As i go about my day fighting the darkness that surrounds me, I can taste, feel, and know the hate that blooms.1
I scream and I yell, and I even slam the door to my room.2
I look at the objects of my room to make it quick and easy, or just painful and messy.3
The darkness surrounds me thick and deep, I see the fangs of nightmares that awoke me from my sleep.4
I get on my knees and try to face the light, wanting these feelings to be alright.5
Soon the darkness leaves, as I look around and I could actually breath.6
I look down the hall, and I see the sibbllings that I love, yet the black mist that surrounded me is now in their touch.7
Will they know what to do ? Should I tell or just watch ? Should I wake from my dream and watch the t.v. program Lost ?
Author notes
My SW name should not be judged of what I read or even write. So please if you make a comment, do it with a pure heart....thank you
A contest entry
- WANTED! Dark, Dreary, Depressing Poems by Friesian.
300 points, ended April 26, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I understand this feeling all too well mate..."The darkness surrounds me thick and deep, I see the fangs of nightmares that awoke me from my sleep." Good poem.
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wow! its awsumness HM lolz keep it up otay
luv, sky xoxo
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Wow indeed
Thank you Sky !! I actually had fun writing this and actually amazed how it turned out, this is really one of my favorite short stories that I wrote among many others, yet to have you stop by and leave a comment meas so much. Thank you Sky for stopping by and taking a read !
-Hismercy
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Wow i really like this HM welldone
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Yaoi !!
I know you posted this comment a few weeks ago, actually when you posted this I was on a 4 day road trip and when I finally got back online I slowly narowed down the feedbacks and stories that I was going to read.
Yaoi, it is a pleasure to see that you commented here, yourfeedback is very appreciated.
-Hismercy
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Hey, I liked this. You worked well on this and I like the way it kinda rhymed, yet was in a half prose fashion. Interesting and deep. Well Done. Kais =)
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What a pleasure
Thank you empress, I appreciate you stopping by and reading this a few weeks ago, at the time you posted this I was actually in a move across the states and I believe my internet was turned off, so now that I am settled in now, I am slowly replying to those around me.
I infact did work my bumb off on this story, yet I had lots of fun doing this story, and I believe thats what counts. I really do appreciate your comment empress !!
-Hismercy
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I kinda like this... i have read some of your other stuff but this is one of the ones I like the most
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Thank you Fox
I know you wrote this comment a couple months back, I was in the moving process trying my best to help my parents pack their 2 story house, well now that everythings moved and settled now, I needed to get on SW and give my appreciations to those who left comments on how they felt or what they saw in these writings.
If I may ask....What kind of stories are you deeply into ?
-Hismercy
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At first glance this seemed like something you wrote at a hard time but the way it ended, telling that it was a dream was the finishing touch.
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This is really good. It is one of those story/poems that makes you really think. Good job!
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Thank you rose !
Our of all the stories that have been written, you spoke on one of my favorite pieces that was written !
Yes I admit its dark story/ poem, but like you said- it was one of those that really made you think.
Thanks for taking the time and commenting !
-Hismercy
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oh
this was cool, i don't judge your sw name! it is cool, what u write is cool!
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Ivorly, your cool
Thats awesome Ivorly, I appreciate you stopping by and taking a read on this short poem/story !
Honestly this one of my favorites to write !
I'm not sure another story will flow out of my fingertips like was shown on this story, yet I had a great time expressing this, allot !
-Hismercy
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WOW
I think this is great. Don't worry about what people think of you. You're an amazing writer and shouldn't take that for granted. Everything flows and keeps me eager to keep reading. Well Done.
P.S. Thanks for commenting on my first poem.
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look at featherstream, not the green eyes of the kitty
Featherstream.....your words of encouragement and sharing on this poem means allot !
I appreciate the 3 clappy people, as well as yourself stopping by !
(and you are so welcome on your first poem !)
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This is a powerful write and the emotions in it just blew me away right off bat. I can feel the terror in the words that you have written. Congrats on getting an hm for this piece
~Joann
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And thank you ! for taking the time to read what was written.
-Hismercy
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O.o
Really powerful stuff! It was beautiful and heart-breaking! The words..the senses...mingled together perfectly! I really like it! Great job!
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Wondering is it about ur childhood or just purely nightmarish dreams... I certainly know the feeling of waking upon nightmares, wondering if I should fall back asleep or watch t.v...
I thought that in all its contentedness it was purely suburb.. quick..interesting, dark, and mysterious
well done Mercy
You have captured my attention
Good luck with the poem
~~! Blair
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Friesian & Prodigious & others
Thank you so much for taking the time aside to read this !
Both of your comments of direction and thoughts, are taken to the heart of how to think and what to share next.
For those who take the time to even read this after the contest, please continue to leave a comment of your thought and heart.
-Hismercy
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