The Dragonborn

It started some hours ago, maybe days. The dark, desolate shell that incased me had become my only reality. Small patches of light where the shell was thin illuminated my world only slightly, mostly in earth colored hues. But it was enough to know that it was daylight outside. I knew I had been confined for at least a day, for it had been night when the shell had been completed, and morning when I entered.1

Gao, the initiator of the rite, told me to take no food, no water, no clothing into the shell with me. The ritual would last of all of one hundred hours--a little over four days. At first it was difficult to accept how I was supposed to survive for that long inside the shell—there was no ventilation. But he told me that magic protected the initiates.2

The dragon god’s magic was strong, I knew, and he used it for noble purposes. I wanted to serve him like the true dragons, his followers. I wanted to be like them, have the wings and soar. But moreover, I wanted fix the damage I had done.3

My guardian, an old alchemist, had taught me much in the ways of magic, but he had been corrupted many, many years before I had came into his life. He claimed that his purpose was to help destroy the dragon god, that their deity was evil. And for so long, I had believed him. We would crusade against the dragons, destroying them in fell swoops. Entire forests were ridded of them.4

And then I met Gao. His strength could not be bested even by the alchemist’s schemes and his treacherous armies. The dragon defended his forest, and defended his cave, and destroyed the alchemist. And then he turned to me. I fully thought he intended to kill me as well. But I was wrong. Gao took pity on me and offered me a way of redemption.5

What was I to say to that? He had killed the only father I had ever known, my teacher and mentor. I wanted him dead! I wanted to see his blood spilled and his head mounted in the alchemist’s hall. I told him as much, unsheathing my blade. “Very well,” he told me. And then gave me a single, clear shot at his heart.6

At that moment, I had no idea why I did not take that shot and thrust my blade into his chest, save for the wounds I had suffered in making it to his cave. My hatred for him burned as hot as his fire. Instead I collapsed, nearly dead from loss of blood. The next thing I knew I found myself lying prone on a mound of evergreen needles.7

From then on, it seemed, my life was filled with ancient dragon texts meant to reeducate me. He told me stories of dragons long past who gained fame even among men. He taught me his language, and let me read from his library the history and literature of dragon society. Then, when it was all said and done, he asked me once more if I wanted redemption. I wept.8

That was how I came to be in this shell, waiting and meditating for days on end. How many more hours had passed? How many more days, if it were days? The minimal daylight I received was slightly different now, like the sun had switched angles. There was just enough light to see by now, too.9

That was a good sign for me. The ritual was working and the dragon god had claimed my servitude. He was changing me; my eyes were keener, and I felt odd—like something was growing out from me. Softly, I could hear Gao humming one of the ancient dragon tunes in his own language, now mine. I strained to hear better, not being able to make out which particular song it was.10

And then like a crack of lightning, the shell split. The song was a ritual one, signaling the end of the Dragonborn rite. The sudden luminosity hurt my eyes, now fully accustomed to the dark. I squinted, trying to make out Gao in the mess of colors, fully vibrant and too dazzling to look at. The sun beamed off his golden scales and the toothy smile broadened farther.11

By his gesture, I stood, shakily and awkwardly testing the weight of my new body. The shell had cracked in half completely leaving me standing naked in the open air outside Gao’s cave. My body had changed, my life had changed… Altogether, I had changed into something remarkable. It was the second birth, a new beginning.12

My old armor was waiting, polished and fitted for a full blooded human. I shook my head heavily and pulled on a loose pair of trousers. There would be no need for my old shell any long. Tomorrow I would go to town and buy myself new weapons, a new shield… That It was no longer mine, for I had become something more than just a human. 13

I told Gao of my plans and he laughed deeply, and for some reason, I shared in his levity. No—there was no reason to go to town. He told me I did not need to buy armor, nor a shield, nor a weapon. He told me the smith would not make weapons for a creature like me, with these strange new appendages and bronze scales. He had fashioned new armor for me instead, taking the enchanted gold from his hoard and putting it to use. It was light, airy even, but tough as dragon-hide, he told me. And it belonged to me, someone who had been redeemed by grace.14

Author notes

It's short, about a thousand words or just under rather. I hope that's acceptable.

I suppose this goes for the fantasy option.

Yes, I paid attention to the rules.

A contest entry

Uncle Sam wants YOUR opinion!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • draconic chronicler
    October 2

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    Not the "reformed dragonslayer" cliche' again!

    While there is some excllent writing here, I was totally turned-off when it was revealed the main character was a "dragonslayer" which screamed "Dragonheart". Does anyone over the age of the age of 14 really imagine humans would be able to kill a typical, large, intelligent, magic possessing (needed just to fly), dragon? Don't they realize if there were a medieval-tech world with dragons, if a single dragon ever could be killed, the rest could wipe out humanity with impunity because humans rely on a farm based economy that could not be protected against dragons. Mankind would starve to death, and even if some liked people (other than for eating), they would have not choice but destory humanity if humanity were a threat to them.

    Are you aware that the dragons in medeival dragonslayer stories are usually depicted smaller than a pony, because slaying anything larger was thought to be ridiculous? (These people, unlike modern fantasy writers actually understand the capability of fighting men and their weapons). Or that they believed God would release LARGE heavenly dragons to consume all the wicked on Judgement Day, and nobody would be able to stop them.

    If you eliminated the dragonslayer nonsense, I would enjoy your writing. I find it curious how people who claim to 'like dragons', can write something so insulting as pathetic humans with iron age technology killing something so invinceable that a large, intelligent dragon would actually be. Scientists say that ancient man would never have a chance if T-Rexes were still around, so what about super intelligent T-Rexes that can fly and have flamethrowers?

    Draonslayer stories are written for little kids who "don't know better".


    • Trinity Dragon
      October 2
      Edit | Reply
      Honestly, that wasn't the point. It's an allegory. To err is human, to forgive devine.


  • Awais Ahmad
    September 7

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    What I can say about your story is that it was totally awesomely awesome. But in one place you said "I wanted fix the damage i hade done." I wanted to fix. That's how it should have been. Great Job anyways. I am adding you to the finalists.

    P.S I luv dragons.


  • CallMeWhenUrRich gold member
    July 17

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    Dragons! YAY!!!
    There was a nice flow to it, and it was well-written and wonderfully descriptive. Good luck!


  • artaq gold member
    July 15

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    Wonderful story! I love dragons. Your description was beautiful and the story flowed well. Great Job!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Linchy
    July 3
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    I GIVE UNCLE SAM A SMILE!!


  • Lekos Memory
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    lol. You have found my weakness. I love my dragons and I love reading about other people's dragons. I like how you have it in the dragons point of view. Its very nice.

    You are going to be a finalist. Thanks for entering this into my contest.


  • Violette silver member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic!

    Writing the story from a dragon's perspective? Ingenious! I loved that ending too. It had a very similar feel to my dracosapiens story should you ever feel the urge to read more about dragon ppl.

    Honestly, congrats! This belongs in the finalists!


  • Shimmerfairy
    October 25, 2008
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    This is some really descriptive language, although i'm a little unsure as to what 'you' became at the end? Were you a dragon or a human with golden scales like the dragon? It might just be that i've had a rough day today with my car breaking down so i cant think straight!!

    Thanks for entering, its a lovely piece of writing.


  • Neolittlefish
    October 14, 2008
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    I think you've got a really good idea there, brilliant! thanks for entering!


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    September 27, 2008
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    Nice, I think you've got a lot to work with here.
    Thanks for entering!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked it; you fit plenty of backstory into just a short period, and yet I felt I got enough to run with. I was hoping for a description of the new look of the dragonborn though. Still...Dragonborn...what a totally cool idea! In the shell and everything, whoo! That's awesome. At first I thought it was just a dragon being born, and then it got verymuch cooler than that. Great concept.
    My edity stuff:
    P1 incased = encased
    earth-colored
    P4 ridded: not sure if that's a word. "made rid" is passive voice and not fitting to the action-packedness of your story
    P13 any long = longer
    That It - I'm unclear exactly where you're going with those words. Did you mean that his old armor was no longer his?
    Thanks for entering this in my contest; good luck. I enjoyed it muchly.


  • Noisome.
    September 5, 2008

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    I'm very fond of your language and descriptive skills. I'm not usually a fan of unclear fantasy, but I think your vagueness in this piece was workable. You didn't tell us exactly what was going on for your narrator, but the lack of clarity made it so much more captivating to hear how he/she felt. I really enjoyed your descriptions, as you may have read, I am a details freak. This was very interesting, really. I did have a few itches with some of your grammar. You start a number of sentences with 'But' and you also have a few awkwardly broken up sentences. They were minor, but I'm also a big grammar fan. Thanks so much for your entry. =]

    -Sarah.
    P.S. I take it this was 'waiting.'


  • whenever love dawns
    July 10, 2008

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    this was great! I love stories about dragons and wizards. this definatly satisfied my need for today. thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Asfand
    May 10, 2008

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    I think this should be continued - it seems incomplete without having chapters upon chapter written on it. But, despite that, i think it's fairly good.

    I have to agree that the concept is very original. The overall structure, storyline is nicely rounded. Your descriptions are good and this is a VERY well-rounded story.

    The thing I don't like is the lack of CLIMAX. It was a tranformation to a dragon but what of it? WHat will happen, there's no specific resolution to it.

    On the whole, it's a nice piece!


  • Patchwork Comedy
    May 2, 2008
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    GOOD!!

    This was freaking awesome!! I love your descrtptuion and language!!


  • Blackwings
    April 28, 2008

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    OMG! this was great! The detail and the flow were amazing! Highly original, you don't see too many of these kinds of stories around here ^.^ nicely done and thanks sooooo much for entering in my contest! ^.^


  • EphemeralStyle
    April 27, 2008
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    Well, dragons are one of the often used concepts/creatures, but this is still a good story. Very well written. The ending could also be a beginning of an ongoing story, but if it were only a short story, the ending would still be satisfying. Thanks for entering and good luck!

    Eph


  • NinjaMegami
    April 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Luvyas

    Most fantasy I like. A.K.A. Yours I like, too. ".*

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