Lyssy's Rill

*** CHAPTER 1 ***1

Life is like a river. Sometimes, the sun stays out a little too long, shines a little too brightly, and eventually, all that beating wears out the water, and it sinks into itself. Other times, storms loom, and crash, and just when it seems the river is full to bursting with crumbled soil, and razor-edged rocks, the sun comes back out, and it all just begins again. 2

It's funny how life works. Just like rivers, it has it's droughts and floods, sunshine and rain, and sometimes, just sometimes, it harbors forgotten treasures. 3

But how do you find what's been forgotten in something that never stops? I guess that's the reason I admire rivers. They're always moving- never stopping to rest, or settle, or breathe. They're content just living. Just going. 4

People aren't like that. They always have to have a reason for everything, an explanation, a point. People don't have time to keep running for the sake of running. Life becomes about careers, and housing, and children, and money. 5

I kind of miss the times when the grass was a savanah in Africa, and the beach was an ocean, filled with colors, and wonderment. Each day was a new adventure, a new exploration of my world. It didn't matter if I had money to buy new shoes, or if all I ever ate were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Every person was the same, judged only by favorite colors, and their skills on the monkey bars. My river was simple, and clean, my shores smooth, and unburdened. 6

A lot has changed in my world, and in my river. 7


*** CHAPTER 2 ***8

Ever since I was little, I knew that I was different. My family was not like everyone else's family. We lived in a trailer park instead of a house; we didn't even have a mailbox. This never bothered me. I had a small yard to play in, a dog to keep me company, and a brother to boss around. 9

That's where my normal childhood ended. My parents disagreed with each other all the time, swearing, screaming, and pushing. Some nights, I couldn't sleep through the noise. I would stare at the ceiling, at the sandbox outside of the window, at my Lambchop lamp; anything that might remind me of quiet times.10

The pushing soon escalated into fighting. My father broke my mother's arm, her body denting the white washing machine. She crashed through the glass door on her way out of the trailer, took the car, and drove herself to the hospital. That door was never fixed. 11

I was only five years old. My younger brother, Nathan, was only three. 12

We went to live with my grandparents for a whole year. I saw my mom every other weekend. This was the one, and only, time in my life that my dad had custody of my brother and I. My mom needed time to heal her arm. I needed time to heal my mind. 13

Just a kindergartener, I soon realized I was already an adult. Because my dad couldn't be bothered to leave his computer screen, it was up to me to make sure my brother got to sleep at night, and made it to preschool every day. We had a routine after a while. I went to school in the morning, and was home by lunch. Every day, we would eat hotdogs on white bread, and would watch a show about a bear named Rupert. I would wake up my dad to take Nathan to school, and then go play outside with my aunt, Susan, who was only older than me by a month. 14

The year went by, unending, unchanging as the setting sun. And then it all changed.15

Leaving my grandmother's house behind in exchange for another relative's hospitality, we moved again. This time, I lived with my mom, my brother, my Aunt Nancy, and my cousin Leslie. My dog came too. 16

For a year and a half, I was happy there. For all of first grade, and half of second grade, I flourished. I was friends with almost everyone in the class. When the reading helpers came in, I helped them. We had snack days, and story days, play days, and reading days. At one point in time, we decorated the entire classroom to look like a jungle. We even had a loft for the three-toed sloths. 17

One day, I brought in a Nutty Bar for snack. We always went out to recess before we ate. Everyone had run out to play. Some of my friends made a mad dash for the slide, while others flung themselves to prove their strength on the junglegym. I, on the other hand, walked toward the swings. I've always been a swing person. Anyway, when I came back from playing, my Nutty Bar was gone. Stolen. Eaten. Needless to say, I was extemely upset. My teachers let me eat Ritz crackers in class, since I hadn't gotten to eat at recess. They were convinced that I had "misplaced" my snack. Misplaced it! How in the world can you "misplace" a Little Debbie's snack? No, that bar was stolen. And I knew exactly who did it. 18

For the rest of the year, I shunned the girl that stole my Nutty Bar. That is, until my birthday rolled around. You see, my mom was always the one who encouraged equal invitations. If I was inviting every other girl in class, I had to invite the thief too. So I did. And she tried to walk out my door wearing the dress shoes I had just gotten as a gift. I was never forced to invite someone again. 19

It was around this time that my mom started dating again. She worked as a cook in a restaurant in town on most nights, so I didn't know she was dating until we moved in with him. His name was Jake. He was a few years younger than my mom, and the cutest boy I had ever seen as a six-year-old. He lived with his parents. So, by moving in, we lived with his parents. We spent Christmas there, and during that time, I lost my two front teeth. Not on purpose, of course. I dropped a crayon under the table, and, in retrieving it, hit my face. Have I mentioned that I've always been extremely clumsy? I remember visiting Santa at Big Boy's that year. When he asked what I wanted for Christmas, I smartly replied, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth."20

I thought Santa would never stop laughing. 21


*** CHAPTER 3 ***22

It wasn't long before my mom's relationship with Jake came to an end. I guess it was just too weird for her, dating a younger guy. But, by the time she had realized that it was weird for her, we had no where to go. My aunt had locked us out of the house, blocking the door with a plank of wood, and forcing us to leave with what we had from Jake's. Our dog was left behind with the house.23

We moved back with my grandma halfway through second grade. I was suprised to realize that I remembered a few classmates from kindergarten. I was the best reader in my class, judged to be at a sixth grade reading level at just seven years old. And when I found out that the second graders were going to be in a play, I was even more excited. They told us it would be the Three Little Pigs. I wanted to be the wolf, but of course the part was given to a boy.24

All was not lost. I got to be a crackerjack vendor with my best friend Jeremy, and got to stand awfully close to the boy I had a crush on. Not that my friend would trade me spots so I could be next to him. 25

The following school year I was place in an advanced program. Every student was considered the best and the brightest of the third grade. My crush was in my class right through the fifth grade, when I found out that he liked me too. And then he found out that Jeremy had a crush on me in third grade. That was a fun day.26

The fun couldn't last forever. Just as it seemed like my life was perfect, it was torn apart. 27

My mom got pregnant when I was in fourth grade from a real jerk named Tony. He left without a backward glance. But I had always wanted a little sister, and we loved that baby more than anything in the world. 28

Tony came back after she was born, and he and my mom were married soon afterward. I didn't like Tony, and neither did Nathan, but we tolerated him for the sake of our mother. 29

We moved to Florida after I had finished fifth grade. I left behind family, best friends, and a crush, for constant rain and heat. But I remained optimistic that the Sunshine State would be just like Disney World; full of happiness and opportunities.30

Little did I know that the next four years would quickly become the stuff of nightmares, and leave me shaken forever. 31

*** CHAPTER 3 ***32

Looking back, I think that Purgatory may have been more fun than Florida had been for me. 33

I knew that life was not going to be good before we even left Michigan. The day of moving, we were running a few hours behind. Instead of being calm about it, Tony decided to get violent. He took a box of my mom's clothes and threw them in the trash, along with other various items that were never seen again. My brother and I were scared of him, and had been telling my mom so since he had first come back after my sister's birth. However, she was so deeply and madly entranced with his lies, that she could not see the same things that we could. 34

I've heard it said that children in particular have a sixth sense that most adults do not. Their innocence is so completely intact, that they are able to distinguish when people are bad, and predict when terrible things are going to happen. Unfortuntely, my mother did not know this fact. Even to this day, she wishes that she had.35