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S R Murders2
By Andy Stephenson and Geri Fitzsimmons 3
Chapter Nine4
Sixteen hours ago when Farley brought his suspicions with files to back them up to Taylor’s attention, his Captain had been ecstatic. 5
Captain Hector Taylor was certain he’d just been handed the means to get himself noticed at One Police Plaza; he might even get the opportunity to catch the Mayor’s ear. He’d almost salivated as he discussed strategy with Farley. His first major obstacle would be jurisdiction. True, several of the deaths, along with other situations tied the victims to his jurisdiction. Then to, it was his detectives who traced the connections and uncovered what looked to be Serial Killings.6
That had been yesterday, this morning things didn’t look so promising. The ax was about to fall and Joe Farley had spent the last twenty minutes waiting with Taylor who’d been ripping Farley a new one for interfering with 61’s investigation.7
In the confines of the numerous precincts of the mammoth city, it was a well-documented fact that an official visit from One Police Plaza meant trouble. The more ‘fruit salad’ pinned on the uniform of the visitor, the more trouble you were in.8
Deputy Chief Rafael Carbonetti, the byproduct of a Mexican mother and Sicilian father, walked with the swagger of an important man under five seven. His hundred and forty five pounds bounced up and down as if attempting to match Sergeant Bradley Benson’s six two height as they walked down the hall of precinct 66.9
Without waiting for an introduction Carbonetti threw the door open and moved quickly into the room just as Captain Hector Taylor, raised a twenty pounds over regulation size body from his newly inherited over priced swivel chair. 10
Carbonetti, whose size didn’t prevent his tone from reaching just an octave over the massive Taylor, immediately took charge of the conversation. “Since when does a two bit sergeant inject himself into another precinct’s investigation? And you, Taylor? Since when did you stop running this precinct.” 11
Benson just shrugged his shoulders at Farley and paused a couple of steps into the room to shut the door. They’d known each other too long for either to suspect the other had hand in what was occurring.12
What little respect Farley had for Hector Taylor completely dissipated as he watched the man shrink into his own skin. Carbonetti, waved one hand at Taylor and the Captain moved away from his desk relinquishing his throne to Carbonetti.13
In deference to the Deputy Chief the other men parked stiffly in chairs. 14
Carbonetti rapped his fingertips on the desk as if typing the words that exploded from his mouth. “You stirred up a hornets nest Farley. Just what the Mayor needs in an election year. Ten deaths in six months classified as suicides, now you tell us they are more likely murders. Oh the press would love to get a hold of that. “ The no smoking ban had been in effect for years. Carbonetti lit up and tossed the package of Camels on the desk. No one took the offer and he smoked alone.15
He motioned towards the phone, as he went on, “The Chief and the Commissioner are in conference at Gracie Mansion as we speak. We’ll be hearing from them soon. Now, I want to see all the paper work you have on this Farley. “16
Before Farley could answer, Taylor was out of his chair, took the two steps to reach his desk and moved the neatly piled folders Farley had given him the day before in front of Carbonetti.17
So Farley gagged back his, “They’re right there.” He let the hand he intended to motion with drop back in his lap. Everyone sat silently as the Deputy Chief acquainted himself with the questionable suicides. Still, though the paperwork kept flipping over, it appeared to Farley, Carbonetti wasn’t all that intent on what he was reading. His interest lay more in the desk phone his glance kept shifting towards.18
Captain Taylor had remained standing, ready to explain any question Carbonetti might have. Taylor’s eyes never left the phone. Farley had a vision of the ring that would create the scuffle as the two men tried to be the one to answer it.. Size didn’t give Taylor the edge because his opponent was small and swift.19
Carbonetti’s nasty habit of waving other men off came into play again as he flipped his right hand at Taylor, who sporting a sullen frown returned to his chair.20
Detective sergeant Benson was obviously following Farley’s example. He kept his mouth shut, and waited for the rest of the backlash to fall on him. After all Farley’s poking into the Michelle Baine Case, his case, started the hullabaloo they were involved in. Joe felt sorry for the guy. He knew Brad had sweat blood to earn his Detective’s shield. Only four years into his career, Benson didn’t have the thick hide, Farley’s twenty years of department politics had provided him.21
Suddenly the tones of ‘America the Beautiful’ erupted in the air and the startled men sat straighter. Carbonetti shoved away from the desk, pulling a cell phone from the belt holder at his waist. He was already talking into it, as he headed for the hall.22
“Guess we wait.” Farley said. Apparently they weren’t going to be privy to even Carbonetti end of the conversation.23
Benson sighed. Taylor glared. Benson said, “Think I could sneak past him, maybe round up some coffee?”24
“He does sort of make you feel like an adolescent,” Farley snickered as he got up and walked out the door. He threw back the promise, “I’ll get some coffee.”25
Farley had to keep an appointment with his two junior grade detectives. He’d planned on joining them this morning on a hunt for Michelle’s lover but now that seemed out of the question. He met them just entering his office.26
“I’m tied up with Brass,” he said.27
“We heard, “ Hamilin said. “You need some backup?” The generous grin on young man’s face made Farley feel some better.28
“I may need a coffin.” Farley joined in their laughter. 29
“So what can we do Sarge?” Hayes asked. 30
"Burn some shoe leather. Try to locate Michelle Baine's boyfriend. Pretty sure his first name is Hal. Try Goodson or Goodwin anything starting with Good for the last—but don’t depend on just that. You have already been to Michelle’s office. Start by canvassing a ten-block area around there with her picture and the sketch we have of him. Hit the retail stores and the restaurants. They may have met for lunch.”31
Hamilin rolled his eyes, but Hayes answered, "Sure thing, Sarge. We’ll get right on it. "32
Farley then confiscated a pot of fresh coffee and almost took just three cups, but realized the childishness of that action, and took another. He headed back to Taylor’s office.33
He hadn’t been absent long enough; Carbonetti was coming towards him flipping the cell phone closed and mumbling. They met at Taylor’s door. Surprising Farley, Cabonetti opened the door for him.34
“Suppose we can all do with some coffee,” the Deputy Chief said. “While I lay out the plans on how the Chief wants this handled.”35
In a list
A bit of editing would help along with opinions [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Ok so what does the chief plan on doing hmmm...I still can't seem to find a clue as to who this killer is and ya'll or doing a great job making sure you don't give out any sort of clues as well, Good Writing both of you....Keep it Up
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent to and fro conversations going on here with the detectives and the carbonetti. You have put just enough emphasis on the political part of this to put it into a different ball park. Damned politicians always poking around where they shouldn't. I like the way you had Taylor humping himself in the earlier part of the chapter, then heading for cover when carbonetti came on the scene. (I've noticed that Michelle has finally learnt her name, lol). You guys have once again tossed a little gem into the circle. Good going.
. Rewarded 8
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Politics is what keeps a free society functioning according to my Papa. Wealth can only get you so far—it’s who you know and how well you’re liked or feared that keeps you moving forward. (My country tiss of thee)
Whatever I’m writing I liked to throw in a bit of inter system politics with brown-nosing and game playing especially when there’s cops involved. Both Taylor and Carbonetti (not those names
) I’ve met a bunch of times over the years.
Now what did you think Of Brad?
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Good chapter with additional character exposition - in particular those that could influence the investigation in some way or form. Some grammar/punctuation edits, but it appears these have been picked up by earlier reviewers - I don't think I noticed anything addtional. Cops and politics - they always seem to go hand in hand, don't they - fighting like cockerals for the best perch and position.
Now... onto the next chapter.
. Rewarded 8
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You are on a roll again. So glad you picked up on this novel.
I value your opinion so please feel free to comment.
Geri
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Very interesting insight into the police department goings on.
Makes me wonder about the politics involved in policework. I'm glad Farley is still taking the initiative to follow up on leads. He does seem the type. The one thing I'm not sure about is the fact that you introduce an unexpected problem with no lead-in and then potentially solve it all in one chapter. I think I almost got whiplash. 
Other than that, this is still shaping up to be an excellent tale. I can't wait for them to nab that bad guy. 
Notes:
* Para 5: You use both "Taylor" and "Captain" to definie Captain Hector Taylor before you've properly introduced him, and it kind of made my wee little head spin. *laughs*
* Para 6: Try adding a comma after "other situations." Also, "Then to" should be "too" and I'm not sure you need to capitalize "Serial Killings." It's not a proper noun, is it?
* Para 7: Your first sentence is two sentences; try a semicolon instead of a comma. And what is "61's"?
* Para 10: Ack! You are in need of some hyphens, my friend - and one comma. Try this: "Without waiting for an introduction, Carbonetti threw the door open and moved quickly into the room just as Captain Hector Taylor [delete the comma here, please] raised a twenty-pounds-over-regulation-size body from his newly-inherited over-priced swivel chair." That will help clear up all of those dangling adjectives, I think.
* Para 16: Punctuation...
Use a period after "as he went on," a comma in "on this, Farley" and eliminate the space before the final quotation mark. [Apologies...I'm a bit of a punctuation junky 
]
* Para 18: Skip the "So" at the beginning here - I don't think it's necessary.
* Para 19: You have an extra period in this paragraph.
* Para 21: Add a comma after "After all" and remove the one after "thick hide."
* Para 23: You're missing a posessive: "to even Carbonetti's end of..."
* Para 28: "The generous grin on young man's face" - do you mean "the young man's face"? It would make a bit more sense.
* Para 34: You misspelled Carbonetti's name as "Cabonetti" here.
* Para 35: Try this: the Deputy Chief said, "while I lay out..." It's really a continuation of the previous sentence, after all.
. Rewarded 8
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Looks like you guys are having issues with the close quote on most of the dialogue. Check that out in revision. This was a very cool chapter. God, I know dickheads like Carbonetti. Little punks with power...makes me sick...you did a helluva job creating that character.
Good movement here. Looks like administration is pissed about Farley stepping on toes. Perhaps he and Benson will end up working together? We shall see...anxiously awaiting the next chapter....
Obviously, I do not know who the killer is, and honestly, I'm not sure how anyone would. But then, I'm diggin' the mystery and waiting to see where this goes...
Keep posting!
. Rewarded 8
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Morning Phil, we just can't seem to get caught up. Thanks for the great comments and for continuing to read.
Geri
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Interesting side track chapter here.
Seems brass would rather let the deaths remain suicides regardless of new info. But then no one likes bad press near election day. Politics rears it's ugly head once again.
This Taylor seems a bit weak-kneed for a captain. Farley doesn't appear too worried though since he's sending his guys right back out looking for more while the proverbial hammer's dropping.
I noticed a few mis-punctuations but you'll see them when rereading.
Interesting chapter. Let's see what chief says to do and then what Farley does anyway. lol
Greg
. Rewarded 8
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Greg, thanks for reading and the comments
Geting a wee bit behind here,
Geri
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Sixteen hours ago when Farley
needs a comma after ago
This chapter is good, but I found the beginning of it to be dragging a bit. Once i got past that and back into the story it worked well.
I noticed a few punctuation problems but on the whole it was a good read.. Rewarded 6
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Thanks so much for reading
.
We'll try to spice up the first half
in the next draft. Them investigative bits
just won’t sing like the murders and sex scenes 
.
Geri
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