One Foot In The Grave - Part Ten

Don’t get me wrong, I like being around Tegan. Really, I do. But since Conor wound up in the infirmary, I can hardly look at her. She showed something that day that I didn’t really believe was there. I mean, yeah, I knew that she was manipulative. It’s kind of hard not to notice that when I see her every day. But I had no idea that she was THAT manipulative… nor did I ever want to. And although I’ve never really been the kind of guy to hit a girl for any reason whatsoever, every time I’m near her, I get this almost uncontrollable urge to just… just smack her. 1

“Van Tassel” one of the guards called over to me in the common room. I looked up and raised my eyebrows, “Yeah?”2

“You’ve got a visitor.”3

I shrugged and stood up, following him into the visiting hall and then into a room. My eyes grew wide upon seeing the frame of Dominic, my brother. A grin latched itself to my face and I moved to give him a hug but was caught by the guard.4

“You know the rules.” He sighed, “No physical contact.”5

Brushing off the ache, I sat down across from him, bending at the waist and resting my elbows on my knees. Dominic mimicked my actions unintentionally. He smiled awkwardly at me, “How’s it going little brother?”6

I shrugged again, “I dunno… I’m okay I guess. Getting used to being here. How’s everything at home?”7

Dom sighed and leaned back, his knees bent oddly, thighs at an incline, too long for the height of the chair he was sitting in. “It’s all right, mom wanted me to drop by and hang for a while… she still can’t bring herself to come over, but she wanted to make sure that you were okay.” He was quiet for a few moments before asking if I had made any friends.8

My hair fell in front of my face and I shook my head, cracking my knuckles, feeling the ease in my joints as the excess gases trapped underneath them release with loud, resounding pops. “I guess I’ve got a few. The people here are shady though. My roommate’s not too bad, he’s hard to figure out, but he’s decent company. Quiet though.”9

“Is he it?”10

I laughed, “No… well… sort of, I don’t know. I told you, it’s weird here. Nobody really came here to be best friends with anyone. Maegan and Tegan aren’t bad-“11

“Maegan and Tegan?”12

“Yeah, they’re inmates here.” I shrugged for what felt the millionth time that day. “Tegan’s… I don’t know about her yet. Maegan’s good company though.”13

We talked for the whole hour, not having more than a few moments of silence between the two of us. He told me about how the kid I’d gotten into the fight with was fairing, how mom was doing at work, told me about our little sister being in the fifth grade play. I told him about the people that worked here and how stupid they could be, I told them about Brewer and her desperate attempt to at least PRETEND she was a good therapist, and how waking up at five every morning was killing me.14

When the hour was up, it came too fast. Dominic left and I was sent back to the common room, sitting down on the other end of the couch from Tegan. Her legs were crossed with ease, hair tied back into a messy bun, a book opened on her thigh. She barely moved from my added weight on the couch.15

Sufficiently awkward.16

“What are you reading?” I asked after a long time.17

It took her a moment to answer, mentally marking the spot she left off on before mumbling “Invisible Monsters.”18

The growing itch in my nerve endings to reach over and strike her scorched through my arm and I pinned it tightly to my side. Quickly, I checked my surroundings. We wouldn’t be recognized if we started something and stayed calm about it… the room was hectic, full of inmates, playing games, joking around, blaring the television.19

Perfect timing.20

Slowly, I turned to face her, legs crossing underneath me, hunching forward and fixed her with my gaze. “What the fuck?”21

Tegan finally dog eared the page she was on and looked over at me, “What?”22

“What the hell is wrong with you?”23

“Oh boy…” she mumbled and closed the book, tossing it onto the floor at her feet and lounged back, linking her fingers together in her lap with great ease. “Jake… if you had been here for ten years, you wouldn’t even be able to understand the dynamic I have with Conor.”24

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry, but after watching what you did to him and then knowing what he did to himself I really can’t just… sit here and watch you go about your business like nothing happened when it’s your fault that it did in the first place!”25

Tegan laughed and shook her head, “Jake, let me explain something about Conor to you… the kid is unbalanced. I wasn’t aiming for him to attempt suicide, but I overdid it, I know that. But I’m not going to just sit around and blame myself for it when he’s tried to kill himself as many times as he has. Yeah, I pushed him too hard, whatever. Big fucking deal, okay? Whether you want to believe it or not, he will try to get me back once he gets out of the whacko ward. This shit has been going on since we got stuck here and it’ll BE like that until we leave.”26

Sighing, she rose to her feet and grabbed her book, linking her fingers together and stretching her arms over her head, wrists facing out. Her sleeve declined just enough to reveal the small head of a scar on the inside of her wrist. “Look, take my advice, okay?” She told me, letting her arms drop. “Forget about what you saw. Conor and me have, you should too.”27

As she walked away, I shook the image of the scar from my head and sat back, burying my face into her hands. She had visited Conor. At some point, while I was visiting my brother, she had been in the infirmary with Conor. Her game was just getting more and more twisted it seemed…28

Rising to my feet, I power walked to the infirmary and into the curtain around Conor’s bed. 29