Life isn’t a TV show. Period. End of story.1
You watch all those soaps and dramas and, hell, even the sitcoms, and everything turns out just right. Sure, they have a little toss-up or two in the middle, fight a little, the big bad wolf eats a few people just for the sake of balance, but in the end, life’s all roses and cream.2
Nuh-huh. Not in real life. Big Guy up on Cloud Nine enjoys pulling our strings and he’s not about retire any time soon. Life is, actually, one giant puppet show, and we are the puppets. And boy does He love yanking our strings.3
******4
Hot shower on a freezing day ranks right up there on the List of Likes, along with my gadgets, my bed, and my lucky CK boxers. (So, okay, the last one was a bit random. Mental shrug.)5
Stepping out of the shower, I take a deep breath and towel myself off, my reflection obscured in the mirror by all this steamy haze. I grin at my freshly washed self and sauntered out of the room.6
My apartment is no bachelor pad, but it’s cool. Definitely a cool place to hang out. It could be a little bigger, but I’m not complaining – it was a real bargain find, and I’m gonna hang onto this one. 7
I pull out some underwear and a pair of trousers. Pulling a undershirt over my head, I survey the choices of shirt available. Red, blue, indigo, purple, white, cream, yellow, pink (Don’t say one word). I shrug and yank the blue shirt, complement the look with a dark blazer. Purposefully omitting the tie – casual look today – I walk into the kitchen and fight with Mr. Coffee. 8
Ten minutes later, I brush my hair, mousse it, and grab my briefcase, slinging it over my shoulder and tightening the strap. 9
Grab my keys and I’m ready to go. 10
Another day in the Big Apple.11
*******12
Architecture is a lark in a city where nearly everyday something new is being planned. Hell, whether it actually gets built is another matter – I get paid for designing the thing, not building it. 13
SPowers Architects are reputed to be among the best in the city. I agree. My office has a great view. Every day at work starts with me standing over by the large window and looking out over the city, and musing how I got from being a kid with foster parents and a college diploma to an architect with a comfortable income and my very own pad. 14
Yeah. I have done well. Okay, egocentric moment here. 15
“Sir,” chirps my intercom. Well, my secretary on the intercom. “Your ten o’clock meeting is ready, sir.”16
“Great,” I enthuse, and grab my laptop and march off. 17
******18
My work colleagues are good mates. They were all excited when I showed up – “Hey, an Aussie dude!” and me likewise. Good people, from Mark, a good friend and fellow architect, Fries, (Don’t allude to potatoes or this fist will be in your face) a Swede, extremely funny without meaning to, and an admin. He may be from HR, but he’s good to hang around with after work. There’s Deb, my secretary, whom I had a crush on when I first saw her, (Hey, don’t go getting any ideas, she has a boyfriend. And he’s in the Marines.), Tara, my boss, technically, but we don’t allow technicalities to get in the way of friendship. 19
Yeah, you’d think your boss’d be an awful person to hang out with, but, hey. You’d be surprised after a night out with Tara.20
The meeting goes well. I think I have the clients convinced that our firm can draw better than the guys down the street, so we’ll just see. 21
Tara meets me in the hallway afterward and raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow at my lack of a tie.22
“Hey, ease up.” I grin, as we walk down the hall. People in suits and carrying rolls of paper and files walk here and there, running the SPowers machine. “Did you see them in there? They loved me.”23
“You thought they were grinning at you?” Tara rejoins, smiling. Her auburn hair suits her, oddly. 24
“Who else were they looking at? The potted plant behind me?” 25
“It may interest you to know that Lisa Monroe was behind you in the next room. Anderson could see her perfectly through the clear walls, and –”26
I stick my tongue out. “Yeah, we know what a slut she can be.”27
Tara frowns and then smiles. “Okay, then, RJ, I’ll see ya at lunch.”28
“Yes, ma’am.” I bob a fake salute and she turns down a corridor while I keep walking the main hall, heading back to Accounts to drop off some invoices.29
Mark and Fries are in the accounts department, too, chatting up the sexy intern. I enter and wink at her and clap Mark on the back. I hand the report to Fries, who drops it in his in-tray. It’s ten and his in-tray is overflowing. I shake my head at Mark. Fries is a famous doing-stuff-at-the-last minute man. 30
The intern leaves and we hobnob by the water cooler outside.31
“Did you see this?” queries Mark as he scrutinizes the notice board, which has the usual bright red and blue and white notices, stuck to it. 32
“What?” I ask. I’m only paying half my usual attention; I’m trying to remember what I have planned for tonight. I’m sure someone had me down for dinner … dang; I need one of those fancy PDAs. That way I’d never forget anything. Unless I forgot the PDA, that is. 33
Fries replies, “The annual SPowers ball. On the sixteenth, man.”34
I look around, my momentary distraction gone. “Okay.”35
SPowers have this thing for employee satisfaction, see. They have all these things planned which makes sure that the last thing an employee will ever do is file a suit for bad working conditions. Suits me. More fun.36
“So, you going?” I ask Mark and Fries.37
“Well, duh, RJ.” Mark refills his plastic cup. “Who doesn’t go to these things?”38
Fries scratches his beard. He’s very proud of his beard. Must be a Swede thing. “I was thinking of Lisa Monroe,” he mutters. 39
I gaff. “Fries, every guy who’s not gay in here is thinking of Lisa Monroe. Get real, bud.”40
“Slut Power,” laughs Mark. “I’m asking Sandra.” 41
I nod. Mark and Sandra have been going out for a while now. I hear wedding bells in the near future. “Remember, mate. Me, best man, okay?”42
Mark grins and throws his cup into the bin. “Sure, man.” He claps me on the back and makes off for his office.43
Fries looks at me. “Who you asking, then?”44
I frown. “Not sure, mate.”45
Fries nods. “I’ll see you around, RJ.” He disappears into his office to deal with his in-tray.46
I scrunch up my cup and throw it in the bin, and walk off. This ball thing needs a little more thought. It is, after all, only a week away.47
I need a PDA. Or at least a note stuck to my forehead everyday.48
******49
Five o’clock. Work’s out. I say goodbye to my mates, Tara, and head out to my car. 50
Driving home, through the always busy streets of New York, my head spins, trying to work out what tonight was supposed to be about. It was just a thought at work, but now it’s irritating. I’m always one to keep my appointments, see.51
Park car, get out keys, enter pad.52
Dropping my bag, I throw my coat over the arm of the sofa and press the answering machine for any messages, and then go to retrieve a Budweiser from the fridge.53
The machine bleeps as I perch on my bar stool. “You have one message.”54
So play the damn thing, I chuckle. I undo a couple of buttons on my shirt, and take a sip of the cold Bud. Ah. Feels good.55
“Hey, RJ! It’s me, Sera. Howdy! … Hey, listen, I hope your little brain didn’t forget dinner tonight, huh? It’s real important you come, I have a surprise for you! See you at eight, Fuzzlebunny!”56
Click.57
I did two things.58
Grimace at her designation of me – Fuzzlebunny? We may have been best friends for six years, but I never told her she could call me that! Honestly. Women.59
And the next second, I checked my watch.60
It was a quarter to eight.61
Argh! I almost dropped the Bud. Okay, I was gonna get a real dose from Sera when I showed up. Best friend or not, she likes to be strict. In a friendly way, o’course. I smile. 62
Heh. I stood and made my way to the bedroom, and dragged down a shirt and a fresh pair of pants. Nothing fancy, just a dinner between friends, so I don’t bother dressing up. I drain the Bud, and vaguely wonder what surprise she had in store for me. 63
I had no idea.64
In a list
- RJ Writing Club group list • next in list
- Fantasy Writers or Readers Anon group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Background by capitallights.
100 points, ended May 21, 4 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rock My World by Lady-Jane.
250 points, ended June 15, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Love it! xD You spin a good yarn, RJ, to put it your way. Lulz. And thankyou for the part at the start about soap operas- I shall tell every single resident of Crystal Lakes what you think of their uber-dramatic lives.
Lol. It's great.
C
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You watch all those soaps and dramas and, hell,
your comma should be before the 'and' after drama's also the 'and' after soaps should be a comma.
'And'or 'but' shouldn't start sentences unless they're in dialogue, this makes them feel more like dialogue than narrative. You want to keep the emphasis where it belongs
Watch being repetitive within the same paragraph. one small word change can drastically impact how the reader likes or dislikes a story
'My apartment is no bachelor pad, but it’s cool. '
for example
Yeah. I have done well.
should be a comma after 'Yeah'
Watch using unnecessary words
'“Great,” I enthuse, and grab my laptop and march off'
for example ... if you did it like
“Great,” I enthuse as I grab my laptop and march off
I have to say, you write in present tense very well. the story flows easily and you give enough to keep the reader going. I' have liked a bit more character description but that's just me. I'll definitely read more of this.
I have a column on punctuation in stories if you want to take a look. There are others too if you're interested.
Keep writing you've definitely got talent -
This is not the sort of thing I read normally so I will not comment in a personel way however, the story flowed well and and I felt the main character was real, he had a presence. Nicely done.
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For the contest backgrounds: I have an idea of how the background relates to the story but I'm asking everyone else, so can you please tell me how your background relates to your story. Thank you
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It's like a background which is a notepad, so it's like sortof a diary entry/autoboigrahpical thing. I think it's a good choice - and it makes it easy on the eyes too.
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This is quite good RJ. ^^ Keep penning and i'll read the entire series up to date when i have enough free time on my hands to read. ^^
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Muy bien!
This is such a great start! Like everyone else has said, you've really caught the reader's attention. I love your wit, and your small details and interjections in this made me smile. I can guess where this story is going, and it's such a great thing to read about. I'm heading over to the next chapter now.
This kicked ass. Great job, hun.
HYGIENE REVOLUTION! POOL REVOLUTION! YAY. (Everyone else is NOT going to understand this. xD)
-jj (Jennifer JACKSON!
'Cause we're family!)
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Thank-ee so much, JJ!!
Appreciate you reading and commenting and appaulding and making me feel all good in my warm gooey places ...
Be glad if you continue and thanks a bunch for your interest!
HYGIENE REVOLUTION!!! Yeah! (Nope, they're all gonna go 
and wonder if I have some loony disease*
RJ
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I found this story interesting because it took me into a lifestyle I have never been privy to. I come from a thoroughly working class background and have seen little from the upper classes. Unlike many stories depicting middle class lifestyle you have thus far lingered on the everyday aspects of such a life, making the account all the more real.
I don't know if you were using a thesaurus while you were writing this, but if you were, put the damn thing away. If you weren't using a thesaurus then you just happened to use words that I associate with the use of one and have developed a distaste for. "Sauntered" is one of these words. There were others but I can't think of them.
By the way I like your style of narration.
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No, I wasn't using a thesaurus. Honest.
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Good start, interesting finish.
Yet your middle kind of left me craving more of what you had at the beginning and end; just those strange thought patterns that really connect me to the character. Nice detail though... and an interesting story line. You might want to take out some of those little things in () because a couple don't need to be there... as for detail, for some reason, the simplicity seems to be fine.
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Hey, this was good, Randy.
I like the simple, matter of fact tone in your writing that just tells the story without a lot of excess fluff. It's quick and moves along nicely without getting bogged down in details, yet you throw in enough quirky sideline things to keep the whole thing from becoming a travelog narrative, such as the little character details. Fries and his name and last-minute nature, Tara's perfectly shaped eyebrow and how "her auburn hair suits her, oddly." The details are nice and succinct and integrated well into the story telling. They are incidental to the storyline, they fit. Thats part of the skill of story telling I believe, to tell the story without sounding like you're telling a story. Seamless integration of detail, that's what I'll call it, yeah...But you do it well.
I like the attitude that shows ego without going over the top. You've got it going on, at a good place in life but not gushing over the details. Ain't nothin' wrong with little bit of pride in one's self. It's a good thing and only telling what's necessary to play into the development of the main character. Also, you show and don't tell. Case in point, you describe driving and parking. To live in New York City, have a nice pad and a car and a place to park you must be doing well. As such, you really didn't need to mention earlier in the story that you were doing well. It's obvious by the details. But to mention it does develop the character as having an ego, which is just fine.
I thought this was pretty snappy, Randy. I like the tone and the clean, clear style that doesn't waste the reader's time with lengthy descriptions. You tell us just enough to pique interest in your characters and look forward to why the details are pertinent to what is to come. I thought this was very well written.
I like the fuzzlebunny bit. Women need to be educated that such nomenclature must always be a private affair and not to be used in any instance that may be overheard by other men. A nice shout out for justice for your male compadres. Use that power of the pen to make the world a better place.
I liked it, Randy. Well done.
al
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Just a warning - my comments are jumbles of things I liked about your story with no real coherence. (:
I've gotta say, this is an exceptional work. The first three paragraphs really enticed me, moreso than most other stories. I mean, even the first line drew me in. The realist and cynical attitude reflects shades of myself, so I was obviously able to relate.
Man, I only take cold showers at summer camp after a long day on the athletic field. I love the imagery of your closet. All the colorful shirts.
I love the random interjections you have in the middle of sentences, like warning us not to get any ideas, or not to make jokes about your shirt colors.
I'm moving on to the next chapters, and I'm definitely going to be looking out for future additions. Amazing job. (:
-Keasbey
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Good start
Nice descriptions. You've got a good start to a story the could go any where from this point. I thought you ended it at just the right spot. You have the reader wondering what's going to happen next.
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Very smooth and flowing; very funny, and with a subtle sarcastic tone. In other words, just how I like it. I found it very funny, and even though not much has happened yet (I assume you're setting up background) you have me hooked because reading it was fun. I even laughed out loud.
Your introduction was brilliant, and you kept it up all throughout. The characters and dialog were very realistic and relatable.
Perhaps my only criticism is that it could have been a slightly better ending...it seemed to end abruptly.
Have you posted the second chapter? I'll check....
If not, hurry up!
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Thank you very much for your comments. Means a lot.
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I liked this alot
This was a wonderful starting piece. Shows how guys act around the workplace... an especially lax workplace. Excellent job!
DarkOne. Rewarded 4
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Thanks a lot, DarkOne.
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Realistic? They are REAL! xD
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Aeaz...??? Hinting??
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I don't usually read adult fiction, preferring young-adult, but the tone of this piece simply calls out to me! Humorous, vaguely sarcastic, and very smoothly flowing.
I love the characters! Very realistic!
Great work, uncle Randy! Waiting for more.
HT.
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I
like
it!!!!
A lot!! It's good and well I just like it!
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Are you calling me a wacko, Aaez?
I like the style you've written this in. It's smart and straightforward. My favorite, hilarious line?
"I did two things."
I couldn't say why, but it's just that deadpan humor I imagine it said with. Nice work here, and I look forward to more.
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I hope they get married! xD...and then she becomes RJ's boss and moves around the world on work and stuff. while RJ is stuck on the computer, eating home-made rice and talking to wackos who roll around in glitter. xD...ahahaha...im so funny.
Great story by the way. It's funny. =D
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