Fear the Reaper (Chapter 8)

CHAPTER 81

I know we make our own reality of it. But how much is pre-ordained.2

(John Lennon)3

I reached our destination by 12:50 a.m. I opened the van doors and got all my props out, setting them up in their various places. I then tied the ropes to the trees, so that they may hang by their arms.4

It is awkward and time consuming, if you have to carry them out, dump them on the floor, tie the ropes up, pick him up, put his arm in the loop on the rope. It’s a right pain in the arse. Yes, this way, you just fireman’s lift him out, put his feet on the floor, stand him up as you straighten up, and pop his arms in the waiting loops, job done. I even remember a length of foam tonight to go around their wrists and ankles. I mean, I don’t want to cause them any lasting physical pain, like rope burn.5

So I brought each of them out of the van in turn, tied them up, put two acid tabs each under their tongues (I thought I’d better respect Debbie’s wishes as she was so good tonight). I then put a strip of masking tape across their mouths to make sure they didn’t spit it out or dribble it or something like that. They swallowed them, taking in all their trippy goodness.6

I then gave it about half an hour and removed the tape from their mouths, before I made up their faces with flour and water. Firstly mixing up the flour and water in the dessert bowl, I began to smear it on their faces. I then used red food colouring and splashed it onto their faces, starting with a big splash on their foreheads which I allowed to run down the length of their faces. They looked a right state, believe me. They’re certainly going to know when that starts drying. They looked like classic Romero zombies. Let me see, it’s 3:45 a.m. and the first one of them is stirring. I quickly whipped around and put earplugs into each of their ears and cushion covers onto each of their heads.7

I strapped their hands into fists with the masking tape and taped on the rubber hands, pulled their knobs through their legs and taped it to their arses. I then lit my torches checked the props, set up the mirrors and finally stood back to check my handywork. It’s a good thing I used all the dark cushion covers, it looks like some medieval execution scene or something.8

I then rechecked the mirrors, right, they’re about 3 or 4 metres away from them. I stood behind them to make sure they have a good view of themselves. 9

Yes, everything looks ready to go now. I’d better go and get myself ready.10

So I went back to the van, put on my robes of judgement and rolled up a quick joint. I quietly and thoughtfully smoked it away to myself, as I waited for them to make the transitional change from reality to psychological nightmare. Which as it happens, didn’t really take that long. By 4.30 a.m. they were positively screaming the place down in desperate mental uncertainty. So I finished off my joint, put my mask on and my hood up and made my way into the semi-circle.11

So these three, beat up and gang raped a sixteen year old girl, did they? Oh they shall pay dearly.12

So, realising how vulnerable they must be feeling (not being able to see or hear), I went behind all of them, poking them in the ribs and a slap across the arse. Boy, did they scream, not knowing where it was coming from. I smirked to myself beneath the mask. I then went back to the first of the three and removed his hood. He squinted his eyes in adjustment to the light, and then widened them in horror as he saw the Grim Reaper bearing down upon him. His forehead broke into a frown beneath the flour and water and his lip started wobbling as I took out the earplugs. I suppose after being in silence for an hour, every noise would seem like the volume has been turned up, tenfold. So I’ll have to make my voice deep and booming, I think. His jaw widened his mouth into an O.13

‘No, no, no’ he began to cry pathetically.14

‘You have been brought fourth to my domain, that you may face judgement for your crimes and sins against humanity. How do you plead’ I bellowed at him. He screamed in terrified vulnerability as he took in his surroundings and situation, and then again as he took in the two hooded figures that were his friends. But that was nothing compared to the roar he let out when he caught his reflection in the mirror. I slapped him hard with the back of my hand.15

‘Silence fool’ I said, he stood there in shocked silence as I continued.16

‘You have been taken from your place in the living world to stand here among the dead and justify your actions. You must relive every pain you have ever caused. You must repent every sin you have ever committed.’ I then took my Stanley blade from my jeans pocket inside the robe.17

‘How much evil have these hands done?’ I said reaching up and beginning to cut the tape, that held the rubber hand to his fist. And as the hand dropped to the floor, I let the food colouring run down the length of his arm, and then did the same to the other. He began screaming in the futile belief that his hands lay at his feet. I gripped his jaw. ‘Silence’ I bellowed. He calmed down a bit. So I took the pork and beef sausage that hung from my belt inside the robe, and thrust it into his groin, and brought up the blade, letting food colouring run the length of his leg. I then held the sausage up for him to see. At this moment panic set in. He began shaking and struggling and screaming in defense, denial, defeat and finally regret and submission, as he slumped to hang from the ropes, head bowed, with almost childlike sobbing. I gripped his hair, pulled his head back and looked him in the eyes, as I threw the sausage to the floor.18

‘I shall now leave you in silence to consider the plight of your situation. You must now consider who you are and what you have become. You must step outside of yourself and view your life to contemplate what must be done about who you are. A choice has to be made. Are you beyond repentance? Could you change? Or are you condemned to hang here for eternity? You may view yourself.’ I gestured to the mirror with my free hand. ‘As you feel the maggots eat the flesh in your face’ I added.19

His eyes followed the direction of my hand to the mirror and again saw his reflection.20

‘It is me?’ he shrieked in sinking realisiation He then roared with tears. I gripped his head in both my hands.21

‘I will leave you in silence. You will hear nothing but the voice of your demons’ I said, and inserted the earplugs into his ears. He continued to cry as he looked at himself in the mirror. So I turned my back on him and walked away, to the next in line.22

I then did the same to his two friends, leaving them howling, screaming and very regretful of their circumstances.23

Yes, I think it’s all going rather well. I really have underestimated the power of the mirrors and the flour, water and food colouring on their faces. It seems vanity and the loss of manhood appears to have really pushed them over the edge. They keep staring into the mirrors and crying out. So I wandered off back to the van and left them to it for a bit.24

After about half and hour, they began screaming like someone was murdering them. My heart sank and my stomach dropped, so I quickly pulled on my mask and hood and went out to see what all the noise was about.25

‘Arrrghhh!! They’re eating me alive’ screamed one. ‘My face! They’re eating into my face!’ screamed another. The third one just let out a regurgitating roar. The pain and discomfort must be unbearable to the unknowing mind. I smirked beneath the mask. The flour and water is drying up, it’s getting tighter across their faces. So they’re not actually in pain, just discomfort and uncertainty. I walked up to the first of the three of them and felt his face. It had an almost artexy feel to it, and was hardening and tightening even more by the minute. Cracks were beginning to appear in the surface which made it look really effective in a dry skinned zombie sort of way. And of course, they were without a clue as to what was happening to them. It must be very scary. I laughed out loud, after all, they can’t hear me. I looked deeply into the eyes of the first of them. 26

‘Please get them off me, they’re eating me alive’ he begged and pleaded pathetically. 27

Not so high and mighty now, is he? Fuck him, fuck them all. They beat up and gang raped a sixteen year old girl and maybe countless others unknown about. Yes, justice is sweet and revenge is a dish best served cold.28

So I walked off and left them. I figured I’d give them another half an hour and then I’ll pour some water over their faces, just to loosen the flour and water up a little. And so the circle will continue until morning.29

Oh the joy of judgement. Oh the sweet irony of justice. It makes a man feel good to be alive or death.30

I washed out the bowl I’d mixed the flour and water up in, with water from the eight gallon drum. I then filled the said bowl with water.31

I pulled on my hood and mask, and majestically carried the bowl to the first of three in offering. He nodded. ‘Water, yeah, water’ I put it to his lips, that he may drink from it. He took a good couple of gulps and then began to splutter, indicating that he needed no more. I then gripped his chin, lifted his head and poured the remainder of the bowl over his face. The relief in his face was evident, even through the flour and water. ‘Thank you’ he croaked hoarsely.32

I then took the bowl back to the van and refilled it to carry out the same procedure with his two friends. The third of the three pleaded that he did not deserve this. I don’t know whether he meant he did not deserve the water or whether he didn’t deserve the Reaper treatment. Either way, I thought ‘bollocks to him’ and turned my back on him, leaving his plea unanswered.33

It amazed me that even after the hour, they were still mesmerized by the mirror. Almost as if they were trying to defy the reflection they saw.34

Another half an hour passed and the make up began to tighten again. This time in their screaming they were trying to justify why they deserved their fate. I pulled on my hood and mask and strode into the semi circle, put the cushion covers back on their heads, after checking that the flour and water was dry enough not to stick to them. At this point, they really started peaking on their trip, as if the darkness of the hood had somehow triggered it.35

I imagine that they started intensely visualising a lot of past shameful moments in their lives. I know from past experience, that if you close your eyes when you’re tripping, you start to hallucinate and visualize lots of things that dance along your eyelids. I imagine, in their present condition they’ll be hallucinating about all sorts that make them feel uncomfortable. Old regrets, that were long thought forgotten about. Childhood traumas they believed they were over, and present traumas they haven’t dealt with yet.36

Then they began to apologise to everyone and no one in their reality without sight or sound. They begged forgiveness from their mothers for the failures they had become. They apologsied to girlfriends (past and present) for the way they have treated them. They begged forgiveness from victims of who they didn’t even know names. They begged second chances. They pleaded forgiveness. They promised new beginnings and fresh starts. 37

So I left them for another hour in darkness and silence. It seems to be agreeing with them, they seem to be rehabilitating a lot faster than the ones I had held the other night. Maybe Debbie was right about cutting the dose. That mixed with the new props seems to be a killer combination.38

When they began to start crying about the maggots eating their faces again, I made my way back into the semi circle with another bowl of water for them. I removed their cushion cover hoods, and let them drink from the bowl, before pouring it over their faces to loosen up the flour and water (much to their thankful relief).39

I just hope this feeling of their faces being eaten is not a diversion or distraction from the guilt and pain they should be racking themselves with. So I decided to leave them for another hour.40

When the hour was up I took the washing up bowl Debbie had given me and filled it with water from the drum. Then using a sponge, I began to dab the water over their faces. 41

As soon as I was happy that they were wet enough, I began to pull off clumps of flour and water. Boy, didn’t they scream the place down. They were trying to resist me in the vain belief, I was pulling the skin off their faces. In fact, they begged me to stop ripping flesh from their faces.42

When they saw the lumps of flour, plop into the bow of water, they freaked. They were screaming, shouting, struggling, begging and pleading. The tears noticeably flowed from their eyes and down their cheeks despite their already wet faces. I couldn’t tell them it was alright, they wouldn’t have heard me because of the earplugs.43

If nothing else, it made an interesting new intensity for the show. 44

Cool. Serendipity, a lucky accident. 45

They seemed to calm down a bit when they saw themselves in the mirror, almost as if having their own faces restored, had somehow given them a spark of hope. That spark of hope was soon snuffed by the realisation, sparked by the fact that they could see there own faces in the mirror. This seemed to confirm their situation indisputably. 46

With this confirmation came an intense spate of self loathing. They physically reacted to each thought that hit them. They gripped their ropes, in a contortion of emotional expressions.47

It was almost as if they were being pelted with rocks at a stoning. Like they were trying to protect themselves or run and hide from the projectile bombardment of memories and emotions. 48

Then they began talking to themselves in the mirror, as if self loathing and self justification were trying to battle it out. They cried and they shouted, they were regretful, they were bitter. They were angry and they were frustrated. 49

Then to add to that frustration, they began to recognise each other. Which intensified when they realised they couldn’t hear each other.50

I saw all this from my hiding place behind the trees. I figured, I’d better keep an eye on them after the way they reacted to me removing the flour and water from their faces. But, as it happens, I found it rather interesting. It’s always good to see work in progress. It almost makes me wish I’d watched the last lot instead of smoking spliffs in the van.51

I waited for things to quieten down a little, and I took another bowl into the semi circle for each of them to drink from. They humbly thanked me, so I decided to give them another stint of darkness, and put the cushion covers back over their heads. For a time, they were quiet. I suppose they’re all re-adjusting to the darkness of the hood. Then loneliness set in and they began calling out many names, hoping someone would come out of the darkness to save them (presumably). It ain’t gonna happen! Hope quickly turned into defeat and despair. Then they got back to thinking about themselves and their lives, desperately wanting to confess to someone who would listen and offer them some sort of support or forgiveness or reassurance. Then in a momentary turn they began confessing to themselves. The regret and the years of pain that they have carried these sins unleashed itself in their voices. They offered apologies. They begged forgiveness. But no justification of circumstance would allow their inner selves to forgive them.52

It was almost like watching someone having an intense telephone conversation. You know, where you see and hear the person you’re in the room with, but you don’t hear the voice on the other end of the phone. They just spoke into the hoods and their own minds answered them bitterly, by the sounds of it.53

It all puts me in mind of what Debbie was saying earlier, when she asked me ‘How can you watch these men suffer without feeling?’ Well now that I stand here in this situation, I can quite honestly say ‘I don’t feel anything.’ Maybe intrigue, maybe curiosity. You know, seeing if what I’m doing is worthwhile or making a difference, and satisfaction when I realise it’s working. I don’t feel uncomfortable, and I do feel comfortable with the path that I have chosen. In fact, I think Roger Waters said it best when he said “I have become comfortably numb.”54

So many paths, so many possibilities. But fate steps in and deals it’s blow and in doing so, opens up many darker paths to choose from, and even more possibilities.55

Do we follow a predestined path or do we make a difference? Is self determination an illusion or do we make our own reality? Have I always been destined to become the Reaper or was it just another pathway at the crossroads of life?56

Shit, my mind is wandering. I hate it when that happens. My attention span and train of thought have gone to shit over the last couple of weeks.57

Now where was I? Ah, yes. They were shouting and screaming into the hoods for forgiveness and understanding, that they wouldn’t allow themselves. So I went back to the van and had a spliff, while they bared their inner most to themselves.58

Yes, tonight has turned out very well. Very much more like an opening night, rather than the dress rehearsal of the other night. It was nine o’clock in the morning, before any serious sunlight began to peep through the trees. Although the light didn’t really make any difference to them, beneath their hoods. So I left them until half past ten before I filled the bowl with water and made my way into the semi circle.59

I walked up to the first of the three and removed his hood. I gave him a sip of water and sponged his fear strewn face, wiping away any remaining bits of flour and water I had missed the first time around. He squinted and winced as his eyes readjusted to the light. I then removed his earplugs, the effect was astonishing. His eyes lit up at the discovery of his long lost hearing.60

‘Do you repent your sins?’ I boomed at him. He shrank back as he hung from the ropes, and began to cry again as he nodded his head.61

‘Yes, I hate what I have become’ he blubbered.62

‘Do you have it within you to change who you are? Or would you have me leave you here for eternity? I questioned him. His face curled and twisted up, as he tried to hold back another bout of tears.63

‘Yes, I can change. I know I can. You’ve shown me the way. I can do this’ he babbled tearfully, but sincerely.64

‘Then I shall release you back into the living world. But heed my warning, if you should stray from the path of righteousness, then I shall find you and you will hang here for eternity. Do you understand?’65

‘Yes, I understand’ he said thoughtfully, but nodding feverishly.66

‘Then you must leave this place and confess your sins to the law givers in the living world. Do I have your word on this?’67

He sniffed and choked back a few tears.68

‘Yes, you have my word’ he said defeatedly.69

‘Good, then I will return to you your clothes. That you may re-enter the world in dignity and pride, rather than the humility and innocence of a new born’ I stared and walked back to the van. I took out the pile of clothes, I had taken from them. With the said clothes in my arms, I walked back to the semi circle. I dumped the bundle in a pile on the floor. I removed the masking tape from his arse and hands much to his discomfort. I then undid the ropes around his wrists and ankles and checked for rope burn. 70

Cool, it’s a bit red, but there are no burns. 71

He slumped to his knees, his legs weak from the arduous night previous. 72

‘Choose the garments that belong to you, and be gone’ I concluded. He half crawled, half staggered to the pile of clothes and pulled out all the items that were familiar to him personally.73

‘Where shall I go?’ he asked pathetically as he held his pile of clothes in his arms.74

‘All paths from here lead to the living world’ I said to him. ‘Now be gone’ I added. He turned to leave and began to hobble off.75

‘But remember’ he turned back at me, eyebrows raised ‘Fear the Reaper’ I concluded.76

‘I’ll remember’ he said sincerely, and painfully hobbled off, clutching his clothes and shoes in his stiff fingers. Never mind, as soon as he starts walking for a bit, his legs should loosen up and overcome the stiffness and after he’s flexed his hands for a bit, they should be alright as well77

I then took the remaining two through the same finishing routine. And they both painfully left in the joyous knowledge that they had been given a second chance at life.78

I gave it twenty minutes after the last two had left, then got out of my costume and started to load everything into the van until eventually the area looked like no one had been there.79

Good, good, good, another good night’s work, If I do say so myself. I’m glad I thought to give them their clothes this time. They won’t be so conspicuous later, now.80

So I drove home, dropped a sleeping tab, had a joint and went to bed, happy at how successful tonight had been. It really warms the spirit to help people like this you know.81