You Know You're Dead When (Chpt. 1)

"What's the worst that could happen??" she said in a low voice, imitating the boy who was chained on the stone wall across from her. The boy groaned, shifting uncomfortably against his restraints.1

"Oh. Will you just drop it?" he pleaded, rolling his eyes. He clutched his head in feigned agony.2

"Let me think." The girl tapped her chin in thought. "No!! Actually I can't really drop anything cause I'm chained to a frick'n wall, which by the way I would like to remind you, again, is your fault." She paused for a moment then continued in her ranting. 3

"When I get out of these chains, you are so dead. No wait I'm going to tell Coleman, then after he is done killing you, I'm going to mutilate your still warm corpse." She said with a satisfied smirk. The sound of approaching footsteps echoed down the corridor, resonating off the dank walls of their cell. 4

"Oh thank God!" The boy sighed in relief, as the door swung open. A guard, dressed in the regulatory grey of his station sporting a small gun on his hip, walked into the pool of moonlight that poured through the barred window. 5

"What is all this noise??" His scratchy voice, think with irritation, pierced through the sultry evening air. 6

"Yoo-hoo! Hey over here…yeah….." the boy whistled from his spot on the wall drawing the gaze of the guard to the far left. "Ummm…..Could you possibly - I mean you don't have to - but it would be really - really - nice of you, if you could move me to another cell or something? Her ranting is driving me absolutely bonkers." The boy's eyes flickered the girls silhouette on the opposite wall. She nodded slowly then grabbed the chains and began using her upper body strength to lift her feet off the ground. Her legs slowly reached forward and silently positioned themselves on opposites sides of the guards' head. In a quick motion and sickening 'SNAP' the guard fell forward, neck twisted at an odd angle. 7

"Ew, I can never get use to that sound." The boy said grabbing the rusted ring off the guards belt with his naked toes and brining up to his hand. After a moment of shifting through the plethora of keys, he managed to unlock his bonds. Rubbing his wrists, he stepped over the guard and walked through the still open door.8

"Oi!" the girl cried out from her still chained position. The boy popped his head back into sight, a smug grin stretched across his face. 9

"Just kidding!" 10

"You are so lucky we have a job to do, or else I'd kick your snide arse." The girl grumbled. 11

"Ah Minx, you know you love me." The boy said fumbling with the keys. She glowered at him as she rubbed the skin on her wrist, and began moving through the threshold.12

The two figures crept from shadow to shadow, making their way across the elegant Victorian styled mansion. They stopped outside double oak doors decorated with an elaborate battle scene. 13

"Spared no expense apparently." Muttered the girl tossing her fiery red hair over her shoulders with one hand, while tracing the figure of a carved, snarling battle horse with her other. 14

"Ready?"15

She nodded, "Ready."16

"Ok lets kick this shindig." The boy said bringing his hands in front of him and placing them on the door. 17

"You know you almost sounded intelligent for a mom-" 18

She was cut off mid sentence, by a bright green light forcing one door to swing dangerously on its hinges, and the other to fly off into the room ahead. The force of the explosion had the foundation shaking uneasily for moments on end. 19

Before the dust had a chance to settle, the pair dispatched of what guards remained standing. They walked across the large room weaving in and out of debris and bodies. The outlines of the two figures cast menacing shadows on fetal positioned man in the corner. The girl nodded to the boy before leaving him to deal with the man, while she took care of the evidence. From his point on the floor, the man followed with his eyes as the petite form of a girl walk over and reach into the roaring fireplace. Her hand drew back from the flames, unscathed, holding a log drenched in licking flames. She threw it into a near by heap of once hanging tapestries. 20

"Now?" the boy asked unable to hide his excitement. The girl merely nodded then headed over to a window and proceeded to kick it out in a shower of pebbled glass. 21

"To bad for that mate, I just want you to know, that I was rooting for you." The boy said crouching down to the man. "Oh and before I forget," he said twisting the ring on his middle finger till he heard a small 'click'. "Mr. Kalfryn sends his regards." 22

In one fluent motion, the tack-sized needle punctured through the rubbery skin of the mans throat, and retracted with graceful ease. Manx stood, tilting his head to the side as the man thrashed, struggling to find oxygen as his throat began to constrict. He didn't know his targets name; he didn't need to. The final seizure, followed closely by the final release of the bodies excretions signaled a job well done. With a satisfied smirk, Manx walked to the window, looked once more around the now blazing room, taking in the sight of blackened portraits and the smell of burning flesh. He then jumped down to the grounds below to the impatiently waiting form of his sister. 23

'Hmmm.. I'm thinking Italian for supper tonight.' He mused to himself.
The two figures melted into the forest line beyond, leaving nothing but a hollowed out shell of charred wood.

Author notes

Okay, this story is just something I wrote for fun. I have outlines for the next chapters. But I would really appreciate some feed back on it, and if it is worth continuing or not. Thanks!

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Comments


  • FallenShade
    April 18, 2008

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    Hey kiddo! I think I remember you emailing me something about this, but I can't be sure. Oh well. So far so good. I like the concept. I have a few suggestions-naturally. The first one is don't limit yourself to describing the character as 'the boy' or 'the girl.' There was a lot of that, particularly at the beginning. Also, this sentence 'She glowered at him as she rubbed the skin on her wrist, and began moving through the threshold.' bothers me for some reason. Maybe I am just being a horrendous cuss word, that you are not allowed to ever repeat......ever. (Or mother would have my head on an inlayed silver platter next to a bottle of a full-bodied Burgundy Pinot Noir.)

    Now on to what I'm like'n! For one your biting humor and sarcasm, it gives the characters better defined personalities, and lays on the sibling tension. (And you wouldn't know anything about sibling rivalry now would you? Hmm?) And just the premise of the story holds promise. I am looking forward to the next chapter!

    Hugs and more Hugs,

    Favorite sister (by default),

    Kat


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    April 17, 2008
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    Para 7: "boys " = "boy's".

    Also, "You-Who" should be "Yoo-hoo".

    "a grinned played on his features. 9" should be "a grin playing on his features".

    Oh, now this is something I haven't read muh of before...ant to see where you take this.

    HT