The Apparition Man- Part Eighty-Eight#

Chapter Twenty Part Eighty- Eight #1

I stood up, straightening myself out.2

Oliver looked horrible. It twisted, and turned my stomach with each step that I took, coming closer towards him. Like a knife in my stomach poking deeper into disparity.3

I stopped short before Oliver, holding the piece of paper in my hand. I slowly found myself kneeling down on my knees. My hands moving their way closer towards the wreckage of Oliver.4

Placing my hand softly on his shoulders, I pushed my own body closer towards his.5

How could I be doing this? How could I be comforting a rapist psycho.6

My mind flashed, as I felt his hot tender skin against mine. Images of how he had pushed deeper, hurting me. The look on his face; That sadistically pleasured smile. Yet I could still not bring myself to let him go.7

He was so fragile in my arms. It made me feel so powerful. Like with one touch I could break him. I could make him feel the pain that I had endured. Though I could not bring myself to the level.8

As I pulled him in tighter, I felt more compassionate, feeling his got tears soaking their way through my shirt, onto my warm skin. I lifted his head, bringing his face close to mine. Placing my hand behind it, my fingers began stroking his hair, my heated breath relaxing against his.9

“I wish I knew who I was,” he whimpered,”I just want to know who I am.”10

My own tears had sweltered in my eyes, burning their way down my cheeks as I tightened my grip, clutching him close.11

“I know Oliver, I know someday you will, I promise.”12

* * *13

“ Where did you get these,”I asked Oliver as we lay on the top bunk bed; shoulder to shoulder.14

Once we had stopped crying, we were both exhausted, depressed and in the need of some comfort.15

Oliver had gone down stairs into Harveys Bar room, and swiped us a bottle of Southern Comfort, and a bottle of coke to wash it down with.16

I was not a drinker, and I was not about to start drinking like an alcoholic, but I needed something to take the edge away from the pain I was feeling. Inside and out. The pain in which it felt like someone was digging their hands into me chest, and wrenching out my internal organs, one by one.17

I knew very well that Oliver felt the same.18

Twisted, and confused. Like a part of us was gone and lost forever.19

Would we ever know the truth? Would we always be lied to, Lied to for the rest of our lives?20

I hoped not, and not just for me, bur for him too, for however much I despised his morals, we both had  the same values. Values that had been corrupted, ones that needed desperately to be fixed.21

I took a swig of our mixed drink, looking up at him as I handed him back our birth certificates.22

“Found them in dads study, took me ages to find. Surprised he didn't notice the mess. He came home way to early, I really thought I was completely done for.”23

I smiled, finding humor in his past.24

“Shit yourself, did you?25

He nodded.26

“No far from it, scared the living day light out of me.”27

I laughed.28

The imagery impossible to replace.29

“It's just bullshit, who can we trust? They all lie, all of them, and for what? To protect us, to hide us from the truth? Hell I bet you they don't even know the meaning of the truth. Can't trust no-one in this world.”30

Nodding I smiled.31

“Trust no one but yourself, but even then; As I have learned, some times you can't even trust yourself.”32

Oliver nodded in agreement.33

“That is so true. So many times I have been alone, thinking I could depend only on myself, when more times than enough I could not even do that.”34

Taking the bottle from my hands Oliver sat up, taking a few large mouthfuls before wiping his lips on the bed sheets.35

“So what are you?” he asked; his eyes red, blood-shot and slightly teary.36

He smiled, taking a small sip before screwing the lid back on the bottle.37

“What are you, as in you know?”38

I watched his eyes closely as they followed mine.39

“What am I, what? I frowned, my eyebrows burrowed. I could feel them watching his with utter confusion. “No you might have to fill me in, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.”40

Lowering his head on my shoulder, I felt his hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat.41

Suddenly I caught onto what he was saying, and moved a little, letting his hand slip.42

“Whoa, okay I am straight, as straight as a pole, a pencil, a stick,” I said nervously.43

Instead of being offended, or upset by my rejection like I expected him to be, he laughed, patting my knee.44

“You think I am gay?” he asked.45

I shook my head.46

“Well no, I mean I'm not sure, are you?47

Oliver grinned, throwing the bottle into the air, and across the bed. It landed over the end of the bed.48

“No, but I am curious, aren't you curious about what it would be like you know? Doing things with boys?”49

I shook me head, really weirded out by this sudden change of topic.50

“Uh, no I don't think so, and even if I was, I would totally reconsider my thinking after what you did to me.”51

Oliver frowned, his expression confusing me. It was as if he was surprised, did he even remember what he had done?52

“Look, please don't leave Christopher. If you leave I will have no one, I am alone. I know you know what it feels like to be alone. Promise me Christopher, promise me you won't go.”