- Cool Blue Reason -Or- Play the Hand you were Dealt -

Here I sit in my stinking filthy shamble of an apartment – alone once again – thinking of how everything went wrong. Was it the drugs – the excessive drinking? Or was it the shady deals made in strip clubs? No I think it was just porn.....

per·vert (p r-vûrt )

tr.v. per·vert·ed, per·vert·ing, per·verts

1. To cause to turn away from what is right, proper, or good; corrupt.

2. To bring to a bad or worse condition; debase.

3. To put to a wrong or improper use; misuse.

4. To interpret incorrectly; misconstrue or distort: an analysis that perverts the meaning of the poem.

n. (pûr vûrt )

One who practices sexual perversion.

Perversion. That’s what lead me astray. My whole life has gone down the tubes because of a noun.

My first real hard-on was twenty-three years ago. I was three years old and had found a playboy under the bed that my mother and my soon to be step-father shared. At three years old I got my first little boner from viewing circa 1970’s naked women. I soon learned what it was like when that hard little piece of flesh rubbed up against something.....

masturbate (m s t r-b t )

v. mas·tur·bat·ed, mas·tur·bat·ing, mas·tur·bates

1. stimulate sexually; "The old man wanted to be masturbated by the prostitute"

2. get sexual gratification through self-stimulation [syn: wank, fuck off, she-bop, jack off, jerk off]

Ever since I can remember – to coin a term – I have been ‘slaying the dragon’ before I go to bed and upon awakening. It’s since become a mandatory thing - three, four, sometimes even nine times a day.

So how can my excessive jacking-off put me in connection for a murder-suicide…..

phone sex (f n) (s ks)

n.

1. Sexually explicit talk engaged in by telephone, especially to enhance auto-erotic pleasure.

I am partly responsible for initiating a crazed neurotic jealous husband for selflessly deciding to murder his nymphomaniac nineteen-year-old wife and cowardly taking his own life. Is it my fault the little kooze liked to get herself off while listening to my morning/nightly routine?

I’m known only as ‘Mysterious Caller’ by the local police department and the media. Apparently there was some fuck-up at the cell phone provider where a disgruntled employee downloaded a virus to their mainframe and all records have been corrupted – at least for the time being – or so the story goes.

ser·en·dip·i·ty (s r n-d p -t )

n. pl. ser·en·dip·i·ties

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.

3. An instance of making such a discovery.

There are, however, still some pretty embarrassing dirty voice-messages circulating on the six and eleven o’clock news that the police had lifted off of her voice-mail. If anyone recognizes this voice or has any information regarding the case please call Crime Stoppers at 1-800.....

This leads me back to laying low in my crack-den lodgings – ho ho so soon – and why I am awaiting a chance at some fast cash. I need to flee whilst the fleeing is good. So how can one make some fast cash in a city like this? Drugs, guns, gambling... nope – porn.

i-ro·ny ( r -n , r-)

n. pl. i·ro·nies

1.

a. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.

b. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.

c. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect.

2.

a. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: “Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated” (Richard Kain).

b. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity.

3. Dramatic irony.

4. Socratic irony.

What ruined me shall set me free. The circle of life completes itself. And whatever other cliché you’d like to throw in here.

I am awaiting a call from some fat greasy bastard that runs all the strip clubs in town. This illiterate fuck decided to actually read through some of his smut one evening - instead of just making the pages sticky – and it has recently come to his attention that the pornographic industry earns alot of money. This master of deduction figures he already has the girls, and plenty of clientele willing to get a piece of ass for free, so why not just do the next best thing and make some amateur porn. The tapes, he figures, he can sell at the strip clubs back to the filthy fucks who will undoubtedly drunkenly volunteer to be ‘cast’ in the video. This is where I come in. I just happen to own my own portable digital recording studio – basically a digital handy cam and a suped up computer with pirated editing software.

My taste for things perverted - and alcohol - lead me out of hiding one night to the local sleaze hall. Here I sat fending of the lap dancing vultures listening to this sweating pig discuss his idea with one of his henchmen. When opportunity comes calling you have to answer the door. Thus I am now the new – and only – writer/director/editor/cameraman of Rippers Films. I told the dirty fuck I have an obsession for porn – true – and that I am trying to build my portfolio – lies – and that I would do this for him for nothing more then bragging rights and ten percent of the video sales – lies. He whole heatedly agreed and gave me access to some of his ‘finer’ girls for the evening, which I declined - I might be a pervert but I am sure not dipping my wick into anything that needs a steady supply of antibiotics to clear up. I left the guy thinking he was going to be making a fortune within the month, unbeknownst to the fat little slime-ball I plan to take this venture a step further.

black·mail (bl k m l )

n.

1.

a. Extortion of money or something else of value from a person by the threat of exposing a criminal act or discreditable information.

b. Something of value extorted in this manner.

2. Tribute formerly paid to freebooters along the Scottish border for protection from pillage.

I decided we should start off with solo videos, videos of the girls getting themselves off with scary looking dildo’s. We’d sell these first batch of videos at the door to the swine in hopes to not only entice them to return with other fellow swine but also to plant the seed of lust, wanting, desire – not that the majority of them needed any encouraging. This would greatly help once we launched our volunteer campaign.

The first girl I met was Black Cherry - aka Anatomy Annie – a beautiful Haitian girl with the tightest body I had every seen. Black Cherry, or Annie - as she will later tell me – has a dangerous and unnerving past. Growing up as a poor beautiful girl in a poor and beautiful country has made her hard, and dangerous. When the rebels attacked and kidnapped thousands the only reason Annie is alive today is her quick thinking and promiscuity. She tells me these things as she unwraps a bright blue twelve inch dildo from its packaging. The rebel group responsible for the majority of the terror in Port-au-Prince are called the Zombies – the walking dead – crazy men with nothing to lose. Annie seduced one of the leaders of the Zombies, and while thousands starved and where beaten in the Zombie camps in the jungle, Annie was kept alive – and lived quite well – by her talent for pleasing men. When American forces invaded Haiti and put down the rebel group Annie had to once more return back to the squalor of the streets. Once again a poor beautiful girl in a poor and beautiful country. She made her rounds of the American troops and the Canadian peacekeepers and learned much of the two countries. While Annie tells me of her sexual encounters with Americans and Canadians alike she has removed all her clothes. Except a pair of 6 inch stilettos, and begins to rub lube all over the scary looking bright blue dildo. I’ve had the camera rolling the whole time, catching this interesting story on tape.

Annie then switches her story back to the Zombie camp, right in the middle of telling a really detailed story how she was the meat in a five person American and Canadian soldier sandwich. As if something about rehashing a story of having all her orifices filled reminds her of Anatomy. She tells me the cabin she was housed in was filled with all these old medical journals and text books, and in between fucking the leader of the Zombie rebels she read every single text. That she actually became very astute in the subject and was know as something of the camp’s doctor. The camp dubbed her Anatomy Annie for her ability to diagnose wounds and prescribe treatments to the rebels that came back to camp blown to hell with pieces of good old ‘you ess of fucking aye’ shrapnel lodged somewhere in their bodies. She later alluded to also sneaking into the sealed off areas and treating the prisoners wounds after the rebels, drunk and stoned, had passed out. Her secret good deeds where the only thing that kept her out of an American brig – that and her sexual abilities of course.

If your watching the video at this point it’s starting to get hard to understand her story from all the heavy breathing and moaning. I’ve watched it many times in the passed weeks and have began to piece this little story together for you. Right about the time where it looks like that whole fucking bright blue dildo is going to disappear into this black beauty’s little snatch is when Annie tells me about how she has killed, that she is a killer, and that if the situation presented itself, she would kill again.

fear (fîr)

n.

1.

a. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

b. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.

2. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.

3. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.

4. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

v. feared, fear·ing, fears

v. tr.

1. To be afraid or frightened of.

2. To be uneasy or apprehensive about: feared the test results.

3. To be in awe of; revere.

4. To consider probable; expect: I fear you are wrong. I fear I have bad news for you.

5. Archaic. To feel fear within (oneself).

v. intr.

1. To be afraid.

2. To be uneasy or apprehensive.

According to Annie, after the American troops pulled out of Haiti, the walking dead, the Zombies where back to their old tricks. They had been chased into the mountains and were separated into smaller groups, but where still causing their trouble. Annie was on a bus one day when a malnourished looking Zombie walked onto the bus holding a Russian built AK-47 and hijacked it and all it’s 52 passengers. Annie, thinking back to her days with the Zombies, thought it was a welcome change from the life she was living in the economical ruins of Port-au-Prince. At this point she has her back arched and is looking at the camera upside down, telling the story in between screams of ecstasy.

She tells me how this wasted Zombie – delirious with malaria – is talking aloud to himself. He’s mumbling to himself how he is going to be the greatest Zombie ever known once he returns with all the heads of his hostages. Sweating and mumbling away that this is an execution bus. Licking his dried chapped lips and twitching as he unconsciously reaches behind him and fondles Annie’s breast. Knowing that her stay with the Zombies is destined to much shorter, and much more uncomfortable, quick thinking hardened Annie and her anatomy training react quickly. She tells me this between clenched teeth and curled toes. She explains to me with a hand white knuckled around the bright blue dildo. Annie tells me how she pushed the crazed Zombie to the floor and with one quick snap of her leg embedded all six inches of her left stiletto into the Zombie’s, back piercing his heart. As Annie’s orgasm finally lets loose she says “Killing him instantly”.

One cannot help but wonder if the stilettos she wears now are not the same murder weapon, kept solely as a reminder, or a trophy.

As Annie finishes up and her rapid breathing begins to return to normal she can’t help but notice my hard-on straining in my pants. She offers to help me out, which I politely decline. She begins to crawl toward me on her hands and knees, still grasping tightly to the now soaked bright blue scary looking twelve inch dildo. “I insist” she says as she begins to undo my belt buckle. My power of resistance has evaded me and as Black Cherry - aka Anatomy Annie - begins to do what she does best, the camera keeps rolling.

love (l v)

n.

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3.

a. Sexual passion.

b. Sexual intercourse.

c. A love affair.

4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

6. An expression of ones affection: Send him my love.

7.

a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.

b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.

8. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.

9. often Love Christianity. Charity.

10. Sports. A zero score in tennis.

Everyone has a vulnerable point. A point where their defenses are lowered and they are easier for persuasion. Are more likely to tell you anything. Mine is that 10 minutes between post-orgasm and re-arousal/sleep. In that vulnerable state, with Annie’s tight sweaty body in my arms I....

“Cav?”

“Mmm”

“What’s your deepest darkest secret?”

“Mmm – well at the moment I’m wanted in connection for a murder-suicide.”

“Really?”

“Mmm-hmm”

“Oh you bad boy, I want you to fuck me again!”