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They’re fighting again. It’s the same thing every night once dinner is over and they get into the liquor cabinet. It’s as if they just suddenly get sick of playing the happy family game, preferring to point out how it’s the others fault that things aren’t working out anymore. Then it’s my turn. If only I pulled my weight more, If only I got A’s at school, if only I gave a fuck about life. 1

Once dad asked me why I couldn’t be the way he used to be at my age. He told me he never once got picked on at school, all the girls adored him and everyone wanted to be like him. So how was it that such a fuck up was made out of him? When I didn’t answer he hit me, once for not answering and once more for crying. 2

Now he just blames mom for the way I’ve turned out as if her genes are defective in some way. I just don’t care anymore. It is probably all my fault. Maybe if I’d never of been born they’d be happy right now, doing the crossword in the newspaper together instead of throwing vicious words at one another and emptying bottles in quick succession. 3

It’s cold out here on the roof but I enjoy it. It’s my escape, my little piece of heaven in the whole house. Out here I can just forget what’s happening in the walls behind me and stare out at the inviting city lights. I love the city, love everything about it. The craziness of it all, the rush, the danger, the great urban sprawl that goes on forever full of people that I’ll never meet. I watch a plane flying low over the city and wonder where it’s going. Have you ever done that? Just wished you could get on a plane and fly off to a place you’ve never been to before, anywhere, but here. 4

I cringe at the sound of glass shattering. That would be dad throwing bottles again but this time everything is silent. There’s no more yelling, no more fighting, just the sound of a dog barking down the street mingling in with the music of a city late at night. My stomach tightens as if it knows something’s up. I’ve always been scared that dad one day might actually go beyond just hurting me, but I never once thought he’d do it to mom. I always thought that deep down he loved her. Maybe I was wrong? I don’t want to find out though so I make the quickest decision I’ve ever made in my life and decide to go. Maybe find a place for myself. I have a job and I’ve got enough money, I’ve been saving for three years knowing that one day I might just have to up and leave. It’ll work out.5

Don’t they always say everything works out in the end? The thing is…is it the truth? 6