Frequency

“What if God isn't always watching?” James asked.1

The other children snickered in response. James wasn't quick like most of them were. I shushed them as I squatted down before him. Placing a finger on his chin, I lifted his face up so his eyes could look into mine. “I can assure you, James, that God is always watching everything you do and everything you think,” I replied.2

His eyes widened. “E-Everything?” he asked. 3

A small, sad smile passed across my lips. “Yes, everything.”4

I stood and turned on my heel. As I walked to the board, my fingers trembled as I squeezed the chalk between my finger and thumb. “And who can tell me the third commandment?” I asked, as I printed a neat number three on the board.5

Feeling dizzy, I turned slowly and pointed to Erica, who was rigid with anticipation. “The third commandment is 'Protect the name of God from those who threaten it.'”6

In the back of the room, Mark stood up and yelled, “But Ms. Scott, James doesn't believe in God, what should we do with him?” 7

“Now that's not true, Mark--” 8

“It is, too! His mother was condemned just last week for idol worship!” Mark argued.9

James's face turned pale as he stared at his desk. “That's enough out of you, Mark, go to time out!” I replied, pointing to the desk in the corner. 10

Rolling his eyes, he stood up. I walked with him to the desk and adjusted the dials on the mollifier as he sat down. “You have 10 minutes,” I explained as I placed the headphones in his ears. I watched for his eyes to close, then walked back to the board.11

“Erica, could you come to the board and write the third and fourth commandments?” I asked.12

She smiled widely and jumped up, her pigtails bouncing as she approached the board. She took the chalk from my outstretched hand and wrote in loose cursive, “Protect the name of God from those who threaten it. Attend service every Saturday.” She looked back at me, her hungry eyes waiting for approval. I nodded and held out my hand. After she deposited the chalk and began walking back to her seat, I asked, “And who can read commandment four to me?”13

---14

I looked at the clock, it was 2:58. “James, I need to speak with you after class,” I said.15

Several children in the front row turned to sneer at him. He fidgeted with his bag and blushed. I brushed the chalk off of my hands and turned to address the class. “Be sure that you all have these commandments memorized by Monday, there will be a test,” I explained. 16

The children were silent as they sat awaiting dismissal. “Are there any questions?” I asked. There was a collective murmuring of “No, ma'am” before the long, musical tones began.17

They stood up from their seats and walked slowly to the door. I watched the procession, like little ants, on the way to the buses. James sat at his desk until the last one was gone. Unsure of how to approach the subject, I began, “You won't follow the same path that your mother did.”18

“She wasn't a bad person,” he countered.19

“All those who oppose God are bad people,” I replied.20

He whimpered and buried his face in his arms. Taking choking breaths, he sputtered onto his desk. “You didn't know her,” he sobbed.21

Reaching out, I patted his arm.“I know this is a hard time for you, but it's important for you to be studying your commandments now more than before because you are falling suspect to her crimes against God,” I explained. 22

He scrunched his face and said,“I have to get to my bus.” 23

I sighed as I stared at his angry eyes brimming with tears. 24

“You may go,” I replied.25

He grabbed his bag and ran into the hallway. I heard his steps echoing on the walls as I looked down at my shaking hands. Stifling my own sobs, I walked to the door. The latch clicked as I pushed it shut. After bolting it, I walked to the desk in the corner. I programmed 10 minutes into the mollifier's auto-timer and put the headphones in my ears. As I turned the dial, I felt my eyes close.26

---27

I nearly tripped when I heard a woman's cry behind me on the sidewalk. Clutching my purse in a tight grip to my side, I turned around to see what had happened. Two policemen had cornered a young woman against the brick wall. The larger man pinioned her while the other one checked the screen on the wireless receiver he held in front of her face. It had been a while since I'd seen a nonbeliever, and I was curious.28

Taking a few steps closer, I noticed the look of alarm on her face. Her mouth snapped opened and shut as if she were a fish out of water. The smaller policeman chuckled when the receiver flashed red. “You been thinking some very bad thoughts, missy,” he said to her.29

Her eyes widened and her mouth pressed closed. She shook her head from side to side as the receiver beeped her sentence. “You have anything to say for yerself?” he joked.30

Irresolute, she stammered,”I haven't taken my daily prayers, but I promise that I will as soon as I go home, it's just, I was running late this morning--”31

“That's enough from you, little lady,” he snapped.32

My brow furrowed as I struggled to remember where I'd heard that voice before. As I studied her face, her features blared urgency to my hippocampus. The portly cop turned her around and began cuffing her hands. And then I remembered that face.33

Running forward, I yelled, “Katie?”34

Startled, the policeman with the receiver stuck his hand out to halt me. “Stop,” he ordered, “do you know this girl?”35

Eying the receiver, I struggled for words. “Yes, she was a student of mine at St. Andrews.” 36

Still facing the wall, Katie gasped. The receiver beeped slowly as the officer held it out towards my face. I looked down at his uniform, “Davidson” was embroidered along his left breast. “And what business do you have here?” he asked.37

“She was never a bright student in class,” I explained, “I can escort her home and see that she is punished.”38

Officer Davidson smiled a toothy grin. “Do you have any indulgences to pay for her sins?” he asked.39

I blinked a few times, suspicious of such an offer. “What's the going rate?” I asked.40

He looked down at the receiver and said, “Her waves are elevated over 10Hz; such an offense would get her years in a state facility.”41

“How much would atone for such a sin?” I plead.42

“Five hundred dollars,” he proclaimed.43

“And this wouldn't go on her record?” I asked.44

“Squeaky clean,” he assured me with a smile.45

I opened my purse and took out my card. “Do you have a swipe in your car?” I asked.46

“Of course we do,” he replied as he grasped the card.47

I held my breath as the transaction was completed and they uncuffed Katie. She ran to me, sobbing, as she threw her arms around me. “You better be careful sweetie, or next time teacher won't be here to save you,” Officer Davidson jeered.48

I watched as they jumped into the car and sped off. Katie cried hysterically into my shoulder for several minutes before she looked up at me with red eyes and a splotchy face. “Are they gone?” she whispered.49

“Yes, they're gone.” I replied. 50

Self-conscious, she unclasped her hands from around my shoulders and stepped back. “I'm so sorry!” she cried, “it was stupid of me to leave the house without praying this morning!”51

“It was very irresponsible,” I said.52

“I know, I promise you that I won't do it again, but how am I ever going to pay you back that money?” she exclaimed. 53

“Do you live near here?” I asked.54

“Yes, just two blocks over,” she replied, pointing.55

“Okay, I'm going to walk back with you and talk to your parents,” I explained, “but don't worry about the money.”56

She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. “They aren't there,” she said.57

“Your parents?” I asked, “well, when will they be home?” 58

“I'm sorry, but they won't be coming home,” she sobbed.59

I stared at her for a few seconds, uncomprehending. Even if her parents had been condemned, she would have been placed into custody. It was then that I truly looked at her face. It was sallow and gaunt, her large eyes protruding even further from their sockets. Shocked, I asked, “What happened to them?”60

She shook her head and I reached for her arm. “It's okay, you can tell me,” I reassured her. 61

“I think that they're dead now,” she replied.62

A group of people passed by us, but no one seemed to notice the unusual nature of our conversation. I looked up the street toward my apartment building. It really wasn't good for us to be discussing this in public. “You look like you haven't eaten in days,” I told her, “would you like me to fix you something?”63

“Oh, yes please!” she exclaimed. “I don't know how I will ever repay you for all of this!”64

----65

I watched Katie eat like a hungry dog, barely stopping to breathe as she chewed each bite of the sandwich. My own sandwich was dry, the fish had been frozen for too long. “Do you want some more water?” I asked her.66

“Yes, please,” she said as she handed her cup to me.67

When I re-entered the dining room, she was staring blankly at her plate. I set the glass in front of her and took my seat. As I waited for her to speak, I crossed my hands. After some time of silence, I asked, “Now what happened?”68

She sighed and looked through the window into the courtyard below. The light was getting dimmer outside. “They stopped praying,” she began, “when Dad found one of the old books in our basement. He was talking about the way of things before the war. He said things, crazy things. None of it made sense to me at the time.” 69

“Did someone catch them?” I asked.70

“No, it was nothing like that,” she answered, “I was scared that would happen. Every day, I was sure I'd come home to find the house empty. Then, about two weeks ago, I came home to find them arguing. Mom wanted to move, she said she'd heard that Canada was allowing freedom of religion, that she knew someone who could get us across the border, but Dad wanted to stay. He said that he wouldn't give up his home, no matter what he had to fight to stay here, that he hadn't fought the terrorists in the desert just to give up like this to his own people.”71

She looked back at her plate and took a deep breath. “Dad committed suicide the next night while I was sleeping. Mom told me not to tell anyone, she didn't want us to be under suspicion. He was retired and no one would be looking for him anyway, she had said. She buried him in the flower garden and then started packing our bags for Canada.”72

“That's terrible!” I exclaimed, “how did you talk her out of it?”73

She smiled wryly. “I didn't. I told her not to go, so she left without me.”74

I looked at her in disbelief. I couldn't imagine why any mother would bury her husband in a flower garden and run off to leave her only child to die. I stood up and put my arms around her. “I'm so sorry that this happened to you,” I said, “but we'll tell the police tomorrow after service, and you can stay here as long as you need.”75

She half-smiled. “I really appreciate all of this, but I don't want her to get hurt,” she replied.76

Stifling my anger, I said, “Don't worry about her, I'm sure everything will turn out for the best.”77

“I really hope so,” she mumbled.78

“Now, I bet it's been a while since you were able to pray properly,” I suggested, “I bet that will make you feel better.”79

She nodded. I took her plate to the sink and then motioned for her to follow me down the hallway to my bedroom. I opened the door and walked to the computer. After pushing the power button, I waited. The speakers buzzed as they turned on, breaking the quiet between us. “Did your mother pray with you?” I asked her.80

“Yea, usually we all prayed together,” Katie replied.81

“That's good,” I said, opening the program.82

I pulled another chair in front of the screen and we both sat down. Then, the music started. Like Tibetan singing bowls, an oscillating tone began to hum. This gave birth to several tones, all in harmony. The screen became alive with hues of turquoise and blue, shimmering and swirling slowly like water in a pool. I felt peace in my heart and mind as I began humming in tune with the music but Katie's voice was barely audible.83

The frames began to change, new colors arose with new tones. The words, “Only worship the true God,” flashed across the screen. Several frames later, it ended with, “Do not want.” The colors dissolved into languid movement as the tones simplified to one again, then disappeared completely. I took Katie's hand and said, “Oh please God, give Katie the strength to resist the temptations of her mother and father, amen.”84

Katie echoed, “Amen.”85

I turned the desk lamp on and sat quietly. As I felt the awareness coming back to my brain, I said, “You can sleep on the couch tonight. I have an extra blanket and pillow that you can use.” I grabbed them from the closet and handed them to her, “I have some reading to get done tonight, but I have some books that you can look through if you need something to do.”86

“Thanks,” she said, then walked to my bookshelf. She grabbed my copy of White Fang and walked out to the living room. “Which service do you attend?” she asked.87

“I go to the 9 o'clock service, so you'll have a little bit of time to sleep in,” I replied as I walked to my desk.88

---89

My warm eyelids snapped open and I squinted into the sunlight. I stretched my arms and legs, suddenly remembering the girl in my living room. As I opened the door, I looked down the hall and saw her still asleep on the couch. My typical morning routine was more hurried, I had planned to cook a small bit before we left for service. Katie awoke disoriented, I heard her mumbles from in the kitchen. 90

“You still have enough time to get ready and eat,” I yelled through the doorway.91

The bacon I had been saving for a couple of years was sizzling in a pan, filling the entire house with its tempting aroma. It had been years since I'd eaten any. The wonderful aroma soon turned to smoke before I removed the dark, crispy pieces from the pan. Embarrassed, I turned the heat down. “I hope you like your bacon well-done!” I yelled, chuckling.92

“I don't know, I've never had bacon,” Katie yelled in reply.93

She poked her head around the corner. “What should I wear? I don't have any extra clothes with me,” she exclaimed. She looked at the bacon and shook her head. “You weren't kidding, were you?” she laughed.94

“My clothes will be a little big on you, but I have a simple dress from college that might fit you,” I offered.95

“Okay, we can try it. Do you want me to watch the bacon?” she asked.96

“Sure,” I replied and handed her the spatula.97

I grabbed the dress from my closet and hung it on the towel rack in the bathroom. When I got back to the kitchen, she'd put a new set of bacon in the skillet. “Sorry I don't have any eggs,” I said, “but I do have bread—we can eat this with toast.”98

“Don't worry about it,” she said, “I'm just happy to be able to try bacon!”99

I turned off the stove and pulled some plates from the cabinet. I divided the bacon between us, and we sat down to eat. Still acting like a starved puppy, Katie gobbled her food. I savored the taste of it slowly, hardly even noticing that it was freezer-burnt. She jumped up after she cleared her plate and ran to the bathroom. “Is it okay if I use your soap?” she yelled.100

“Yea!” I yelled back.101

There weren't many dishes in the sink, but I decided to do them while she was showering. Seconds later, I was startled by shrieks from the bathroom. They subsided then resumed the second time I ran the faucet. I hadn't had guests for a while and wasn't accustomed to sharing the water. Katie emerged from the bathroom minutes later, trying to contain her frustration. “The dress looks nice on you,” I offered.102

She exploded with laughter. “Better than it looked on you?” she teased.103

“I don't know if I'd say that,” I replied, opening the door, “you ready to go?” 104

She nodded and followed me through the doorway. I put my keys in my purse and we walked out into the sunshine. Katie walked behind me, shifting her eyes away from me as we walked. After a block of walking in silence, I asked, “How long has it been since you last attended service?”105

“A few weeks,” she replied.106

We passed several groups of people before I spoke again. “I'm not sure how you will be reprimanded, but I assume they'll mention it to you.”107

“That's what I'm worried about,” she replied.108

The large building towered ahead of us. A screen with scrolling letters was mounted above the doors. The commandments ran in order in blinking lights. The line at the door spilled onto the sidewalk. Katie and I took our places, neither of us feeling enthusiastic enough to speak. She grabbed my hand as we walked up the stairs, her nails digging into the back of my hand. I squeezed reassuringly. When my turn in line came, I walked to the screen and placed my thumb on square. It lit green and the bell dinged me forward.109

I looked back and watched Katie. She slowly placed her thumb onto the square and closed her eyes. One of the guards studied her until the ding sounded and she exhaled deeply. I motioned her to follow me, and she smiled with relief as we walked to our seats. 110

Everyone sat in silence awaiting the sermon. Our pastor was a highly-respected man in the community as well as in the government. Many in our congregation traveled great distances to hear him speak. The lights dimmed as he approached the podium. There was a collective intake of breath before he began to speak.111

“Good morning my fellow disciples of God!” he cried jovially, “As you know, we have had many reports of unbelievers in the area this week. Do not fear--I would like to congratulate you all for your hard work in bringing these people to the proper authorities! Now, if you would all open your books to the book of Rob, chapter 15, I will recite verse 17.112

'And he who disbelieves in the power of God in his holiness will be separated from his brethren in the present as well as in the afterlife.'”113

He bowed his head. “We will now pray.”114

As he raised his arms, the screen descended in front of him. The tones began, though magnitudes louder than any home speaker could duplicate. The notes wavered and rang while the bass rumbled through our bodies. Hundreds of humming voices joined to chorus as the screen was filled with swirling color and light. Each frame more beautiful than the last, the message of God lulled the congregation into a half-slumber. It was several minutes before we realized the music had subsided.115

“Disciples of God, you do me great service! Tithing has been up 15% this quarter. Don't forget to visit the donation swipe before you exit the building,” our pastor boomed over the speakers.116

The light, musical chimes began, signaling that it was time for us to go. Katie and I rose slowly as we prepared to enter the line. As I turned, a strong hand gripped my arm. Turning around to check on Katie, I was surprised to see a man standing beside me. “Where's Katie?” I asked. 117

“Move forward toward the altar,” he barked.118

My heart thudded in my chest as I was pushed toward the front of the church. Trying to maintain composure, I took a few deep breaths as I shuffled my feet. I flicked my eyes to the right in time to see Katie being hauled off into a side room. I cried out before the man backhanded me across the face. 119

“That's enough out of you,” he snapped.120

I stood quietly, staring at the door Katie was pulled through. There were no sounds from the congregation, they had all exited the building. I watched the door intently for what seemed to be several hours. Finally, another man came out. He was clothed in robes like our pastor, but I had never seen him before. 121

“Hello, Ms. Scott my name is Mr. Harris,” he crooned, “May I ask why you were harboring a runaway?”122

“What?” I exclaimed.123

“I have reason to believe that yesterday, you bribed an officer of the law and have been until just recently concealing a minor in your home,” he pressed.124

“Of course not, that's ridiculous!” I replied.125

“I'm afraid not,” he said, “as we have enough evidence and confessions to prove otherwise.”126

“I was only holding her until we could get to the authorities today,” I plead.127

“A clean record all of your life, and now this?” Mr. Harris scolded.128

Frustrated, I protested, “Her father is dead and her mother abandoned her. Did you expect me to leave one of my former students on the street? Is that the Christian way?”129

“No, the Christian way is to leave the business of the nonbelievers to the local authorities,” he countered, “not take them into your home to risk polluting your own mind.”130

“She isn't a nonbeliever!” I retorted, “she just had bad role models in her life.”131

Mr. Harris's eyes flashed. “If you hadn't interfered with official police business yesterday, that poor girl would be getting the help she needs. But instead, you decided to break the law and take matters into your own hands!”132

I lowered my head and sobbed softly. Mr. Harris stormed towards me and grabbed my chin roughly. From his robes, he produced a receiver unit. He scanned my face, muttering to himself as he waited for the results. A slow beep emitted from the unit. Scoffing, he turned and skulked off.133

Several minutes passed before I heard shouting from behind the door. “What does she know of Canada?” There was a crash and the sound of splintering wood. I squeezed my eyes shut, anticipating his return. My legs were aching after standing for several hours. The silent man behind me had loosened his grip on my arm.134

Mr. Harris opened the door, causing a beam of light to fall across the altar. He shuffled over to address me. With disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes he said, “We have no further questions for you Ms. Scott,” he said, “you are free to go back home.”135

Relief seeped slowly into my muscles. “And what about Katie?” I asked.136

“You just leave that matter to us,” he replied before he waved my captor to the door.137

I didn't have a chance to look back as I was escorted to the exit. 138

The long walk home felt like a dream. I didn't notice any of the normal landmarks as I walked stupefied in the garish sun. The previous day felt like it had never happened, like it had all been a horrible nightmare. I faintly remembered her hand clasping mine before we had walked into that dreadful place. I should have never taken her there.139

I struggled to fit the key into the lock and opened the door. The apartment felt ominous. My crying had blurred my vision, and the shaking racked my body so hard that I fought to keep my balance. The lingering smell of bacon caused a new fit of tears to explode from me as I remembered Katie's laughing face. 140

I stomped angrily to my bedroom and grabbed a pillow. Punching it's downy softness did nothing to alleviate the gnawing despair inside of me. I grabbed a vase from my nightstand and launched it against the wall. As it shattered, I felt a part of myself crumple as my legs buckled. I fell to the floor and cried hysterically into the carpet. For many hours, I lay in a helpless heap, staring at the bookshelf.141

---142

“We have a new lesson to study today, class,” I explained, “I'd like you to all have your pencils ready to copy down this dictated paragraph.” 143

“But what about the test?” Erica blurted.144

“There will be no test today!” I exclaimed.145

The class cheered and clapped. I laughed and motioned for them to be still and quiet.146

I walked to the back of the class, and smiled warmly at James. Handing the open book to him I asked, “James, could you please read the highlighted paragraph loudly so the whole class can hear?”147

He grabbed the book in his tiny fingers and cleared his throat. He blinked rapidly at the page for a few moments and then started, “G-God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him.” .148

The class gasped. James's mouth opened wide and his eyes became large in fear. “Do you really want me to read this?” he asked in disbelief.149

“Yes, go on,” I replied, smiling again to reassure him.150

“H-How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?” he finished. 151

The students sat in stunned silence. James handed the book back to me and slowly lowered himself to his seat. I walked to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk. 152

“Can anyone tell me who wrote that paragraph?” I asked.153

The class was silent, even Erica shook her head. I raised the chalk to the board and declared, “His name is Friedrich Nietzche.” I wrote N-I-E-T-Z-C-H-E in large, white letters on the board and asked, “Are there any questions?” 154