Prologue1
It was a hot June day; the sun was blazing emitting unbearable heat. Asfand walked up in search of shade. Finally he stopped at the bus stop where there was shade. He settled down and also put down his large chest. Inside that chest was Asfand’s source of livelihood.2
His brush, different polishes and other instrument that he used for repairing shoes, Asfand was a cobbler, who used to go here and there in search of customers that might get there boots polished from him.3
Suddenly something happened that had never happened before a Bmw stopped right in front of Asfand. He looked at it amazed; he had never seen such a car before4
The window of the car lowered; there was a very pretty and probably very rich girl inside. She smiled at Asfand. Asfand couldn’t believe what was happening, how could some one as beautiful and rich as her smile at him or even notice him.5
Then she winked at him, Asfand was so shocked that he was knocked off his feet. Then came voices of laughter from inside the car, all who were watching the scene joined them.6
Asfand quietly got up, picked his chest and stated to walk as quickly as his legs would carry him. He heard sound of whistles from behind.7
He was not rich and may be he would never become rich but today he had lost his dignity.8
````````````````````````9
Author notes
I saw this thing happen in reality. While It may amuse some it disgusted me. The girl wanted to take away from Asfand even the little he had. It inspired this series and I selected it to the Prologue.
There are going to be three stories.
On Top of the Game: A 60 contract killer, who on top of his game. No man could challenge him. His dignity is all he has, but what will happen when a young girl of 19 seeks to undo it all. Can he really accept that she is better than him.
Vanity: This one is about a man that has his head filled with a lot of hot air. But he really never satisfied though he an overachiever. Can really get all he want by degrading his wife.
Forbidden Love: A young boy thinks he has found love, she lovely and fun to be with but what would he do when he discovers that she’s a porn star.
.
A contest entry
- Starting Ideas Please! by Sekhmet Kitty.
170 points, ended May 2, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beautiful pain by Writing0Freedom.
541 points, ended May 7, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Pham! PHam! PHAm! PHAM!!!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
good start for a story.
-
Such things are definitely disgusting. You did well that you have written about it, but you have to work a bit on phrases and grammar and then it definitely will reflect the whole idea much more better!! Good luck with it!
-
Those type of people definitely make me want to slap them or yell at them because they have no consideration and treat other people as if they are better when they really aren't. It is nice you wrote this about that.
A couple of crittiques
He settled down and also put down his large chest.
(You might want to take out the 'also' in that sentence and that would make it stronger.)
His brush, different polishes and other instrument that he used for repairing shoes, Asfand was a cobbler, who used to go here and there in search of customers that might get there boots polished from him.3
(Could you make this into more concise sentences maybe? I think it would be nice for you to describe the items in his chest in greater detail maybe or describe the chest.)
I like this it is relatable and sad.
Thanks for entering!
WritingFree -
That's sad
It makes me want to punch people like that. True and well written, good start! I'm not sure what this continues into or will continue into though.
Good Luck!
-
ok this starts out nice I was drawn in in the first few words, but you have a few mistakes such as there instead of their, you may want to read over, I like the way the story flows well, I know that is strange for a story complament but if something just reads well and smooth it flows from one line to the next nice short write.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
