Sleep.2
How I hate those small slices of death.3
(Edgar Allen Poe)4
So cold, the grip of fear. So intense, that it grips the pit of my stomach and consumes me from within. I touch upon the void, engulfed by darkness. I despair in realization that its essence is my own. I shout it down, and it feeds on my weakness, it engulfs my confidence and all positive fragments of my soul. It poisons my demons, turning my very defenses against me. Could it be that I am to be consumed by the very creature I created, my dark alter ego... For he is now a part of me and must find his place among the army of voices that intertwine my thoughts and memories.5
What is to become of me? Am I to become one of the many lost souls that walk in limbo amidst the thoughts and inspirations of dreamers, all too quickly denying the reality of the here and now? Am I destined to walk this path or is pre-determination an illusion? Do I make a difference when I bring fear and judgment to the perpetrators of ill deeds and wrong doing? Or is it just an idle fantasy of mine? Am I so shallow, that I could presume so much in my delusions of grandeur? 6
…God help me for I have lost my way…7
These humans are such pitiful creatures. They fight amongst themselves, they steal from one another, and they hurt one another. It has been this way for many centuries.8
Am I so mad, to just want peace. To be able to trust my fellow man and know that his words are sincere. I think not. I admit in earnest that my methods are a little unorthodox in the extreme. But if I could just create a spectral figure, to motivate the good in people. That their fear of the unknown would bring about a bonding. They just need something to believe in, a bogie man if you will. Someone who parents will tell their children of, in stories. ‘Fear the Reaper’ they will say. ‘For if you’re bad, he’ll claim your soul as his own. He will see your sins and bring them forth for you to face and answer to.’ Could it really be that way? 9
After all my motivation is the death of Sam, to try and make it that no one else has to go through what I went through. How long can I suppress a rage so deep as this? An anger of my own weakness, that burns into me, my every waking moment.10
I couldn’t help her, but maybe I can help others. Will I be remembered as a saint or a mad man? Many points must be considered. Like how to make the experience more intense. Thinking back, they do see themselves as their own enemies and hate themselves for who they are. So really speaking, I should do the reaper speech with a mirror beside me. And allow them to reflect upon themselves, physically as well as mentally. Make them see how pathetic they are, as well as allowing them to think it. Let them see how vulnerable they are as they feel it. Yes, I think that would intensify the experience. ‘Fear the Reaper, for he will see your sins and claim your soul.’11
Get a grip Rich, enough of this self indulgence. You must face your own vulnerability; you must face your own demons. In doing so you will have the right to judge others.12
Leave me alone. 13
You will have no peace of mind until you face your pain.14
Leave me alone. 15
Face me, for I will judge your pain. I see your weakness; I know your limitations and feel your vulnerability.16
Leave me alone. 17
I am you, you mortal fool. Sam must not go unavenged, her part in our creation must not go unforgotten. From her death comes the personification of death. It is vowed, so it shall be. You were weak, she needed you, and you weren’t there. She was raped and you were weak. She was killed and you were weak. The only time she ever really needed you and you were weak.18
Leave me alone.19
I sat upright in bed and gripped my temples. ‘Why do you keep doing this to me?’ I asked an empty room. 20
I must draw strength from your weakness. 21
I do your bidding, is that not enough?22
Your rage should be focused… your pain must be surfaced; your guilt must be justified.23
I got up out of bed in only my boxer shorts, at about 3.00 a.m.; I went over to my dressing room table. I picked up my Stanley knife, withdrew the blade and pressed its sharp edge to a point between my left arm and shoulder. I felt the cold steel again break the skin and part my flesh. ‘Yes’, I said, through gritted teeth, as a tear ran down my cheek and blood trickled down my chest.24
When I was fully satisfied that the voice and visions had gone, I set about stopping the bleeding. 25
Yes, physical pain is definitely a better alternative than emotional pain, any day of the week. I just hope it doesn’t become a regular necessity to ease my pitiable suffering, as it did before the hospital put me on stelazine (nearly 2 years ago). That fucking drug, that wipes out my paranoia and voices. I was a fool to stay on it. I was so blind. ‘Excuse me, have you got the time’ I should have seen that coming a mile off. 26
What’s the matter with me? 27
That fucking drug. It slowed my reactions and wiped out most of who I am; leaving what was left, slow and unaltered. I can’t believe that they killed her and I was too doped up to the eyeballs on that shit to do anything about it. 28
A tear ran the length of my face from the corner of my eye. 29
I was weak, 30
Yes, you were weak, too weak and too blind to see the build up of events. 31
I should have been there. 32
Yes, you should. 33
Why do you keep doing this to me?34
You keep bringing me here; you summoned me in your darker thoughts and memories. You tease me with your suffering; you torment me with our pain, yet throw me aside in the face of judgment. You fear me, but you need me. 35
I do, but now, at the moment I need time to think. 36
You must embrace me; you must embrace your guilt and pain and draw strength from them. 37
Leave me alone. 38
Face me.39
Again, I picked up the Stanley knife from the dressing table. The blade, still withdrawn. I then pressed it down into the already open cut on my shoulder/arm. I took a sharp breath, and clenched my teeth together as I wiggled it about in the open gash. ‘Fuck, that hurts’ I said through gritted teeth, and exhaled a deep breath.40
I realize at sometime in the near future I’m going to have to put some time aside to face my personal demons, before they devour me. I then stopped the bleeding and patched up the wound and went to bed with a spliff.41
I woke up about 11.00 a.m. the next day. In fact I woke up to a dull throbbing pain in my shoulder. I was lying on my left side, with my arm under me. The cut had pressured itself open due to my body weight on my shoulder, forcing it apart. The next sensation I felt was the dampness. It was at this point that I realized what had happened. ‘Shit’ I said, as I saw the pool of blood soaking into the sheet and mattress where I was lying. The blood had run down past my armpit and soaked in. ‘Fuck, I wonder how long this has been bleeding’ I said again to myself and made my way off to the bathroom.42
My shoulder felt like it was burning, with a hint of numbing cold for good measure (strange sensation, really). I must remember to make a fresh cut each time, because it hurt like fuck to slice the blade into an already open wound. I quickly stopped the bleeding, wiped around the area, and carefully put an antiseptic patch over it. Then equally as carefully wrapped a bandage around my chest and shoulder. 43
I then pulled all my bedding from the bed, took it downstairs and bundled it into the washing machine.44
Now let me see, what’s the time now? 12.10 p.m. 45
I washed myself down, gave my hair a swill and got dressed.46
When I was ready to face the world, I made my way into town and checked the second hand shops, on the lookout for a few mirrors. 47
I’ve got to be fair; it’s a really nice day, really sunny. I wish I’d brought my shades.48
I started off with a place called “Don’s second hand shop.’ The owner was an old mate of mine from a few years back. I used to go there for Playstation games and video tapes. I was a pretty good customer, so if he has got any mirrors he’ll probably do me a good deal on them, which would be pretty cool. ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’ as someone once said.49
I pushed the door open and stepped into the shop, a bell rang above me. I then saw Don look up from the till and his eyes lit up as he saw me.50
‘Hiya Rich, how are you doing, mate?’ he asked pleasantly. I walked over and shook his hand.51
‘Not too bad, not too bad. What have you been up to?’ I replied chattily.52
‘Oh, this and that. You know what it’s like. So what are you after then?’ he asked, slipping into business mode. ‘I’ve got a good selection of videos in and there’s a few Playstation 2 games if you’ve still got that old thing’ he continued. I laughed.53
‘Yeah, I have actually. But that’s not why I’m here today, I’m after mirrors. Believe it or not.’54
‘Mirrors?’ he queried, eyebrows raised.55
‘I’ve just moved into a place, and there isn’t a mirror in the house.’56
‘Right, so how many do you want, then?’57
‘Oh, I don’t know. One for the living room, one for the bathroom and one for the bedroom.’58
‘Okay, so you want three. How big do you want them?’59
‘Big’uns if possible. About a meter in length, maybe.’60
‘I got a few in the back, if you want to check them out’ he said and opened the door at the back of the shop. ‘They’re through here’ he added. I nodded and followed him through.61
The room we went into was full of old chairs, settees, tables, pictures and in the corner were stacks of mirrors. ‘Here we are then’ he said, climbing over a coffee table to get to them, and he reached into the pile. All the mirrors were strategically an inch apart to save from breaking. ‘How about these buggers, then’ he said as he pulled out the first one.62
‘Yeah, that looks ideal’ I replied in pleasant surprise, as I looked it over. He then pulled out a second and a third, and they were all near enough the same length. The first had a black border frame around it, the second had a gold frame and the third didn’t have frame. I smiled.63
‘Yeah, these are just what I need. How much are they?’64
‘Well, there up for £5 a piece. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you the lot for a tenner, as it’s you’ he replied.65
‘Sold’ I said joking, reaching into my pocket for my wallet. I then opened it up and pulled out a tenner, and placed it in his outstretched hand. ‘Cheers, Rich’ he said taking it from me, and putting it in the money bag around his waist. ‘Are you taking them now, or shall I drop them round later?’66
‘Oh, is there any chance you could drop them round later?’67
‘Yeah sure, no worries! I’ll drop them in later after I close up. Where are living to now?’ he asked. So I gave him my address, stayed for a coffee and a chat and caught up on old times. By the time we finished chatting, I caught a lift home with him when he closed up shop for the day.68
I went out again in the night, looking for the girl. The first pub I tried was the Cefn Mably. It’s a bit of a middle aged to old aged people’s pub, a very quiet scene. Well, I think I can count this one out, and I left.69
Next, I tried the Railway Hotel or ‘The Railway’ as it is affectionately known. I think everyone in the area has been to ‘The Railway’ at one stage or another. Even I was a regular in my youth, maybe she is.70
I took a wander into the bar area, saw a couple of familiar faces, popped my head around the pool area and found nothing. So I tried next door in the lounge. You see, the good thing about 'The Railway' is there are always so many people in there, that they don’t ever notice someone walking through. There’s always somebody in there looking for somebody or coming back from the bar or the toilet or what ever they are doing. While I was in the lounge I looked through the window into the beer garden, no joy there either.71
Oh well I might as well get myself a drink and I made my way to the bar. I leaned against the bar, surveying the sea of faces before me, still nothing.72
‘Hello, are you being served’ I suddenly heard a voice behind me. As I turned to look behind me at the bar, both myself and the barmaid did a double take as we looked at each other. ‘You’ we both said, in stunned unison.73
‘I was hoping I’d bump into you, again,’ she said.74
‘Likewise, I’m sure’ I replied with a smile.75
‘What do you want to drink then?’ she asked76
‘A pint of sweet cider, please’ I replied. She grabbed a glass and began to fill it from the bar tap.77
‘So what brings you here, then?’ she asked, suspiciously.78
‘I’ve been looking for you.’79
‘I don’t suppose I need to ask why, really do I? The newspapers, yeah?’ she queried. I nodded.80
‘Yes, the newspapers.’81
‘Oh well, don’t worry. I’m not going to say anything. After all you saved me, yeah?’ she said.82
I smiled, relieved at her words, but still doubtful to her sincerity.83
‘Yeah, I suppose I did.’84
‘I tell you what. Is there any chance you could meet me after work. Because I’d really like to have a chat with you.’85
‘Sounds like a good idea to me’ I replied, and gave her the money for the drink as she handed me my pint.86
‘Thank you very much’ I said, taking a sip.87
‘No problem’ she replied, and turned to put the money in the till. Then she gave me my change and a wink. ‘I’ll see you later then’ she said, with a smile.88
‘Yeah, cool, see you in a bit.’ I took my drink and made my way to a table in a quiet corner, away from the prying eyes of onlookers.89
I sat down at the table and took a sip of my drink. I then reached into my pocket and took out my fags. I withdrew a cigarette from the packet, put it to my lips and sparked the lighter. I then put the lighter and fag packet beside my pint.90
I inhaled deeply as I took the cigarette away from my lips. 91
She’s going to ring the police.92
I took another puff of my cigarette.93
She’s going to ring them now. Can you see her at the bar?94
I quickly glanced at the bar, no sign of her. I exhaled deeply with a sigh, blowing a gush of bluey, white mist into the air. 95
Listen to me, when the police get here, she just has to point down here and say ‘weirdo in the corner.’ 96
I took another deep inhalation of cancerous pollen and lightly tapped the end of my cigarette on the side of the ashtray. A flat headed length of ash dropped into it, leaving a long pointed glowing ember at the end of my pacifier. 97
Listen to me, why do you ignore me so? You’ve got to get out of here before it is too late. Go now and we’ll have her another time. Oh, how she’ll suffer for betraying us.98
I took a good, long gulp of my cider. I then put my left hand on the table, palm down, and clenched it into a fist, and braced myself. Holding the cigarette in my right hand between my forefinger and thumb, facing it away from my hand, I then lowered the pointed ember to the fleshy part of my left hand by my thumb. My fist clenched tighter, as did my teeth, as I felt the searing, burning pain surge into my hand. I could feel my hands beginning to shake as I concentrated to keep them still. Holding the ember against the skin without actually stubbing it out. My toes were curling uncontrollably. I took deep breaths as I watched a small circle of flesh, blister and bubble with a quiet sizzling sound.99
Then as I felt the paranoia slowly drifting away, I took the cigarette end away from my hand and took a deep drag from it. And as I watched a bubble started to form in the circle of charred flesh. I blew out the smoke, and put the fag in the ashtray. I then downed my pint in one. 100
I need fresh air; I need to go for a wander to clear my head.101
That little wander led me home, which as it happened is only 10-15 minutes walk way. I ran my hand under the cold water tap, as the bubble on my hand had actually grown in the time it took to get home. 102
Fuck, I’ve got a hideous great bubble on my hand.103
So I went down stairs and sat at the table, clenched my fist, teeth and toes (as I had done in the pu
and popped it with a pin. Loads of watery liquid flowed out of it. ‘Never mind, it’ll wash’ I thought, as I looked at the wet stain forming on the table cloth. I then looked up at the clock and saw that it was 10.10 p.m. So I quickly treated my burn and put a plaster over it, to hide it. ‘Right, let’s take a wander back, then’ I said to myself, getting to me feet. I carefully put my coat on, trying not to rub my hand against the arm of my sleeve, and made my way back to the pub.104As I neared the pub, my heart sank as I saw a police car parked outside. My stomach turned over and knotted. A wave of paranoia came over me, as I realized it might not have been my head playing games with me, but some sort of warning premonition. And even worse, I may have punished myself unnecessarily. I suddenly felt like I had a big sign on my head saying ‘I am the Reaper.’ So I sat on a wall and lit a fag, to try and see what was going on, and maybe settle my nerves.105
My paranoia turned to relief as I saw underage youths under police escort being led to the waiting car. As soon as they had bundled the youths into the car and got in themselves (youths in the back, police in the front), they were gone. I sat there and finished my fag to let my palpitations go down, before making my way back to the pub.106
When I got back to the bar, I was greeted by the girl.107
‘Ah, there you are. You got me going for a bit. I thought for a nasty minute, you’d gone home’ she said with relief.108
‘No, I’m still here.’ I replied.109
‘What do you fancy, then?’ she asked, smiling.110
‘Oh, I’ll just have a pint of coke please’ I replied, leaving the obvious double entandre unanswered. She looked surprised. ‘Well that’s unusual’ she said.111
‘What’s unusual?’ I queried.112
‘To find a bloke who knows when he’s had enough to drink.’113
‘Well, I’ve never been anything of a great drinker. Normally, two or three pints and I’m on my arse.’ She laughed, as she poured my drink.114
‘So what time do you knock off then?’ She looked up at the clock.115
‘Oh, about twenty minutes if I can get away. Half hour to forty minutes if I can’t.’116
‘Cool’ I handed her change for my drink. ‘Ah, thank you’ she said, leaning forward to take it from me, her breasts rested on the counter, revealing an absolutely gorgeous cleavage.117
‘No, thank you’ I joked, she laughed.118
‘I’ll see you in a bit then’ she said.119
‘Yes, see you later.’ I made my way back to my place in the corner, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. The amount of different ways tonight could turn out is unbelievable. If she agreed it could be very helpful in my cause. She could grass me up to the police; in fact, this whole night could be one big setup. Maybe they’re due to bust the house later when I’m there, but let’s not get into that paranoia stuff now. Its times like this that I start to see the possibilities of parallel realities, where one decision could have an infinite amount of possible outcomes. How one decision could change the course of your life! Could I be at this moment, stood on the crossroad of quantum paradoxical reality? Makes you think, doesn’t it?120
Anyway, I’ll have to hold that thought for another time. Getting to the present, I think we should take the night as it comes, just go with it and see how it turns out. I sipped my coke and lit a cigarette. Me thinks I’m smoking a lot, these last couple of days. Probably just nerves about meeting this girl and I don’t even know her name yet. It must be because of this girl, because I’ve got no qualms about what I did the other night. I mean, I did good, yeah? I brought judgment to three evil fiends, who would now appear to be repenting big time. And after reading that article in the Echo, about how emotionally scarred these three individuals would be for the rest of their lives. I say bollocks, to them. Who is going to care about the deep emotional scars that their victims will have to bear for the rest of their lives? They tried to rape a girl, undoubtedly they’ve done it before, and if they haven’t they would have done it again. I taught them how precious life is. I made them see the error of their ways. Could any institute of law enforcement truly say that they could accomplish a feat such as this? I think not. I weighed up the pros and cons in my mind. On the plus side, I could be rehabilitating 3 people a night on a regular basis. Or on the minus side, I could get caught by the police, which would probably mean imprisonment for a good many years. When my only crime is a quicker process of what they are doing. But thinking seriously for a moment, surely a cause such as mine is above the law. It is true, it is pure and I think it makes a lot of sense.121
‘Are you ready then?’ asked the barmaid, suddenly stood before me. 122
‘Wow, that was quick’ I replied.123
‘Well no, not really. It’s about right’ she said. I looked at my watch. 124
Wow 20 minutes has passed; the train of thought was a bit deep there, wasn’t it? 125
I looked down, I’d hardly touched my coke, I’d only had a sip and my fag had long burnt out, just leaving a long stem of ash on the end of the butt.126
‘Right, yeah, sure. I’m ready to go’ I babbled, and sank my coke in one (which wasn’t anything of a great feat as the fizz had long gone after 20 minutes). ‘Right, let’s go then’ I added. I paused. ‘By the way, what’s your name?’ I asked.127
‘Oh so you’ve changed your mind about the knowing each others names bit, have you?’ she smiled. 128
Oh dangerous, very quick. It had totally slipped my mind.129
‘Yes’ I smiled. ‘My names Richie’ I said holding out my hand in an introductory sort of way.130
‘Hi, I’m Debbie’ she replied, and politely shook hands.131
We stepped out of the pub into the fresh air.132
‘So which way are we heading?’ I asked.133
‘Across the road, I’ve got the car tonight’ she replied, gesturing the way.134
‘Oh, right, what were you doing walking home, the other night, then?’135
‘Oh, the car was in the garage for a couple of days. The MOT was up’ she said putting her key in the lock.136
‘Oh fair enough then’ I replied, as we got into her car and drove away. We just made basic small talk and chit chat all the way back to her place, you know the sort of thing: what is the busiest night in the pub? Does she enjoy the work? You know, basic getting to know you chat.137
As we pulled up at her place, stopped the car and got out, there were curtains twitching all over the place, lights suddenly going out, heads popping up out of parked cars. Obviously a very paranoid community. They say ‘who you are, reflects on where you live.’ We then made our way across the road to her flat, silently knowing we were watched by many eyes. When we got in through the door, she put the kettle on and made a couple of coffees for us to drink as we talked. She left the radio on for background.138
‘So why do you do what you do?’ she asked suddenly after a load of small talk. I must admit it took me a bit by surprise, the suddenness of it.139
‘What can I say? If I was to start at the beginning, I’d have to go back two years ago. I met this girl, Samantha Price …’140
‘Samantha Price? I knew her. That is to say I was in school with her. It was terrible what happened to her.’141
‘I know only too well.’142
‘Yes, I remember reading about it in the newspapers. Terrible. I felt really sorry for her boyfriend’ she stopped. I looked at her. And she looked at me as if the penny had suddenly dropped. ‘You’ she said, eyes wide. I nodded. We then talked about it at great length for a couple of hours. I felt I could open up to her. I could feel my paranoia slowly slipping away. This is cool. It was really nice to talk to someone about it, get a lot of it off my chest, so to speak.143
‘So you never found out who did it then?’ she asked.144
‘No, I know the faces, but I can’t put any names to them.’145
‘That’s so sad’ she said sympathetically. I pretty much told her everything about Sam and I, about what had happened to us both, only really leaving out details of my medical condition and the circumstances of mine and Sam's meeting.146
‘So what did you do to them, exactly?' she asked.147
‘Well, you were there for the first bit. Chloroform them first; put them into back of the van. Let them sleep it off for a bit, which is handy because it gives me time to set up the props.’148
‘Props? What do you mean by props?’149
‘Well, I’ve painted up some cardboard mini reapers. So I prop them up. Put a couple of stakes in the ground, tie petrol covered rags to them and light them to look like torches. I then tie the helpless victims up naked to the trees.’150
‘Naked? Why do you tie them up naked?’151
‘Well, it’s to increase their feeling of vulnerability when they wake up.’152
‘Oh I see, brilliant’ she smiled with a small giggle.153
‘Then I tape their hands into fists and tape rubber hands onto them.’154
‘What do you do that for?’155
‘It’s all part of the show, I’ll explain that in a minute’ I said, seeing her quizzical look and the word ‘show’ about to form on her lips.156
‘Right where was I? Oh yeah, then I tape their knobs to their arses.’157
‘Don’t tell me. Another part of the show?’158
‘You got it. I then put about 4 acid tabs under their tongues.’159
‘Four?’ she said, eyes wide.160
‘Yeah, well let’s not forget that the people we are dealing with are complete wankers.’ 161
‘Yeah, I suppose. What are they like when they come through on the acid?’162
‘Oh, they’re a bit freaked. They don’t know where they are or how they got there. Then they start thinking about their predicament.’163
‘So what happens then?’164
‘That’s where I come in dressed as the grim reaper.’165
‘So why the grim reaper?’ she asked.166
Boy, is she full of questions or what?167
‘Well psychologically speaking, the main thing anyone fears is death. So the personification of their morality really gives them something to think about. Then I give them a bit of a speech about the sins they have done and how they should repent Then I cut off the rubber hands leaving them to believe I’ve cut off their hands, which isn’t difficult when they’re tripping their faces off. I then thrust a pork and beef sausage into their groinal area and make them think I’ve cut their knob off. Give them a bit more spiel and put earplugs into their ears. I then leave them trip for a couple of hours in silence’ I explained. She just seemed to look on in awe. ‘Then I take out the earplugs and see what they’ve got to say for themselves, then I cut them down and set them free. The rest to my knowledge is what I’ve read in the newspapers’ I concluded. She looked at me and smiled.168
‘Wow, do you get a kick out of it?’ she asked. I laughed.169
‘I wouldn’t call it so much a kick. Maybe a bit of a buzz, you know, the fact I have brought justice to them.’170
‘So all you’re doing really then is giving them a bad trip.’171
‘Yeah, that’s about the size of it.’172
‘How did you know how to find the 3 that attacked me, last night?’173
‘Well believe it or not, it was purely by chance.’174
‘By chance?’175
‘Yeah, I only know the estate by reputation. So I just positioned myself in different parts of the estate, waiting for a crime to happen. To be able to try it out.’176
‘So last night was the first time you’ve done it?’177
‘Well I think it would have hit the papers, if I had done it before.’178
‘Yeah, I suppose it would.’179
‘See, that’s my one stumbling block. I don’t know who the criminal element are. Another ten minutes and I’d have been gone either to another spot or even home.'180
‘Well I’m glad you didn’t.’181
‘So am I. I’d have gone on such a guilt trip.’182
‘Why? You didn’t even know me.’183
‘Well, yeah. I know, but if I’d have read in the newspaper that you had been raped or killed, knowing that I’d been there ten minutes earlier, looking for something like this to happen. Then I’d have been left thinking, if I’d stayed around just a little longer, I could have saved that girl.’184
‘Ah, I see what you mean. So last night wasn’t a one off then.’185
‘No, as I said. I haven’t got a clue who these people are.’186
‘Well, as it happens I could probably help you there.’187
‘Yeah? What or who do you know?’188
‘Well between living in this area and working in the pub, I’m privy to a lot of information about who’s done what to who and other such neighbourly gossip. Sometimes, months before the police work it out. I’ve always been gutted that I haven’t been about to do anything about it, for fear of retaliation.’189
‘I see, now let me get this right. What you are suggesting is, you point them out and I bump them off.’190
‘Bump them off? What do you mean bump them off’ she asked with a sudden, serious concerned look on her face. I smirked.191
‘Sorry, what I meant …, is, I take them to the valley of darkness to meet the Grim Reaper and face death. I didn’t mean I was literally going to bump them off.’192
‘Ah that’s alright then. You had me worried for a minute’ she sighed and then smiled. ‘You gave me palpitations’ she laughed. I then looked at her seriously.193
‘Just one thing, Debs, you’ve got to give me some sort of proof that these people have done what you say they’ve done.’194
‘What do you mean proof?’195
‘Well, you know, newspapers, documents, library records, anything like that. You see, no personal offence intended towards you, but I’ve only just met you and I could do time for what I’m doing in either a prison or a mental institute. I think it would be stupid of me to just take your word for it. If I’m getting these people, I want to know I’m doing the right thing’ I said, as equally serious as I looked. She nodded her understanding.196
‘Yeah, that’s fair enough, I can see your point’ she said, and got to her feet. ‘Come with me I think I can get you started’ she continued.197
‘Cool’ I replied, eyebrows raised and I stood up. She led me through a hallway into the kitchen. The layout of the place seems to be near enough the same as mine. She led me to the cupboard under the stairs, beside the kitchen door and opened it. Inside stood three knee high piles of newspapers.198
‘There you go’ she said, with a displaying gesture. We both got on our knees to look at them. ‘That’s everything for about the last three months.’199
‘Wow, why do you keep so many papers?’200
‘Well, between 3 cats and a leaky washing machine, they don’t go unused’ she said, and smiled.201
‘Cool’ I replied, still gob smacked. She then began flicking through the newspapers, determinedly.202
‘I remember reading a couple of weeks back about 3 likely candidates for the valley of darkness. Ah, this is the one’ she said, suddenly taking one from the pile.203
‘Yeah? what did they do? I asked. She began to flick through the pages.204
‘They gang raped a sixteen year old girl. They beat her up pretty bad as well.’205
‘That’s terrible. What did the police do about it?’206
‘Well, they arrested them on suspicion, but they had to let them go. Lack of evidence.’207
‘Here we are’ she said finding the page. She quickly ran her finger down the page to find the place she was looking for. Then finding it, she began to quote it to me.208
‘In her statement, the un-named girl claimed she couldn’t clearly see who her attackers were, because they wore stockings over their faces, and upon being pinned down and raped, she discovered they were wearing rubber gloves and condoms’ she read. I just looked at her, shocked.209
‘That’s mad. How did the police make the connection then?’210
‘Oh, apparently they had an anonymous phone call to say they were seen leaving the area, via the back gardens by someone who knew them.’211
‘I see, and with no one to testify to them leaving the area. They can’t prove anything.’212
‘That’s right. They let them go, just like that.’213
‘What makes you so sure that they did it?’214
‘They threatened to do it to a friend of mine’ she said, seriously. I looked at her dubiously.215
‘Well, how did that come about?’216
‘Oh, apparently she had a row with one of them a couple of weeks back. He said something really rude about her father and she said ‘Well at least he doesn’t have to rape young girls for kicks’ and he walked up to her, looked her straight in the eye and said “You’d better watch what you say or you maybe next.” She was really shaken up about it’ she said earnestly. I nodded.217
‘Was she definitely telling the truth?’ I asked.218
‘Well she’s not the kind of girl who’d make something like that up’ she replied defensively.219
‘So you know them, then?’ I queried.220
‘Yeah, one of them lives about 12 doors down.’221
‘What? It happened up here.’222
‘Yeah, around the back of the flats by the garages.’223
‘When was that, then?’224
‘Oh, about a month or two ago.’225
‘You’ll have to show me where they live then. I’m sure we can make an appointment with the Reaper for them.’226
‘It would be easier to show you the one twelve doors down. The other two spend most of their time there.’227
‘Cool, that makes them easier prey. When do you fancy doing it?’228
‘How about now?’ she said. I looked at my watch.229
‘I don’t know, it’s half past two. It’s a bit late now.’230
‘It’s still about 6 or 7 hours before it gets light.’231
‘Yeah, but they sleep for about 4 hours after the chloroform.’232
‘Shame, I was looking forward to seeing you in action’ she said with mock disappointment. I smiled.233
‘How about tomorrow night? It starts getting dark about 9 o’clock doesn’t it? If we could hit them for about 10/11 o’clock. They’d probably come through for about 2 or 3. Which would give us the best part of about 8 or 9 hours before it gets light.’234
‘Alright then. Yeah, it’s a date.’235
‘The only thing is we’re going to have to lure them into the open.’236
‘What do you have in mind?’237
‘Well, I really don’t know how to ask you this.’238
‘You want me to be the bait?’239
‘Yeah, sort of …, you hook em, I catch em. What do you say?’240
‘I don’t know. Let me think about it’ she said thoughtfully.241
‘Yeah, no worries. There’s no pressure. If you don’t want to do it, I can always find other ways around it.’242
‘Yeah, but I want to feel like I’m doing my bit. I mean I know it’s your show. But I want to see these bastards off the street as much as you do.’243
‘Are you sure, you know what you’re getting into?’244
‘No not fully. But it’s the most exciting thing that has happened to me in years. Call me sadistic if you will, but it would make me feel good to see these bastards genuinely begging for forgiveness.’245
‘So long as you are sure, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not happy with.’246
‘You can count me in’ she said thoughtfully’ and thinking about it. Yeah, I will be the bait. As long as I know you’re there, I’ll feel safer.’247
‘Good, good, good, that’s the spirit.’248
‘Do you want another coffee, while we’re out here?’ she asked, waving her arm about the kitchen.249
‘Yeah, go on then. Cheers, that’d be great’ I replied. We then had another coffee and continued talking, getting to know each other better.250
Eventually she asked me if I wanted to stay over, as she was a bit tired to give me a lift home. I told her it wasn’t a problem and that I didn’t mind walking. But she became insistent and got me some bedding. So I crashed out on the settee when she went to bed.251
Yes, tonight has been a very good night. Everything has turned out a lot better than I thought it would. So now I have a side kick. I suppose it will be strange, doing the reaper show tomorrow. A sole audience member and three unwilling participants. I hope I don’t get stage fright. Yeah, it’s all coming together really well.252
And with many similar thoughts, I went to sleep.253
I got up feeling great the next morning. I’ve got to be fair; it’s a very comfy couch. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my mind. I quickly checked over my cuts, running my finger tips over the top of the bandages. 254
Good, good, good. There doesn’t seem to have been any bleeding. 255
I then got to my feet and pulled on my jeans and tee-shirt, sat down again and lit a fag to get my head together. I looked at the time on the clock on the wall.256
11.30 a.m. Cool, I haven’t had a bad sleep then.257
I then foraged about the coffee table in front of me for an ashtray and noticed the note Debbie had left me.258
Dear Richie,259
I’ve had to nip out to the shops and over to my Mums, so I’ll see you later.260
Help yourself to tea/coffee or anything in the kitchen, and you’re welcome to have a bath or a shower if you fancy it.261
I’m looking forward to tonight, it should be good.262
Loads of Love,263
Debbie264
xxxx265
I tapped my ash into the found ashtray, and smiled to myself.266
Oh, I’ve got butterflies in my stomach, I’ve got quite a performance to live up to tonight, haven’t I?267
When I’d finished my fag, I got up and made my way into the kitchen. I put on the kettle and made a cuppa. I then sat down to drink it in front of the TV. An old episode of 'Family Guy' providing my entertainment.268
Boy I love cartoons. The Simpsons, Ren & Stimpy, Tom and Jerry, Road Runner, Bugs and Daffy …, need I go on, the list is endless.269
On watching the end of 'Family Guy', I went upstairs and gave myself a bit of a splash down in the shower, carefully trying to avoid the bandages. I then got dressed and made my way home.270
On getting home, I started to prepare all my props and getting it all ready for the evening. Including the 3 mirrors and the cushion covers. I piled it all nicely in the doorway, ready to go out to the van. Put it in after dark to avoid drawing attention to myself.271
Right, my skull mask? Where is it?272
I then found it.273
Shit, I haven’t knocked off the dry flour and water. I’d better bring the bin in here.274
I picked up the mask and a load of crumbling bits of dried flour and water dropped from it. I held it over the bin and banged it with the hand brush from the dustpan and brush, using the head of the said brush to knock off the cracked fragments of white flour bits into the bin. I then used my fingers to rub all the excess bits off.275
Thinking about it, I’d better prepare the mask ready for tonight.276
Firstly I poured some flour into a bowl and added some water. Then stir it together until you have a gluey, pasty mix. I then began to smear it onto the mask, covering its plastic false hood. Carefully making sure not to miss any bits. Then you let it dry, and later you have a very effective bone like texture. It took me about 20 minutes and really looks quite convincing.277
Looking at it does give me another idea. If I smear flour and water on their faces before they wake up. Smear it from the forehead to chin and they see themselves in that state in the mirror. Yes, wait for it to start drying and cracking. And maybe if I add some red food colouring for effect. Yes, and when it starts to dry out, it gets tighter and clings to the face as it cracks; feeling like your face is compressed and uncomfortable. Wow, that is going to feel unbelievable on acid, especially when they don’t know what’s happening. They’ll probably feel like their faces are being eaten away or rotting or something.278
I remember we used to make ourselves up for Halloween with flour, water and food colouring, when we were younger (my brother and I) for ‘Trick or Treat’ or Halloween parties as we grew older. Yes, I won a lot of fancy dresses with it. After wearing it for about four hours you really want to tear it off, because it tightens to the extent that you have problems talking. Harmless though. Anyway enough of reminiscing old times (oh happy days). Back to the job at present. When I was happy I’d finished the skull mask, I left it out on the top to dry on some newspaper.279
I’m glad I remembered to take Debbie’s phone number before I left her house; I’ll have to give her a ring to find out what time she wants to get started.280
So I gave her a ring, the outcome being that I’ve got to call around for her at 9 o’clock. 281
Good, that gives me a couple of hours to kill. So I think I’ll go and watch some cartoons or Star Trek or something.282
I quickly had a look through my videos and picked out a Star Trek (TNG) I hadn’t seen for a while and put my feet up and relaxed for a couple of hours. It was nice, I dozed off for a bit into one of those half sleeps. You know, the ones where you’re not quite awake, but not quite asleep. I suppose it’s almost like tripping. It’s amazing how your mind can conjure up so many different things in so short a space of time.283
When I fully came to, I looked at the time. It was 20.17. So I got up, went to the bathroom, splashed my face to wake me up a bit. 284
I went back into the front room, had a fag while an episode of Star Trek blared off at me from the TV. ‘Bloody hell, it’s dark already’ I said, realising the darkness that surrounded me. 285
Maybe I should turn on a light, but then people would know I am here. I don’t want people calling in now, do I?286
No I suppose not, we could do without that.287
Yeah, they’ll want to talk, and I’m just not in the mood for talking and haven’t really got that much time.288
Bloody hell, I wasn’t kidding the other night when I said it felt like a dress rehearsal. I feel like I’ve got opening night jitters, performance nerves. I just hope my new props and provisions end up successful. 289
So I sat back down, finished my cigarette and watched the end of Star Trek. That took me to about 20.39. I thought ‘Right, have a quick coffee.’ So I turned off the TV and video and nipped out the kitchen for a quick coffee. I put about half a gram of speed in it, so by about 20.55 I was racing my head off.290
I grabbed the bag of little things, chloroform, handkerchief, fake hands, masking tape, scissors, blade, an open bag of flour and canister of water. I loaded it all into the van, including the stuff in the hall and made my way off.291
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