Hear My Prayer

Locking the door behind me, I walked over to my couch and sat down.1

And cried.2

I hadn't let out my feelings during the fighting, the stinging words, not even when Sami died. I wept for my wife's former self, the innocent, unbittered one. I wept for our marriage, and its broken pieces. For our son, who had drowned the previous year, taken from us by God too early in our lives. I cried for Sami's bright eyes and made-up words. For his kindergarden graduation I wept, when he yelled, "That's me!" as the principal called his name from the podium. Through my tears, I smiled as I remembered little Sami's chubby hands fumbling with my Rubix Cube, and how I once found him with the toys stickers all over his face.3

Wiping away the last of my tears, I stumbled over to my desk, a wood one with iron vines twisting their way up the legs. Taking out my ivory stationary, I wrote my wife's name at the top of the paper in fancy cursive.4

Sarah ~5

Do you remember the time that Sami asked us if we loved eachother? And we said yes, always and forever? And we promised him?6

We shouldn't have divorced. We have to keep our promise to Sami. I know we just finalized it today, but couldn't we just start anew and not fight?7

Why am I even writing this? You won't listen - I should just8

In frustration, I crumpled the letter and slammed it on my desk. The letter was not going the way it was supposed to. I stoked the fire, and felt a burst of heat as the already-hot coals began to burn. I tossed the paper into the flames.9

Next Morning10

I just barely dragged myself out of bed as my alarm clock rang for the fifth one. Two rings quickly followed eachother, then three long rings, then it repeats.11

Quickly brushing my hair, I shoved my coat on, and shut the door of my apartment. I walked briskly down the street to keep off the chill. Tugging my coat around me even more tightly, I walked into the coffe shop that I went to every morning.12

The smell of freshly ground coffee beans and boiling water filled the air. I sat down and ordered a decaf and just sat there, head in my hands, only sitting up to take a sip or two.13

"David."14

Startled, I turned around. "What are you doing here?"15

"I only go here every morning, as you would know," snarled Sarah.16

I silently berated myself for forgetting this. We used to go here every morning together. When Sami was here, we'd order him pancakes with extra maple syrup. "So?"17

"So?? That's all you can say?" she whispered loudly, her face twisted in an ugly snarl.18

I was completely taken aback. I hadn't completely thought through that fact that we were still living in the same town. For me, I thought that this would be it. She wouldn't exist, only in my memories.19

"Sarah - we shouldn't have - what about what we promised Sami?"20

"Sami's dead. All thanks - all thanks to YOU!"21

"Me?" I shouted. "What did I do?"22

"You brought him to the river. You were the one who was watching him. You - you let him drown!"23

"You're twisted!" I growled, and stormed out of the shop, not bothering to wonder what the Coffee Shop's customers and employees were thinking. Without thinking, I kept walking through the town.24

About half an hour later, I found myself at the Carlson Bridge, staring into the rushing waters. I'd walked to Sami's death sight.25

I saw a little splash of water as something fell into the water. I felt my face. It was wet.26

Then I had a crazy thought - maybe if I jumped... I could be with Sami. One family, up in heaven. My sorrows ran through my head. Another crazy thought - actually a prayer. God - why did you take him? We need Sami!27

I started to sob.28

My thoughts became a whirlwhorl of thoughts, a jumble of regrets. It emerged as one cry, one prayer: God, please send a miracle my way! I'm desperate - I'll jump if you don't!29

I broke down into tears. Without realizing what I was doing, I heard "What are you doing?" which broke my trance and I saw that I had one foot on the bridge gate.30

"David! I- I can't believe you! What are you doing?" Sarah stammered. "Was it something I said? David! Don't jump!"31

I stared at my bewildered wife, salty tears running into my open mouth. "I don't know- I just thought - Sami-" I mumbled.32

First she drew back her clenched fist and punched me. I didn't flinch as I felt my nose break, blood gushing over my lips and down my coat. I deserved it.33

Then she pulled my coat to her chest and whispered, "I've been thinking about what you were saying. About Sami, I mean." Then she kissed me.34

It was by far our most passionate kiss. Not even at our wedding had we shown more love. I hugged her fiercly, and our tears mingled.35

That week, we went to the church to get married once again.

Author notes

The prompt from Mel-The-Believer:

K, write a story using this song.

http://lyrics.astraweb.com/display/512/falling_up..captiva..good_morning_planetarium.html

if you need to listen to it here,
http://youtube.com/watch?v=56xTauQrwQY

In a list

A contest entry

Was this suspenseful? Did it cause any emotion?

: , Your review:

Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Serier Amanlabin
    June 10
    Edit | Reply

    cool

    This was good but sadly I can only pick three finalists, so sorry.


  • nixers
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this piece. It is moving and interesting, but I agree with the previous commenter, it needs more emotion. A story, especially one about heartbreak and divorce needs emotion. Otherwise it is very good and nice to read. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • AllOuta
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great piece, moving and raw. I could have used a little more expansion though the feeling was perfect and your tone dead on. Good luck!


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply

    Good Story!

    I liked this story, but I felt that you could have more detail and expand it some. For example: How Sami died and why his wife felt it was her husband's fault. It had a good ending, but the poor fellow had a broken nose.

    This is pretty well written, though there were a couple of mistakes.

    Thanks for entering 'For Writers Fourteen Or Under'

    Andy

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    May 18

    Edit | Reply

    You have a talent so cherish it

    Hi Athena, thank you for entering the contest .

    Wow, girl you took on a very difficult task for an experienced author and did a nice job. Showing anguish from a grown man’s POV and not making them look like a wimp can be a challenge .

    All this emotional baggage this poor fellow is carrying. The loss of his little boy. His wife leaves him when he needs her most; add to that she thinks their child’s death is his fault. I wasn’t the least surprised when he headed for that bridge.

    You do need some editing but then we all do . Keep your eye open for each other—it came up a few times as one word.

    I’m certainly pleased that you chose to have characters get back together.

    You have a talent so cherish it and keep writing .

    Geri


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    You did a good job in bringing out the emotion. I found your story to be very descriptive and enjoyed reading it. Good work.

  • Writing0Freedom
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This was very well done. I like that the son drives them apart and brings them together. It makes me want to know more how Sami dies and maybe understand better the grief and maybe guilt the father feels. I liked the addition of Sarah punching David, it fits and it helps tie it all up. I thought it was realistic and well written.
    Good write!
    WritingFree


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good heart-wrenching story. You did a great job of revving up the emotions. That said, I have to admit that it seems a bit...trite. Maybe I'm a cynic (well, I know I'm a cynic *laughs*), but I don't imagine that their renewed marriage is going to work if it didn't work the first time. It's all a little too perfect, you know? I know it's a story and all, but it feels scripted. Anyways, I still enjoyed the read and you are obviously a talented writer. Keep penning!


  • inksplatterskitty
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was so brilliant!
    I loved this. The first few lines drew me in and all uphill from there! This was really really good!
    The end was kind of unexpected and I was hoping for a different kind of miracle, you know the one that would make you burst into tears but your ending was good too.
    Everything was worded perfectly and I just loved it so much!
    Excellent Write!


  • fallingforever5
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    huh, the end was sort of unexpected, it left me thinking 'well that won't last' but that's my cynicism
    the rest of it was very good, very heartfelt and emotional. I feel like the "next day" part could've just been woven into the story. It took me out for a second and reminded me that it is just a story.
    Great job though
    thanks for entering my contest
    -gibson


  • The Tigress
    April 12
    Edit | Reply

    Exactly

    This is EXactly what I was looking for in a story... This sounds sorta like my home life right now... but the other way around! Thats not strange...

    ***PLEASE do not reply to this comment. The name appears and I do not want this... I want the contest to be fair!***

    Thanks for entering!!

    Christa


  • I-Love-Someone
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    this was pretty amazing. Sad, but awesome. my favorite part was, "For me, I thought that this would be it. She wouldn't exist, only in my memories." that was really cool. i think you should keep writing things like this. You have a good talent. KEEP IT UP!

    . Rewarded 6


  • rubixcube
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it alot it was very sad and i dont know what he did to deserve a broken nose though i have one suggestion; it might sound better if you just said said my thougths became a jumble of regrets instead of my thoughts became a whirlwhorl of thoughts

    . Rewarded 6


  • Mel-the-Believer
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is really great. I think it'd be awesome if you decided to maybe add more, in either way, this was really great. I liked it a lot. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck. God Bless!

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