“What in the Hell?” I muttered. (hey, I’ve been there, I can say that.)1
Let me recap. I died, came back to life, met some creepy cowboy swordfighter named Michael, nearly got smashed by a falling, flaming white guy (not white as in anglo, that would be me, but white as in glowing white, like a fluorescent light bulb, only with hair), who then gave me a sword, and vanished. So all of these events evidently conspired (they’re tricky that way) to leave me where I was, standing, dressed all in black like the illegitimate child of the goth culture and modern military hardware. With a sword, the observation of which prompted my earlier emphatic question. 2
Now, I’m no expert on swords. But even I could tell that this sword, this was something different. First off, it rang when I pulled it out of it’s case, a scabbard I think it’s called. Now of course, from my experience with swords, (namely I watched a few movies) they all ring when you pull them out, that catchy “SCHHRING!” noise that says “yeah, I’m bad. Yeah, I’ve got a ringing sword. Back off.” but this was different. It didn’t ring like regular swords, rather it resonated. A constant, echoic, metallic ringing. Then there was the fact that the second I pulled the sword out, every hair on my body stood straight up. But for the beanie, I’d have given old Alby Einstien a run for his money in the bad hair department. And then there was the one big giveaway, the etching. Inscribed on the blade in a flowing red script was one word: “Caliburnus.” Now that alone would have been enough to impress me, even if it hadn’t started glowing. I mean, the thing was like a freaking light stick, only magnified. It bathed the alley in pure white light for about twenty feet.3
I just kinda stared at it for a minute.
“Holy-“
“Why yes, it is.”
I turned around to find a man standing in the alley, just about where the white guy had landed. Oh yeah, and this guy was on fire too. 4
It was about then that I realized I needed to invest in a personal fire extinguisher. Or a bottle of water. Something.5
“uh,…” I started (oh, didn’t I mention? I’m eloquent.) “you’re on fire.” 6
The burning man blinked.
“Yes. Your point being?”7
I blinked right back. To be completely honest, by that point I had pretty much run my shock reserve dry. So I just stared. This guy, apart from the fire, looked eminently normal. He was wearing a conservative business suit, had a short, respectable haircut, and a chisel-tipped Katana. 8
Okay, maybe “normal” was too strong a word. 9
“you are the lightbearer?” he asked.
“uh…” I glanced down at the luminescent blade. “looks like it.”10
He stared at me.11
I stared at him. 12
Finally, he broke the silence:
“judging by the way you’re staring at the sword, and at me, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Michael didn’t explain this.”13
But I was waaay more committed than he was. I kept right on staring. 14
“I am Gabriel.” 15
I had become one with the stare.16
“and you are?”17
“I dunno, Michael said I didn’t have a name. so you can call me skipper. You can be Gilligan if you want.”18
Gabriel laughed, a deep, booming noise.
“excellent, I’m glad He chose one with a sense of humor. It will help you along the way. Now then, take this.” He tossed me a leather-bound book. It had a cross shaped imprint on the cover.
“what is this?”
“its an archive. A collection of instruction that all the previous bearers have left for their successors. I’ve organized it. There are several sections. First, an explanation of what exactly you have become, what you are to do. After that, combat instruction-“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Combat instruction? What are you talking about?”19
He continued as if I hadn’t spoken.20
“then detailed descriptions of enemies encountered. After that, information on the application of your powers. And lastly, a list of other helpful texts and verses. Also, in the pocket inside of the cover, look.”21
I opened the book to the inside of the cover. There was a small pocket, inside of which were several things. The first thing I noticed was a platinum credit card with no company info or logo. It was just a silver card with a number and a magnetic strip.
Behind the card was a phone, like a palm pilot. But of course, there was no maker name or logo. I pulled it out and turned it on. Gabriel obviously felt inclined to enlighten me.
“in the address book you’ll find two numbers. One you can call whenever you need anything. Passports, weapons, transportation, even food. The other is marked eye sea ee.”
“ICE?”
”In Case of Emergency. That is a number that you are only to dial under the direst of circumstances. If it ever looks like there’s no way out, if there are no other options, call that number. We’ll find you. That’s all for now. Godspeed.”
With that, he turned and walked towards the end of the alley.
“Wait!” I said. Give him this, Gabriel was way more of a people person than Michael. He actually turned around and looked at me, waiting.
“What is my name?”
He smiled at me.
“your name is what it has always been, and what it shall always be. The same name as you ancestors. The same name as the man who gave you the sword.”22
I sucked in a breath.23
“your name is David.”
In a list
what did you think of this honestly?
Comments
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Interistingly funny.
i love teh humor you've put in here.
really well written.
good job
Cheers
Hunter~
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Hmmm....
This was an interesting and humorous encounter, and it showed a lot of promise. As soon as you introduce humour, your characters become human, or not, as in this case. But it at least gives them an extra dimension, something that ordinary mortals can relate to.
I didn't like your precis at first, it seemed too flip. Once I got the implied context, it wasn't too bad, but can I suggest that your hook be a little sharper? Something along the lines of "It's not every day you die, nor is it every day you meet some glowing cowboy sword-fighter who gives you a sword and disappears. This is just as well really. Nevertheless, that's what happened to me, so now we're up to speed, let me tell you the rest.............................."
Obviously, this is just a suggestion. The only other thing that annoyed me was the lack of capitals at the beginnings of sentences and paragraphs. Unless there's a really good and obvious reason, stick to convention, it makes reading easier, and you won't lose too many of your audience


