Midwestern Bell

The guy used to always fuck with Vern's phones. Vern would throw a party, and Jim would always mess with the phones. Vern never liked it when Jim messed with the phones. “You can never let that guy into your house,” he always said, “you'll always have a fuckin' huge phone bill after.” But, as usual, each week when Vern had a party at his house, he'd invite Jim who would come straight from work in his telephone truck. Vern would keep having parties, and throughout the night, the night points would be punctuated with the ring of brand-new touch-tone phones. Jim always fucked with the phones. 1

When Vern moved away from Bloomington to the farm after his father died, he didn't have any more parties. He sent letters to Jim, who would always call immediately after getting them. For a while, Vern picked up the phone and talked until he felt compelled to hang up.2

“I have to go, man.”3

“Oh. The new place makes you go to bed early, huh?”4

“No, Jim. I just have to wake up early to take care of some of Dad's things.”5

“Oh. So the new place is workin' out for you, huh?”6

“Yeah. I guess. Listen, I gotta go.”7

“Oh. Huh. Bye then, I guess,” Jim reasoned, “Oh, I found some pictures of me and you in uniform8

the day we walked out of the base. Thought I'd send them to you.”9

“Sure. Good night, Jim.”10

“Yeah. Good night, I guess.”11

Jim always called late at night. The farm made Vern tired all the time; it made him give up things. Eventually he was married a girl who stayed local. She had waited for him to come back East from California. He had simply not found anything better while in the Marines. So, they married. They had kids. Jim married too. He had kids, too. Jim moved West again after that arrangement broke up. And, he stopped calling after a while.12

He called again ten years later. But, Vern still didn't fuck with phones. Jim died of cancer that year.