Drifting

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory
Will leave her spirit soon1

She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull
the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep2

She stares at the ceiling
And tries not to think
And pictures the chains
She's been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone3

And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame4

In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here, lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled
In my heart
And the heart of the world 5

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Laying in my bed, afraid to sleep. Afraid to dream. Afraid to even close my eyes, for I know the images that await me as I drift off into that land of darkness that is my mind, my memories.7

There's no use pulling the sheets up, hiding does no good. They will find me regardless. I hear her screaming my name, along with the many names I have been known as throughout the years, less proud than my own, though it's been taken away. Forced to take the name of my childhood self to calm those around me.8

Eyes flutter shut as the weariness that false hopes bring comes upon me. I see the words and hear the images within my mind as I drift off into the nightmare I never speak of, the world far worse than the living night. I pray tonight not to dream, for dreams are rare but tearing as they come.9

Memories of a differant kind enter me, memories of no control. My own arm reaching as I scream for it to stop. I couldn't turn away, however much I wanted to. No one will know the helplessness of those nights, alone and trapped in the mind of a stranger.10

Flames ease up slowly, the smoke drifting up towards the night sky as I watch alone, avoiding the friends I cannot understand. It wasn't my fault, and yet they treat me as if it was never real, and he is a saint who couldn't hurt anyone, much less me.11

Finally my eyes close as I curl up in the covers, and the image becomes stronger. A shadow, with a knife, in a place he shouldn't be. The blade cuts rough, fast and deep. Screaming is useless in the eyes of my hatred. Bleeding out slowly, Save me...12

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Don't turn away
(Don't give into the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never Sleep, Never Die)