One Foot In The Grave - Part Ten

The three weeks of Conor’s absence ended way too soon for my liking. Coincidentally, the day he returned was the day we were scheduled to have one on one with Brewer. Personally, I think this is what they call “karma.” I sat in Brewer’s office, in my designated chair, legs crossed and slouching into the back of it, feeling my shoulders rounding forward comfortably. Kimya Dawson’s “Tire Swing” echoed inside my head while Brewer spoke and my eyes traveled around the room, flexing the fingers on the hand that had just been removed from the cast two days earlier. Brewer’s voice was muted to a dull buzzing noise in my ears and I had to fight to keep my eyes open through the tedium. 1

“Tegan!” 2

I jumped out of my daze and raised my eyebrows, “Huh?”3

Conor snorted from across the room at me and I shot him a brief glare. 4

Brewer let out a loud sigh, “You’re never going to finish this if you don’t pay attention.”5

It was difficult not to roll my eyes, but I managed. “Sorry… what were you saying?”6

“I said that since we’ve lost three weeks, I’m going to spread our appointments out longer to make up for lost time.” She paused, clearly mulling over her thoughts very seriously. “Frankly, with the way the two of you have been acting, I may just have to ask about going longer anyway.”7

Conor and I both let out an outraged, “WHAT?!”8

“I made this deal with the two of you because I expected you to actually try to improve your relationship. I haven’t seen any progress whatsoever! The two of you are only bending yourselves to stay inside the lines and out of trouble.” Her face hardened, going stern, a look I’d never seen on her face before. “I am through playing nice with the two of you, and so is everyone else. Was this really so hard to accomplish?! Or are you both so stubborn that you can’t at least fake an improvement?”9

I was half tempted to force myself back into my daze, but this had gotten so entertaining that I opted not to and raised my eyebrows, crossing my legs and linking my fingers together, holding them loosely in my lap. I watched as her face changed colors, from her normal, peaches and cream complexion, to light red, to flushed, to beet red, and so on. For a while, I was afraid she might pass out. But after about ten minutes, she ran out of breath and hunched back in her chair, red in the face and panting.10

Trying to keep from laughing, I said, “Should I get the doctor?”11

That was what pushed her over the edge. “GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!” It was directed at both of us. 12

Jumping, Conor and I leapt from our seats and scrambled through the door, stopping as soon as we got out of earshot from her door. We each leaned against the wall, our backs pressed tightly to the smooth surface, and we glanced over at each other.13

I was the first to laugh.14

A loud bark erupted from my lungs, Conor following suit, and I hunched over, putting my hands on my knees and laughing into my thighs, tears of joy running down my cheeks. 15

“Her head looked like it was going to explode!” I snickered. My stomach started to hurt. I hadn’t laughed like this in years, and in that moment, it didn’t matter that I was laughing with Conor. 16

“Oh god…” Conor sighed, forcing himself to calm down. “That is one of the single greatest things I have ever seen in my life…”17