Brotherly duties

(1988)1

“Are you excited to see your new baby sister, Shea?” his father asked him, smiling warmly at him as they walked hand in hand through the hospital hallway.2

Six-year-old Shea did not know how to reply as he frowned slightly, avoiding his father’s eyes. Honestly, he didn’t know how he felt about the newest Carson, or even her existence. Six years of being the only child was a long time to get used to it, and he wasn’t so sure he liked the idea of there being another kid around all the time. Babies were supposed to be loud, and messy, and always in the way- just a big pain in the butt. That didn’t sound too exciting to Shea.3

Besides, Shea had wanted, if he had to have a new baby come at all, for it to be a brother.4

Seeming to understand his son’s line of thought even when Shea did not reply, Will Carson laughed, squeezing his hand.5

“I get it, son. You might never change your mind about that… but I promise that you’ll learn to love her. That’s part of your job.”6

“Job?” Shea asked, his brow furrowing in confusion. Will stopped walking, pulling Shea to a stop as well, and turned to look down at him. His face was still smiling warmly, but there was a new seriousness about him now as well that made Shea listen to him closely.7

“Well, of course, Shea, your job as a big brother. Being a big brother is a very important job, not one that starts off right away, but one you grow into slowly as you get older. There’s a lot you have to do as a big brother, but your mom and I both know and believe you can do it.”8

“A lot I have to do?” Shea said warily, nervous- he didn’t like the sound of that. Did that mean extra chores, or giving things up so his sister could have them?9

“Yes, Shea- but it’s nothing bad,” Will assured him, seeming to again understand Shea’s expression as he met his son’s eyes. “What your job is, as a big brother, is to help us look out for your sister. Not right away, son- you’re still our little boy, and you need us to protect you too. But as you get older, it’ll be part of your job as a big brother to not just love your sister, but to watch out for her, to help us keep her safe. It’s a very important job, but you’re a special boy, Shea, and we think you can do it. Do you think you can do it too, Shea?”10

Shea thought about it, his earlier wariness still present, but he was intrigued, even flattered, to have his father talking to him like a grown-up, giving him a job that he thought was such a big deal. He wasn’t so sure what he thought about the job itself- after all, he still hadn’t even seen his sister yet- but he liked knowing that his dad trusted him to protect her.11

“Yes,” Shea said in the same serious tone his father had used, unconsciously imitating him as he nodded solemnly. “Yes, I can do that.”12

Will’s smile widened, and he squeezed his son’s shoulder affectionately. “Good, Shea, I’m glad to hear that. Your mother will be too.”13

Straightening slightly, Will took Shea’s hand again. “Ready to see your sister? Maybe afterward we can go get ice cream, maybe get a new comic book- would you like that?”14

Shea nodded enthusiastically- of course he would. They began to walk once more down the hallway, and the closer they got to his mother’s hospital room, the more Shea’s interest peaked. He kind of wanted to see this new little sister he was supposed to watch out for.15

And soon enough he was… after Rachel Carson had kissed and hugged him, asked him how school had gone and if he had been a good boy while staying with his aunt and uncle, she had taken the baby up from the tiny plastic box-looking thing by her bed, holding her in her arms as Shea leaned over to see, almost breathless with anticipation.16

“This is your new sister, Shea… Emmelyn Teresa Carson. Isn’t she beautiful?”17

But as Shea looked in confusion at his new sister, ‘beautiful’ was not the word that came to mind. She was red and wrinkled, with squinty eyes, a big head, and a skinny body. He thought she looked like an alien.18

Maybe that’s why I gotta protect her, he thought with renewed interest. Maybe she’s an alien…19

(1993)20

“No, Barbie, you’re too close! Don’t, you’re gonna fall off the cliff! Oh nooo, she’s falling and I can’t catch her, she’s gonna faaaall! Uh-oh, she’s all dead, and she’s broken up into a thousand pieces!” cried the excited little voice of the five-year-old girl as she threw her Barbie off the couch. She scrambled off of it exuberantly, snatching the doll back up and climbing back onto the couch. Her long dark hair was straggling out of its loose ponytail, hanging in messy strands around her round face.21

“Oh look, she’s not dead, she’s okay, and Ken is so happy! But uh-oh, she’s walking on the cliff again, she’s getting too close…”22

“Emmy, quit,” Shea mumbled grouchily, his eyes flickering away from the video game on the living room TV that he was currently trying to beat, to scowl at his little sister. “Go play in your room.”23

“No one’s in my room!” Emmelyn announced, barely glancing at her brother. “I want to stay here with you!”24

“Well be quiet then,” Shea grumbled, “I’m trying to beat this and you keep blabbing all over the place- hey! Emmelyn, get off the back of the couch, you’re gonna fall!”25

“No I’m not-“26

Throwing his game controller down with a mixture of disgust and alarm, Shea hurried over to the couch, grabbing Emmelyn around the waist and setting her on her feet. She scowled at him, more indignant than really angry.27

“I wasn’t gonna fall, Shea, I can do it-“28

“You know Mom doesn’t let you climb on the furniture. Now go play!” he said with annoyance obvious in his tone, giving her a fierce stare that always failed to faze his not-too-easily-intimidated little sister.29

“Can I play video games with you?” Emmelyn asked brightly. “Pleeeease, Shea?”30

“Are you kidding? You’ll mess it all up, I’ll never get past the first level!”31

“That’s not fair, Shea!” Emmelyn whined, stamping her foot empathetically. “You never let me play, you never let me do NOTHING! You-“32

She yelped in surprise when Shea took her by the shoulders, propelling her into the kitchen, where their mother was seated at the table, surrounded by what looked like a rather boring bunch of bills and papers. Shea shoved his sister toward her slightly, glowering.33

“Mom, Emmy won’t leave me alone. She keeps making noise, and she was climbing on the couch.”34

“Shea won’t let me play video games! He’s MEAN! He NEVER lets me play!” Emmelyn chimed in furiously, glaring at him.35

Rachel sighed wearily, fixing them both with a weary, exasperated stare. “Not now- I do NOT want to hear you two bickering right now… Shea, please just take her outside to play for a while, all right? You don’t have to play with her, just watch her.”36

Shea goggled at her incredulously. “It’s raining! And I want to play my game, she keeps making me mess up-“37

“Put on your bathing suits,” Rachel replied dryly. “Just please, go outside just for half an hour. Make sure she doesn’t run into the road. And if it starts lightening, take her inside. Other than that, don’t come back for at least another half hour.”38

“But Mom-“ he started to protest.39

“Shea, please, just do it!”40

Scowling, coming up with more than a few angry retorts in his head, Shea turned, muttering, “Go change, Emmy,” over his shoulder. He could see Emmelyn bouncing behind him from the corner of his eye, disappearing into her room. She returned at a lengthy interval in her little tye-dyed tankini, beaming.41

“Hurry up, Shea, let’s go before it stops raining!”42

No such luck was likely, Shea thought cynically; it had been pouring for hours now. He followed his sister out the front door, in swim trunks himself. He was eleven years old and most of the time playing with his sister in the rain was not something that appealed to him. But knowing Emmy, she would give him some reason or another to run after her and get wet. He might as well be ready.43

He stood on the porch steps, watching as Emmelyn ran around wildly, shouting without words and giggling loudly as she splashed barefoot through the mud puddles forming in the yard. It wasn’t long before she was soaked, her hair now completely loosed from its ponytail and sodden around her bare shoulders. She seemed hardly to notice as she ran about, shouting, mud and water splashing up her legs and arms.44

“Come play with me, Shea!” she yelled as she jumped gleefully into a particularly large puddle.45

Shea shook his head. “No, I’m staying here, Emmy,” he yelled back, but in spite of his irritation, he found himself wanting to smile. Somehow it was hard to stay mad at Emmelyn, no matter how annoying she was, when she was this happy.46

He stood back, watching, occasionally calling for her to stay away from the road, to not run by the rocky areas in her bare feet. And when Emmelyn finally came back to the porch, panting, wet, and filthy, yet beaming, he went inside and got a towel to dry her off with. 47

It wasn’t really that he minded watching her so much… sometimes he just wished she’d be quiet and let him play his video games in peace, that was all. Was that really so much to hope for?48


(1998)149

Shea narrowed his eyes as he stared intently at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyes lingered on the mild acne around his mouth, the way his Adam’s apple was entirely too prominent, the way his ears seemed too small to him to fit his head. He fingered one of his acne spots nervously, wondering if he should try to pop it and risk making it worse, or just let it be. Girls were so lucky, they could just cover up that kind of thing with makeup, while guys had to let everyone and their mother gawk at their pizza face. Not that he wanted to wear makeup, of course. It just wasn’t fair, was all.250

He ran a hand through his hair, wondering if he should gel it, or just leave it in the deliberately mussed fashion it was now. Which way would Nikki like it better?351

He saw the bathroom door inching open in the mirror even without the slow creaking noise it made, and of course, his sister’s brown eyes were peeking through its slit. Shea sighed, exasperated; at ten years old, Emmelyn had suddenly developed an annoying and persistent habit of trying to spy and eavesdrop on people. This new little hobby had coincided suspiciously soon after she saw the Nickelodeon movie Harriet the Spy. Fortunately, Emmelyn was not very good at it… yet.452

“What do you want, Emmy?” he asked with exaggerated patience. “Or is it Secret Agent Carson today?”553

“Man, how come you always see me?” Emmelyn groused, her face falling as she opened the door, going to stand next to him in the mirror. Too close, in Shea’s opinion- she was very much invading his personal space with her presence.654

“Gee, Emmy, it couldn’t be because of your stealth and subtlety, I guess,” Shea muttered, not looking at her as he returned his attention to his reflection, messing with his shirt collar. 755

“Don’t use words you know I don’t know,” Emmelyn scowled at him, giving him a little shove. “How come you always see me?”856

“Intuitive sensing,” Shea muttered back, wishing for the umpteenth time that his parents weren’t so weirdly adamant about not having locks on any of the doors in their house. It would have allowed him much more privacy, and at times, much less humiliation. He bet THEY’D never had to live through their ten-year-old sisters popping in on them while they were on the john every five minutes when THEY were sixteen…957

“Shea!” Emmelyn hit him again. “I ASKED you a question, how am I supposed to get any better at this if you just use stupid big words!”1058

“That’s kind of the point, Emmy,” he said dryly. “Maybe I don’t want you snooping all over the place. Maybe KNOCKING before you barge into a place is the way you make sure all your Backstreet Boys posters stay in one piece, you know?”1159

Normally such a remark would have set Emmelyn off into a hot defense of her favorite boy band, as well as a hasty retreat to her room to make sure her beloved posters remained intact. But Emmelyn barely appeared to have heard him; instead, she was scanning his attire critically.1260

“How come you’re dressed so nice? Are you going on a date?”1361

“Yeah,” Shea said shortly, hoping that would be the end of it- but of course it wasn’t. It never could be with Emmelyn.1462

Her face lit up with impish glee, and she grinned wickedly, her still-tomboyish face almost glowing.1563

“Oooh, a date with NIKKI? AGAIN?”1664

“Yeah,” Shea said again, trying to make it clear from his tone that she was getting no more from him. But of course that didn’t stop her.1765

“Shea and Nikki, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Oooh Shea, have you and Nikki KISSED yet, are you gonna KISS her?” Emmelyn crowed.1866

“Shut up, Emmy. Go away,” Shea mumbled, but he could see his cheeks reddening in the mirror. The truth was that he didn’t know if he was going to kiss Nikki. He certainly wanted to- he had intended to on their first date- but somehow he had chickened out. This was the second date now… he had to kiss her, or she’d think he was weird. He WAS weird to have not kissed her the first time. But what if she didn’t want him to? But then why would she go out on a second date with him? Unless she was just being nice…1967

He’d thought about this enough on his own- he didn’t need his little sister putting her two cents in too.2068

“Ewww, who’d want to kiss YOU, Shea?” Emmelyn grinned unconsciously echoing his own thoughts. “She’s probably just going out with you because she feels sorry for you or something…”2169

Shea felt his pulse quicken, his chest tightening as he heard his sister’s unrealized parroting of his own insecurities. It was as if he were receiving a confirmation that they were true.2270

Without stopping to think about what he was doing, he snapped back at her harshly. “Well, maybe so, Emmelyn, but that’s more than you’ve ever got, isn’t it? Who’d ever want to date YOU- the gay ‘singers’ in your posters? Don’t make me laugh!”2371

“Hey! Don’t call them gay, they’re not gay!” Emmelyn started to say back defensively, but Shea grabbed her small shoulder, holding her in front of him and making her look at him as he continued.2472

“No one will ever want YOU, Emmy. You’re just a kid, just an annoying, scrawny little kid. You’re not old enough, or smart enough, or good-looking enough for anyone to be interested in you, not even the stupid kids your own age, so you stand here and harass me because you’re jealous. Just go away, Emmy, go run off and play stupid spy games,” he nearly hissed, finally releasing her shoulder and almost shoving her towards the door.2573

Emmelyn seemed temporarily unable to move; her small shoulders were drawn together tensely, her dark eyes wide with shock, mouth slightly open as she stared at her older brother with the look of a child who had just had her world blow up before her eyes. Her lip trembled, and the hurt in her eyes was obvious even without the shimmer of her forming tears.2674

“I hate you, Shea!” she cried out, her voice rough, and yet splintered, equal parts fury, pain, and grief. There was no more amusement in her eyes, no teasing at all. “You’re mean, and I hate you, HATE you! YOU’RE the stupid one, YOU’RE the ugly one! And- and I hope Nikki BITES you!”2775

Glaring at him fiercely, the tears dangerously close to spilling over, she fumbled for the door, running in her usual awkward, graceless fashion down the hall. Shea watched her, scowling, feeling no satisfaction despite having achieved his desire for her to leave. Emmelyn was so annoying… why couldn’t she just leave him alone, why did she always have to push things?2876

She was probably going to tattle on him. Whatever. Why couldn’t she just grow up already?2977

He turned back to the mirror, staring at himself again as he began once more to mess with his hair… but he could not concentrate on his general appearance anymore. All he could see was the guilt dawning in his eyes, slowly spreading across his features. Even as he tried to ignore it, he could feel it slowly twisting in his gut.3078

He shouldn’t have yelled at Emmy… he shouldn’t have said those things to her. That had been a cheap shot, saying stuff like that to a ten-year-old girl… even if the ten-year-old girl happened to be his sister. Really, ESPECIALLY a ten-year-old girl who happened to be his sister.3179

Come on, Shea, you know it’s no big thing, he tried to justify himself. She’s overreacting, she can dish, but she can’t take. She’ll need a thicker skin than that when she gets to middle school next year. Besides, she was being a brat, don’t forget what she said. She started it.3280

Even as he thought it, he was aware of how childish and petulant that logic was. He thought suddenly of what Nikki would have said, had she witnessed what had just occurred, and he felt his cheeks redden. Of course, he would never had said that in front of Nikki.3381

Probably for a damn good reason, huh, Shea? His thoughts persisted in needling him. Not exactly cool to show a girl what an asshole you can be before you even kiss her…3482

Still, Emmelyn need to watch her mouth. And it wasn’t like what he’d said was that bad-3583

(Would you want someone else saying that to your little sister, Shea? What would you feel like if you heard Mike Newton, or Jay Winstead, say that? Huh? Would you blow it off as nothing then?)3684

He felt his jaw clinch unconsciously at the thought… and that more than anything decided it for him. He couldn’t just let go what had happened.3785

Sighing, he went down the hallway, and seeing that the door to Emmelyn’s room was closed, stopped in front of it, knocking.3886

“Go away!” came Emmelyn’s nearly shouting voice, sounding no less emotional than before.3987

“Emmy, it’s me. Look, will you let me in?” Shea asked quietly, trying to sound neutral.4088

“NO! Go away! I hate you!” Emmelyn shrieked, her voice rising up even more passionately.4189

Ignoring her, Shea opened the door, invoking her infuriated, gritted-teeth glare. Emmelyn was sitting hunched on her bed, hugging one of her oldest stuffed bears to her chest, her hair hiding half of her face. Hatred and hurt radiated off her expression, and Shea heard her sniffing, saw the still-shiny tears on her cheeks.4290

He took a few steps closer, ignoring her repeated hiss for him to go away, and sat down on her bed beside her, keeping a deliberate space between them as he looked over at her seriously.4391

“Look, Emmy, I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You’re right. I WAS the one being stupid and ugly. I shouldn’t have said that to you.”4492

“Well then why did you?” Emmelyn spat, her voice shaking slightly, and she sniffed, quickly looking away from him. Shea watched her, even more frustrated with himself than he had been a few minutes ago.4593

“Because what you said was bothering me, and I said mean things without meaning to,” he said patiently. “But they weren’t true, Emmy, all right? You’re not stupid or ugly. Really. And someone will like you one day. You’re just in fifth grade right now, stuff changes.”4694

Emmelyn looked over at him warily, seeming to be judging with a narrow eyed frown whether he meant what he said. She sniffed again, swiping at her eyes.4795

“Really?”4896

“Yeah, really,” he repeated. “Look, what do you want me to do to show that I mean it, Emmy? I’ll do whatever you want, okay? As long as it’s not completely ridiculous. Or dangerous,” he added hastily, seeing the sudden spark in his sister’s eye.4997

“Can I punch you?”5098

“What?” Shea said, barely suppressing a laugh at that nearly immediate response. “Yeah, go ahead.”5199

Emmelyn eyed him cautiously. “You can’t hit me back.”52100

“No, I won’t. Go ahead, punch me, and then we’re even, all right?”53101

This wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, that was for sure. Shea’d been envisioning himself decked out in heels and mascara, walking up and down the street. Punching him… Emmelyn was more likely to hurt herself than him.54102

She regarded him for a few moments, then, balling up her fists and drawing back her arm dramatically, socked him in the arm. Shea very nearly burst out laughing, but quickly turned it into a wince and a grunt of feigned pain.55103

“Jeez, Emmy, guess I better not mess with you anymore.”56104

She giggled, clearly pleased with herself. “Nope!” 57105

She cocked her arm back to punch him again, but Shea covered her fist with his hand.58106

“That’s enough, you’re gonna break bones here.” He didn’t clarify that he meant her bones, not his.59107

Still keeping his hand on hers, Shea looked into Emmelyn’s face more seriously.60108

“Hey Emmy… seriously though. If anyone ever says anything like that to you again, ou don’t believe them, okay? Because they’re wrong.”61109

“Okay,” Emmelyn said quietly, her face going as serious as his. He took his hand away, and for a moment they sat there quietly.62110

But then she turned to him suddenly, and her impish grin had returned. “But I can say that to you though, can’t I? Cause it’s true about YOU…”63111

Shea gave her a mean look, but it was hard for him to keep from smiling. 112

(2003)2113

Shea smiled with more than a hint of a cocky smirk as his pool stick sank both the yellow and purple cue balls into a single pocket of the pool table. The two young men on the other team shook their heads, making loud noises of disgust.3114

“Lucky shot, man,” called out Joe, his college roommate, “this next turn of ours, we’ll shut you down.” 4115

“Well, damn, Greg, ain’t that what they said the last shot we made? And the shot before that?” Shea said with mock innocence, scratching his head exaggeratedly as his pool partner grinned. He lined up his next shot, sinking it as well and being greeted by Joe and Mark’s loud groaning. “Well whaddaya know, the lucky streak carries on!”5116

He missed the next shot to Joe and Mark’s relief, and was picking up his beer glass to take a sip when he saw it, out the corner of his eye. Sitting there, among those seated on the barstools… one couple in particular caught his eye. The man was about Shea’s age, 21, maybe a couple of years older, with unshaven cheeks and an aura about him, something slick and sleazy, that instantly stiffened Shea’s spine and caused his eyes to narrow.6117

Especially since the young girl on the man’s lap looked suspiciously like his little sister.7118

Shea’s muscles froze, and his eyes zeroed in sharply on the couple. The girl on his lap was being held hard against him, his arms locked firmly across her small breasts, and the man’s face was twisted around her as he kissed her neck, clearly giving her a hickey. The girl’s face was not fully visible, but as Shea watched, her long dark hair and her body, something about the way she held herself, made him more certain than ever that she was his sister, she was Emmelyn.8119

“Oh shit,” he muttered, his voice shaking slightly with barely suppressed shock and anger. “Shit…”9120

Abruptly he set down both his beer and his pool stick, beginning to stride purposefully to the barstool holding the oblivious pair. He was unaware of his college friends watching him, confused, didn’t hear both Mark and Joe asking him what was going on. All he saw was his fifteen-year-old sister, being slobbered on by a guy almost ten years older than her, in a bar that the local college kids all too often frequented…10121

He tapped the man on the shoulder aggressively, almost shaking with anger. When the man turned his head, clearly annoyed and ready to shoot his mouth off, Shea cut him off before he could start.11122

“If you know what’s good for you, asshole, you’ll take your hands AND your tongue off my sister right now,” he said in a low but very ominous tone.12123

The guy blinked, thrown, then tried for a lazy smirk. Shea could tell that he was not yet drunk but had clearly had a beer or two.13124

“Yeah? And what if your sis don’t want me to take my hands and tongue off her, huh? What ya gonna do then, BRO?”14125

“Oh, it doesn’t matter what she wants,” Shea said grimly. “She doesn’t get a choice.”15126

Emmelyn had turned her head toward Shea as soon as her partner had pulled his face away from her, and was now gawking at him with a combination of shock, shame, fear, and anger written plainly across her features. Shea realized suddenly that she reeked of too much perfume, that her makeup was heavily and darkly applied, that her top was tight and low-cut, her jeans nearly painted on. She was clearly trying to look older, but her efforts only accentuated her youth, making her appear like a child prostitute.16127

“Shea!” she blurted out almost belligerently, “what are YOU doing here?!”17128

“Funny, Emmelyn, I was going to ask you the same thing,” Shea shot back tightly. “Get up. You’re coming with me, NOW.”18129

Emmelyn’s features tightened angrily, and immediate defiance sparked in her eyes. “Like hell I am! You can’t tell me what to do, Shea- you can’t tell me who I can be with-“19130

“I damn well can when you’re breaking the law!” Shea snapped back, and he grabbed her by the arm, jerking her none-too-gently off the man’s lap and barely stopping her from falling in a heap on the floor. When the man made a weak attempt to take hold of her arm, Shea fixed him with a deadly stare.20131

“My sister is fifteen years old. If I ever see your hands- OR your lips- on her again… you just stay the hell away from her,” Shea nearly snarled. The guy looked at him in a manner that was obviously supposed to demonstrate his lack of concern, but Shea saw the anxiety in his eyes and knew he was faking it. Especially when he did not reply; Shea wondered for a second of clarity what his expression must look like to the other man.21132

Still keeping a firm hold on Emmelyn’s arm, he dragged her back over to the pool table, where his friends had stopped the game to stare at him. They weren’t the only ones in the place doing so; it didn’t help matters that Emmelyn was twisting herself in his hard two-handed grip, almost yelling as she violently tried to pull away from him.22133

“Let GO of me, Shea, let go! Get your fucking hands off me, why the hell do you think you can force me to do anything I don’t’ want to do?! Let GO!”23134

“Joe, give me your keys,” Shea called shortly, still tightly holding Emmelyn’s wrist in one hand as he stretched his other out to his roommate. “I’ll be back in a little while.”24135

“Shea, man, I don’t know-“ Joe started uncomfortably, but Shea looked at him meaningfully, his expression making it clear that he wasn’t about to take no for an answer. Exhaling, Joe put the keys in his hand. Still holding them, Shea used that hand to grab hold of Emmelyn’s upper right arm, the keys digging into her skin.25136

“Come on, Em, we’re going. It’ll be a lot easier if you just shut up and walk,” he said tightly, as he began to propel her towards the exit. Emmelyn struggled against him defiantly, but Shea was larger, stronger, and a lot more determined to make her leave than she was to stay. Had he simply picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, she would not have been able to fight back. He couldn’t deny that the thought had crossed his mind.26137

Emmelyn seemed to realize this by the time they reached the door, for she gave up, shoulders sagging, body going limp and stumbling under his hands as he continued to move her towards Joe’s car. Shea didn’t relax his hold of her; for all he knew, she was just trying to psyche him out so she could run off.27138

He unlocked her side of the car first, almost pushing her into the passenger seat as he hastily went around to the driver side, expecting her to bolt. He was only mildly gratified when she sat still, her shoulders hunched in a way that was both dejected and defensive, her head lowered so he could not see her face. The stiffness of her arms and her fists balled at her side gave him a pretty good indication of her emotions, however…28139

As he started up the car, telling her tersely to buckle up, then repeating it in a louder tone when she said and did nothing, she shot him a black look, going to do so with hands that shook from her emotions. The car was silent for several moments, the intensity of their tension and strong emotions densely filling the car’s interior.29140

“Emmelyn, I’m going to ask you one time what you were doing back there, in that bar, with that guy, and you better come up with a damn good answer,” Shea said finally, his voice taut, barely controlled, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel as he deliberately made himself not glance Emmelyn’s way.30141

“You can’t ask me anything, Shea, I don’t have to answer a damn thing!” Emmelyn spat, her voice once again an infuriated hiss. “You’re not my father!”31142

“Oh, we can arrange for him to be the one to ask you if that’s what you want, Em,” Shea said, his voice rising. “Is that what you want?”32143

She just glared at him darkly, not replying; nevertheless he could detect the sudden anxiety that rose unbidden in her eyes.33144

“Didn’t think so. I didn’t think they’d know, of course- do they even know you’re not home? Answer me, Emmmelyn. Who is that guy- and how did a tenth-grader get let into a bar? Do you have a fake ID?” he demanded, glancing at her in spite of himself.34145

“None of your damn business,” Emmelyn snapped, turning her face towards the window.35146

“Emmelyn-“36147

“You’re such a hypocrite, Shea!” she burst out with suddenly the fierceness in her voice bordering on hate. “You were there too, how come THAT’S okay? Don’t but such a prick!”37148

“It’s okay for me because I’m 21 years old, Emmelyn, not fifteen!” Shea said incredulously, unable to believe she’d even try such a stupid argument. “I’m not breaking the law in several different areas just by sitting there on that bastard’s lap!”38149

“Like YOU never drank before YOU were 21?!” Emmelyn shot back. “Besides, I wasn’t drinking, Mr. Pious and Holy!”39150

“No, you were giving lap dances and letting a guy ten years older than you suck on you!” Shea almost yelled, his tone harsher than he’d intended. “What the hell were you thinking, Em?! Who was that guy, where did you meet him? Jesus, I don’t’ know if I’d rather hear you’ve met him before today or not, either way, jesus! How long has this been going on? If you’ve had sex with him-“ he almost choked, barely able to spit the words out. “Damn it, Em, how could you be so stupid?”40151

“You’re the one who’s stupid, Shea!” Emmelyn shrieked, her voice shriller than he’d heard in some time, almost wild with feeling. She was shaking, her nails digging into the palms of her hands as she whipped her head around to glare at him hatefully. “God, I hate you! Who do you think you are to do this to me?!”41152

“I’m your BROTHER, Emmelyn, that’s who!” Shea yelled back, his voice infuriated, frustrated, despite his earlier attempts to stay calm. “I’m your brother, and I’m trying like hell to protect you!”42153

“You don’t need to protect me, you don’t need to do anything for me!” Emmelyn shot back, but even from his brief glance at her Shea could see the thrown expression on her face, the flash of uncertainty and momentary vulnerability in her eyes. “You should have just freakin’ left me alone, Shea, he wouldn’t have hurt me, so I don’t need your freakin’ PROTECTION! I’m not a little kid!”43154

“Oh, really, Em? He wouldn’t have hurt you? Do you really know that? Can you really be so sure of that?” Shea said tightly. “The guy’s a lot bigger and older and stronger than you, if he wanted to hurt you, or make you do something, nothing you did or said could have stopped him. Don’t you understand that? Even if he DIDN’T hurt you, or want to, you’re fifteen! You might not be a little kid, but you’re still way, way underage!”44155

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Shea!” Emmelyn said fiercely. “He wouldn’t have hurt me! He likes me- he LIKES me, he doesn’t-“45156

“Yeah, he likes that you’re young and pretty and that you’re naïve enough to let him put his hands on you and believe whatever he tells you!” Shea interrupted, so angry as he pictured the man’s hands on Emmelyn, his lips on her neck, that he could barely concentrate on driving. “You can’t honestly think a guy like that likes you for YOU, do you, Em? No decent guy that age chases after fifteen-year-olds! Look, I know guys like him, I know how they think-“46157

“Shut up, Shea!” Emmelyn cried shrilly, hitting her fists on her legs in frustrated emotional outburst. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t know him! You don’t’ know what he thinks, YOU DON’T KNOW! He DOES like me, he does, he wasn’t going to-“47158

“Oh yeah right, Em, he liked you so much he chased right after us explaining and introducing himself to me like a gentleman when I dragged you out of there!” Shea yelled back. “Did he even know your last name? Did you know his?”48159

“SHUT UP!” Emmelyn screamed, and then suddenly she was crying, violent sobbing shaking her entire torso. She balled her fists so tightly against her thighs that Shea could see her nails making cuts in her palms, and she was gritting her teeth, lowering her head and jerking it away from his view as she wept in dejected, desperate gaspings. 49160

“You don’t know, just leave me alone,” she managed to choke out, her voice broken, barely intelligible. “He did like me, he did, and now you scared him off. Now no one will ever…”50161

Her voice trailed off, and she just cried, completely abandoning the hostile, angry defensiveness she had shown earlier. Looking at her quickly, she seemed to Shea both in sound and appearance like a very young, very defeated young child, a child who was very much in need of comfort and reassurance.51162

Numerous emotions ran through him, each equally strong in their intensity. Frustration and incredulity at his sister’s naivety, anger at her stupid, dangerous decisions and her refusal to recognize her rashness, almost murderous fury at the man who had been using her… and then, of course, there was his shame for yelling at her and calling her stupid, his embarrassment at having to be the guy who had to pull his jailbait sister off the lap of a guy in a bar, in front of all his friends. But most overwhelming of all was his pity for her, his surge of protectiveness towards her, and his empathy, reluctantly rising, for her pain.52163

Without really thinking about it, Shea found himself pulling over into the nearest parking lot. Emmelyn did not look up when he turned off the car’s engine; if she noticed that they had stopped, she did not acknowledge it. She only continued to cry with shuddering, hopeless sobs, her head lowered so that her chin nearly touched her chest.53164

Shea watched her for a few moments, feeling all those conflicting emotions struggling against each other inside him… slowly he reached out to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. Emmelyn jerked, moving herself against the door as she turned her face even further from him, but Shea kept his hand on her gently yet firmly, not letting her pull away.54165

“Em…”55166

“D-don’t’ touch me,” she ground out, her words clearly meant to be fierce, but her tone was weak, her voice cracking. She sounded anything but fierce or insistent. “Please, Shea, d-don’t touch me, d-don’t talk to me…”56167

“No, no, I won’t do that, Em,” Shea said quietly, not removing his hand from her shoulder. “I can’t. Look, Em… listen to me, all right? Look at me.”57168

He heard her sniff and waited, but she still kept her face averted, her body stiff and carefully turned away from him. Shea sighed, still keeping his hand firmly on her still-quavering shoulder as he continued to regard her.58169

“Em, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you or upset you, but I’m not sorry for doing what I did back there. You worry me sometimes, doing things like that, things that could get you hurt. I don’t’ want you to get hurt.”59170

He heard Emmelyn sniff again, and she did not say anything, but he knew somehow now that she was listening, at least. He squeezed her shoulder gently, then moved his fingers up and down on it, rubbing it slowly.60171

“Em… you don’t need to be with guys like that, okay? You deserve better than that, there are plenty of guys who will treat you better and like you and be what you really want. Guys your own age. Well, maybe not your own age… but when you’re a little older there will be. You just have to be patient. It’ll happen, Em, really.”61172

When Emmelyn still said nothing, just continued to cry, though with softer, slowing sobs, he moved his hand lower, beginning to rub her back. For several minutes the siblings sat there, the only sound that of Emmelyn’s tapering crying, and Shea awkwardly yet caringly moved his hand up and down her back.62173

When he started the car again, preparing to take her home, she did not ask him not to tell their parents. She didn’t have to; without them saying a word, an understanding between them had already been reached.63174

(2008)2175

Shea smiled as he caught sight of his sister emerging from the front entrance of her college dorm building as he waited for her in his car. As she began to walk towards him, he leaned his elbow casually on the horn, grinning when she jumped, then scowled at him with mock-fierceness.3176

“About time, Em,” he smirked teasingly as Emmelyn rolled her eyes, getting in on the passenger side. “Were you doing the usual Emmelyn primping thing, or were there more pressing reasons for the hold-up? Should I be checking for lipstick smears and undone flies- the correct answer is no, regardless of any opposing truths,” he added hastily, seeing the wicked gleam in Emmelyn’s eye.4177

“Oh, ha ha, what wit, Shea,” she replied sarcastically, “although you did manage to mention sexuality and your baby sister in the same sentence without blanching. I’m impressed, bro.”5178

“What can I say, I’m maturing,” Shea smiled back. “And speaking of my sister, sexuality, and blanching, you do realize we’re going out in public, right? Wearing clothes might be required,” he said, nodding at Emmelyn’s micro-mini-skirt and tight top that displayed a good deal of cleavage. On other girls he might have found this exciting, but on his sister, it made him want to hand her his jacket and button it to her throat.6179

“Ooh, Shea, two witticisms in two minutes! You are in rare form tonight, bro,” she smiled in affectionate good humor as she tugged her skirt a quarter of an inch further down her thighs. “As for the maturity comment… isn’t that coming from the man who still thinks fart jokes are funny?”7180

“Well, of course they’re funny, Em… they’re FART JOKES!” Shea said in mock incredulity, and both of them laughed, for they knew in a way that he was serious too.8181

It was a Wednesday evening, the day during the week that Shea dropped by Emmelyn’s college so they could go do something together. Usually they ate or went to see a movie; sometimes they just hung out in Shea’s rental home or Emmelyn’s dorm. They’d joked about their “dates” before, and it was true that a few times strangers or acquaintances had mistaken them to be a couple. However, despite their bantering, and maybe even because of it, Shea and Emmelyn always looked forward to Wednesdays. Even if they didn’t do or say anything particularly exciting, it was nice for them to hang out together for a few hours.9182

“So how’s your internship going, Em? It was your first day yesterday, right?” Shea asked her as they slid into the restaurant booth, reaching for their menus and silverware.10183

“Kind of disorienting right now… new girl who knows nothing and all. What about you, how goes the management’s life? Still dull and stuffy?” Emmelyn smiled slyly.11184

“Except for those very non-frustrating times when someone flips over a minor, insignificant issue and expects me to give myself a hernia rushing to resolve it for them, yep, pretty much,” She replied dryly. “So, how are the grades, Em, still hanging in?”12185

“What is this, the dad drill?” Emmelyn laughed, shaking her head. “No, not even, Dad is much cooler and more subtle than that. You pulling the grandpa drill on me, Shea?”13186

Shea smiled back, but there was a sudden sharpening in his eyes. “You avoiding my question, Em?”14187

Emmelyn sighed exaggeratedly, rolling her eyes. “Grades are fine, Gramps. Now can I have a cookie?” She softened her sarcasm slightly with a grin. “Don’t worry, Shea, I’m fine. You’re supposed to be asking me gossip, who I’m dating and stuff. Who are YOU dating, by the way? Is marriage anywhere on your agenda at all, because for someone so concerned about me following the conventional path of life, you’re spending a lot of time sowing your own wild oats as far a dating goes.”15188

Shea gave her a mock-harsh look, but he was unable to repress a smile.16189

“Get married? And risk infecting an innocent baby with genes in any way connected with YOURS?”17190

His grin broadened when Emmelyn reached to slug him in the shoulder; no matter how many years passed, she never learned to hit so it hurt. He really should teach her… on other hand, maybe he’d rather not.18191

“All right, all right, I’ll go to the Emmelyn-approved big brother conversation topics. So… who’re you dating? He hurts you, and I break his legs!” he said, only half joking.19192

“Who says it’s a he?”20193

“What?!”21194

Seeing Emmelyn’s sparkling eyes and barely restrained grin, Shea’s suddenly rapid heartbeat slowed, and he let out a relieved breath.22195

“Yeah, yeah, nice try, Em,” he shook his head ruefully. “Makes no difference, anyway. He, she, it, they hurt you, I break their legs. Got it?”23196

“Oh, sure, Shea, you who stopped lifting weights two years ago,” Emmelyn jabbed. “Really, I’m a big girl now, in case you haven’t caught on, you don’t have to threaten with physical harm every guy that accidentally steps on the back of my foot.”24197

Emmelyn’s words were facetious, her tone gently mocking, but there was some seriousness behind what she was saying as well, and she watched her brother carefully. Shea just smiled back at her, matching her in tone and meaning when he replied.25198

“Of course I do, Em,” he said. “That’s a brother’s job…”26199

As the waitress approached and smilingly asked for their orders, addressing them as if they were a couple, they corrected her, amused. 27200

“Kind of creepy how many people seem to get the romantic vibes off us,” Emmelyn pointed out wryly. “What’s with that, anyway? Do brothers and sisters never hang out anymore?”28201

“Sure they hang out, Em,” Shea said straight-faced. “But in most cases, this is not done literally, as in the sister, from her three inch shirt. Generally brothers and sisters don’t’ spend time together in half nude states…”29202

He cut himself off when Emmelyn hit him again, glowering without any real anger. As they waited for their meal, they continued to talk, teasing and poking fun at each other more often than not, but neither really seemed to take offense at or be hurt by the other words. They were just enjoying the simplicity of being together. The six years between them no longer seemed significant, didn’t quite seem to carry with it its former complications. 30203

Shea would always look at Emmelyn as his little sister, always see it as his duty to look out for her… but now it was no longer truly necessary for him to do so. 31204

End 32205