked my watch.39

7.15 p.m. I hope it’s open.40

I could see the shop from a little further down the road.41

Cool, the lights are on.42

The shop was in spitting distance now so I made my way to the door and looked at the times of opening in the window.43

Cool, he is open ‘til 7.30 p.m. 44

I made my way in and smiled as I saw the old man was there.45

‘Hello’ he said cheerfully, looking up from a book he was reading on the counter.46

‘Hello, and how are you?’ I asked politely.47

‘Oh very well. Thank you for asking. So what can I do for you?’ he asked.48

‘Just a copy of the evening paper, please.’49

‘Oh yes, good choice’ he replied, foraging through some newspapers beside him. ‘It appears we have a bit of a celebrity in the area, now then, doesn’t it?’ he said pleasantly, testing the water to see if I’d heard anything yet.50

‘Oh yeah? Whose that then?’ I asked, almost predictably.51

‘See for yourself’ he held up one of the newspapers. The headline read - “Fear the Reaper: 3 more confess to the law givers”.52

Cool headline.53

‘He didn’t just hit the locals, he’s hit the nationals as well. It’s really about the first attack as they didn’t know about the latest attack until after printing. He then started showing me some of the other papers. One headline read “Reaper strikes again” another read “Reaper 3 confess to brutal gang rape” another read “Death stalks our land”.54

Cool, you can’t buy publicity like this.55

‘What happened, then?’ I asked innocently. The old man’s face lit up. He had a story to tell and I’d just given him the green light. 56

‘Well apparently, it started off the same way as the first attack with the girl in the lane and things. In fact, the police believe that the girl may even be the Reaper’ he began. I frowned.57

‘The girl? That’s ridiculous, she wouldn’t have the strength to overpower 3 blokes’ I said, almost defensively.58

Shit, bite my tongue.59

‘Oh I don’t know. These young women of today’ he replied challengingly (or at least it felt like it).60

‘I suppose you’re right’ I agreed reluctantly.61

‘Although I don’t believe that myself’ he continued mischievously. ‘I think it’s either a couple working together, you know, her as the bait and him as the fisherman, reeling them in. Or the fact that he saved two girls from being attacked is a coincidence and it is just the one man or group of men’ he added.62

‘Group of men?’ I queried with a frown.63

‘Well yes. It would still be a bit of a feat for one man to overpower three men.’64

‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right’ I again agreed dismissively.65

‘Anyway, they tried to attack this girl and then they have a mental block as to what happened next, apart from violent sickness. Then the next thing they remember is waking up to darkness with thumping headaches. Then it turned out they were wearing hoods that were removed and they found themselves tied up in a wooded area facing the Reaper, who spoke to them of the lives they have led. Then there was something about maggots eating into their faces and having their hands and sexual organs removed’ he chuckled.66

Wow, he’s talked for ages and I haven’t seen him draw breath yet!.67

‘Did they have their hands and genitals cut off?’ I asked innocently. He shook his head.68

‘No, the police think he staged it while they were hallucinating.’69

‘Oh right’ I said, nodding.70

‘Then apparently later, he ripped off their faces and gave them back their old ones.’71

‘Gave them their old ones back?’ I queried72

‘I don’t understand either, but that’s what it said in the paper. Anyway, then he put the hood back on them. And they were in darkness for what felt like days. Then he came back for them, gave them their clothes and sent them away.’73

‘Wow, what did the police make of it all?’ I asked.74

‘They don’t know. They’re totally puzzled by it all, because there’s not a scrap of evidence to point the finger at anyone and they don’t even know where the attack took place’ he answered.75

Mental note; maybe I should start using different locations to avert capture a little longer. 76

‘So what happened next? Was it like the first time, when they found the first three?’77

‘Well, yes and no. They were fully clothed to start off with. One of them turned up at the police station here, locally. Another turned up in the Barry Police Station and apparently both of them confessed to a lot of crimes they have been involved in. As did the first three that got attacked, by all accounts, now, with crimes ranging from petty theft to GBH and even gang rape’ he continued in full swing.78

‘Well, what happened to the third of the three, then?’ I asked, genuinely interested.79

‘Oh the third one? They found him in his home. He rang the police from there and asked them to come and get him. When they got there he wouldn’t answer the door, so they had to kick it through and they found him crying under the table in the kitchen. Terrified he was. So they’ve left them in the psychiatric hospital in Sully for the time being until they can calm down enough to make a statement. Quite personally though, I think this Reaper fellow is doing us a favour’ he said much to my surprise.80

‘Yeah?’ I questioned.81

‘Well yes. You think about it. I mean yes, his methods are a little extreme, but he’s getting results and hitting on all the right people. Which is more than you can say for our precious police force, who seem to spend most of their time picking on drivers for petty motor offences’ he continued, seriously on a roll now. Inside I was glowing with pride. This is exactly the sort of response I wanted from the public.82

‘Oh I agree with you whole heartedly. I just think it’s a shame there aren’t any more like him.’ I replied.83

‘Oh yes. The criminals today are a lot more brutal and vicious than when I was a young man. I mean, some of the crimes I read about are horrific. It never used to be like that. If one man out there is willing to stand up and say enough is enough and do something about it, then I say ‘good luck to him’ he concluded.84

Man, I think my head is going to squeak on the door frame on the way out. Talk about inflating my ego.85

I almost blushed.86

I almost want to tell him who I am.87

What the fuck am I thinking. Shit, he’s looking at me, he’s waiting for me to say something. 88

What am I going to say? 89

Say something.90

‘Yeah, right on.’ 91

D'oh!92

He looked at me eyebrows raised. I looked around nervously, thinking of something to say. ‘Um …, that is to say …, again .., I agree with you.’ I concluded.93

‘Yes, but sadly that’s just the opinion of two men. You should see some of the things they have written in the papers here. One article springs to mind in here’ he said picking up a local paper off the counter and began flicking through the pages.94

‘Ah, here we are’ he said finding the place with his finger and he passed it to me to read. The whole page was dedicated to the Reaper. With the main story telling you what had happened and lots of small articles by so called experts in the field of criminal psychology. It was all topped off with a drawing of the Reaper behind the print, so the writing was over it. I had a quick look at the one he was pointing at. ‘That one there’ he said, tapping his finger on it. It read:95

Experts Opinion. Dr. Jennifer Stevens96

I believe the Reaper is a stressed paranoid individual, possibly delusional with a history of mental illness and has probably spent his life in and out of mental institutions.97

He probably believes he is the Reaper and feels he must purify the world of evil. I feel it is evidential that his increase of props and illusions to intensify the experience of his victims may lead to further extremes.98

With an unstable individual such as this, there may come a time when his need for this sort of punishment becomes stronger. And he may start seriously brutalizing people to fulfill this lust of justice. And should there come a time when he is no longer needed, how will he quench his need to do this? He may move to another area or chose his victims randomly for something as small as looking at him the wrong way.99

I find it a terrifying prospect that an individual such as this is free on our streets. (I might have guessed it would have been a woman)100

(Fuck off, you haven’t got a clue)101

(I should intensify you, you bitch!)102

(I’ll show you punishment slut!)103

(Brutalize my arse)104

(I should give you fucking justice)105

(I’ll fucking look at you the wrong way)106

(I’ll show you fucking terrifying)107

The cheeky fucking cow. Bitch. Who does she think she fucking is? Oh yeah, she’s a cycleologist, a psychodelicatesan. How dare she judge my work.108

Calm down Richie, before the old man sees you huffing and puffing to yourself.109

I looked up to see the old man looking at me from behind the counter (presumably awaiting my views on the article).110

‘Doesn’t like him much, does she?’ he said.111

‘No, I wouldn’t say she was an ardent fan’ I replied in jest. The old man chuckled.112

‘I should coco’ he laughed.113

I should coco? Where the hell did a saying like that come from?114

The old man looked up to see the time on his wall clock.115

‘Well blow me. It’s just gone half seven, I’d better close up.’ he said suddenly as if it was the most important thing in the world.116

‘Right, I’ll give you the money for the paper, then.’ I said digging into my pocket for my wallet.117

‘Oh, don’t worry about it for now, pay me again’ he said, having found an obvious trust in me.118

‘Ah thank you very much’ I replied cheerfully. I closed the paper, folded it and popped it under my arm. ‘I shall take my leave of you now, so you can shut up shop. And thanks again.’ I continued, indicating the paper.119

‘No problems, now you look after yourself’ he said, trying to keep pace with me as I walked to the door. ‘Goodbye now.‘ I said, opening the door.120

‘Yes good bye. Nika bless you.’ he concluded.121

Nika bless you? Who is Nika? My Nan used to say it instead of goodnight when she tucked us into bed.122

I left the shop in good spirits as the old man locked the door behind me.123

I got a little further down the road and began thinking again.124

Shit, I can’t believe I nearly told him who I was, or that it even crossed my mind!125

It was lucky I was there to stop you then, wasn’t it?126

Look, I’m still coming down off the speed, just a bad perspective of the elements. Bollocks you nearly gave the whole game away.127

It won’t happen again.128

You’re fucking right it wont’ happen again, if you even think about it, I’m taking over.129

No, I’m in control, I know what I’m doing. 130

If you were in control, would I be here now?131

You’re just another voice in a chorus of persona. Probably either my paranoia or my self loathing attacking me at a point of vulnerability, when my mental defenses are at their weakest.132

You are me, you fool, you need me, you wouldn’t be complete without me.133

I respect your advice and influence even if that respect is misplaced.134

Misplaced? If you hadn’t suppressed me, Sam would still be alive.135

Don’t start this, it’s not fair, there was no way to know that was coming.136

Why didn’t you?137

Why are you doing this?138

Because it’s time you started facing up to your responsibilities, isn’t it?139

Leave me alone.140

Not until you admit it was your fault.141

Leave me alone.142

And that you became the Reaper as a way of passing the blame for your inadequacies and weaknesses upon those with random acts of mental violence. That is not true and you know damn well it isn’t. I became the Reaper to avenge Sam’s death to try and make sure nobody has to go through what Sam and I went through. I have just about come to terms with what has happened, why won’t you let me do so.143

Maybe Dr. Jennifer Stevens is right. How long will it be before the quest takes a turn and you become no better than those whom you wish to stop?144

It won’t happen, I’m in control, I know what I am doing.145

But for how long? That is the question you’ve got to ask yourself.146

I don’t have to ask myself anything of the sort. 147

When you awaken, I am there. When you sleep, I am there. And when you fall you can be sure, I will be there.148

And what makes you so sure I will fall? 149

Oh you will fall and from a great height, and you will continue to fall until you face me. You walk a path in life that very few have chosen, you stand on the crossroads of reality.150

I live on the mental realities of your mind.151

You cross that bridge between mental and physical reality. Can you truly be sure which is real and which is not? Can you be truly sure that you are walking home from the town? Or are you really home looking back on the experience with the vivid clarity of reality?152

Of course it’s reality, I can see, I can hear, I can smell.153

But you can do all that in reminiscent memory. How do you think you remember a smell? Or remember what someone looks like? Or even know what someone’s voice sounds like?154

It is recognition and memory.155

How can you be sure that even you are real and that you’re not just a figment of someone else’s imagination? Come to that, you may even be the great dreamer who controls every life on the planet. How can you be sure you are not?156

Because pain singles its self out, purely for my benefit, as I will now demonstrate to be rid of you.157

I reached inside my coat and pressed my fingertips into my healing cuts, took a deep breath and grimaced. The voices slowly faded away as I fingered, fondled and explored my cuts and scares with finger tip force. I felt dampness from my shoulder cut, and realised I’d better leave it alone until I get home.158

Oh the agony of a clear mind.159

I continued my journey home in peace.160

Once home, I made my way into the kitchen and put the kettle on. I then sat down and skinned up a joint to have with my coffee. 161

So then, ten minutes later. I had joint in one hand a cup of coffee in the other, as I made my way into the living room.162

Fuck, it’s a real fucking mess in here. Never mind, I’ll tidy it or I won’t.163

I put the cuppa down on the coffee table beside the armchair and lit the spliff. Then looking for the ashtray, my eyes happened upon the phone, I thought I’d better check to see if anybody had called me. So I picked up the receiver and tapped out 1471 for the recall service. It turns out Debbie rang me about half an hour ago. So I tapped the 3 button to call her back.164

Right, I’ve got my spliff and I’ve got my coffee. Cool, what more do I need?165

After about 4 rings she answered the phone. 166

‘Hello?’ she said enquiringly, as you do when you answer the phone.167

‘Hiya Debs, it’s Richie. How ya diddling?’168

‘Hiya Rich. I rang you earlier.’ she replied, cheerfully.169

‘Yeah, I guessed you had. I’ve been up the shop. 170

‘So what can I do for you?’171

‘Have you seen the papers?’172

‘Yeah, I picked up the Echo while I was out.’173

‘Cool, isn’t it? I wasn’t expecting that much of a response. I thought it would be labeled down as another crime.’174

‘Yeah, but public opinion is clearly divided, isn’t it.’175

‘Oh yeah, one half of them think you’re a saint, and the other half think you’re a madman. I just can’t believe it, the nationals are going to have a field day tomorrow.’176

‘Yeah, I can imagine’ I replied.177

‘You wouldn’t believe it, there’s been police and reporters hanging around here all day. They’ve been asking questions and trying to take statements. But nobody saw or heard a thing. It’s great, isn’t it? It really makes the whole thing a bigger mystery again. People up here are really, really headshot about it. It’s good to see the bad boys squirming for a change.’178

‘Cool’ I replied and smiled to myself.179

‘Look Rich. Do you fancy going out again tonight?’ she asked, leaping on the moment.180

‘Tonight?’ I replied, a little taken aback.181

‘Yeah. If you think about it, there was nearly a week between the first attack and the second attach. They’re not going to be expecting another one so soon, are they?’ she justified to me.182

‘Yeah, I suppose you’re right. What’s the time now?’ I asked. A momentary pause.183

‘The time is …, twenty past eight now, so if you call over in about an hour or so, we’ll make a move.’184

‘Yeah, okay then. Yeah, that sounds good to me. I’ll just get my shit together and I’ll see you in a bit then.’185

‘Okay, see you soon then.’186

‘See ya’ I replied and put the receiver down.187

Right, I suppose I’d better get my shit together then. Right, first things first. I need a bit of a speedy pick me up188

. So I cut up a line of phet on the video cover with my Stanley blade, rolled a £10 note into a tube and snorted the healthy white line straight up my nose. It only took me a minute or two to come through. I then measured out just under half a gram on a teaspoon and stirred it into my coffee, stirring vigorously. Then, happy that it had dissolved I swallowed the coffee down as quick as I could.189

I then got all my Reaper stuff together and painted the mask with flour and water. 190

I’ve got to be fair, Debbie sounded quite excited on the phone. Far be it from me to discourage such enthusiasm. It’s always good to see work in progress. I’ve got to admire her organisational skills and logical thinking. I wasn’t expecting to be going out again so soon. And she’s right, it’ll be unexpected. People will be thinking it will be a couple of days before the next attack. I guess she must have people in mind to take into the valley of darkness.191

I managed to get over to her house at about half past nine. She invited me in, we had a coffee and went through some of the newspapers. We found four likely candidates. I explained about only having 3 mirrors, so she told me I could have the long mirror in her bathroom.192

Cool, nice one Debs.193

Tonight for a change, we went to one of the local pubs. Debbie had explained to me that there was no guarantee that all four of them would be there, but we would get at least two of them. Apparently they were held in connection with a mugging of an elderly pensioner, but like the previous three were let off for lack of evidence.194

When we arrived at the pub, she pointed them out to me. I couldn’t believe it, they only looked about 17 or 18 years of age. Debbie also told me that they had spent most of their younger years being arrested and taken home by the police for trouble making, fighting and causing public disturbance. But in all cases, they had to let them go because they were too young for trial. As it happens, all four of them were there.195

I kept an eye on them, and watched to see when the first of them went through a door that led to the toilets. When the first did, I was on my feet and on his trail. As I passed through the door I caught sight of the fire exit beside the toilet that led into an alley between the pub and the nightclub next door.196

Cool, that saves me the trouble of thinking of a way to move their unconscious bodies through the busy pub.197

I took a pair of surgical gloves from my pocket, put them on, made my way to the toilet, and emptied a small bottle of chloroform onto the hankie. He was stood there having a piss, so I waited for him to finish performing in the urinal and took him down (hankie over face) as he was shaking off the last drops of urine. I then picked him up in a Fireman’s lift, straight out through the toilet door and out the fire escape, before dumping him in the alley.198

I then went back in and did the same to his mate who had come looking for him. 199

The third one came in, closely followed by his mate who was talking to a girl just outside the door. So I took out the third one, and sat him in a cubicle (shutting the door). Then finally, the fourth one came in, having said goodbye to the girl. He looked around, and seeing no sign of his mates, concluded they were a bunch of bastards and had gone without him. So I had him as he was humming to himself, shaking the drops from the end of his todger. He slumped to the floor. I then dragged him out into the alley through the fire door. Then after depositing the fourth one into the alley, I left the four of them to it. Between the noise of the pub and the melodious pounding of the nightclub, the sounds of their projectile vomiting was all but drowned out.200

I went back into the pub and had a bit of a drink and laugh with Debbie. It’s nice to see her socially for a change. Well, semi-socially I suppose, after all we are here on business. I pretty much stayed on the soft drinks after my first pint, I mean, I wouldn’t want to be over the limit, that would be openly breaking the law with intent, wouldn’t it? But we had a good laugh all the same.201

When the hour was up, I went out and checked on them. They’d finished puking and were unconscious. They were very pale in the dim street lighting, I might add. So I nipped off to get the van, leaving Debbie in the pub. It only took me 10 minutes at a brisk jogging pace. When I got back to the pub, I backed the van up the lane and bundled the four of them in the back. I know it’s right in the sight of public eye, but I don’t really think anyone is going to notice what with all the traffic and all the people.202

I then gave Debbie a shout and told her to meet me at the front of the pub as I really don’t think she could have handled the stench of acrid stomach and bowel contents that lingered pungently in the alley.203

So I dropped Debbie home, picked up the mirror and made my way off.204

All in all it was a pretty successful night. I’d pretty much recreated the conditions of last night. Which took a little longer with the extra person. I suppose it’s not great hardship because I got them all nearly two hours earlier.205

When they reached the confession stage, I couldn’t believe the amount of crimes they had been involved in. Not only had they been involved in the brutal mugging of a pensioner, they had broken into old people’s homes, beaten them up badly, stolen all their valuable possessions and not just on one occasion. They had been involved in countless muggings in lanes and alley ways of young teenagers and old age pensioners. A couple of times, I had to refrain myself from beating the crap out of them where they stood. Mind you, it still amazes me how susceptible the mind is to suggestion, under the influence of acid.206

They must have read the newspapers or at least know of the attacks.207

Like the six before them, they believed everything I told them. They believed their faces were being eaten by maggots. They believed that their hands and dicks had been cut off. They believed that they would hang there for eternity, if I should so wish it.208

I find my chosen profession very rewarding.209

When I’d finished with them in the morning and let them go, I packed up the van of all my props and presence and decided to go and visit Sam’s grave. I feel guilty because I vowed I would make a regular thing of visiting her final resting place to make sure the grave was tidy and lay new flowers. But with all this Reaper business, I just really haven’t had the time. But I’m sure Sam will understand when I tell her what I’ve been doing with my time.210

So I dropped the van home first and walked to the graveyard. When I arrived there, it was about 10 o’clock in the morning and there wasn’t a living soul to be seen anywhere. I found it kind of ironic really. I, the Grim Reaper, sitting among the dead to talk to my slain girlfriend.211

I kneeled at Sam’s grave and cleared out some of the dead leaves from on and around the graveside itself. I then took a tissue from my pocket and started wiping off some of the bird shit that was splattered across the headstone. As I wiped, I read the words before me. ‘In loving memory of Samantha Price.’ I could feel the passion of emotions rise in me. ‘I miss you so much, Sam. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of you’ I said passionately to the stone. A tear rolled down my cheek and I had to choke back the sobs as all the emotions came back to me as if it had all happened yesterday. ‘I miss you so much’ I croaked.212

‘I miss you too, Richie’ said Sam, who was suddenly there sat beside me on her grave. It gave me a bit of a start at first, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.213

‘Hiya Sam. It’s so good to see you’ I said genuinely.214

‘It’s good to see you as well, lover. So how are you?’215

‘Oh not too bad. I’ve begun the quest and it’s going pretty well.’216

‘I know.’217

‘You know?’218

‘I told you my love. I’ll always be with you. Are you sure you are happy with what you are doing?’ she was concerned.219

‘How do you mean?’220

‘I mean, are you happy with the lifestyle you are leading at the moment?’221

‘Well, yes and no. Yes, because I am bringing tribulation to all of these wankers. I mean, yeah, it’s a buzz, but I’d much rather spend my nights cuddled up with you. But sadly it is no longer an option’ I said. Sam smiled.222

‘Oh you’re so sweet, my love’ she replied with a small giggle as she used to. She then suddenly went very serious. ‘You’re going to have to let me go sometime though, Rich.’ 223

‘I’m not going to let you go, until I put you to rest. And the only way I’m going to do that is to bring justice to your killers.’224

‘Can you be so sure you can draw that line? That when you catch my killers, you can say “the pain ends here?’225

‘What do you want me to say, Sam? I can’t make a promise like that.’226

‘You can’t or you won’t? I just want you to be happy.’227

‘I am happy.’228

‘If you were happy I wouldn’t be here.’229

‘Oh come on Sam. I’m doing this for you’ I snapped. She looked me in the eye, accusingly.230

‘And for yourself Rich. Don’t blind yourself with arrogant righteousness, you’re a better person than that.’ A pause of silence followed.231

‘What do you mean you can’t rest until I’m happy?’ I asked more calmly.232

‘It’s your pain that brings me here. I can’t rest knowing the mental turmoil you shroud yourself in.’ A tear ran down my cheek. ‘Don’t cry for me Rich, just remember me with fondness, move on before it’s too late and you sink too deeply into the Reaper trap.’233

‘Oh Sam, can’t you see, I need the Reaper. He brings me solace and peace of mind, knowing that I spend my nights constructively breaking down the walls and barriers of self delusion. Making them face their pain, so that they see there is no need for evil. And so the innocent child that seems so long gone can speak out once more and find voice and strength beyond the barriers that they have built around them.’234

‘Just make sure you don’t build that wall around yourself as theirs come tumbling down. Because ultimately you will find it to be a decision you will find harder to live with than you first suspected. And when your walls come tumbling down, self judgement will be inevitable.’235

‘Yeah, I can understand what you’re saying’.236

‘Listen to me Rich, I just worry about you, that’s all. If you ever do meet my killers, I don’t want you to do anything you’re likely to regret in the long term.’ She looked at me sternly. I took a deep breath.237

‘But Sam, they killed you. They took you away from me. That’s got to count for something, they made me what I am.’238

‘Nevertheless, stick with the routine you have worked with for the last few nights. It’s working and the people are changing for the better.’ I took a deep breath. I’ve got to make her understand. ‘Through the desire of sin and death of an innocent, they created me. I cannot give you my word that when I judge them I will be as lenient as with others.’239

‘Then remember this of me, my love. If you bring physical justice to my killers, I will have no part of it. When you justify yourself to your inner demons, you will have done it for yourself, and not for me as you claim the quest is.’240

‘No Sam, I would do it for us.’241

‘And if you know me as well as I believed you know me, you will know that I don’t agree with violence and that I turn my back on the perpetrators of senseless carnage, as I would turn my back on you if you became a tool of physical madness. I always loved you for your kindness, your tenderness and your understanding. But I would not understand this.’242

Why can’t she understand?243

‘And I don’t understand you, Sam. I thought you would be pleased that justice had been brought to your killers. That I may claim the peace of mind, I so richly deserve after these hard painful years.’ She looked at me defeatedly.244

‘I don’t want to argue with you, Rich. I’d rather our time together was spent more constructively. But if this is your final decision, I guess we have nothing more to say.’ My heart sank.245

‘I’m sorry Sam, but I just can’t agree to it. But please, don’t let us part company like this. Can’t we just agree to disagree.’246

‘No Rich, the stakes are too high. Just think about what I’ve said. And remember I’ll always love you.’ I swallowed hard.247

‘I love you too Sam.’ I mumbled, as I looked to the floor shamefacedly. When I looked up again, she was gone. I tried my best to choke back the tears, then figured ‘what the hell’ and let it all out. I cried out every tear I could muster at her graveside as all my old emotional wounds re-opened themselves and bore my soul to their torments.248

Later that day, I walked through the town deep in thought. I passed the newsagents and cast my eyes over the billboard. My heart sank and my stomach turned. The billboard read 249

“Reaper Strikes Again. First victim attempts to take his life.”250

Fuck, this is all I need.251

After my unexpected confrontation with Sam, it just seemed like things were going from bad to worse. I momentarily considered giving up the quest, but was quickly reminded of why I began it in the first place.252

So no, it ain’t gonna happen.253

And after all, despite mine and Sam’s disagreement, she did express that the quest as it is, is worthwhile.254

So it is agreed, the quest will continue.255

I walked to another newsagents as I really couldn’t handle talking to the old guy at the moment. I mean …, I know he means well and he makes a good voice and judge of public opinion, but I’m really having a bad day.256

Later after I reached home, I flicked through the pages of the newspaper to the Reaper article.257

Spliff in the ashtray, coffee on the table and feet in the air, chilled out in the reclining armchair.258

It deeply saddened me that the media were cruelly trying to paint me as a monster. It seems to me that they appear to be glossing over the tearful confessions of my so called victims. Confessions to crimes that I believe far outweigh any petty grievance that I may have bestowed upon them.259

I scanned through the article, basically it was just a load of pap, all about a poor clean living young man who’d gotten himself mixed up with the wrong crowd and was brutally attacked by this nasty man in a Reaper costume.260

Fuck all has been mentioned of the crimes he confessed to though, has it? Clean living young man, my arse!261

Apparently he tried to hang himself because he felt he couldn’t live by the Reaper’s rules to life. Surely the suicide note said enough, which as it happens they printed in the newspaper. It read.262

“To whom it may concern,263

I have thought long and hard about my experience in the Reaper lair, and I believe it is good that he has made me see the error of my ways. Although I cannot live with the grief, guilt and pain of the crimes that I have committed, I find, after much soul searching that I cannot live by the rules and goals set out for me by this Reaper. I feel the world would be better off without me.264

I only hope in death, I will find forgiveness and peace of mind for the many crimes and violent incidents that bare my name. Only then will I be able to rest and take my place among the dead.265

My final wish is that the Reaper will be fair when he judges me a second time, and sees the regret and remorse that I feel.266

Goodbye cruel world.267

Signed Mark Butler.”268

As I looked at the photograph in the paper of the young man in question, I realised he was the one Debbie had stabbed in the leg with the heel of her shoe.269

Yes, he was the one who asked me to kill him at the end, wasn’t he?270

As I looked through more of the articles, I realised there were a lot more people on my side than I first thought. Especially in the comments that were taken from some of the locals in the area, which cheered me up a bit.271

One comment read: 272

“Although people may condemn him in the short term, in the long term violent activity will go down a hundred fold and people will be a lot safer walking the streets. So although they condemn him now, they will praise him in the future.”273

Another read:274

“This guy is hitting all the right people, and if he can really put these scum on that much of a guilt trip that they confess and accept punishment for their crimes, then hey, I’ve got to give him ten out of ten for effectiveness.”275

Another read:276

“The Reaper in my opinion is doing the job that the police are paid for and is getting better results. I think they should throw the victim scumbags into prison and let the Reaper continue his reign. I’ve got to give him the thumbs up.”277

Of course, it’s all very flattering (smug mode cancel) but there are also those who disagree with it.278

One person wrote:279

“I believe the Reaper is potentially homicidal and a dangerously unstable element created by all the wrong doing in society. If the Reaper is not stopped, I believe the attacks will become potentially brutal.”280

Another wrote:281

“The guy is unhinged and is probably living on the edge, having himself probably been the victim of some sort of traumatic violent attack. He probably feels it’s necessary to appease himself by hitting on all the potential crimes.282

Yes, opinion is clearly divided, isn’t it? And I suppose it does go in my favour that my supposed victim didn’t succeed in killing himself. I mean, after all he was one of the first three, wasn’t he? And they all had about four tabs each, so I suppose it’s understandable if he’s a little bit more emotionally unstable than the ones that followed.283

So later, having finished my spliff, my coffee and the newspaper, I decided to ring Debbie. She was a little bit headshot about the guy having tried to kill himself and was relieved that he hadn’t succeeded. She was all but ready to give up the quest. It took a lot of talking on my part, to convince her that the quest is worthwhile. I used the statements in the paper of those who believed in us to convince her of how worthwhile we are as the Reaper duo. I also explained that he was one of the first three victims, and as such, his acid dosage was twice as much as the victims that followed. In the end, she agreed reluctantly and came around to my way of thinking.284

That night, I stayed in and caught up on a well deserved rest after the activities of the last couple of days. Debbie is in work tonight so we couldn’t have really gone out anyway. So I suppose things turned out alright anyway.285

The next morning I nipped around to see Farrah to score another 100 acid tabs, as my stash is decidedly low.286