The Sadistic Adventures of McBowden

She sat in the room in silence, tears flowing down her face.
All around her, the eyes of her fellow class mates were also brimming with tears, and she heard gasps of breath as they watched the scene on the screen slowly unfold.
Piggy lay on the ground, his head cracked open, blood pouring out, onto the dusty sand, and Ralph’s shaking fingertips.
Between a breath of hysterical laughter, she managed to choke out the words “Does anyone else here find this funny?” But her words were met only with stony stares and hostile expressions etched on their watered faces. “Maybe not”.
.......................1

That’s me. McBowden. And yes, that really did happen. Last Monday, in fact. During the final hours of school, while watching the apparently disturbing movie “Lord of the Flies”2

No, I’m not a cruel little child who takes pleasure in people’s deaths. Although my class seem to think so. I actually thought the movie was quite moving and sad. However, I laughed all the way through, so apparently I’m a sadistic child with plans to gruesomely murder you all.... Mwah ha ha.3

The whole sadistic thing really started about a year ago. At this point all the music that was on my iPod consisted of Murderdolls, and in general people were too scared to really talk to me. The only time I ever really talked in school was in Health, when they showed pictures of operations covered in blood or something. So what, I like blood, okay? Is there a problem in this?
At the same time Black Sheep hit the cinema’s, and it basically started the whole ‘freaky-child-who-is-obssesed-with-blood’ name I soon got given.
By then everyone at school who had once been my friend was no longer my friend, and I was left to hang out with the only thing that accepted me, my potable walkman. And yes, I do realise that the fact I still had my Barbie walkman from pre-school could have been a minor friend-repellant, but whatever.4

So eventually, after about two terms of tormenture from the jocks of the school (shame!), and jeering from the juiniors (mega shame!) I became my own self. The slightly demented, blood crazy vampire I had always been was coming through in me, and people saw that and left me.5

TO BE CONTINUED.........6


Author notes

So anyway, apart from the minor detail that I haven't finished, PLEASE tell me how I can improve it! I'm not actually very used to writing properly.

I haven't got a clue how to finish the sentence.... so any help?!?!?!

PLEASE give me some constructive critisism

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • monEARS
    June 29, 2008

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    woah thats so good

    now for some constructive critisism... i didnt really like the lack of punctuation and spelling.. but apart from that. CHOICE


  • Brijee.
    June 15, 2008
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    Sarah, you are sadistic.

    SAD. istic.


  • Bellerina
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    AHAHAHA!!! Funny!

    *Sob* Piggy...


  • vampiresareforever
    April 15, 2008

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    Love it

    *tear*
    I love it.
    Expecially the first paragraph, and the bit about the Barbie walkmen. *hahaha*


  • KeasbeyMornings
    April 14, 2008

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    Grr, I hate those "to be continued" teasers! Anyway, I want to read more of this. The gore entices me. How can the main character be sitting her room crying hysterically but silently? Usually when I cry, I make noise.

    Keep it up.

    -Keasbey


    • Infectious Insanity
      April 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      aw thanks ill try to finish it asap....... but knowing me that could be a while.........
      um im not sure how but yesterday this did happen and i was hysterical with laughter.. and was kinda silent most the time.......
      so yea

      me.

      J'adore My Chemical Romance


  • potaytee
    April 13, 2008
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    I bet you will have to delete this!!!! Nah just write more!!!

1 - 7 of 7