***WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC, DISTURBING AND EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE AND MURDER, IF YOU DO NOT LIKE GORE, DO NOT READ***1
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The killer watched its prey; noting every nuance, every deviation from routine. The killer waited for the perfect opportunity; for it was what the killer did best.3
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The young blonde-haired woman pulled her parka around her closer, shivering as the wind picked up and drove the snow against her flawless skin. She clutched her shoulder bag against her right side, and tucked her head down as she braved the cold of the early winter’s dusk. Carefully placing one foot after another, she briskly strode along the sidewalk, hoping that her man would be along shortly. 5
She fingered the chunky gold charm bracelet on her left wrist, paying particular attention to the new key charm. Cars passed her at random intervals, and she glanced up as each disappeared into the falling gloom, growing disappointed with every minute of his non-appearance. 6
As the last rays of violet light succumbed to freezing darkness, a utility pulled beside her, and an interior light flicked on. An electric window wound down, and she smiled hesitantly as she approached.7
“You need a lift?” The man’s voice was warm and inviting. The woman ducked down, and caught a glimpse of his face. 8
“Sure – it’s getting cold out here – I really didn’t expect it to snow tonight,” she replied, glad of the offer. 9
He reached across the centre console and released the door catch. “I’ll turn the heat up for you too.” He smiled invitingly.10
She slid into the seat. “I’ve seen you round – you work up at the campus, don’t you?”11
His smile transformed as he flashed a toothy grin. “Contract builder – they’ve got me fixing F-Block’s room partitioning.”12
She secured her seat belt, and kept her shoulder bag on her lap as he pulled away from the curb. She glanced at the now closed window, the interior of the cab reflected by the glass. She watched the reflection as the man fiddled with the air conditioning settings, and sighed as a blast of warm air flowed over the denim of her snow-moistened jeans.13
“What do you do on campus? Student?” he queried.14
“Post-grad – and a tutor for one of the undergrad lecturers,” she replied, paying more attention to the undulating white line of the road than the inside of the cab. She reflexively grabbed the armrest of the door as the vehicle swerved suddenly. She gasped as something pricked her neck.15
“Put these on,” her driver growled, thrusting a pair of metal handcuffs in her face. “Do it, or I’ll slit your pretty throat.”16
She nodded her compliance, taking the cuffs with a shaking hand. “What?” she murmured, surprised by the suddenness of his move. He rewarded her with a grunt and further pressure on the knife.17
“Shut the fuck up, and put the cuffs on,” he hissed maliciously.18
She fumbled one cuff around her wrist, followed by the other. He lowered the knife, swapping it to his left hand. He reached his right hand back across and shook the chain connecting the cuffs. Apparently happy with the result, he dropped her wrists. “Try anything and I’ll cut you. Do you understand?”19
She mumbled acceptance, her attention focused on the open road. Twenty minutes later the vehicle slowed, and she surmised that he had reached his final destination. After he put the car in park, he pressed the control for the electric windows, and the one on her side inched down.20
“Put your wrists in the window,” he commanded.21
She did so, wincing as he wound the window back up, trapping her wrists. Leaving the key in the ignition, he exited the vehicle and walked around to her door. He yanked it open, and she tumbled out into snow, her wrists protesting. She held onto a cry as he wrenched her to her feet. Knife against her throat again, he reached in front of her and thumbed the armrest control for the power windows.22
“Slowly pull your hands free,” he demanded as he took a step back, away from her range of swing.23
She reluctantly withdrew her hands from their entrapment, whimpering slightly.24
He grabbed the back of her parka, and she again found herself at knifepoint. He swivelled her to face a wooded area. “Walk,” he commanded brusquely as he nudged her with his hand.25
She stumbled forward, his breath hot against her neck as he prodded her in the right direction. Suddenly, he kicked her in the back of her knees, and she fell, face forward, into the snow. She cried out as he roughly grabbed her neck and yanked her up until she rested on her knees. She shied away as he touched her blonde hair.26
As he caressed her neck, the corners of her mouth twitched as a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips. Without glancing down, she manoeuvred her charm bracelet until she could catch the key attached. Seconds later, she had the key – which was no ordinary charm – fitted into the lock and the left cuff. Making another exaggerated whimper, she unlocked the cuff and slid her hand free.27
“I’m going to enjoy killing you,” the man behind her whispered.28
She rolled her eyes. “No, you’re not,” she replied, the mirth apparent in her voice.29
He replied by dropping a length of rope, fashioned into noose, over her head. He tightened it. “Oh, yes I am,” he confidently stated.30
As he bent over her, she flung one elbow back into his groin, while simultaneously crashing her other fist up into his face. As he groaned and stepped back, she rolled to the side and rose to face him. “Actually, the pleasure will be all mine,” she smirked.31
Indignant, he glared at her. “What the fuck?”32
She held the metal cuff, displaying her freedom. “So predictable,” she sneered as she approached him. Drawing both hands together, she swung back, pantomiming holding a baseball bat. Without warning, she swung forward in a strong arc, catching the surprised man across his left temple.33
She watched with satisfaction as his knees buckled and he crumpled to the ground, unconscious. She reached up and removed the nylon rope, which had hung as a bizarre necktie about her throat, loosening it only enough to slip it back over her head. She approached the man cautiously, but once assured that he was still unconscious, she bound one of his wrists with the rope. Grabbing both hands, she dragged him nearly two metres across the snow to the foot of a wide-girthed tree. Resting his back against the trunk, she wound the end of the rope around the tree and affixed the free end securely to his other wrist.34
Stepping back, she left him to retrieve both her bag and a few other things from his vehicle. She returned, carrying both her shoulder bag, and a black gym bag, just as he regained consciousness.35
Glowering at her, he made several unsuccessful attempts to free himself. She smirked at his futile efforts as she dropped the bags off to one side. She sauntered to the opposite side, and began clearing snow from the ground. She ignored a round of his pointless questions as she nonchalantly began collecting sticks and fallen branches from the surrounding area. 36
“Struggling won’t help – you should save your energy,” she commented as she pulled a lighter from her bag. After lighting some paper she had shoved under the dry sticks, she sat back and regarded him.37
“What is your name?” she inquired, as the kindling crackled and the first of the smoke spiralled away.38
She noted how he glanced at the fire first, then up at her blank face, before his shoulders dropped in resignation.39
He didn’t answer, but asked a question in reply. “So you’ve called the cops?”40
She laughed, the genuine amusement at his question tinkling in the relative silence of the woods. “No. Everything has gone to plan so far – so why would I want to involve them?” She reached for the knife he had used to threaten her with earlier, and played with it, the flicker of the growing bonfire reflecting off the blade. “Are you going to tell me your name?” she asked, the question repeated with a hint of threat.41
His eyes travelled to his knife. “You don’t have the guts to use it,” he taunted.42
She rose swiftly and approached him. She brought the blade forward and rested the tip against his clavicle. “You don’t know me as well as I know you… Brian.” As surprise flittered across his face, she slashed the knife downwards. The fabric of his shirt and pants parted with barely a whisper, the tip of the blade coming mere millimetres to his skin.43
She jerked the fabric, exposing his pale flesh. “We all choose our prey differently, Brian. Mostly we find those that suit our purposes best – what they represent to us, what we gain by their deaths. We all want some sort of personal gratification – however twisted or depraved.” She ran the flat of the blade across his thigh and up his abdomen.44
“Some choose prey that won’t be missed, others the weak, and some amongst us crave the notoriety the killing brings. Most of all, we view ourselves as different – that by our actions we stand apart from the masses – the hunters of the sheep of conformity.” She eagerly watched as the truth dawned on his face.45
“We are a rare breed, Brian, you and I. Though, there is one fundamental difference between us – you hunt prey that is easy… I hunt the hunters,” she concluded. “I know, because I watch – I watch you as you hunt, as you select your prey.” She pulled back from him.46
“Your prey must be perfect – she needs to be slim, athletic, blonde…” She reached up to her own head and tugged the blonde wig from her cropped nutmeg hair, and tossed it into the fire. Acrid smoke curled upwards as flames immediately devoured it. 47
“She must be intelligent, but, importantly, alone. You wait for an ideal circumstance – preferably, as she walks home at dusk – even better if the weather is poor like tonight – and you offer shelter and a friendly face. You do crave some risk – you make sure your prey sees you on campus, that you are not a stranger,” she noted gleefully that he grew more incredulous of her insight by the second.48
“You make them comply…” She held up her right hand, where the cuffs still dangled. “…At knifepoint, then drive to a location you have chosen.” She glanced around pointedly, the golden light of the fire casting long shadows. “I approve, Brian – no one will hear you scream.”49
She poked the fire, adding more fuel. “You are methodical – always strangling them with a length of white nylon rope. Once they are dead, you violate their bodies in every way possible. When they are too cold to fuck, you hammer in their faces and take their hands.” She glanced at him over the fire, calmly taking his measure. His eyes closed, and his face filled with rapt attention. 50
“Just hearing about it excites you, Brian – and that is your weakness,” she spat snidely as she caught sight of his evident erection.51
She reached into her bag and withdrew a length of wood, five centimetres square and nearly thirty centimetres long. “Now I, Brian…” She approached again, drawing his attention by swaying her hips seductively. She reached out and trailed a finger across his chest and down one arm as she sauntered past. “I, quite simply, enjoy inflicting pain.”52
She reached the back of the tree and slipped the wood into a loop made in the slack of the rope.53
“Pure, unadulterated, pain,” she murmured as she twisted the wood, tightening the rope a fraction. Raising her voice, she continued. “The sort of pain that drives out all thought.” She spun the wood a full revolution, and grinned as the muscles in his arms strained and his fingers splayed.54
“Pain – where the only desire you have is that it ceases.” She twirled the wood again, the strain on his joints apparent as the small bones in his wrist start to part with tiny pops. As he moaned, she let go of the wood and came around in front of him. 55
“Just a taste – enjoy the reprieve,” she murmured dismissively as she unzipped the black sports bag. She chuckled as she retrieved a claw hammer, followed by four railway sleeper spikes from her own pockets. She viewed his reaction as she held them up for his appraisal.56
“Pain is a learning curve – you’d be surprised by how much the body can endure,” she explained as she resumed her previous position.57
“Please…” he begged.58
She snorted in disgust, the only reply she deemed necessary to give. Clinically, she continued with her lecture. “You have three joints that will give out under this incessant pressure…” She applied a full revolution. “First will likely be your wrists – your ligaments will rend from your bones – an excruciatingly painful experience.” She twisted again, and was rewarded with his first cry of pain, and the sound of his feet scrabbling across the ground.59
“Let it out, Brian,” she extolled with mock tenderness as she increased the strain on the rope. First, his left wrist gave a sickening pop, followed by his right with a protracted creak and audible snap. Another half twist extracted a drawn-out keen followed by shallow panting.60
“Torn ligaments are a bitch, aren’t they?” she commiserated sarcastically, “Hurts a damn sight more than a break.” She turned the wood another full revolution as he screamed, and his feet drummed against the frozen ground.61
“Finding it hard to breathe yet, Brain? Eventually, even screaming will hurt.” She twisted the wood brutally, and a guttural yell tore from his throat as both his elbows dislocated with wet sounds not unlike separating raw chicken wings.62
With two more slow twists, his shoulders finally dislocated. Finally unable to scream, he ground his jaw and she heard his teeth crunch and crack. She finished, nailing two of the sleeper spikes through each end of the length of wood. Angling the last two, each pinned a wrist, the lengths of steel driven carefully between the two bones in his lower arms, and into the wood of the trunk.63
Coming to the front again, she found him breathing shallowly, a thick rivulet of bloody drool hanging from his chin. New blood from the nails joined the sheen of sweat that covered most of his face and upper body. Smiling, she stepped back and poked the now raging bonfire. She held her hands against the heat thrown off by the flames. “That was just a warm-up, Brain – merely the start.” She regarded him interestedly as he found the energy to snap his head up and stare at her.64
She reached into her bag, pulling out a craft scalpel. “I know your mind, Brian, now I want your face.”65
“Wha…?” he managed around broken teeth and swollen tongue as she approached. 66
“It will make a fine addition to my collection,” she replied as she snagged his chin and held it. She carefully cut around his eyes and ears, as the spittle from his silent screams bathed her face. She finished with a thin line around the nape of his neck and under his chin. Using her nails, she leisurely peeled his scalp up and over his head, followed by the skin of his face. The tissues parted with moist slickness, and she needed to give a solid tug to separate the fleshy part of his nose from the surrounding cartilage. His bladder released as she ultimately removed his lips and skin of his chin.67
Holding his face up to the light she compared it with the underlying structures she had left behind. His musculature glistened wetly and she examined how each individual muscle or ligament twitched spasmodically as she held his skin to his exposed eyes. “And I am still not finished, Brian.” His eyes darted, jumping from her face to points around the clearing.68
“I always take their faces,” she replied to the plea in his eyes, “But I am adaptive and creative – in essence I like to inflict on my victims what they inflict on others.” She brought the scalpel knife down, and hacked his penis off, the fleshy member lying limp in her hand. She allowed bright blood to pulse out, the warm fluid drenching both her jeans and the pallid snow. Before he could bleed to death, she reached for a large stick that had fallen to the wayside of the bonfire.69
Flames still licking the end, she buried the glowing ember in his crotch, and the stench of scorched flesh and burnt blood assailed both their noses. Unlike her, Brian heaved in disgust. She retrieved a stubby stick, and with precision, impaled his detached manhood on it. Reaching down past the charred flesh, she rammed the penile kebab into his unwilling anus.70
Meeting with slight resistance, she grabbed and pulled his pelvis forward, and speared him with his own flesh; thrusting the macabre contrivance into him until the delicate fleshy tissue was mangled and indistinguishable. Every time she penetrated him, she leaned her forehead against his bony one, eye to eye, and drank in his pain.71
Leaving the stick buried in him, she reached out with a bloody hand for the discarded knife. Her eyes never leaving his face, she unhurriedly plunged the knife into the soft flesh of one side of his belly, then drew it across from left to right. His skin and fatty tissue parted as easily as his clothes had earlier, revealing quivering intestines. She laughed as she forced him to watch his intestines slither gelatinously to the bloody quagmire at her feet. He could do little but gasp as she reached down and caressed the steaming mass. 72
“And now the end has come at last,” she whispered as she lifted a strand up and looped it around his neck tightly. She gazed with wonder as his skinless face convulsed as she wound another loop around his neck, the second tighter than the first. After a third loop, she held both ends and pulled tightly, strangling the last of his life from him.73
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Holly Brunswick entered the FBI Building, swiping her pass-card first at ground level, then seven stories up to gain entry to the conference room. Special Agent Dupree glanced up as she entered; dressed in a conservative pants suit, with a gold crucifix at her throat, the criminal profiler swept into the room with an air of professionalism.75
“How was your holiday?” Agent Dupree inquired.76
“Refreshing,” she smiled. “What have you got for me? Another garden-variety serial killer, or am I going to be challenged this time?” she queried wryly, her gold charm bracelet clinking against the surface of the table as she sat down.77
“We have another victim.” He pushed a photo towards her. “Just like the others – DNA results link him to several unsolved murders of University women – five in total. I want to know if this is more than a spate of vigilante revenge killings.”78
Holly schooled her face into careful nonchalance as she studied the photo. The face of her ninth victim stared perpetually out from the shot, his face belying the true evilness she had glimpsed beneath the skin.
Author notes
Option 2
A contest entry
- Gore, gore and blood galore. by MalevolentDesire.
450 points, ended May 1, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Evil Options by BorntothePurple.
1200 points, ended June 28, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ghouls, They keep me company! by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
250 points, ended June 3, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - From the Other Side of the Tale... by Rachel Westwood.
500 points, ended May 30, 10 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Skeptical? We doubt that. by CactusJack.
900 points, ended June 10, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Murder Stories! by Swords of Ireland.
180 points, ended June 4, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Quixotic.
370 points, ended June 10, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - [ Creative Contest Name ] PREWRITES NOW ALLOWED! by La Maravilla.
175 points, ended June 23, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Oh So Twisted... by Naive..
425 points, ended July 15, 56 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - +++ All about Brian +++ by Intrepid.
350 points, ended July 20, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me PAIN! by Immortal Obscurity.
525 points, ended July 13, 24 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something. by HoneyAngel.
350 points, ended September 10, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Crazy Characters: Evil or Good by The Joker HaHa.
190 points, ended August 14, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - GORE FEST! by cole3313.
180 points, ended September 6, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds. by im.perfectly.flawed.
355 points, ended October 23, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Horror! by mharrington05.
230 points, ended October 10, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scare Me by ChemicalRomance13.
115 points, ended November 7, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Anything that you can think of (no sex or content like that) by Kazekage Gaara.
130 points, ended November 21, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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Stunningly graphic stuff, i can't tell you the horrible images your story conjures up. This was exactly the sort of thing i had in mind for the contest, the deepest and darkest and most depraved of human nature. And to think at the start i was thinking here we go again yet another standard serial killer, how wrong i was! My surprise at the twist must have been akin to that of your victim, excellent stuff, truly frightening and well written to boot. Good luck in the contest.
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Reminds me of the Television show Dexter.
How morbid and creative, made my tummy turn a little when she raped and took his face off him, and the pain of tearing a ligament or tendon made me cringe cause I know that pain all to well, and knowing he went through that so brutally.... *shivers*
What I liked best about this, is that it is a lovely woman working for the FBI =) How disturbing but feminine. Though the rape disturbed me, what a creative way to do so, not many man in hell could say that they have had that done to them.
Great work, chilling disturbing...
Thanks for entering and goodluck,
Lady Madeline.
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This must have been the most gorey, violent, toturous story I have read on storywrite thus far. (is torturous a word?)
It reminded me slightly of a book I'm reading now, which I am enjoying immensely (good for you!)
Anyways, this is an excellent job. You're really good at writing horror stories
Keep it up, and best of luck in your contests.
xoxox
Kevan. -
Vivid, creepy, and gory. The best three things.
No real complaints or criticism.
I enjoy most of your writing, but this is my favorite.
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Most definetly the goriest story I have read here on SW. It is fantastic! The more I read of your work, the more I see what a great gift you have for using imagery. The way you describe things you make them so real, I can picture them as they are happening. This is dark, twisted and sick but not once did I feel sorry for Brian, it may have been a particularly cruel way to die, but really no worse that what he did to women. So it was great to see the roles reversed and the woman being the powerful one! The torture scenes were brutal and made me wince at points but I'm sure this was your intention. This is not the sort of thing I would usually read but it kept me engrossed from the first line to the last - desperate to see how it would all end. And a great ending you gave it! Well done on this dark and wonderful piece of writing!
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Oh my gosh! It was the goryest one so far I loved it!!! It was brilliant and exciting and amazing. I LOVED it. I got goosebumbs. It was sick it was twisted it was gory. I La la la loved it.
(Im a morbid person.)
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oh my gosh! what a table turner! i really like the descriptions and it captivated me. keep up the good work
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A fine story.
Well executed and sustained, complete within itself but could easily work as a novel. I don't really care if it's not 100% "original", what is? It's original enough. This genre isn't so much about that, anyway...
Nice work.
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I fine with most of this, not in the least exactly bothered. I think the only part that I didn't like was the end of the 'torture' otherwise it was fairly good. I've heard of this concept before but haven't seen it on this site or at least my recent memory. Descriptive it is, plotfull, quite good really. Thank you for entering.
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The story is definitely very affecting. I found myself wincing at certain key points.
And the contest holder certainly can't complain...Holly is definitely empowered...though perhaps not in the way we would prefer.
I liked the attention to detail in this, the analysing of observations, the descriptions of consequences, very nice.
(I'm only sad this isn't a programming story
)
good luck in the contest. -
I really really liked the fight scean where Holly freed herself from the killer. It was a great sequence. I'm not sure I really like the message this story is premoting tho.
On the tecnical side of things I thought that your descriptions were vivid and your charactors real and beleivable.
Well done and good luck with the contest =^.^= -
I've read this story once before and what is amazing is that it never gets old. I love how she is a serial killer vigilante. Exactly what I wanted. Reminded me of a more f!@#ked up Dexter. Thanks for entering
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I more than loved reading this story. It was disturbing, graphic, and thrilling all at the same time. I love torture stories and this one was the best one I've ever read on this site. I love gore too so this was another reason for me to like this. The victim ended up becoming the killer and the killer became the victim. And who would've thought she was the FBI agent as well? Great job with this.
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I've read this story before but I didn't comment.
I loved this story very much. It's slightly longer then what I'd usually read but only because I have a short attention span. But I remember how much I loved it and I still do.
I love the way it flips around to her being an FBI agent and all that going off and killing all the people who have murdered. It's such a twist and I loved reading it every minute. It's a great story and I loved all the mind tricks in it and how she tortures him.
Good job, it's fantastic.
Good luck.
Angel
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Oh wow that kept me really interested! And it was the least thing that I expected the girl to do. It was very scary, disturbing even. It makes you now think twice about picking up strangers, even females. Nicely done and well written. Thanks for entering the contest!
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Oh My God.
Nuff said.
I mean -- OH BOY, have you got a sick mind, lady.
I'm surprised, but it was a hell of a read, and the twist at the end only made it more enjoyable.
And I like that you made the killer a woman. Nice one.
RJ
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It was a long story But I loved it, I think it was quiet a frightful one and I loved the chracter portrayles though the story.. I devour the nature of the story with glee...
good luck
thanks for entering
blair <3 -
Great short story! Flowed really well and kept me hooked till the end,bit on the gorry side for me but still i couldn't turn away! Just one thing-would the guy not pass out with the pain at some point even before his face was cut off?!
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Very nicely done the plot had twists and turns and flowed very well the descriptions were very strong in my opinion. again nicley done.
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O.O
Damn. This was incredible. The plot and its various twists were amazing, unexpected, and very well thought out. I enjoyed your gross descriptions simply because they were very gross, but you included them anyway. This was extremely well-written and I could find no mistakes, probably because I was so taken in by this story. One of the best graphic stories I've read on this site. Great job.
Good luck and thanks for entering. =]
-jj
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Forgot applause
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Excellent
This is really wonderful. I love some good gore, and in this case I could enjoy it purely guilt-free, as the victim is a serial killer. I loved they twist in this. Having her be FBI added cool new dimension and really made sense, as she would have more access to files and information about murder suspects to make her 'hunting' easier. This is really exactly the kind of thing I was looking for, and I love how you so seamlessly included more than two of the things I mentioned. I am so very happy that I inspired you to create this great story- the whole point of the contest was to get people to create great stuff that they wouldn't have thought of otherwise. I see that you won quite a few trophies with this- I think you deserve them very much, and, like I said, I am honored to know that I had a hand in inspring this great story.
You know, you should consider expanding this and making it into chapters. -
i've got goosebumps...
this gave me chills. your descriptions were superb. captivating. good good job. thanks so so so so so much muchisisimas gracias for entering this in my contest!
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Wow!!
I am surprised. I've written some pretty horrid stuff, but you may have surpassed me. You are definitely more descriptive. Hmm. I have a female serial killer who becomes a cop for the Kansas State Police, but the description of the killings doesn't compare. I guess I must say that I'm impressed.
Thanks for adding this to Monsters, Demons, and Villains reading list
Andy
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I actually commented on this some time ago when I read it recreationally, so I'm not sure what point there is in commenting again. I loved it the first time, so of course I love it now. I suppose if you really want I could comb through it and pick out any errors, but I don't remember any. It's too bad I've read this one before, in a way... it would have had even more impact on me if this were my first read. As it is, though, it's still good to read again!
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Like Dexter, but with a woman, and that much more disturbing. I like it!
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Well-written and entertaining. I love the twist at the end and it lends credit as to why our killer of killers was so well-prepared. I wasn't quite sure someone would still be conscious after all of that, but the descriptions were haunting, gross, and freaky, so I didn't mind.
Great, disturbing read!
P.S.- Did you research anatomy or something to get those descriptions? -
Definately not my kind of story, but very well written. You seem to have a strong command over description, but sometimes the place setting was a bit confusing. thanks for entering. Well done with this.
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Bloody hell, Mate! I was wincing and wriggling the entire time, my jaw aslack, it was amazing though, I would probably explode if me mind worked like yers, very nice indeed.
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My jaw was hanging with awe as I finished reading this piece. The description of the torture was so... so... I'm lost for words!! I can actually picture myself standing there, no, being that poor man. I cringed when the shoulder finally gave way like chicken wings. The penis kebab was the best touch, I would have never thought of it.
Good luck in your contests.
PS: I wonder what she does with those faces...
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Well, this is one of the best stories I've read on this site.
No complaints. -
Well...
Well, this is the first story I've read here on storywrite.com
I write mostly on allpoetry.com where I have a good amount of stuff posted. I am JUST beginning here, with this contest. I just read your story, and I have to say, WOW.
Now, let me tell you what I thought past the WOW. At the end, it reminded me of the TV show Dexter, if you've seen that. I havn't really begun to experiment with writing stories, but I'd work on your word choice a little bit. You used the world snarled a few times when he was abducting her, which I think it could have done without. All in all, I was really impressed, and also, disgusted. It made me feel terrible, but as for the quality of writing, WAY TO GO! LOL
Brandon -
Holy f*ck!
This was...amazing. I realized about three-quarters of the way through that my mouth was hanging open. I haven't felt this uncomfortable reading a story in years and that's what makes this so absolutely brilliant.
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Hmmm.
"Penile kebob?!" "Gelatinous mass of slithering, steaming intestines?" What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? I had to laugh at my own silly bit of "violence" when Harold merely tosses Isaiah into the furnace! Fete Complis!
Finis! But your guy...!(The femme fatale) skinning this poor bastard alive...ala Silence of the Lambs...tearing ligaments and cracking bones ala Kathy Bates and James Caan in Misery...this marks and illustrates, for what it's worth, the difference between what may lurk in the heart and soul of a woman scorned and us men. I mean, I was a Marine...and I've enjoyed a bit of violence and rough play in novels...but THIS! This dwarfs Dirty White Boys by Stephen Hunter...and poor Earl's adventures in Pale Horse Coming! I mean, the guy probably deserved it...but...! (And all along I saw you as a nice, quiet, pussy-cat loving kid!)
The writing was fine, by the way, had me reading all the way down...with nary a stop. Not even for a Gelusil.
Excellent job. I look forward to kinder, sweeter fare from you, hoping this ausuaged and sated your more frisky side for awhile.
GA
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The dialogue rang true and fit in well with the activity taking place and the action was easy to ‘See’.
Very nice
. You have a smooth touch when it comes to butchering a fellow human 
.
The plot moved along perfectly so that you set the reader up to worrying about the woman, expecting to watch her suffer and die; never guessing the switch you were going to play on them
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Even the subtle hints like the bracelet or the fact she was on her way to meet a man didn’t leak a clue to what you were going to do—until it happened. Then I remembered the business about the bracelet, and the fact she had been on her way to meet a man.
The dialogue rang true and fit in well with the activity taking place and the action was easy to ‘See’. I could almost share the pain both characters were subjected to.
the hunters of the sheep of conformity,” she eagerly watched as the truth dawned on his face.45 ( some of these tags like here are not sound producing so are improper. – the hunters of the sheep of conformity.” She eagerly watched)
(or this. “Now I, Brian…” she (She) approached again, drawing his attention by swaying her hips seductively). I didn’t pick them all out.)
You also should look at these;
As he bent over her, she flung one elbow back, into his groin, while simultaneously crashing her other fist up into his face. ( seems like she should be crashing his face with her other fist.)
. You wait for an ideal circumstance – preferably, as she walks home on (at) dusk –
I do want to read more of this
Geri
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Brilliant..
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A nice twist on the serial killer story. Here, instead, the intended victim is the killer himself. The real killer, the FBI agent, really makes the story quite interesting.
Your writing flows smoothly which makes the prose so much easier to read. Was it gruesome? Yes, in parts, but there's very little that is shocking anymore, and I'm not sure that matters like it did in the 80s when Books of Blood came out. I thought the nice twist of the hunter being the hunted made this story.
Nice work.
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Beautiful.
You got my teeth showing and my belly rumbling. I'd love to run with M'lady Holly sometime.
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This is the sort of story that I love to read. You have captured my attention, and fueled my need for more.
From start to finish, I was enthralled by everything I saw. Your use of language, emotion and imagery was great, and made me feel the story.
This really is a great story, and I think it would be something worth publishing, or doing something with later in life.
The only thing I saw that needed to be fixed up were in paras. 23 and 47. Your use of "you" should, in fact, be "your". Other than that, I see nothing wrong with it.
Thank you for your great entry, and I wish you luck.
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Great story, bloody and gruesome. Loved it! The language was great, and the dialog was believable.
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A great horror story!!!
Very very well written! In the beginning I thought there was something odd about the woman. But I had a feeling she knew what she was getting into. I had another feeling tht the table was going to turn on the man for some reason.
This was great vigilance! The part where she dismembers his....member lol, reminded me of a movie called "I spit on your grave"
I wish though that she was a real blonde. Cause these days blondes get a bum rap. But in the end it was justified her being a brunette because she was an FBI agent, but happens to be a vigilante killer. And sounds like she is getting better at it!
I hope you do well in the contest Tallblondie, the dialog in this story was very very good. And its been a long while since I read a gruesome dark tale so thank you for tht!!!
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Wow this was great I really enjoyed it. The dialogue flows really well and I like the twist at the end. An interesting set up too well done!
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This woman seems to want a challenge... and is rarely satisfied without one I am guessing from this piece..fogive me if I am wrong..
I really admire your vocabulary, dialog and language..hearing such ordinarily unseen words to me is not only an inspiration... But I find it refreshing it itself, and it compels and allows me to broaden my vocabulary
“I always take their faces,” she replied to the plea in his eyes, “But I am adaptive and creative – in essence I like to inflict on my victims what they inflict on others.”
sweet vengeance and reflection and survival is the key.. no regrets, creativity and a belief that they deserve all they get.. I love that kind of motive... a killer of killer, of rapist, of haters .
This was a thriller, disgusting morbid, spine tingly, and scary...
I loved it
Good luck with the contest
Blair
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