SR Murders--7

1

SR Murders2

By Andy Stephenson and Geri Fitzsimmons 3

Chapter Seven4

The clock on the wall informed him it was ten after five; unlikely he would receive any further reports today. Joe Farley finished off a cold cup of coffee and considered his options. Too early to eat, too early to sleep, he thought, then remembered he hadn’t made it to the bank. Rose would have a fit. A smile creased his mouth. Maybe his ex would call to bitch and he could talk to his daughter.5

The desk monitor still held a floor plan of the Baine site, on his desk laid the file. Hours had gone by since he began his search and he hadn’t been able to find out anything about Michelle’s boyfriend. It seemed that no one at Michelle's place of employment had been close to her. She had been very much a loner. She was conscientious and dependable, but she had not tried to make friends. Hal was unknown to them. To her neighbors he was only a body going in and out of her apartment. 6

Now, a check with the post office confirmed no one but Michelle Baine received mail at her address. Tapping his pen on his desk, Farley considered his next course of action. 7

A thought hit him. Picking up Michelle's file, he located a number and dialed.8

The ‘hello’ squeaked into the receiver reminded him of a child.9

"Ms. Beverly Oleander please?"10

"May I ask who wants to know?" The woman’s voice took on a clearer tone yet, still there was hesitation.11

"This is Detective Sergeant Joseph Farley, 61st. precinct, New York City Police. Is Ms Oleander at home?”12

“Oh, I’m sorry…yes, of course, this is Beverly Oleander.”13

Farley couldn’t help but grin. The sudden transformation from suspicious to accommodating made him shake his head. He should warn her such a reaction isn’t in a person’s best interest. Sometime later he would, but not now. Now he wanted her cooperative. He said, “I'm looking into Michelle Baine's death. Can I ask you a few questions?"14

"Oh God, it was so awful! If only I could have done something to help her."15

"Yes, it is a sad waste." He paused to allow for the expected tears. Then continued, "Ms. Oleander, Michelle had a boyfriend named Hal? Can you tell me anything about him?"16

She sniffled. “Hal?” she said with a question as if attempting to recollect. Then it seemed to come to her and she said, “A few months ago, Michelle called me. She was so excited. She’d met this great guy. I think he managed or was assistant manager at an electronics store; televisions, computers, that sort of thing."17

“Did she tell you they were living together?”18

“I don’t think so. Not then. They’d only been out a couple of times.”19

“What about his last name? Did she mention that?”20

He could hear an intake of breath as if she mouthed words under it, trying to reclaim a memory, hal..hal..good something.21

She repeated out loud, “Hal Goodsomething…like Goodson…Goodman…I’m not sure. I remember teasing her that he must be good.”22

"You wouldn't happen to know anything else about him?"23

"Well, he has black hair. I remember Michelle raving about the color. But no, not really. I never met him. I’m sorry."24

“Don’t be. Actually you've been a great help,” Farley said. “If you think of anything else, do call."25

"Detective?"26

"Yes?” 27

"Was there something suspicious about Michelle’s death?"28

"We just have to investigate everything pertaining to it—right now I’m tying up loose ends."29

After Farley rang off, he doodled for a while creating every form of Good known to be a last name.30

At six thirty he checked his cell phone even though it hadn’t rang. He felt disappointed his ex hadn’t bothered to call. Even her screeching was better than no response. Tomorrow he’d make the bank, setup the direct deposit, then he’d have a reason to call her.31

He went through his usual closing ritual, before slipping into his seven- year- old Impala and heading for Mallory’s Pub. 32

At around the same time Mark Gheil’s new Porsche moved smoothly through the early evening traffic. Its motor purred, unlike the owner who fumed. He’d known when the Old Man offered him the proposition that he should have left it alone. He had even tried his damnest to convince Connelly they were on dangerous ground. Late night talk shows drew more than their share of weirdoes. If you legitimized one by having an honest to goodness Psychiatrist answering the callers—you were opening yourself up to lawsuits.33

Of course the Oldman always got the final decision. ‘Mark, this fellow has a voice that can soothe a rabid dog. Wait till you hear his demo.’34

“Damn! Damn! Damn!” Mark vented his temper on the steering wheel. It was the Oldman’s baby—so long as the ratings held. Wait until things started going wrong—then Connelly would quietly divorce himself from the show.35

“Knew we had a winner.” Mark mimicked Connelly’s Boston twang as he swung the car into his parking garage. Attempting to work off his rage, he took the stairs at a run.36

Ten flights up he was breathing heavy and his chest hurt, still he didn’t pause until he reached his door. He stood outside, waiting for his lungs and heart to slow down before he slipped the key in the lock.37

“I’ll walk alone, and to tell you the truth I’ll be lonely…” The sound of her singing like the scents of Lavender and Lilac christened his world with a feminine touch he’d been lacking for years. The thought of Bridgett made coming home a radiant experience. 38

Of course there also was the addition of her cat, Thomas. The overweight golden tiger, stretched leisurely on Mark’s leather Barca lounger. Mark threw his keys at the beast in an effort to dislodge him before any more scratches were added to those he’d already put there. Thomas stood up; his green eyes glared at the intruder. Recognizing Mark, he sniffed at the keys, managed to knock them on the floor, then lay down and rolled about, insuring that gold sheddings amply covered the seat.39

Bridgett must have heard the key in the lock or the keys jingling on their trip from hand to chair to floor, the door to the kitchen opened and she came through.40

Bridgett O’Reilly the absurdly Irishness of her name always brought a grin to Mark’s Jewish lips. ‘Abe’s Irish rose’ and how she fit that picture. Barely a hundred pounds bouncing on a five-foot three frame all delicately curved in the proper places. “Off Thomas, off.” She shooed the cat. “Darling.” She smiled at Mark. “You look beat.”41

“Just a victim of management. They kept me there for four f..ing hours knowing full well I’m due back at the studio by twelve.” Mark looked longingly at his hairy Barca lounger. Then collapsed on the matching couch and kicked off his shoes.42

“Poor boy,” Bridgett cooed. 43

In spite of his dark mood, Mark replied, "Hi Love, something smells delicious."44

”It’s almost ready.” Brigitte curled up next to him and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “Tell me how it went.” Her mouth formed a pout and she wiggled her nose. 45

He laughed. He knew there was no way to dissuade her when her mind was made up. She'd be after him to discuss whatever was worrying him until he gave in. Might as well get it over with. He tried for a convincing smile and said; "You know I try not to bring the office home with me."46

"Well, you're loaded with it today." Laying her auburn hair on his shoulder, her face tilted till her green-gold eyes flashed up at him.47

"It’s that obvious, is it?” Mark thought fast. He didn’t want to burden her with the whole truth. “It's just that I've been trying to get at least a ten percent increase in Neil Harris 's salary. He's good for the station and I would hate to see him walk."48

"Has Neil given any indication that he’s dissatisfied?" When Bridgett got up, Mark marveled. Her movements could barely be felt. She breezed over to the wet bar and claimed a bottle of Chardonnay she’d set to chilling earlier. Filling two glasses she lightly stepped back to Mark.49

Mark was still contemplating, how much he should confide. As he accepted his glass, he stayed on safe ground and said, "No, Neil seems to like KJAB well enough, but I'm afraid that someone will try to buy him out from under us. The ratings have gone up considerably for the graveyard shift."50

Bridgett slipped at wine and her eyes glittered above the shine reflected in the crystal. "Hmm, well lamb, you'll just have to convince them. Surely, but you could persuade the Devil hisself out of his horns. "51

He laughed at the brogue she replicated only when desired. He said as he toasted her with his own glass. "It's all a matter of sales, but that's not my department."52

"What does the station manager say?"53

"Don says that the ‘powers that be’ won't go higher than five percent. That's almost an insult."54

“Well…I have this Dutch Oven filled with Beef Bourguignon and some crusty French bread… if it sits there much longer, that would be an insult.”55

Mark was on his feet quickly. “My favorite. I know what we’ll do. You make it again on Sunday, and I’ll bring Oldman Connelly here for dinner. I’ll get Neil a twenty percent raise after one taste.” His arm sneaked around her narrow waist and he squeezed her against his hip.56

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • LuckyK
    September 29

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    This was an ok chapter don't really fancy it though...anyways must keep reading


  • condor
    August 15

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    I can't say much here in this chapter, guys. It was a great run with a little bit of sneaking intrigue sticking its nose in. I'm not sure i like Marks character too much. I didn't seem to like him from the first time i read it. Maybe I'll change my mind later on. He just sounds so....dodgy. Anyhow, some characters do change slightly as things roll on and i will be keeping a close eye on him.Brigette sounds cute and a little childish. sits good with Marks offish character. Love Joe a lot. He reminds me Grissom on 'CSI', although i know he is no dick. I won't be needing to suggest anything here. I see someone else did that, so I'm heading to chapter 8.

    . Rewarded 8

    • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
      August 16
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      People like you keep me writing . First chapter anyone might read but when they keep reading, I feel we may have a winner.

      Andy did create Joe (he likes self-portraits ) Now that you mention it—Grissom—hmmm sounds about right .

      Mark?? poor guy's been worked over so much

      Geri


  • Nice chapter here.
    I see Joe is still sniffing around the cracks and crevices and has found a bit more about Hal. I'm sure his diligence will pay off in the end. (Hint to Andy)

    Nice addition in the second part with Mark and Bridgett's conversation. I wonder how Mark fits into the overall scheme.
    Interesting continuation of the story.
    Let's see what happens next.
    Greg

    . Rewarded 8

  • I like that you're drawing Mark into the story as well. It's nice to get a bit of a picture of his home life. I can't wait to see how he ties into all of this now. And Joe is obviously doing a good job of following up some clues - although I don't know that they're the right ones. *laughs* I don't know if I'd call Hal innocent, but he's definitely not Michelle's murderer, after all. You might consider some kind of a page break in the transition between Joe and Mark's point of view, though, just to make it clear. Otherwise, this was a very good chapter!

    Notes:

    * Para 5: I think you need to add "it was" before "unlikely he would" to make the sentence grammatically correct.

    * Para 6: "on his desk laid the file" - This is not the correct form of lay/lays/laid. I'll admit, though, that other than being able to tell this is the incorrect form, I'm not sure which one IS correct. *laughs* Maybe switch to something less controversial, like "rested." Also, the syntax of that phrase is backwards - maybe try "and the file rested on his desk" and see if you like that better.

    * Para 11: I think moving the comma to between tone and yet will run better.

    * Para 12: You don't need a period after "61st" and you do need one after "Ms."

    * Para 14: I'm not particularly fond of the two "nows" back to back like that...

    * Para 15: The phrase "then continued" should be part of the sentence before it and end in a period. So: He paused to allow for the expected tears, then continued. "Ms. Oleander..."

    * Para 25: Does he give her a phone number? *laughs*

    * Para 30: Check a phone book - that will list lots of "Good" names. Even if Hal isn't in that phone book, it would be good surname fodder.

    * Para 32: No need for the spaces in "seven-year-old."

    * Para 33: Can I suggest adding a word? "Its motor purred contentedly, unlike the fuming owner." Just a thought. I thought "weirdos" was spelled without the second e? And I don't think you need to capitalize "psychiatrist," do you?

    * Para 39: *laughs* I think I like Thomas.

    * Para 40: This is two sentences. Try breaking between "chair to floor" and "the door to the kitchen."

    * Para 41: Try this: Bridgett O'Reilly. The absurd Irishness of her name..."

    * Para 46: The semicolon is not right. A comma would work fine instead.

    * Para 51: "slipped at wine" - *scratches head* Do you mean "sipped at the wine"?

    * Para 52: I think you can skip the "He said as" entirely from the second sentence.

    * Mmm...sounds yummy...

    . Rewarded 8

  • More characters introduced here, which is something you do so well. A fluid chapter, although it's basically informative...which is good. Looks like we got a little bit of light shed on Hal, so let's see where that leads.

    You two are slowly building this, and I look forward to seeing where this goes!

    I'm still diggin' Det. Farley and I'm hoping Geri can beat some sense into Andy that the killer needs to be caught! LOL

    . Rewarded 8

    • Hi Phil, thanks so much for reading, the comments and suggestions (I hit Andy with ‘da’ stick whenever he suggest that .). But you know something weird—I have a few stories where the killers are still out there.

      The characters are all in now at least by name—so keep your eye out for the killer .

      If you guess who he is—please send us a message not a note.

      We’re curious to see how long it takes for readers to catch him.

      Geri


  • [51] not sure that 'hisself' is a word - try replacing with 'himself'

    Apart from that, another nice chapter. Good character exposition (Mark), combined with further investigation of Michelle's death, makes this an interesting and informative chapter.

    . Rewarded 6

    • Blondie, you made this a sunny morning, even if it’s freezing out there.

      As for the hisself—it’s just me Irish showing up. ‘Surely, but you could persuade the Devil hisself out of his horns.’ Is the way it rang in my ears all my life. However thanks for pointing out any goofs you find. It makes the next draft easier.

      Really appreciate your reading and commenting on this tale. I always have a lot of fun with my characters (fall hopelessly in love with some .)

      Working with Andy has doubled the pleasure; a guy’s addition to the creation of each character really makes them ‘breathe’ normally.

      We do hope you will keep reading and commenting and if you discover the killer—send us a message not a note. We want to see how soon the first correct guess is made.

      Geri

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