Chapter 1: At home1
“Bye Mike.” A voice shouted.2
“Bye.” Mike replied.3
As the rain poured down the side of the moonlit window, he remembered his first love. He would usually sit by the erupting fire. All he wanted to do was watch the football match on the television. 4
“I need to see if she’ll return. My long lost love.” He thought impatiently. “When will she return?” 5
All he could hear was the silent cat purring. Tears rolled down his face. How much did he want her? What was her name?6
“Oh Samantha. I miss you! Please forgive me.” He whispered gently.7
Suddenly the doorbell rang. Mike dashed to the door then with one great heave, the door creaked open. Looking, Mike spotted something in the corner of his eye.8
“A parcel for me! Who is it from? What could it be? Where did it come from? Although, it’s Sunday and the postman doesn’t deliver letters or parcels today.” Mike thought in consideration.9
The parcel was wrapped in blue and red sparkling wrapping paper. Its hinges were as white as the moon. 10
As he opened the lid, he saw a strange shape. Before he could blink, a small, black and white dog pounced out of the box then it sprinted around the living room.11
“A Dalmatian. I’ve always wanted a dog. I’ll call her Sammy.”12
“Woof. Woof.” Sammy replied, as if she was saying, I love that name!13
Suddenly there was a loud hiss. Nathan the cat had woken up and he sounded very angry. Then with no hesitation, Sammy started to chase Nathan around the house.14
“Stop it NOW!” Mike shouted…15
Chapter 2: The tornado.16
… With not a single sound, the television turned on in one second flat.17
“I interrupt the football match to warn you that a TORNADO is heading straight towards us! Go down to your cellar NOW!” The man cried with no courage in him.18
Mike ran upstairs to get Sammy and Nathan. As he sprinted up the staircase, he spotted something through the window that made him stop. It was the tornado. Grabbing the two animals, he travelled back down the stairs. Will he make it? Will he survive? Will we know what has happened to his dear Samantha? As he opened the cellar door, he heard a motor engine.19
“CCCRRRAASSSHHH!”20
Mike, Sammy and Nathan fell into a deep sleep. They had survived but just barely.21
“Samantha, Samantha.” Mike shouted, “Where are you? Samantha!”22
All he could hear was a woman’s voice. He remembered… She was calling him. Samantha his long lost love. When he awoke he realized that he had gone back in time to the year 1807. 23
“How did this happen.” He wondered calmly.24
He also realized that he was at the swimming pool, where Samantha had performed her beautiful summersault before crashing into the glistening surface of the water. He also realized that he was in his swimming trunks. That’s when it happened. As she sprinted up to him, her ginger hair swayed in the breeze.25
“Hi. What’s your name, handsome?” she asked in her sweetest voice.26
“Mike.” He replied. “You are so beautiful that any man would want to marry you.” 27
“Why thank you for your compliment, Mike. My name is Samantha. And you are kind.” She replied.28
“Um. Samantha can I ask you something?”29
“Sure.”30
“ Do you love me? Because if you do, well, I love you!” Mike cried. 31
“Of course I do!” She replied.32
As they swam together, Mike felt like he was the luckiest man on the earth. 33
Chapter 3: The Family34
“Come on. Do you want to meet my family?” Samantha asked politely.35
“Would I ever! Lead the way my emerald.” Mike shouted.36
“My mum studies whales, dolphins, sharks and birds.” 37
As they happily jogged down the road, she clutched his hand.38
“If your mum hates me, we could get married in secret then we can run away together.” Mike whispered.39
“Deal.” Samantha replied.40
A few minutes later, they arrived at Samantha’s house.41
“Mum. I’m home. Plus I’ve brought someone with me.” Samantha said. 42
Chapter 4: The Nightmare.43
A tall, dark figure stepped out of the shadows. Its hair dangling down its back. 44
“Sweet heart. YOU’RE HOME! Your father and I have been worried sick about you. Also who is that ugly fellow lurking in our doorway?” A voice asked.45
“Mum, he is not ugly!!! He’s a friend of mine and we love each other. Isn’t that right Mike?” Samantha asked.46
“It is true my emerald.” Mike replied.47
“My daughter in love with an ugly man. Trigger, our daughter is in love!!” Bing (Samantha’s mother) shouted.48
“Is she now, Bing? I have waited for this day for an odd 15 years. Alright Samantha let me see him.” Trigger said excitedly.49
As Mike stepped forward, the radio turned on. They hadn’t created the television in those days.50
“Beautiful woman kidnapped. Keep all daughters that are beautiful inside under safe guard.” A news reporter reported.51
“Samantha, I will look after you!!!” Mike claimed.52
“No!” Bing and Trigger shouted, “How can we trust you?” 53
In a flash, a shot rang out…54
“Ouch! Samantha. Where are you?” Mike cried… 55
Chapter 5: The kidnappers.56
“…Where am I? Who’s there?” Samantha cried.57
“Welcome to our cave! I am Bob and this is James!” Bob said smartly.58
Two gloomy figures jumped in front of Samantha with worried looks on their faces. She shivered in the coldness of the cave.59
“I told your parents not to report to the police about us but did they listen. NO. So now we have our revenge. We might as well kill you.” James shouted, spitting in Samantha’s young face.60
“Well why did you capture me then?” a voice from the shadows asked.61
The two men looked around cautiously. A young woman stepped out of the darkness.62
“Because we needed a distraction. You were perfect for the job.” Bob explained. 63
Samantha sighed. 64
“When will Mike come for me?” She thought. “I don’t want to die.”65
Suddenly a dog sprang into the cave and started to bark, getting louder and louder.66
“Let’s get out of here!” James whispered.67
He pulled on the rope that was rapped around Samantha. She wouldn’t move. She was thinking of Mike.68
“Come on girl.” He shouted.69
There was no reply.70
“Fine.”71
Then with no hesitation, he punched her. She fell, hurt to the bone. What should she do? Where was Mike? Will he save her? 72
Chapter 6: The retreat.73
“Hurry, don’t let them escape.” A villager called.74
“How can we escape?” Whispered Bob.75
“Dun’ no.” Replied James.76
“Well I do.” Shouted Mike.77
“What the heck is going on?” Asked Trigger suspiciously. 78
“We were playing with…” Bob started but then was rudely interrupted by Bing. 79
“Bob? James? Is that you?” Questioned Bing.80
“Yes it’s us.” James answered.81
“But why?” Trigger asked.82
“Because they wanted revenge.” Samantha interrupted.83
Mike took a step forward.84
“Don’t move a muscle otherwise I’ll shoot!!!” James cried grabbing a golden striped gun and faced Samantha. 85
Comments
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^_^ this was a very good story. I do have some consructive critisizm, though. It seemed just a bit rushed to me. It was just a bit hard to follow b/c one thing happened after another very quickly. I would give it just a little more time and description. Also, remember, the most importent part of a story (in my opinion, at least) is it's characters. Give more thought to them, and develop them more. they can be so so fun, if you put thought into it.
Also, one way to get ppl to read your chapter book, or extended story, either one, is to sperate each chapter into a different story. that way, your readers won't be discouraged by a long read, the will know when a neww part is posted (if you are they're friend.)
But, I did like the story plot a lot. With a bit of work, I believe this could become a wonderful story.
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COOOOOOLLLLLL!!!
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DUNN DUNNN DUNNNNN!
Amazing me!

