But still this never prevented him from admiring her and every mourning before he went to his work at the mason’s shop he would stop and place a wreath of flowers at her feet. “Such a wondrous creature deserves better than this but I can pray here and maybe God will hear me better.” So after he said his prayers he would get up and then say: “Please my darling Seraphim, watch over me today.” He had done this every day for a year with no reply and no indication that God was hearing him any better than when he prayed at home. But still, he found himself transfixed by the beauty of the stone sculpture and to him it didn’t matter that he wasn’t rich or of any better standing.2
On one fateful day however, Louis would come to see the merit of his devotion. On that day he left his home in a hurry and made a short cut down the ally near his home. He was behind schedule and hoped to make it to work on time or at the least not very late. On this day he skipped his prayers in the park, and his usual pleas toward the angel. The air was crisp and it cracked like gunpowder as he exhaled. The fresh snow broke underfoot and made the route on which he traveled even more troublesome and weary than it already was. When he finally reached the shop he was a good half hour late and he could see from the expression of his employer that this was to be no day in paradise.3
Pietro pointed toward the large clock at the front of his shop. “Can you not tell time Louis? There is much work to be done sculptor, now go.” Louis stumbled from the front of the shop to the back portion where most of the work was done. The air still held the thick dust from the previous nights work, and the smell of cut marble and granite made the room smell thick and heavy. Louis immediately took up his wooden mallet and a chisel and began to carve. “Louis! Hurry up! The client is coming today and he wants to see that monstrous gargoyle finished.” Louis hammered and tapped as fast as he could, but something seemed to be terribly wrong. He shook his head as sweat dripped into his eyes and made them sting. A thick haze began to coat his vision and he could not shake it. 4
A moment later Louis blacked out. When he awoke he could see that something was terribly the matter. Where he had been carving a gargoyle before, there in its place stood a magnificent Seraphim. It was nothing like the one in the park for its hair was full of glorious curls and in its right hand it held a great sword that looked to big to be used by one so small. This one like the first was also a woman, or as close to a woman as an angel can be. Louis was astonished by what had been wrought by what he assumed to be his own hand. Then he shuddered in horror as Pietro stepped through the doorway. “No! Are you daft Louis! I said gargoyle, gargoyle not angel!” Pietro looked like he was about to have a heart attack and a moment later Louis realized why. The Marquis de Sabenon stepped through the door directly behind the old stone mason. “I am so terribly sorry my lord! I beg of you to be merciful and let me complete the correct figure!” Pietro sputtered. The Marquis held up his hand and moved foreword toward the statue. Louis had moved himself to a corner and stood shivering there while the Marquis examined his workmanship. His eyes scanned the statue relentlessly and his hands flew across it like a seamstress to a fine gown. When he had finished his examination he stood up. 5
“Who carved this piece?” “It was Louis my lord! This one made the mistake and rest assured that he will be flogged and fired!” Pietro screamed. The Marquis shook his head. “Rest assured that if he is fired, you shall receive no more of my business. And as for the flogging I would sooner flog myself then stain such a talented artist.” He turned to Louis. “This is a fine piece of work. There are far to many gargoyles adorning the roofs of manners and cathedrals these days; I always found it odd that the church should allow depictions of demons in the house of God.” “Yes my lord.” Louis responded. “I for one should very much like to have such a work of art upon my roof, and in my parlor. And seeing as how no one has angels in their homes I should also love to be the first.” The Marquis turned back to Pietro. “You have a very fine sculptor in your employ, be sure to treat him well. I will take this statue, and twenty more. I will pay double the usual rate, and feel free to give Louis all the time he needs, I am in no rush.” The Marquis turned as if to leave then paused at the door. “Louis, have you given her a name?” Louis studied the face of the angel for a moment or two then said: “Ester my lord. Her name is Ester.” “She is well named.” And with that the Marquis left.6
Pietro looked at Louis for a moment or two then burst out laughing. “You are either the luckiest or the most blessed man I have ever met.” He continued to laugh until his sides hurt and slowly made his way back towards the front of the store. “Louis!” he shouted. “Try to keep to the order from now on.” “I will sir.” But that was easier said then done. Louis finished all of the Marquis order in less than a week. Among the new faces were: Isaiah, Jacob, Moses, Chloe, Myra, Angelina, Cordilia, and Thomas. Each sculpture was different and unique, and all of them were crafted without Louis knowing how he crafted them. Many other nobles and reputable individuals both local and abroad began to seek Louis out and order statues to be made. The only problem was that Louis had completely lost the ability to craft gargoyles and all other monstrosities. The times he forced himself to do so he felt drained and sickly afterward. Eventually, patrons stopped ordering them and the ones who still desired such works sought them elsewhere. 7
It was however not harmful to business in the least; many more statues were made, and to every angel crafted Louis gave a name. An emissary from a cathedral in Paris came and ordered that Louis craft the three archangels. Three days later they were done and it was Louis’ most impressive work yet. Michel was immense in stature and his great wings spread to a span that was greater than that of two men. His eyes were deep and penetrating and his hair was long and radiant, yet it hung about him in a most somber manner. His sword rested in the base of the statue and both of his hands were clasped around the hilt in the eternal symbol of the guardian. Gabriel was slightly less intimidating, but no less majestic. His sword was in its scabbard and his right hand held an olive branch instead. In his left hand he held a bundle of letters, and all his clothing was scarred with Latin symbols that quoted the words of God. Finally, Rafael was akin to Michel but with a flare and character of his own. His face was hard and solemn with the ages of spiritual warfare, and his hair was short like that of a soldier. His sword was drawn and was pointed outward toward nameless evil, and his other hand held a great horn to summon the armies of heaven.8
Louis became famous after that and many more churches and even emissaries from other countries implored for his work. Though the demand was great Louis never tiered of the work. Everything seemed to be perfect, until the day came when the limits of Louis’ character would be tested. It was between seven and eight o’clock in the evening and Louis had just completed another two of his creations, a male and female. The male he called Alexander and the female the named Tatiana. He suddenly found the inside of the shop quite sweltering and decided to step out into the cool February air. The evening had brought a flawless assortment of stars and Louis leaned against the wall to admire the fine evening. Then all of a sudden something in Louis felt uneasy. He could sense that something was wrong. A scream came from the town square up ahead and it made Louis snap to attention. Something defiantly was wrong and Louis had to find out what it was.9
Breaking into a dead run Louis headed in the direction of the town square. He could hear more screams and shouts coming from the square but along with them a completely new sound all together. He finally saw the fire burning up ahead and as he rounded the corner he saw its source. There in all its wickedness and malevolent splendor was the great stone dragon from the mausoleum. Except it wasn’t quite stone, in fact it was completely and totally alive. It had already set fire to the stables and houses and now it began to snatch up villagers and farm animals in its massive jaws. Then the dragon eyed Louis and began to move toward him. Louis turned and ran in the direction he had come, not bothering to look back. He ran with all his might but the dragon was slowly gaining ground. It was so close he could hear its steady breathing and smell the stench of the carcasses on its breath. And then Louis began to feel lighter, his legs weren’t even touching the ground. He looked down to find that he was several feet off the ground. He was flying!10
Then looking up he could see that it was not in fact him who was flying but rather the one who was carrying him. The creature’s wings were covered in feathers but it was unlike any bird, and the face was almost human, but a great deal more beautiful. “Are you an angel?” The creature smiled. “Yes.” “Wait I recognize that face you are…” “Yes, I am your guardian angel. You used to pray in the park with me and ask me to watch over you. You used to set flower wreaths at my feet in the hopes that I could bring them to our Lord for you. Yes Louis I am that angel.” Louis felt so happy he could almost weep if not for the hundreds of questions spinning through his brain. As if she could read his mind the angel intervened. “We don’t have time to discuss everything Louis so I will tell you what you need to know only. The forces of evil are moving and they plan to kill as many souls tonight as possible. We angels are few in number and we can’t protect everyone, especially the ones who don’t want to be protected.” “Who wouldn’t want to be protected?” Louis asked. “Those who value their possessions and their sin more than their soul. We must try to win this battle tonight but I am afraid it will not be without cost.” Louis could feel himself descending and soon his feet touched the ground. “This is the Château de Sabenon. I want you to go and find the Marquis. Then you must both go and awake my brother and sister back at your shop; we need all the help that can be given. Don’t ask questions, just go on faith. All will be explained later.” And just as suddenly as she had come she was gone.11
The Marquis’ house was not a source of comfort and solace. The inside was full of chaos and confusion. Several gargoyles were hoisting servants into the air and letting them drop to their doom. The Marquis himself was on top of the stairs trying to ward of a large demon with an old saber. Louis could see he was in trouble and snatching a poker from the fireplace he ran to his aid. He reached the top of the stairs just as the gargoyle knocked the sword from the Marquis’ hand. With a shout Louis drove the poker into the beasts’ back. The gargoyle turned and threw Louis against the wall. “Louis!” the Marquis cried. “These things don’t die! Run save yourself.” The gargoyle pulled the poker from its back and prepared to skewer Louis like a pig on a spit. Then it ceased its action as a large sword came down on its head and cleaved it clean in half. There standing behind her victim was little Ester with her gigantic blade. “Me and my brethren will take care of these; now run and wake the others Louis. Marquis keep him safe.” The Marquis jumped to his feet and snatched up his saber. He then grabbed a battle ax off the wall and threw it to Louis. “Come Louis, we haven’t a moment to spare.” Louis ran from the building with the Marquis and headed toward his workshop. Though he didn’t know what the nights events would bring he did know that he could never be the same.12
Author notes
So I think this is one of my best entiries so far not to tute my own horn or anything. I hope to add a couple more parts but it will ultimatlely be a short story. (for contest: Try not to get into car accidents and make sure you stay away from people who are creepy. Happy Birthday!)
Got Clap: "Yes I read the rules kay."
A contest entry
- Good Writing by checkmate-.
600 points, ended April 25, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy 101 by Blackwings.
650 points, ended April 28, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let's all be adults here... by EtherealButterfly.
350 points, ended May 2, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Stories We Forget- The Wishing Star by Miss Hanako Cullen.
600 points, ended May 3, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emotive and Descriptive by tallblondie.
1050 points, ended May 31, 2008, 50 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Epic Fantasy Battle by Blazing Writer.
775 points, ended July 23, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Got Clap? (Prewrites Only!) by Valkyrie.
650 points, ended September 20, 2008, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me the best story you have ever written/Prewrite party by Finis.
180 points, ended September 24, 2008, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Do you want to know what happens next? Is this a decent idea? What did you like most?
Comments
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This does sound like it would make an action-packed, gripping story. I am very curious to see what comes next. It has tons of potential.
I really enjoyed the descriptions of his statues the most; the three archangels totally rocked. I assume they're flying about in Paris, fighting evil at the end of this part of the story, yes?
I think your story is good. A couple-three things about it detracted from its awesomeness though. You have a lot of sentences that go on and on without any/the right punctuation, mostly in the quotes people say. If you stick commas anywhere that you pause to be dramatic or take a breath, or right before or after you address someone by name, you've got most of it covered.
Also on quotes by people: each time someone new talks, they should get their own paragraph. Paragraphs 6 and 12 were full of more than one person talking, and it was sometimes hard to tell at first who was saying what.
Ester = Esther, Michel = Michael, mourning = morning, defiantly = definitely, foreword = forward, beasts' = beast's, nights = night's, all together = altogether, and a couple of your "to"'s should be "too"'s, in P5 and 6.
Do you have more written? I'd love to find out what happens next! Thanks for sharing this cool story idea in my contest, and good luck!


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I do want to know what happens next and it's an awesome idea! The plot and characters were great. The only thing is, you seemed to have a lot of run-on sentences-just remember to add a comma or to seperate. Other than that, great job!

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[2] 'morning' not 'mourning'
[9] 'tired' not 'tiered'
Overall, a great story with a lot of potential. Good plot and flow, as well as original idea. Good descriptive language employed, as well as atmosphere and emotion. Well written and executed, plus thoroughly engaging.
Thank you for your entry and good luck!


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Completely original, interesting and excellent. Could use a couple of proofreads, more detail and structure but the storyline was magnifique! XD
I didn't actually mean to read the whole thing, I was just taking a peek but it just blew me away and reeled me right in!
I loved this and with some work could be made into a truly brilliant story.
Excellent Write!


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Very entertaining story, but I found myself getting distracted at times. My eye didn't go straight to your story. However, once I read along and through the story I enjoyed it. Your beginning must capture your audience and then keep them captured. The middle and ending you've got, but the beginning needs some work. : ) Keep writing!!

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you write beautifully. and i will indeed stay away from people that are creepy!!!! thankee-sai! and tooting your own horn or not...this is a fantastic piece! so yeah I think you can afford to toot as much as you want!
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Nicely done! The plot was great! The details were great also ^.^ thanks so much for entering in my contest ^.^
♥ Blackwings

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Critique first:
Caught a couple of proofreading errors:
"There are far to many gargoyles " p6.
Hm...one suggestion. In para6, for instance, a lot of dialogue is crammed in one paragraph, making ita dissuading block of text. Whenever a different character speaks/performs action, start a new line. Makes for easier reading.
"the female the named Tatiana." p9. "he".
"“Wait I recognize that face you are…”" needs a semicolon before "you". Also, reminder to start a new line, as it gets a bit hard to read.
Wow, Raf! This is great! I haven't read anything like this in ages, and the plot is certainly unique! Awesome work, sensei!!!
HT

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This is a very good idea, and I definitely want to know more about what happened! It is so suspenseful and is a very original idea. I was a little confused about why on the day he DIDN'T pray he made these heavenly angels. Wouldn't he be making something bad on the day he didn't pray? Still, I love this story, and it is very well written and I love the description. Good luck, keep writing, and thanks for entering!
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I feel for him; so many times I have prayed for the lost, and yet I always expect God to reply to my prayers... so dissapointed when he doesn't.
Beautiful way to announce someones talent; sculptures of beauty always capture my attention. Ester is greek or roman? yes?
Running out of steam in a situation like that with an ill health affect and no buisness id devestating, in the times with the usage my lord, medievil term, the loos of a consumer can be fatal. Competetion was intense.
I do much love the rather intensity of this overall peice... such descriptive, and deeply indugled language.
Flying!!! honestly did not see that one coming; then I read the next line
and then paragrapgh and the tranquility I found inside my head invisioning the angel he had prayed for.
Overall such a beautifully written peice.. I really enjoyed it. It was just so artistic, and it felt like the iages you were giving were flowing free through my veins... appreciation it its wonderfull colors
Blair

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Yes, I like this. It's original, and full of depth. Fantastic descrition, flow, and grammar. My art teacher once told me that a work of art was something that couldn't be defined as 'good' or 'bad', but anyone to see it would feel that it was perfect in it's own way. Nothing to be added or taken away. This story is a work of art

Very nice....
Eph -
Absolutely Fantastic
I haven't read a good story like this in a really long time. I've been going through a rough patch in my life at the moment and your story gave me a spark today. I especially liked how you incoporated the angles and their names into your story. Plus, you've inspired me to start praying again.
Thank you for this story, if nothing else, you've helped me become a bit happier.













