All these lives- Chapter Six- Twisted Tales In The Truth

The taxi pulled up in my driveway, as I stood outside in the burning sun. Waiting for Uncle Don to arrive.3

I had seen it a mile away, as it drove up the steep hill towards my house. It reminded me of the times in which I would wait outside for hours for the taxi to bring my father home.4

Some of those days I wanted to forget, while others I knew I would soon be sharing, reliving with my Uncle Don. The only other man to truly understand my feelings about my father. After all, as I was soon to find out. It had been in him, these addictions. Long before I was even thought of, let along conceived, and heading strongly into adult hood. 5

A few small tears of release fell from my eyes, onto the dirt path as the taxi pulled into the driveway, stopping short of where I was standing. 6

Inside, Uncle Don wound down the window, his face solemn and Grey. His eyes blood-shot, his whole body seemed to sag into the chair. He looked utterly exhausted. It brought a pain to my heart, a feeling of deep sorrow as he looked into my eyes, breathing, living yet so utterly lost.7

I watched as he bent forward, paying the taxi driver his money, and opened the door, stepping onto the rocky driveway. The stones crunching underneath his feet, sounding like a thousand broken bones, it drove right through my heart, causing me to shudder.8

“How are you my Karen?” he whispered, standing before me, his head lowered above mine. He kissed me sweetly on the forehead, pushing my hair back behind my ears, and pulled me in for a childhood like embrace. Tightly, squeezing the breath out of me. 9

“Lost, forgotten and numb,” I said honestly, knowing he would rather appreciate the truth rather  than lying about the feelings I knew we, amongst many were feeling.10

More hot tears fell from his eyes, as he let go of my body. Wanting badly to hold me in the embrace forever. I could see it in his eyes. The pain was very far from over.11

Nodding in response, he walked towards the back of the car. The bonnet popping up to allow him to retrieve his luggage.12

“David should be landing in Sweden anytime soon, I will have to give him a quick call when we get inside, if that is fine with you love?”13

I nodded, knowing very well that he did not want to bring up the topic of my father at this point in time. I could understand, although I was dying, craving inside to scream my lungs out, just to have someone to hear me, to tell me that it was real.14

“That's fine,” I said, offering my help with the luggage. “You need a hand with that, I heard you backs a little out of place, I wouldn't want you doing anymore damage.”15

Patting my shoulder, he slugged his baggage over his shoulder, and smiled a smile of appreciation, and doubt.16

“I'm not an old man yet love, but if you like you could carry my toilet bag, I am pretty fine with the others.”17

I nodded, reaching into the boot, pushing myself hard into the car. I seemed to be becoming more intense with the feeling of pain,and quiet enjoyed the feeling of the hard metal pressing its way into my stomach. It was something to numb the pain.


Dinner time was quiet. Maybe even more so than it had been in years. The silence was a comfort, but also a slight disappointment.18

I needed so desperately to ask him so many questions. 19

My mind was like a tornado, swirling, lighting with destructive images, memories swirling around, pulling me deeper and deeper into its abyss, torturing me, waiting to push me aside.20

Uncle Don seemed to be so calm, so peaceful as he sat consuming mouthful after mouthful of my attempt at dinner.21

“Lovely soup love.” he said sipping through the chunks of half cooked vegetables and chewy meat.22

I was a disappointment tonight.23

“Thanks,” I whispered, taking the final mouthfuls of my own. I pushed my bowl aside, feeling my stomach knotting as the huger pains passed away.24

It had been a few days since I had eaten anything with substance. I had solely lived of vegetable juice, and bread. Every know and then taking my time to have a glass of cola, or a steaming hot coffee when I felt the absence of my father float through the house. 25

Now as the sickly feeling replaced my hunger, I suddenly felt the acid and lining of my stomach burning with an immense pain. I could feel myself ready to be sick.26

Trying desperately not to show any sign of my sickness, or the depression I was feeling. I threw my hair back over my shoulder and took a deep breath in, watching as Uncle Don swallow the last of his soup. 27

It was not that it repulsed me or so much the fact that he was eating, more so the fact that in my tired state everything seemed to blur in slow motion; And it was as if I could practically see the break down of everything he was chewing.28

My stomach lurched, the burning intensified and I could no longer hold back. Holding my hand over my mouth, I tried to swallow it back, attempting one last time to spare myself the embarrassment, but it was way to late for that.29

Throwing up, I held my stomach, leaning into the table. Once what was a futile attempt at hunger satisfaction now lay spayed, and splatter across the kitchen table. This was just the beginning.30


Alone I lay, in my fathers room,curled up in his sheets.31

I wore his old favorite sweater, trying to find comfort in its familiar smell. Feeling his arms wrapped tightly around me as the tears streamed, and melted into the pillow.32

Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave me now?God forbid he stick around for once. Why could he just not stop? Why had he been so selfish?33

I felt so angry, so tormented inside. He had torn my heart into little piece, set it on fire, and left to me to watch it all burn, burn into the ashes.34

I did not know how to be weak. I could not cry in front of anyone. I did not know how to say goodbye, and I was not ready to even think about forgiving him for what he had done. What he had done to me? His future, my future, our future.35

I rolled over, pulling the pillow tightly over my eyes. I did not even want his spirit to see me like this. Not like the wreck I had become. I needed to be strong. 36

This was not about me, it never was, and it never would be. It was about the man I called my friend. The one who had brought me into this cruel world, only to leave me in a shit awful place, in my mind, and in my own soul. It killed me with every breath, knowing he would not be coming home tonight, or any night for that matter. 37

Though when the sun rose in the morning. I would have to put all of my feelings beside. I would have to learn to accept, as I fare-welled the man, the only man I would let into my life. The only man I would ever love.38

I closed my eyes, letting the pillow fall to the side.39

I hated him. I hated him for what he did to me. 40

Though like almost everyone who had passed through this generation of misfits, or losers, of the incomplete and the plain insane, it is only a matter of time before genetics ran thick through my blood, and that was the thing that killed me the most.41

I never wanted to be like them. That was my farewell promise. My farewell promise to him.42

I would show him, I would show him how to live.43


Sometime around midnight, or it might have been early dawn. I heard a knock at the door, as it creaked open; revealing a sobbing, shattered man.44

“You know Karen, you remind me of your father in so many ways,” Uncle Don said, as we lay side by side curled up underneath his blanket. 45

It might of seemed inappropriate under normal circumstances, but right now it was warranted. The closeness and familiarity of another was tender, it was strong, and it was what kept my heart beating in these waking hours, as times flew by so slowly.46

“You're so strong on the outside, so tough, and secretive; And yet the look upon your face when someone stairs deep inside your soul suggest otherwise.”47

Shaking my head, I felt my body warming to the feeling of having another's hands wrapped tightly around my waist, so softly, yet so tightly, like a glove, fitting comfortably into place, as it slides over ones hand, sometimes hiding the ugly from the world.48

He reminded me a lot of my father. His gentle, loving nature, the way he knew the truth in me. The only difference in my father was that he was always to late in saying those kinds of things, those honest truths. It was always the right time for him, was the wrong time for me. 49

I never believed anything he said when he was on the bottle. I never wanted to feel that kind of praise when he was sniffing, and snorting and smoking. When he was so out of his mind he would have had no idea what he was saying.50

So naturally I did not believe a thing Uncle Don was telling me. I mean why should I? For all I knew he could be just like my father. Deep down inside, their could be a secret he was hiding. We all had our secrets we were hiding. I wondered what his was.51

“I don't believe my father was strong, or brave,” I whispered in the dead of the night. “ he was selfish and stubborn; He only almost ever thought of himself while he was drinking, while he was doing those drugs. He was a liar, and a cheat. He was so full of broken promises, to many to count, to many times he let me down.”52

Uncle Don nodded, taking in my response with an open heart. 53

He seemed to make my thoughts clearer. I felt comfortable opening up now that someone was willing to listen to me. Someone with a sense of intelligence, or awareness. It made me glad that my mother was not the one around top help me pick up the pieces.54

“Yes Karen he was those things, but he was so much more than that. So much more. Before he ,et your mother, he had dreams, he was strong, kind, good hearted, not to mention sensible in almost everything he did.”55

“He had a bright future ahead of him, just like you. When I look into your eyes Karen, I see that side of your father. The side we all knew, the side we all knew would bring him so many wonderful years of joy and happiness. “56

“His downfall was your mother, and I say that with the uppermost sense of pain in my heart. I don't want you to remember him as the man that broke your heart love, or the man who was selfish, and pig headed and only cared about himself. I want you to remember , or see your father as the strong man, who stood by you, who guided you through life, to were you are now, while deep inside he was battling so many demons to escape the life he was in.”57

I breathed steady, listening to the sounds as they washed through my mind, The truth inside my father live, being throw at me like a cold bucket of water. Trying to awaken me inside; but somehow it had no affect on me. I was already to frozen inside58

“One thing is for sure was he loved you, and he tried to do everything in his power to change for you Karen, you have to see that, maybe not accept that but please see that.”59

Shivering, I clutched the blanket tightly. I tried to scrunch up my face to stop me from crying, but it was not worth the effort in the end. These tears were meant for crying. I deserved these tears after so long.60

I rolled over, wrapping my arm tightly around Uncle Dons waist. Searching for something. Something I knew was hidden, I had a feeling he wanted to say more, yet I only had a few more words I wanted to say before I was ready for this conversation to end. I was not ready for the truth.61

“I don't believe in love,” I said, sniffling as warm, salty tears slipped softly between my lips. “Love is something that you give, that you feel, that you should feel ecstatic about, proud of, it is a beautiful thing.”62

Uncle don frowned. 63

“What are you saying Karen,” he asked, his tone slightly confused, and a little taken back.64

“I am saying that I have never had that kind of love, it may have come close, but then that's not love, that is a sense, a fragment of the feeling. My father never loved me, he just thought he did, he had to love me. He had to think he loved me. If he loved me he would have fight hard against his addiction. If he loved me, he would be here today, in my arms. Instead of you.”65

Uncle Don's frowned, turned to tears, ans they fell sadly onto my skin, colliding into mine. Sharing the same feelings, yet being completely instilled in a life that was lost. In a fantasy of lies and betrayal.66

“Oh, my baby niece, why would you think such a terrible thing. You are loved my so many, you love so much. You give us all such beauty and happiness. Why would you think such awful thoughts?”67

I howled, falling apart with the utter despair in his voice, I had said such terrible things. Such meaningful, heartbreaking things. Yet inside that was how I felt. I could not deny myself of that. I needed top say those things, otherwise they would drive me insane. Otherwise I would be just like my father.68

“Because Uncle Don, it's the truth.”