Hard of Hearing

Long ago and far away – 1

[which is a great time and place to write about, because most people alive then are no longer around and you can mention things that will no longer embarrass the participants] – 2

in a distant place –3

[distance being relative to where you are when you are reading this true story] 4

when Herbert Hoover –5

[no relation to the queen of the FBI, or the vacuum cleaner company] –6

was President of those forty-eight states –7

[Hawaii and Alaska were still the kingdoms of pineapple and gold mining barons] –8

there lived some students at the University of Michigan –9

[NEVER to be confused with Michigan State University] –10

who belonged to a debating club. 11

This is their story. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.12

As I said before I so rudely interrupted what I was writing:13

long ago and far away –14

The evening began with the moderator announcing the question for debate, and the teams. 15

“The question for debate among us tonight is: ‘Politicians really do listen to what the people say.’ Arguing for the statement will be Williamson, Sanders, Brown and Paulson. Arguing against the statement are, Scribings, Tomlinson, Redner and Baker. Mr. Williamson will begin.”16

The debate followed the normal pattern. These young law students; that being what they were; had long before mastered the form and style of the debating society. That made things rather dry and predictable; which is what lawyers were expected to be in that era.17

The debate had seesawed back and forth for some time, when it was Stuart Redner’s turn to argue against the statement. Taking the podium, Stu stated calmly’ “I can conclusively prove that politicians do not listen to the people.” And then he sat down.18

An uproar ensued. "How? Show us! How?" shouted some. "Never, impossible!" Shouted others. The Moderator eventually regained order, and required Stu to retake the podium to explain.19

“I bet each of you 5 dollars [a largish sum in the Great Depression, and one hard come by for graduate students] that I can speak to the Governor next week and that he will neither hear what I say in public, nor be able to recall it a few minutes later.” He handed a piece of paper to the Moderator. “This is what I will tell the Governor.” The Moderator smiled hugely, guffawed and placed the note in his pocket. “Agreed,” he said.20

“You’re on,” said one student, then another, until the whole club had lodged their bets. They really should have known better. After all, Stu was the gent who pretended to be practicing for a track meet, and ran the UMich quadrangle in his underwear, for a bet. And won it, of course. [He did have the advantage of actually having been a runner; and still worked out with an upcoming Jesse Owens]21

The Republican Governor of Michigan was scheduled to speak to the college of law the following week. The college faculty and the most academically astute students would form a receiving line before the Governor spoke; Stu among them. Astute he was, and phoned several newspapers to let them in on the prank. 22

Forewarned and prepared with appropriate questions, those paragons of ethics, the newspaper reporters, attended the lecture in larger than normal numbers. At the time, it made the Governor puff up with pride that a simple speech would draw such coverage.23

The day arrived, and the reception line formed. The Governor of the great state of Michigan moved solemnly down the line, greeting one and all with a handshake and a polite word. As he neared Stu the photographers and journalists moved closer.24

“Good morning,.” said the politician formally.25

“Good morning, Governor. I killed my mother this morning.”26

“That’s nice,” replied the Governor, all within the hearing of the media. Cameras flashed as the Governor moved on down the line.27

The speech was delivered, noteworthy only for its platitudes. After the speech the media crowded round, and the pack bombarded the Governor with questions about Stu’s statement. The Governor was at a complete loss, having of course, not listened to a word that was said in the receiving line. Eventually he mumbled something about ‘knowing it was a prank, and ignoring it.’ No one believed him. The story and photos went to the national wire services.28

Everyone forgot the speech. 29

No one forgot what Stu said. 30

And all the bettors gladly paid up, having enjoyed the entertainment so much. And yes, the debating point was conceded. 31

- end -32